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Floriduh Man! Week 1

The first week of 2018 has been wild and wooly. Also, cold. So how has Floriduh Man! done this week?

Well Floriduh Man! drank too much, but who wouldn’t these days.

Friends of Floriduh Man! shouldn’t let Floriduh Man! fly drunk.

Dante Bencivenga apparently had a few too many while waiting for his Spirit Airlines flight.

The 58-year-old man nodded off in a chair by his gate around 9 p.m. Thursday night at Southwest Florida International Airport in Fort Myers. Things went downhill for him once he woke up.

According to a police report provided by the Lee County Port Authority Police, a gate agent walked by the dozing Bencivenga and smelled alcohol.

The Fort Myers resident made it onto the aircraft, headed to Michigan. Once on board, officers say, the gate agent received a call from the flight attendant that the passenger had urinated all over the plane’s toilet, as well as on the floor.

After missing his mark, Bencivenga was asked to disembark from the plane, which was still at the gate. He reportedly became “belligerent,” cursing as he left.

Airport police were summoned. Spirit Airlines supervisor Stephen Gary Harris met the officers and apprised them of the situation. That’s when Bencivenga tried to break up the conversation and told Harris to “stop telling lies,” according to the police report. An officer, who attempted to get the story from the man himself, smelled “a strong odor of an alcohol beverage coming from him.”

After threatening to file a complaint against Spirit, Bencivenga denied he was inebriated and offered to take take a breathalyzer. The officer denied his request and informed the traveler he was to re-booked on a flight for the next day. That’s when he became more “agitated,” began “raising his voice” and yelling at agents, the police report said.

Since there were no more flights for the day, he was asked to leave the concourse or he would be arrested. After more ranting, police said he said, “Put the bracelets on me.” The officer complied, and Bencivenga was charged with trespassing and disorderly intoxication in a public place. He was transported to Lee County Jail and booked without incident.

Bencivenga did not make his rebooked flight. He was told not to return to airport property for one year.

However, some Floriduh Men!, after having one a couple of dozen too many, still have a sense of civic responsibility.

The Polk County Sheriff’s Office is commending a Winter Haven man for alerting authorities about a drunk driver on New Year’s Eve — but the caller ended up being the one arrested on DUI charges.

Michael Lester, 39, called 911 shortly before 9 p.m. to report that he was driving drunk “all over Winter Haven,” according to a call released by authorities Friday.

“I dunno. I’m drunk. I don’t know where I’m at,” he said when a dispatcher asked for his location.

Lester eventually told the dispatcher he was driving the wrong way near a Publix in Winter Haven. He had been driving around all night “trying to get pulled over,” he said.

“I think I’m going to go get something to eat and they can catch up with me,” he told the dispatcher shortly before hanging up.

Deputies found Lester on Sixth Street, near Avenue M. His red Ford F-150 was traveling south, with half of the vehicle in a left turn lane and the other half in the northbound lane, deputies said.

After pulling the truck over, “I ordered the driver to step out of the vehicle and he just sat there and stared at me as if he was confused,” a deputy wrote in an arrest report.

Lester was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence after failing a series of field-sobriety tests. He initially told deputies he drank two beers but later said it may have been three or four. Lester said he had only slept four hours during the past four days, and told deputies he had swallowed meth early that morning, according to an arrest report.

Finally, Floriduh Man! took his act on the road. To West by G-d Virginie!

MORGANTOWN, W.Va. (WDTV) — A Florida man has been arrested in Morgantown on deer poaching charges.

The Morgantown Police Department says officers were dispatched to investigate suspicious activity in the woods behind a residence on Augusta Avenue.

When they arrived, officials say the officers found a white-tailed deer carcass that had been field-dressed not long before.

The officers then followed footprints to a residence on Augusta Avenue where they discovered 18-year-old Jason Herbert Berk of Boynton Beach, Florida. Officials say that further investigation revealed that Berk shot the deer from the residence’s front porch with a compound bow.

Berk is charged with Hunting Out of Season, Using an Artificial Light While Hunting and Unlawful Possession of Wildlife.

Stay warm!

Open thread!



Floriduh Man!, Floriduh Woman!, And Floriduh Toddler! Send 2017 Out With A Bang Or A Whimper

In the waning moments of 2017 we check in one last time with Floriduh Man! to see what he’s been up to at the end of this year.

First up we have a naked polo player.

WELLINGTON, Fla. —

A polo player was arrested after he entered another man’s home, stripped naked and then climbed into bed, Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office deputies said.

Jason Crowder, 29, was arrested Saturday in Wellington on charges of burglary and resisting arrest with violence.

The resident told deputies Crowder entered his home through an unlocked door, walked upstairs to the bedroom and then closed the door.

According to the arrest report, deputies were called and entered the bedroom, where they found Crowder naked in bed under a sheet.

Deputies said Crowder refused numerous commands to put on his clothes and get out of bed, so they attempted to forcibly remove him, but he kept flailing his arms in resistance.

Eventually, deputies said they were able to pull him out of bed, but not without a struggle.

Crowder’s speech was slurred and he appeared to be under the influence of alcohol, the report stated.

Can another Floriduh Man! outdo our naked polo player? Of course he can!!!!!

CBS An Orlando, Florida man is facing charges after he was found masturbating in a baby’s nursery closet.

Orange County police say the mother was getting her three month old baby girl ready for daycare when she opened the closet door and found the man.

The mother screamed for her fiancé and put herself in front of the doorway to stop the man from fleeing.

The fiancé said he arrived to find the man completely naked.
The suspect allegedly told him that he was homeless and then put his hands up.

The father of the child told police he began hitting the man to protect his daughter and two-year old son.

According to the police report, the suspect refused to leave the house, and the fiancé said he ran to the kitchen and got a knife.
But by the time he returned, the suspect ran to the garage and jumped a fence.

The suspect was later arrested and denied masturbating inside the home and told police he could not remember how he had gotten into the home.

Officials say that while the suspect was in the police interview room, he began touching and exposing himself by lowering his pants.
The man faces charges related to exposing himself and burglary.

Finally, or at least until tomorrow when various local Florida police departments update their arrests from tonight, we end with a Floriduh Man! with a bad attitude, poor impulse control, and a case of the munchies.

 – A Florida man was charged with assaulting his girlfriend over who ate the last chocolate chip cookie, police say.

Port St. Lucie police responded to their home on Aster Road on December 14. Richard Anthony Hessic told police he was upset when he discovered someone ate the last chocolate chip cookie and that his girlfriend was not taking him seriously.

His girlfriend said she joked with him about reviewing surveillance cameras to determine who ate the cookie, and did not want to argue “over something so petty,” so she offered to purchase more cookies, according to his affidavit.

After, she went to take a shower, and he followed her into the bathroom. “He felt she was blowing him off so he ripped down the shower curtain,” his affidavit read, “and punched her on the left side of her face.”

Police say they didn’t notice any swelling or bruising on the victim’s face.

Hessic was arrested and charged with battery.

But what about Floriduh Woman!? We have an update on the Floriduh Woman! charged with DUI for equestrianism while drunk.

(BARTOW, Fla.) — A Florida judge says a sheriff’s office must retain custody of a horse whose owner was charged with drunken driving while riding the animal.

In a report by The Ledger , Polk County Judge Sharon Franklin said 53-year-old Donna Byrne was unfit to care for the horse. Franklin also said Byrne must complete treatment for alcohol addiction.

Byrne was arrested Nov. 2 after riding her horse down a highway. Police said her blood-alcohol level twice Florida’s legal limit.

Byrne’s attorney, Craig Whisenhunt, says he will revisit the custody issue at a Jan. 11 hearing regarding additional pending charges of disorderly intoxication, animal endangerment and culpable negligence.

Whisenhunt questions whether the charges applied to Byrne, saying she had not been disorderly and was a pedestrian under the law.

We also have a Floriduh Woman! who is auditioning for the role in the new Grinch movie.

A 61-year-old Florida woman was arrested after deputies said she became a bit Grinch-like just days before Christmas.

The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office said Deborah Margaret McClung helped herself to a mailman’s Christmas card and his $25 cash.

When they caught up with McClung, she had envelopes and Amazon packages from 20 other residences, according to a sheriff’s news release.

The Clearwater woman was arrested after around noon Friday when a 74-year-old homeowner confronted McClung in her laundry room.

Roseanne Chiaramonte told deputies that she left the card on her sliding-glass door and as she went into her laundry room, she found a strange woman standing there red-handed, according to the release.

When asked what she was doing, the sheriff’s release said that McClung replied, “The mailman does not come down here; I will bring it to him.”

McClung returned the card and cash before driving off in a Toyota Solaris.

The following day, deputies noticed the car in the same area, conducted a traffic stop and found the stolen stash inside her car. They also collected Amazon packages addressed to other people.

McClung admitted to the crimes, the release stated. She was charged with burglary to an occupied structure as well as violation of probation grand theft. Additional grand theft charges are probable.

 So if you live in Clearwater, Safety Harbor, Palm Harbor, Dunedin, and/or Oldsmar you may want to check with the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Department to see if they have your missing Christmas gift from Amazon.
And we’ll end with a brawl involving six Floriduh Women! and one Floriduh Toddler! who was clearly fighting above her weight class.

What lifts a mall brawl above the mundane yapping-and-slapping? How about stepping away from the brawl to bring a toddler into the action?

That’s what one woman did during a Sunday donnybrook at Fort Myers’ Edison Mall captured on video by David Milburn.

The video opens with at least four women pounding and punching one woman turtling to protect herself. The attacked woman sinks to the ground, still in cover-up mode from repeated punches and kicks.

One of the women ganging up on her, a blue-shirted woman wearing what appears to be a raspberry beret, stops punching and walks off screen. She returns to the fray pushing a toddler in a plastic stroller shaped like a car.

As the attacked woman starts to rise, the stroller pusher stops to deliver a side kick to the attacked woman’s face.

The kung fu moment momentarily unbalanced and stunned the woman who was attacked, but she popped back up to go after Bruce Lee-in-a-beret. The woman who kicked her retreated, leaving the bewildered child sitting in the stroller alone.

She eventually returned to scoop the child out of the stroller and disappear into Victoria’s Secret as the brawl broke up.

According to the Fort Myers News-Press, a statement from Fort Myers police Capt. Jay Rodriguez said, “Upon arrival, the incident had already dissipated and police did not find a confrontation going on. Approximately two hours later police were called back to the mall in reference to apparent injuries that occurred previously and spoke to complainants.”

A report of simple battery was filed. The investigation remains open.

Stay frosty! Open thread! And a happy and healthy New Year to you all!



Floriduh Man! Shocking Edition

Floriduh Man! is trying to finish the year off strong. And when I say finish off, I mean finish off!

From The Daytona Beach Sentinel-Journal:

A Palm Coast man rigged the front door of his home with wiring attached to a car battery charger in an attempt to electrocute his pregnant wife, Flagler County Sheriff’s investigators said.

Michael Wilson, 32, is accused of trying to kill his wife after he attached electrical devices to the inside of the deadbolt lock and the door handle of their Palm Coast home, according to a charging affidavit. The ploy, which could have easily led to her death, was to have her insert the house key and then grab the handle, completing the circuit and sending a jolt of electricity through her arm, chest and heart.

Steven Bray, a journeyman lineman from from Florida Power & Light, was shown several photographs of what deputies described as the “booby trap” and he said that a person who touched the door lock and handle at the same time would receive a jolt of some 120 volts and 1 amp, enough power that the person had an 80 to 100 percent chance of “suffering death or great bodily harm,” according to the affidavit.

Wilson is charged with two counts of attempted aggravated battery on a pregnant person and one count of grand theft of a firearm.

“This is one of the most bizarre domestic violence cases I have seen in my career,” Sheriff Rick Staley said in a statement. “Not only did this man try to electrocute his wife, but he could have injured a deputy or any person attempting to enter this residence. Thankfully this man was found and taken into custody before he could cause the harm he intended.”

An interview with Wilson’s wife, whose name is redacted throughout the report, shed light on the scene. She said that a few months ago her husband fell but he refused to seek medical treatment.

“Up until that point, (Wilson) seemed to be a normal person,” she told the detective.

He was later hospitalized under Florida’s Baker Act — which allows for someone to be involuntarily taken into custody for mental evaluation — in late November.

More shocking details at the link!

Open thread!



Floriduh Man & Woman! Year End Recap

Craig Pittman at The Tampa Bay Times provides us with a year end recap of Floriduh Man and Woman incidents. Though with three days left to go, he may have missed a few that haven’t happened yet.

How weird was the news out of Florida this year? So weird that the popular @_FloridaMan Twitter account apparently gave up trying to keep up with it all in mid-October. He hasn’t tweeted anything to his 387,000 followers since two weeks before Halloween.

But don’t worry. Florida’s largest newspaper has not slacked off on tracking all the wacky and wild news this year. As expected, 2017 produced a bumper crop of the bizarre.

Some Florida headlines became instant classics: “Man accidentally shoots self in road rage incident,” and “Possum breaks into liquor store, gets skunky drunk” and “Polk City woman arrested for DUI on a horse.”

And who could forget “Lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during Miami arson trial”?

Florida crime, as always, offered a bonanza of bonkers behavior. There was the Pinellas Park man who Googled “how to rob a bank” and then robbed a bank. (Apparently he forgot to Google “how to get away with it.”)

A woman in a bikini contest in Stuart was busted for bashing a competitor in the head with her high-heeled shoe (neither won Miss Congeniality).

A Merritt Island man trashed an ATM because, he said, it gave him too much cash.

When a SWAT team raided a home in the retirement mega-community of The Villages, police found more than just the meth lab they’d expected. They also discovered it was a chop shop for stolen golf carts.

The Floriduh Man! assaults an ATM was a hoot. Apparently he inflicted an estimated $5,000 worth of damage to the cash machine because it gave him more money than he asked to withdraw and he was frustrated because he didn’t know what to do about it.

The Villages are a notorious retirement community in central Florida. Exceedingly conservative with a hit STD rate.

And then there are the distinctions they are not so thrilled about. In 2009, the New York Post labeled it “ground zero for geriatrics who are seriously getting it on.” The story reported that couples had been caught having quickies in the golf carts and noted there was a thriving black market for Viagra. A local police officer told the paper, “You see two 70-year-olds with canes fighting over a woman and you think, ‘Oh, jeez.’ ” As a result, the place that likes to bill itself as “America’s Friendliest Hometown” has seen a huge increase in sexually transmitted diseases.

Speaking of Floriduh Man, Floriduh Woman, and what they do with each other, back to the recap

A man who was stealing a trailer in Cooper City stopped long enough to have sex with his accomplice. In Sarasota, a tennis match had to be halted because of the noise from a couple’s amorous exploits. In Fort Walton Beach, a woman told police that she attacked her husband only because he threw her sex toys at her.

A woman donned a wig to sneak into a Palm Coast wedding where she spotted her boyfriend kissing someone else, poured a drink on him, punched another woman, fled to the bathroom and was then dragged out by angry bridesmaids and got into a brawl with them. Meanwhile, a Palm Beach Gardens mom threw eggs at her daughter’s boyfriend, then chased him through the yard with her Mercedes because he’d confessed to her daughter that he’d been cheating — with the mom.

More fun at the link!

Open thread!



Floriduh Man! Steps Up His Game

Several of you have sent me, or recommended to me in comments, some potential Floriduh Man! posts. And I appreciate it very much. But for tonight’s installment we’ve got this enterprising young man who may have won the Floriduh Man! of the Year award.

Miami Beach Commissioner Kristen Rosen Gonzalez, who is running for U.S. Congress, sent the Miami Beach Police chief a flurry emails demanding a major donor to her campaign not be arrested for an alleged spree of machete destruction, according to text messages and emails New Times obtained this week.

Saturday, September 16, in the aftermath of Hurricane Irma, Miami Beach-based arms dealer and shooting-range owner Erik Agazim strapped on a Kevlar vest and military helmet, hung an assault-style rifle from his body, and grabbed a machete. According to police, Agazim proceeded to slash 11 blaring fire alarms with his long knife, terrifying his Sunset Harbour neighbors. According to cops, power outages from the hurricane had caused the alarms to malfunction.

Destroying a fire-safety device is a felony, but before he was arrested, Agazim fired off a text message around 11:15 p.m. to Commissioner Rosen Gonzalez, who is running in the Democratic primary for the seat that will vacated by retiring Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen. In May, Agazim had donated $2,700 to Rosen Gonzalez’s congressional campaign — the maximum amount an individual may donate in a federal race.

Rosen Gonzalez was quickly spurred into action by the text from Agazim, who owns both an arms-supply business — the National Police Equipment Exchange — which sells guns to local police departments such as Miami Beach PD, and the Lock & Load shooting range in Wynwood. Using her city email address, she demanded that police stop investigating Agazim.

“Please confirm that he is not being pursued by anyone,” Rosen Gonzalez wrote to Chief Dan Oates. “He has permits for everything he is carrying. Erik is a meticulous and upstanding businessman.”

She also asked to sit in on a meeting between Agazim and the cops. In a separate email to Oates, she said she “would like to be present” at a police interview “if possible.”

“That would be inappropriate,” Oates replied.

Agazim was eventually charged with 11 felony counts of destroying fire-safety devices, one felony count of criminal mischief, and one misdemeanor count of openly carrying a rifle, suggesting that Rosen Gonazlez was incorrect in suggesting he had “permits for everything.” His arraignment hearing is scheduled for tomorrow.

Reached by phone, Rosen Gonzalez denied she’d done anything wrong and said the exchange showed her engaging in simple “constituent services.” She said that after Agazim was arrested, she donated his $2,700 campaign contribution to “victims of the Las Vegas shooting.”

“I had no reason to think he was anything other than a respectable, upstanding citizen,” she said. “I don’t know the details of the case, but I had no reason to believe anything than what he told me.”

(Rosen Gonzalez has previously said she believes public oversight hinders police from doing their jobs.)

Many more highly entertaining details at The Miami New Times.

Open thread!



Floriduh Man to Ohio Man: Hold My Beer!

In a clear attempt to maintain Florida’s well earned status as the home of turning the crazy up to 11, a Florida Democratic Party Official has turned to his Ohio Man counterpart and said hold me beer!

From The Tampa Bay Times:

Stephen Bittel’s rocky tenure as Florida Democratic Party chairman ended in disgrace Friday after he resigned following accusations from women that he leered at them, made suggestive comments and created an unprofessional work environment.

Bittel said he is working with party leaders to set a date to elect his successor.
Elected in January after a contentious internal campaign, Bittel lasted less than a year on the job.  His departure marks the latest case of sexual impropriety shaking the state Capitol.

Bittel’s position became untenable after all four major Democratic candidates for Florida governor urged his ouster following a Politico Florida report late Thursday in which six women anonymously complained about Bittel’s behavior. They said he was “creepy” and “demeaning.” Bittel apologized, but it was not enough.

Bittel appears to have gone all out in his attempt to earn his Floriduh Man! card and keep Florida much, much stranger than Ohio.

Floriduh Man: offensive and educational!

Open thread!