Knee Update

Knee feels much better today, and there is clearly no serious structural damage. I iced it every two hours last night, woke up this morning and took some advil and stumbled around and put the brace back on, and I’m almost 99% sure it’s just a knee sprain. If it keeps getting better, I’ll just keep doing what I am doing.

On the upside, this injury came at a perfect time, because it has been a month since I had a haircut or trimmed my beard fully, so I have a total mountain man look with complete neckbeard, and now I am hobbling around the house with a walking stick and fluffy plush bathrobe to complete the look.

My brother came over and got so hysterical when he saw me that he asked me to say “HODOR HODOR HODOR” before asking me to say “HELLO LITTLE HOBBITS” and then deciding I actually look like a shorter Hagrid.

So I got that going for me.

*** Update ***

Beard, goddamnit.

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112 replies
  1. 1
    CS says:

    You have a bear? And you trim it? You’re braver than I thought.

  2. 2
    Violet says:

    it has been a month since I had a haircut or trimmed my bear fully,

    I didn’t know you had a bear! Yet another member of the menagerie.

  3. 3

    There are a lot worse things than being compared to Hagrid. Just saying.

  4. 4
    Violet says:

    @CS: Colbert will never visit the Cole household.

  5. 5
    Laertes says:

    Glad to hear the knee’s feeling better. Joint pain sucks.

  6. 6
    Bex says:

    Haven’t trimmed your bear? Got a large new pet? Inquiring minds want to know!

  7. 7
    efgoldman says:

    They weren’t really stealing, they were sacrificing themselves to save Greater Houston from the scourge of chicken-fried steak (h/t Consumerist)

    Eventually the driver lost control and smashed into a red light signal, then a METRO bus stop, and then a fire hydrant. At one point the U-Haul’s rear door came open, and several deep fryers fell out and were damaged.

    http://www.khou.com/news/local.....31801.html

  8. 8
    ruviana says:

    Yeah, first he shaves Steve’s ass and then he decides to trim his bear. This will not end well.

  9. 9
    Jerzy Russian says:

    @CS:

    You have a bear? And you trim it? You’re braver than I thought.

    He also has a prace to go with his bear.

  10. 10
    Violet says:

    Beard, goddamnit.

    Okay, then. Can you tell me what a prace is?

    stumbled around and put the prace back on

    And where do you put it when you put it back on?

  11. 11
    efgoldman says:

    @Jerzy Russian:

    He also has a prace to go with his bear.

    And he claims he’s not taking the really good drugs. Right.

  12. 12
    Violet says:

    @Jerzy Russian: Do you think Steve objects to the prace? Is Lily afraid of it?

  13. 13
    John Cole says:

    @Violet: I will pull this website over, Violet, and no one will have any fun because you decided to spoil the party.

    How would that make you feel?

  14. 14
    Mnemosyne says:

    I ate waaaay too many dumplings at our Chinese New Year party, and I still have another half hour of work to get through. Ugh.

  15. 15
    Lavocat says:

    That cane of yours can trow a mean beatin’ if you let it.

    Just don’t let anyone know your true range with it.

  16. 16
    TaMara (BHF) says:

    And my Friday night is complete. J Cole is going to shave a bear and his brother thinks he’s Hagrid. Really, we should kick in for a 24/7 webcam feed from his house.

  17. 17
    Cliff in NH says:

    Ha!

  18. 18
    Mnemosyne says:

    Also, I’m going to take my niece on a chilly hike tomorrow to stand on top of a bluff and watch a bunch of seals sleep. Luckily, she’s as nerdy as I am, so she’ll probably enjoy it.

  19. 19
    jl says:

    i did not know a WV “mountain man look” included a ‘fluffy plush bathrobe’. I larn me so dang many thangs on thishyer fambly blog, hee hee!

    Glad to hear Cole’s knee is getting better. I hope it feels better than Christie’s head tonight.

  20. 20
    Skerry says:

    @TaMara (BHF): I’m in. I need the laughs

  21. 21
    RSA says:

    Your brother sounds like a man with great insight.

  22. 22
    dmsilev says:

    @CS:

    You have a bear? And you trim it? You’re braver than I thought.

    Look on the bright side. At least he hasn’t tried to shave its ass.

    Yet.

  23. 23
    Josie says:

    A guy just can’t get any sympathy around here. Everyone’s a critic.

  24. 24
    Pogonip says:

    Shaving cats, trimming bears–is your Indian name Runs With Scissors?

    If anyone would like to read about a psychic crackhead trying to avenge his best friend’s murder–and who wouldn’t?–obtain a copy of Death Ain’t But A Word, by Zander Marks. This highly original story deserves an audience. I don’t know if it’s available as a real book, I got it on Kindle, for free! A surprisingly large number of those free Kindle books turn out to be worth reading.

  25. 25
    Corner Stone says:

    @jl:

    i did not know a WV “mountain man look” included a ‘fluffy plush bathrobe’.

    Honestly, all I could think of was a really tubby version of “The Legend of Mick Dodge“.

  26. 26
    Chris C. says:

    MUST Cole be so hARD on us?

  27. 27
    jl says:

    @dmsilev:

    ” Look on the bright side. At least he hasn’t tried to shave its ass.”

    huh? I just assumed Cole was shaving the bear’s ass. Why would you shave the whole bear?

    How come Cole never mentions his goats?

  28. 28
    khead says:

    So, you are “ok” and Steve is inside. I guess all is right in Balloon Juice world.

  29. 29
    Aji says:

    @TaMara (BHF): Or just bets on who wins. My money’s on the bear. Well, assuming it doesn’t have a bum knee.

  30. 30
    Corner Stone says:

    @Pogonip:

    A surprisingly large number of those free Kindle books turn out to be worth reading.

    3%? 4%?

  31. 31
    Aji says:

    @jl: Cole has goats? I thought that was Mickey Kaus.

    I’m so confused . . . .

  32. 32
    efgoldman says:

    @Aji:

    Cole has goats? I thought that was Mickey Kaus.

    No, Cole never had Mickey Kaus.

  33. 33
    Jerzy Russian says:

    I forgot to mention that I admire guys that can get to the point that they start looking like Jesus. I’ll start growing my beard and hair, but then something comes up and the urge to look respectable comes back.

  34. 34
    Corner Stone says:

    @jl:

    I just assumed Cole was shaving the bear’s ass.

    Obviously. I mean, anyone who’s ever read the Cole Chronicles of Death Wish understand that if that silly motherfucker caught a bear? He’s taking a razor to its ass post haste.
    And then mobilizing all 300 people in his town to find the damned bear when it escapes in shame because it has a bare bear ass.

  35. 35
    jl says:

    @Corner Stone:

    Interesting you should mention ‘tubby. When I thought of, Cole going mountain man in a plush bathrobe, a vision of teletubby mountain man Cole flashed before my eyes. Coley-Rolly if you will.

    An episode where the teletubbiies and Coley-Rolly shave ALL the animals asses would be classic. Right up there with the ‘toast’ episode (or was it ‘waffles’, I forget).

  36. 36
    Jerzy Russian says:

    @Violet: I’ll wager that Steve does not give a shit about the prace, as he cannot be bothered by trivial matters.

  37. 37
    Aji says:

    @efgoldman: I certainly hope not. Things have reached a bad enough pass if he has Mickey’s goats.

  38. 38
    Jerzy Russian says:

    @efgoldman: To be fair, bad drugs might have the same effect.

  39. 39

    @Violet: Did Sully move to WV or is he just visiting?

  40. 40
    jl says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Sully is into getting his ass shaved? I did not know that. You learn so much on this blog.

  41. 41
    Corner Stone says:

    @jl: I think that would by far be more like a version of a Mountain Man Care Bear.

  42. 42
    Comrade Mary says:

    @Litlebritdiftrnt: Heeeheehee …

  43. 43
    Jay C says:

    @ John Cole:

    Here you go, man: the answer to your problems (assuming you assume they’re problems and need an answer) : I use their products, and they reliably keep me from looking like Santa Claus on crack unkempt, and have for years….

  44. 44
    Comrade Mary says:

    @John Cole: Hey, how come Violet gets the Stern Daddy act? How about the rest of us?

  45. 45
    max says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Did Sully move to WV or is he just visiting?

    They’re forming a band.

    Queens of the Bearded Drama Age.

    max
    [‘Well, it was either that or Dork Dynasty.’]

  46. 46
    Bobby Thomson says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: I was wondering how long it would take for someone to go there.

  47. 47
    Corner Stone says:

    Personally, if I miss a couple days of shaving my neck bear, it starts irritating the fuck outta me.

  48. 48
    Corner Stone says:

    @Comrade Mary:

    Hey, how come Violet gets the Stern Daddy act?

    The Howard Stern Daddy Act? Is that where we’re compelled to…
    Ok, no thanks.

  49. 49
    efgoldman says:

    @Jay C:

    I use their products

    I cant believe, except it’s clear) that they have a product line called “multicultural trimmers.”
    Hell, why not just call ’em “urban?”
    http://www.wahlhomeproducts.co.....alTrimmers

  50. 50
    Corner Stone says:

    Here’s a question for you. Is your TV powered by coal, nat gas, nuclear or renewable like solar or wind?

    I can not describe how much I hate that series of Exxon Mobil commercials.

  51. 51
    Comrade Mary says:

    Speaking of grooming and critters, here’s a superb owl taking a bath and getting blown dry.

    And here’s the top ten reasons why you don’t want an owl as a pet. Warning: if you are currently eating delicious chocolate pudding, don’t click the link.

  52. 52
    Comrade Mary says:

    @Corner Stone: Stern’s Daddy just kvetched a lot. Stern Daddy is something totally different.

  53. 53
    Violet says:

    @John Cole: The party isn’t spoiled. Bears and praces for everyone!

  54. 54
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Aji: Cole doesn’t mention his goats for fear Mickey Kaus will start hanging around WV!

    (/snark – just in case)

  55. 55
    jl says:

    @Corner Stone: Cole claims to have generators and goats, so I guess the TV runs off those.

    But they never cause any disasters and Cole never maims himself with them, so I think it’s just talk.

  56. 56
    efgoldman says:

    @efgoldman: OK, how the fuck do I not have permission to edit my own comment? Steve playing with the dashboard again?

  57. 57
    eemom says:

    Time for a new Cole pic. Or Cole didn’t happen.

  58. 58
    jl says:

    @Violet: Bad knees and praces and bears, oh MY! Fun for everyone.

  59. 59
    Aji says:

    @Anne Laurie: Ooooh, smart. I wouldn’t want him hanging around here, either [shudder].

  60. 60
    Violet says:

    @Comrade Mary: Cole likes me best!

  61. 61
    Corner Stone says:

    @jl:

    and Cole never maims himself with them

    Can we ever really say that about any thing? I mean, no. No, we can not.

  62. 62
    Comrade Mary says:

    @Violet: Story of my life …. Where’s the chocolate pudding?

  63. 63
    efgoldman says:

    @jl:

    Cole claims to have generators and goats, so I guess the TV runs off those.

    Oh, just like in Bartertown! Who’s the production supervisor that stays with the power/fuel source?

  64. 64
    Violet says:

    @jl: Don’t forget the ass shaving!

  65. 65
    Violet says:

    @Comrade Mary: Next to the mustard!

  66. 66
    CaseyL says:

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day: thanks, everyone! Shaving cats’ asses and trimming bears and whatthehell-is-a-prace will all live on in BJ infamy.

    John’s self-diagnosis of his knee (“It’s nothing but a scratch”!) worries me, though. He didn’t sound nearly that sanguine the other night.

    I had one of those days that I just couldn’t get motivated to do much of anything – possibly because, for an unemployed person, I’ve been really busy all week. I have one more week to savor the leisure life before starting a new job – which means one more week to complete, or in some cases start, some projects that have languished for an embarrassingly long time.

  67. 67
    muddy says:

    In the course of a seasonal job I came across a nice union suit, which I think is just John’s size. Sadly it’s not the red kind, it’s white. Got the flap and all, nice big old onesie.

    I think this could be a good winter look for you John, and would be happy to make you a present of it, if you think you would enjoy it.

  68. 68
    Comrade Mary says:

    @Corner Stone: Here, let the librarian take over.

    Everything John Cole May Ever Encounter

    Those that belong to the emperor
    Embalmed ones
    Those that are trained
    Suckling pigs
    Mermaids (or Sirens)
    Fabulous ones
    Stray dogs
    Those that are included in this classification
    Those that tremble as if they were mad
    Innumerable ones
    Those drawn with a very fine camel hair brush
    Et cetera
    Those that have just broken the flower vase
    Those that, at a distance, resemble flies
    Those that have maimed John Cole
    Those that have not yet maimed John Cole

  69. 69
    jl says:

    @Violet:

    ” Don’t forget the ass shaving! ”

    I tried to fit that in, but couldn’t think of any song lyrics. Maybe some other commenter can do it.

  70. 70
    Violet says:

    @jl: “We’re off the shave the ass! The wonderful ass of Steve!”

  71. 71
    Comrade Mary says:

    @jl: I’m hearing it in the cadence of “Have fun storming the castle!”

  72. 72
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    So, Dr. Cole has done a diagnosis of your knee and decided it’s just a bad sprain?

    As trustworthy as Dr. Frist doing a diagnosis via video feed of Terry Shiavo.

    See a real doctor, John. Feel free to savagely attack me for it, but Steve, Lily, and Rosie need you fully functional.

  73. 73
    Jay C says:

    @efgoldman:

    Probably because “urban” might give their potential customer-base the wrong inferences? Though “multicultural trimmers” is scarcely much better…sheesh! I use their regular (i.e. “whiteboy”) models.

  74. 74
    Corner Stone says:

    @Villago Delenda Est:

    but Steve, Lily, and Rosie need you fully functional.

    Starting when, exactly?

  75. 75
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @Corner Stone:

    Well, at feeding time, for starters.

  76. 76
    Corner Stone says:

    Pracing Evidence That The Debate On All Issues Has Moved

  77. 77
    Corner Stone says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: I think they’d figure it out pretty quickly.

  78. 78
    JPL says:

    @John Cole: haha.. I’m pleased that you are okay but……………….I was more concerned about the Steve. Poor little guy could have frozen to death. Knees can be fixed. imo

  79. 79
    PurpleGirl says:

    @Corner Stone: My TV is powered by electricity my complex self generates (co-gen from the heat making process). We have three turbines — two are powered by natural gas and one is powered by oil.

  80. 80
    mainmata says:

    First trimming Steve’s butt now trimming a bear. This is so not going to end well. Sigh.

  81. 81
    Pogonip says:

    @Corner Stone: No, I’m batting about .300. Which ain’t bad for free. I got an excellent book on preventing identity theft for free, the first Fat Vampire was free, several helpful how-to books for free, and now this one.

  82. 82
    trollhattan says:

    You assholes are hilarious tonight. Think I’ll “shave the bear” and take my kid out for pizza.

  83. 83
    Pogonip says:

    Who is Sully? Don’t remember seeing comments from anyone by that name.

  84. 84
    trollhattan says:

    @Pogonip:
    Are you ever in for a treat.

    First question: what are you feelings for Madonna?

  85. 85
    PNW_WarriorWoman says:

    You might consider seeking an Rx for Zipsor. It’s a prescription anti-inflammatory. Diclofenac Potassium. Works much better than ibuprofen. Comes in 25 mg. gel caps. Start with 2 tablets morning then 2 tables 12 hours later. Don’t bother with Dicolfenac Potassium tablets. Not as absorptive. The Zipsor as a gel cap dissolves ideally and metabolized better. Does the trick. Yes, it’s worth the money.

  86. 86
    mainmata says:

    This is one of the funnier BJ threads I have ever read and, as usual, it is prompted by our Landlord. Cole gets the Win.

  87. 87
    efgoldman says:

    @mainmata:

    Cole gets the Win.

    Of course he gets the win. It’s like playing golf with the preznit, or croquet with the Queen of Hearts. Guess who always wins.

  88. 88

    @Pogonip: Sully = Andrew Sullivan of the Daily Dish, he is a bear by his own admission.

  89. 89
    Culture of Truth says:

    I have a total mountain man look with complete neckbeard, and now I am hobbling around the house with a walking stick and fluffy plush bathrobe to complete the look.

    Sweet mother of jesus

  90. 90
    p.a. says:

    @trollhattan: after you *ahem* “shave the bear” make sure you wash your hands before handling food.

  91. 91
    YellowJournalism says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: Seconded. You do not fuck with knee injuries. My sister is getting hers replaced, and she’s only in her early 30’s. Hubby has had two surgeries on one knee, and I’m currently giving him grief because he’s ignoring warning signs that led to the surgeries.

    Make an appointment and see a doctor. Keep your knees healthy for the next time Steve decides to tour the neighborhood.

  92. 92
    muddy says:

    No, no, he says he hasn’t shaved the bear. Just the poor cat.

  93. 93
    p.a. says:

    @max:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Did Sully move to WV or is he just visiting?

    They’re forming a band.

    Queens of the Bearded Drama Age.

    max
    [‘Well, it was either that or Dork Dynasty.’]

    “Not Very Ambiguously Gay Duo”?

  94. 94
    HRA says:

    I so wish there was a like button here. I would have been clicking all the way down. Thanks for the needed laughter.

    What is the bear’s name?

  95. 95
    HL_guy says:

    This might sound crazy, Cole, but, I’m glad the swelling has gone down so quickly, because what you were describing sounded a bit like a gout attack (which I know about), where uric acid precipitated out in your knee due to minor trauma. But I never had a gout attack subside after 1 or 2 days, it was ALWAYS a 3-4 day ordeal. You don’t want gout attacks, but if you do keep having ‘mystery trauma’ to joints, definitely get a uric acid test. Because gout attack suck.

  96. 96
    pat says:

    John, John, John, you DO have insurance, don’t you?

    Then GO TO URGENT CARE and let THEM tell you what is wrong with your stupid knee!!

  97. 97
    gogol's wife says:

    I missed all the fun by watching “The Sign of Three” for the third time. But I’m addicted to Sherlock.

  98. 98
    Higgs Boson's Mate says:

    @Culture of Truth:

    Only the truly badass mountain man walks around wearing a fluffy bathrobe and armed only with a cane. It is a matter of record that no mountain man has completed the ensemble with a pair of bunny slippers since the late 1880’s.

  99. 99

    @gogol’s wife: You are not alone, I have seen it twice, so far!
    Did you see my review for Sherlock episode 1? Also the review of the latest Downton Abbey episode.

    Warning: Both have spoilers.

  100. 100
    pinacacci says:

    HAHAHAHHAHAHHA

  101. 101
    p.a. says:

    @Higgs Boson’s Mate: let’s hope the bathrobe was tied closed.

  102. 102
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @TaMara (BHF): Oh god, no. Things that have been seen cannot be unseen.

  103. 103
    chopper says:

    I’m imagining Cole talking like Gabby Johnson in blazing saddles.

  104. 104
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: Well now that is he is heavy, middle aged, bearded, and balding.

  105. 105
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @schrodinger’s cat: God, you don’t like Lord Grantham much, do you? His thing with the tenant was actual noblesse oblige. in action. It also points out the differences between Grantham, who is old-fashioned but decent and caring, Tom , who is modern and caring, and Mary, who is a bitch.

  106. 106
    Higgs Boson's Mate says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    “Cole’s Chronicles” is a new reality show featuring West Virginia mountain man John Cole. Each week Cole will shave the ass of a different animal.

    I’d pay-per-view for the wildcat episode.

  107. 107
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Higgs Boson’s Mate: Still no.

  108. 108
    gbear says:

    @jl:

    i did not know a WV “mountain man look” included a ‘fluffy plush bathrobe’.

    AI’m going to guess that Cole looks more like Harry Nilsson on the Nilsson Schmilsson album – except Cole wouldn’t be holding a hash pipe. I see Cole as kind of a bong person myself.

  109. 109
    WereBear says:

    It really pays to be an insomniac around here. Happy for the good news re: knee. I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn to take pics of an ice fishing derby, so I’m taking another crack at sleep now.

    Don’t let Cole shave anything until he’s fully recovered.

  110. 110
    gVOR08 says:

    Really good to hear your knee is better. Now can we get some fresh pics of Steve.

  111. 111
    Pogonip says:

    @trollhattan: She made some good dance records way back when. When you don’t have cable and don’t use the alternatives you miss all the celebrity bullshit, so I really don’t know enough about Madonna to have a current opinion of her.

  112. 112
    WaterGirl says:

    Just like reading a really good book… sad when you get to the end.

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