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Floriduh Man & Woman! Year End Recap

Craig Pittman at The Tampa Bay Times provides us with a year end recap of Floriduh Man and Woman incidents. Though with three days left to go, he may have missed a few that haven’t happened yet.

How weird was the news out of Florida this year? So weird that the popular @_FloridaMan Twitter account apparently gave up trying to keep up with it all in mid-October. He hasn’t tweeted anything to his 387,000 followers since two weeks before Halloween.

But don’t worry. Florida’s largest newspaper has not slacked off on tracking all the wacky and wild news this year. As expected, 2017 produced a bumper crop of the bizarre.

Some Florida headlines became instant classics: “Man accidentally shoots self in road rage incident,” and “Possum breaks into liquor store, gets skunky drunk” and “Polk City woman arrested for DUI on a horse.”

And who could forget “Lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during Miami arson trial”?

Florida crime, as always, offered a bonanza of bonkers behavior. There was the Pinellas Park man who Googled “how to rob a bank” and then robbed a bank. (Apparently he forgot to Google “how to get away with it.”)

A woman in a bikini contest in Stuart was busted for bashing a competitor in the head with her high-heeled shoe (neither won Miss Congeniality).

A Merritt Island man trashed an ATM because, he said, it gave him too much cash.

When a SWAT team raided a home in the retirement mega-community of The Villages, police found more than just the meth lab they’d expected. They also discovered it was a chop shop for stolen golf carts.

The Floriduh Man! assaults an ATM was a hoot. Apparently he inflicted an estimated $5,000 worth of damage to the cash machine because it gave him more money than he asked to withdraw and he was frustrated because he didn’t know what to do about it.

The Villages are a notorious retirement community in central Florida. Exceedingly conservative with a hit STD rate.

And then there are the distinctions they are not so thrilled about. In 2009, the New York Post labeled it “ground zero for geriatrics who are seriously getting it on.” The story reported that couples had been caught having quickies in the golf carts and noted there was a thriving black market for Viagra. A local police officer told the paper, “You see two 70-year-olds with canes fighting over a woman and you think, ‘Oh, jeez.’ ” As a result, the place that likes to bill itself as “America’s Friendliest Hometown” has seen a huge increase in sexually transmitted diseases.

Speaking of Floriduh Man, Floriduh Woman, and what they do with each other, back to the recap

A man who was stealing a trailer in Cooper City stopped long enough to have sex with his accomplice. In Sarasota, a tennis match had to be halted because of the noise from a couple’s amorous exploits. In Fort Walton Beach, a woman told police that she attacked her husband only because he threw her sex toys at her.

A woman donned a wig to sneak into a Palm Coast wedding where she spotted her boyfriend kissing someone else, poured a drink on him, punched another woman, fled to the bathroom and was then dragged out by angry bridesmaids and got into a brawl with them. Meanwhile, a Palm Beach Gardens mom threw eggs at her daughter’s boyfriend, then chased him through the yard with her Mercedes because he’d confessed to her daughter that he’d been cheating — with the mom.

More fun at the link!

Open thread!



Late Evening Open Thread: Floriduh Woman! And the Horse She Rode In On Too!

The details:

After one drink too many, a four-legged animal might seem a better option than a four-wheeled vehicle.

But sadly for one Florida woman, the police did not agree – arresting her on Thursday for “drunk-driving” a horse.

Donna Byrne, 53, was arrested in Polk City, central Florida, for “DUI on a horse,” the Polk County Sheriff’s Office said Friday.

Byrne is also accused of animal neglect for failing to provide proper protection for the horse, placing it at risk of injury or death while riding it along the busy road.

According to police, who were called by a passerby, Byrne appeared intoxicated when officers arrived on the scene.

“Ms Byrne was obviously not in any condition to be on the road. She not only put herself and the horse in danger, but also anyone who was driving on the road, which is typically very busy,” Sheriff Grady Judd said.

The horse was taken to a sheriff’s office animal shelter.

I really don’t want to know what this is referring to:

Byrne is also accused of animal neglect for failing to provide proper protection for the horse, placing it at risk of injury or death while riding it along the busy road.

Remember folks friends don’t let friends drink and canter.



A Successful Conclusion from the Cold Case Files: Floriduh Woman aka Floriduh Clown Edition

NBC News has the details:

Twenty-seven years after a clown carrying flowers and two balloons shot a woman to death at her front door, Florida authorities announced an arrest in one of the more bizarre cold case investigations in a state known for bizarre crimes.

Sheila Keen Warren, 54, was arrested without incident in Washington County, Virginia, on a charge of first-degree murder with use of a firearm in the killing of Marlene Warren, 40 — her current husband’s previous wife — in 1990, officials said Tuesday.

“Any murder’s horrific. It doesn’t matter whether you’re wearing a clown costume or not,” Palm Beach County sheriff’s Sgt. Richard McAfee said at a news conference Tuesday.

“Taking another person’s life is a horrific incident,” McAfee said. “It just took us 27 years to bring closure to the victim’s family. Murder cases never go away.”

Open thread!



Late Evening/Early Morning (EDT) Open Thread: Floriduh Woman!

Osprey, FL hello!

SARASOTA COUNTY — A man told a Sarasota County 911 operator that Donna Betts, the wife of Allman Brothers Band founding member Dickey Betts, stood on her dock Monday evening looking through the scope of a rifle, which was pointed toward 100 teens and coaches with the Sarasota Crew team.

Donna Betts, 62, was arrested at her Osprey home this morning and charged with 18 counts of aggravated assault with a firearm.

According to the Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office, Betts appeared on the dock behind her home in the 300 block of Palmetto Avenue about 5:30 p.m. Monday and pointed a rifle at members of Sarasota Crew, who were in boats and on a nearby dock preparing for rowing practice. Betts allegedly threatened to shoot different crew members and coaches as she pointed the rifle at them, and made statements that if they came on her property they would be shot.

Much of the incident was captured in a cellphone video, which corroborates the claims, according to deputies. Deputies recovered the weapon, which Betts allegedly threw into the water.

According to the Sheriff’s Office, Betts then called 911 at 5:43 p.m., identified herself and said that the rowers have destroyed her life.

Betts lives on a property adjacent to the crew team’s practice facility at Bay Preserve at Osprey. The man who called 911 said this wasn’t the first run-in they’ve had with Betts, and there was a restraining order against the woman.

“She’s on her dock looking through the scope and aiming at the kids right now,” the man told a 911 dispatcher who calmly told the man help was on its way. “We’ve got hundreds of kids here, she’s pointing the gun at one of my coaches generally right by me right now.”

More Gunshine State fun at the link!

And because of the connection to the Allman Brothers, here’s some music to soothe your inner Floriduh Man or Woman.