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Floriduh! Man: The Spirits of the Holiday Edition!

Several Floriduh! Men decided to get into the spirits of the holidays!

Fox 13 Tampa Bay blends up the story for us:

 – Half a million dollars’ worth of tequila was stolen from a truck driver in Hillsborough County, and four men are charged with the crime.

Sheriff’s deputies said a truck driver was heading from Miami to Tampa when his trailer went missing after he went into the Tampa Truck Stop for dinner off U.S. Highway 301 around 11 p.m. Sunday.

“We do know it was organized, and this had been planned because the box truck was there to meet them,” said Danny Alvarez, a spokesperson for Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies arrested Vidal Estrada, Lemuel Escobar, Humberto Ramirez and Alberto Obaya for burglary and other crimes related to the liquor theft. They are accused of detaching and stealing a trailer with 966 cases of Patron tequila inside – worth $507,105 in retail value.

According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office, the truck driver went into the truck stop for dinner around 11. The owner of the convenience store told FOX 13 they close their restaurant at 5 p.m. So it’s unclear how long the driver was inside before he noticed his trailer was missing.

Deputies said the driver called to report it missing around midnight.

“When he comes outside, that trailer is gone. His cab is there, but his trailer is gone,” said Alvarez. “So, he calls the police, we respond. We send out aviation. We send out dogs, and we were looking.”

The thieves somehow managed to get roughly 11 miles away to Ike Smith Road and McIntosh Road in Thonotosassa.

“Around 12:30 a.m., we had located the trailer being off loaded into a box truck by four individuals,” Alvarez said.

By the time of their arrests, the suspects had moved 20 cases. Deputies said it was lucky the thieves stayed close by.

“Since it was right there near the highway, that truck could have easily gotten on the highway and headed north, south, east, or west and would have been out of our county in no amount of time,” said Alvarez.

As for the liquor, deputies recovered it all and are figuring out where the tequila was supposed to end up.

Deputies said the truck driver hauling the tequila is working with them to answer any other questions about the crime.

No word on whether they were also in possession of triple sec, limes, and salt.

Open thread.



Floriduh! Man: Head Out on the Highway Edition

We’ve got actual documentary footage from Steve in the ATL’s recent trip to Florida!!!

Awooooooo!!!!!

The temperature drops into the mid 50s for a couple of days and everyone breaks out the furs.

Actually Steve in the ATL emailed me this link to Buzzfeed‘s annual 40 Most Insane Things to Happen in Florida in 2018 article. If you click through you might notice that I covered at least 15 of those here as Floriduh! Man or Woman posts.

Remember motorcycles are everywhere…

Open thread!



Floriduh Man! and Floriduh! Woman: Been a Busy Few Days in Pinellas County…

It’s been a while since we checked in with Floriduh! Man, or at least Floriduh! Man not trying to blow up a couple of dozen people, so let’s see what we’ve got cooking. Er, um…

Take it away Tampa Bay Times!

ST. PETERSBURG — It started with chicken wings, a beer and a burglar.

It went downhill from there.

A St. Petersburg police officer was investigating a Nov. 6 break-in at The Chattaway restaurant, reviewing surveillance video that shows the burglar devouring a plate of chicken wings and enjoying a beer inside the kitchen. But then the officer stumbled across another incident from the night before.

The video shows a man riding his bike up to the restaurant at 358 22nd Ave S, pedaling around the parking lot for 10 minutes, then slipping in through the back gate. After wandering around for a bit, he opens the door to a shed for storing odds and ends, and removes them one by one.

Then the man gains access to a restaurant bathroom. And exits without his clothes.

He proceeds to sit naked at one of the restaurant’s picnic tables and digs into a meal he brought with him — Maruchan Instant Lunch ramen. The video also shows him playing the bongos, also naked.

“He came in with pants on but he rode off on the bike without pants,” Chattaway server Chad Pearson said. “I’m not sure if he took his pants with him but we didn’t find them. We still don’t know where his pants are.”

He spray-painted a few chairs, the bongos and a pickle jar, but his handiwork was barely noticeable, manager Amanda Kitto said. Everything was put back so neatly, in fact, it was four hours before anyone noticed he had been there.

“We would not have known about the naked guy without the cop finding that video,” Kitto said.

Police identified the man, who is homeless, but did not release his name publicly. Kitto declined to give his name and said the restaurant will not press charges because he caused no harm.

“His goal was to not break in, his goal was to just hang out at The Chattaway.”

What about the first guy?

Police still are trying to catch him.

He enjoyed the plate of chicken wings and some beer, and stole an estimated $500 worth of stuff, including cash tips, a laptop, a tablet, and a grocery bag he filled with beer.

“He made himself at home,” Kitto said. “He spent over an hour just milling around going room to room and eating and drinking while he did it.”

The man also tried unsuccessfully to access the safe using his hands, a pot handle and tongs.

Kitto is confident that even though the two incidents happened back-to-back, they are not connected.

“I used to always joke and say that if you were going to break into The Chattaway to make sure to grab a beer. And it finally happened.”

I was hot, and I was hungry. Okay?

Also, given the Real Genius reference, this cannot be unseen!

Floriduh! Woman, however, also put in a strong showing.

Once again The Tampa Bay Times has got this story well in hand…

The lobster never saw it coming.

One second it was floating listlessly in a glass tank, vying against endless shrimp, the smell of Cheddar Bay Biscuits hanging hauntingly in the air. Then, the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office said, an apparently intoxicated St. Petersburg woman snatched the lobster from its crustaceous purgatory and ran.

The lobster was never seen again.

Kimberly Gabel was arrested Saturday on charges of disorderly intoxication and petit theft for causing a disturbance in the Red Lobster at 6151 34th St N . The restaurant had barely been open two hours.

It was just after 1:15 p.m., deputies said, when a manager at the restaurant asked Gabel to leave. The manager said she was disturbing customers and shouted obscenities as she made her way to the door. Before she could leave, though, the 42-year-old woman reached into the oft-familiar entryway lobster tank, grabbed a live lobster and bolted.

Deputies said they caught up with Gabel a “short distance later.” They said she smelled of alcohol and slurred her words as she continued cursing, telling deputies she didn’t know what she did with the lobster because she was “blacked out drunk” and that she “did not care because she did not do anything wrong.”

Deputies described Gabel as a homeless woman. According to Pinellas County Jail records, she has been arrested numerous times for charges ranging from public intoxication to multiple counts of burglary and theft. She is currently awaiting trial in Pinellas County Jail.

Stay hungry!

Open thread!



Floriduh! Man Type Behavior: International Edition

Now that my power is back on, I can get down to the important things. Like late evening/early morning posts about people doing really dodgy things. So here’s some Floriduh! Man like behavior from from abroad.

First up, military combatives training in Libya! Silk Chinese martial arts tunic with a dragon embroidered in gold? Check. Adidas sweat suit pants? Check. Ill fitting body armor on the people being trained? Check. Untied combat boots? Check. Cutting cucumbers on the trainees necks with a live blade? Check!!!! Wait, what?

As someone who has been doing martial arts since I was 13 and have had my own aikido dojo, I highly recommend that YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING LIKE CUTTING CUCUMBERS ON PEOPLE’S NECKS WITH A LIVE BLADE!!!! 

I’m not sure where this one is from other than somewhere in the Middle East or Central Asia.

I highly recommend not doing this either!!!

Open thread.



We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Insanity for a Floriduh! Man, Woman, and Gator Update

We start with hot and humid Floriduh! Gator on Man action!

ABC News take it away!

A 35-year-old man was bitten by an alligator on Monday afternoon in Clearwater, Florida, authorities said.

The man was attacked by the 11-foot animal while playing disc golf, and trying to retrieve his flying disc from a pond in Cliff Stephens Park, according to ABC Affiliate WFTS.

“He had serious injuries but they were not life threatening at the time,” Rob Shaw, a public safety officer with Clearwater Fire & Rescue, told ABC News.

“We received multiple calls immediately right after it happened because there were a number of people in the area at the time,” said Shaw. He added that the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission handled the case, and called licensed state alligator trappers who captured the animal and removed it from the pond.

“There are signs posted there that warn people not to swim out, not to get in the water. So he is very fortunate to still be alive,” said Shaw. “We have alligator attacks down here from time to time, and many times it can be fatal or have very serious injuries.”

The 11 foot-alligator as well as a smaller one were removed from the pond and will be euthanized, WFTS reported.

Next up, Floriduh! Woman…

ABC10 News has the details:

FORT PIERCE, Cla. (KGTV) — A Florida woman says the wind is to blame after police found cocaine inside her purse, the Associated Press reports.

Kennecia Posey was one of two passengers in a car stopped by police in Fort Pierce in March, according to WPLG.

After smelling marijuana, an officer searched the car and found cocaine and marijuana in separate bags. The drugs were found in Posey’s purse.

When asked about the drugs, the woman told police, “It’s a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse.”

Posey was charged with a felony count of cocaine possession among other charges.

Finally, Polk County, FL Sheriff Grady Judd (R-Good Ole Boy, Never Meaning No Harm), brings us this tale of prison intrigue:

The Tampa Bay Times is on the case:

What doesn’t kill you might make you stronger, but what does kill roaches will get you higher, Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said Tuesday.

“They’re spraying this stuff on paper and either smoking it or eating it in the county jail,” he said. “Normal people can’t understand this.”

Polk County’s top lawman made the stunningly disturbing announcement during a news conference about a prison scam in which K-2 synthetic cannabinoid was being smuggled into Polk County’s Frostproof jail.

The Sheriff’s Office charged eight people in the smuggling ring. Judd said an investigation found that K-2 was being sprayed onto paper, then dried and disguised as legal correspondence, personal messages and bible verses. The drug-infused papers were then mailed to inmates or brought in during personal meetings at the jail.

The show was stolen, however, when Judd — not one to shy away from props — reached beneath his podium, only to emerge double-fisting poisonous products: A can of Raid in one hand, a box of roach motels in the other.

“Some of the things that are most popular, and they really like this better than the K-2,” Judd said about six minutes into the news conference, “is Raid and roach motel.”

Judd said inmates have taken to placing roach motels in plastic bags with paper, sealing them, shaking it up and leaving it in the sun for the chemicals to react. When the chemicals get infused on the paper, they eat or smoke it.

The bug spray epidemic poses a particular problem because it can’t be detected by drug tests, he said.

In 2014, researchers from Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center in Lubbock, Texas, released a study following a subject who got high on high-powered bug spray. Researchers said the compound pyrethroid, which is found in roach and wasp sprays, gave their subject a rush “similar to methamphetamine after using pyrethroid from liquid insecticide that had been heated (electrocuted) or sprayed on hot metal sheets until it crystallized.”

“We’ve received information from sources in the jail that said K-2 is cool, synthetic amphetamine is cool, but what we really like is the Raid,” Judd said, adding that it’s “just a new world that we’re discovering.”

Looking for an alternative? Why not try cottage cheese on your paper, he said.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled natural and man made disasters.

Open thread!

 



Floriduh! Man: The Early Bird Gets Drunk, Naked, and Commits Chocolate Chip Arson… Wait, What?

And a good time was sort of, maybe, had by someone!

Sarasota Herald-Tribune take it away!

NICEVILLE, Fla. — Responding to a house fire last week, Niceville police officers and firefighters encountered an odd sight.

When firefighters got to the home around 5:30 p.m., they could see smoke coming from inside. A naked man opened the front door, said, “I’m sorry,” and closed the door.

Police officers arrived shortly after to assist.

The man came to the door again, left it open and went back into the house.

According to the offense report from the police department, the man showed no signs of understanding the danger he was in. There were several things on fire inside the home, including some towels.

Based on the fire department’s investigation, the man allegedly tried baking cookies on a George Foreman grill, which he left unattended. The grill and cookies caught fire, so he put dry towels on top of the grill. Those caught fire, too, causing the fire to spread.

An officer detained the man and removed him from the house for his own safety. Firefighters said that if he had stayed in the home much longer, he could have possibly died from smoke inhalation.

In the report, an officer said he and another officer were in the house for about five minutes and had a hard time breathing. Firefighters went inside with oxygen masks to remove the burning items.

The man admitted to drinking two liters of vodka and smoking marijuana starting around 9 that morning. He was examined at the scene and had no life-threatening injuries, the report said. He refused further medical treatment.

This guy puts the baked in baked good!

Open thread.



It Doesn’t Get Much More Floriduh! Man Than This! Florida State House District 1 Edition

Plaza named for Robert E. Lee? Check!

Confederate monument? Check!

Fake mockup of the President’s Hollywood Walk of Fame star? Check!

Wingnut running for elected office? Check!

Pensacola News Journal take it away!

A former state representative and current candidate for Florida House District 1 wants to bring President Donald Trump’s Hollywood Walk of Fame star to Pensacola.

Mike Hill announced via a Facebook Live video Wednesday that he wanted to put the Trump Hollywood star in Pensacola.

“Pensacola, the first settlement in America, is also going to be the city that is going to bring the Trump Hollywood star here to Pensacola,” Hill said in the video. “I want you to join me, Pensacola.”

Hill made the announcement while holding a life-size photo of the Trump star in front of the Confederate monument in Lee Square in downtown Pensacola with a campaign sign for his state House run placed next to him.

“When I’m in office, I’ll be able to do even more to make sure that this star gets here and stays here,” Hill said in the video. “Let’s go, Pensacola. Let’s make this work.”

Hill told the News Journal on Thursday that the video was not a political stunt.

“I did not create the timing of when the star was destroyed in Hollywood,” Hill said. “… Even if I were not running for office, this would be something that I would do because I so support our president Donald Trump and what he is doing.”

Hill is running for the Republican nomination for House District 1. The seat is being vacated by Rep. Clay Ingram, who is term limited. District 1 covers much of Escambia County, mostly north of the city limits of Pensacola.

Hill said he would raise the money for the star through donations and possibly hold an online contest to pick a location for the star.

Once a location is decided, Hill said he would petition the city of Pensacola to place the star at that location.

Hill said the decision to make the announcement in front of the Confederate monument was just where he happened to be when he met a friend to shoot the video, but he added that he supports keeping the Confederate monument.

“History is what makes us up as a people,” Hill said. “The good, the bad and the ugly, and we learn from it, and we move on, getting better from it. Not tearing it down and trying to forget it.”

Hill said he thought putting the Trump star in Pensacola hits all three levels of government.

“It’s a national issue: showing support for our president and what he’s doing,” Hill said. “It’s a state level issue: respecting our monuments as they are erected, including perhaps a Trump star, and at the local level: where we decide where it’s going to be placed as a people.”

Supporting treason in the defense of slavery is no way to go through life, let alone seek public service.

Open thread!



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