Florida Judge Set to Release Radical Islamic Terrorist in Tampa

So, here’s a crazy story: A Tampa-based judge is about to release a 21-year-old radical Islamic terrorist (RIT) to the custody of his mom and grandma. The RIT came to the attention of authorities when one of his roommates murdered his other two roommates and led cops to the scene of the crime.

In the ensuing search, the cops found bomb-making materials, a photograph of Osama bin Laden and the collected works of Anwar al-Awlaki in the apartment, along with internet activity suggesting that the surviving RIT, who is slated for bail as early as today, thought it would be a good idea to “kill civilians and target locations like power lines, nuclear reactors, and synagogues,” according to the feds.

After the murders but before he was arrested due to the items found in the search, the RIT fled to South Florida, where he hooked up with a pal he’d met on a radical Islamic terrorist fan site. The online pal quit his McJob, liquidated his $3K life savings and visited a Bass Pro Shops outlet in South Florida, where he and his friend bought two guns and 100 rounds of ammo.

The cops caught up with them at a Burger King in Key Largo. What were they going to do with those guns and rounds? No one knows. The pal who quit his McJob isn’t under arrest, but he declined to elucidate on the pair’s aims when contacted by a reporter.

So, this judge is about to release a radical Islamic terrorist in my community today, unless prosecutors can get him to change his mind at a hearing this afternoon. Why isn’t Donald Trump screeching about this on Twitter instead of demanding media apologies for FAKE NEWS? Why aren’t people like Pam Geller freaking out about this reckless endangerment of the community?

Because — haha, just kidding! — the menace who is set to make bail in Tampa this afternoon is in fact a neo-Nazi, not a radical Islamic terrorist. All other details relayed above are correct — just swap out “neo-Nazi” for “RIT,” “Timothy McVeigh” for “Osama bin Laden” and “The Turner Diaries” for the “works of Anwar al-Awlaki.”

America is so weird sometimes. The end.



Putin Isn’t Subtle

The Russian Embassy in the U.S. tweeted this a while ago:

Uh, yeah, we noticed. The New York Times elaborates on Putin’s remarks:

MOSCOW — Shifting away from his previous blanket denials of Russian involvement in cyberattacks last year to help the presidential campaign of Donald J. Trump, President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia denied any state role on Thursday but said that “patriotically minded” private Russian hackers could have been involved.

Mr. Putin’s comments, made during a meeting with Russian and foreign news agencies in St. Petersburg, were a departure from the Kremlin’s previous position: that Russia had played no role whatsoever in the hacking of the Democratic National Committee and that, after Mr. Trump’s victory, the country had become the victim of anti­Russia hysteria among crestfallen Democrats.

Feeling toyed with yet? I’m not sure what Putin’s motive is here. Seems at least partly a victory lap, and that’s understandable; if I had managed to install an incompetent demagogue as head of my chief rival’s government, utterly destroyed that country’s international reputation and thoroughly undermined its institutions in such a short time, I’d find it hard not to crow too.

What do y’all think the crafty, murderous bastard is up to with these not-so-subtle digs and shifts? I think he must be jerking pretty hard on Trump’s leash, what with the decision yesterday to restore the luxurious spy compounds to their rightful owners. WTF?



The Gator Nation’s Long National Nightmare is Over: They Have Identified the Naked Shark Mounter

From The NY Daily News:

A freaky fish humper who got naked, straddled a dead shark and smiled for a photo is a former New York City cop, a Florida sports reporter claims.

People have been speculating on the man’s identity in recent days as the astonishing photo went viral online.

David Pingalore, the sports anchor for WKMG-TV in Orlando, said Friday he was contacted recently by a man who knows the former Finest and provided more photos of the man — clothed and not.

“This guy lives in upstate New York,” Pingalore said of the mystery man in the picture. “That photo was taken two years ago off the shores of Long Island.”

Pingalore said his source is a friend of the mystery man who while on vacation in Florida happened to be watching his newscast about the photo.

The source sent Pingalore the other photos of the cop to help disprove the theory that Florida Gators football coach Jim McElwain is the mystery man.

“The man that is naked on the shark is afraid for his life because he believes bounty hunters — I’m not making this up — and people with shark people, whatever, those people would be called.”

So New York Police Department Man!

Tweet with NSFW picture below the fold.

Open thread!

Read more



Talking Point of the Day: “Move Forward” (Updated)

The embattled administration’s talking points have been distributed, with two words underlined in gold Sharpie: MOVE FORWARD. First up, Mouth of Shitgibbon Kellyanne Conway on the Today show:

Next up: GOP back-bencher Rep. Chris Collins (R-NY) on CNN:

The tweeted summaries don’t do either segment justice. Lauer points out that Team Shitgibbon was told Flynn was compromised more than a month ago, and yet Flynn was functioning as the highest level adviser right up until yesterday — that’s the part that “makes no sense.” And Conway can’t and doesn’t even attempt to explain it.

Collins’ response is even weirder: After the “hoocoodanode” response didn’t pass the laugh test, Collins asserts an aggressively ignorant “50 First Dates” approach to governance, wherein every day is a new day, and treason that happened last month is treason under the bridge, damn it, so why dwell on such unpleasantness?

Both remain implacably focused on the future — move along, citizens, nothing to see here! Both (but especially Conway) maintain a flat affect when responding to their questioners’ rising incredulity, wearing expressions reminiscent of psychologically traumatized kidnap victims forced to read a denunciation of their captor’s enemy on camera. In this case, the enemy is truth.

Team Shitgibbon had all night to cobble together a media strategy to contain the damage of the Flynn implosion. That this was the best they could do is telling. Popcorn futures will skyrocket at the opening bell, and I hope one particular woman in Chappaqua has an inexhaustible supply of gourmet kettle corn laid aside.

ETA: I am calling my elected officials today — yes, even Lil’ Marco — to urge them to support a comprehensive, independent investigation of the Trump administration’s ties to Russia. I encourage y’all to do the same.

ETA II: And David Brooks’ favorite sun-kissed Son of the Prairie weighs in, repeating the MOVE FORWARD mantra:

Honest to dog, it’s like Rubio’s primary programmer installed a loop in their skulls! Spicer will probably seize up upon the 40th repetition and have to be tag-teamed by the Miller Ragebot.



I Don’t Have to Outrun the Bull Alligator, I Just Have to Outrun You

This wee fellow was caught on video near Lakeland, FL yesterday.

That’s a big boy!



Floriduh Woman: Personal Grooming Edition

Don’t do this!

Internet punsters are celebrating Megan Barnes as Florida’s “Pubic Enemy,” others are chattering about her “razor sharp focus.”

The 37-year-old Barnes catapulted to instant fame for an alleged multi-tasking mash-up that earned the bottle-blonde’s mug shot a spot on hundreds of Web sites.

According to a startled Florida Highway Patrol trooper, Barnes was shaving her bikini area while driving south on the famed Overseas Highway when she crashed into the rear of an SUV March 2.

In the police report obtained by ABC News, the trim job was apparently essential because the arresting officer, trooper Gary Dunick, said the Indiana native told him she was heading to Key West visit her boyfriend.

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” Dunick told the Key West Citizen.

It gets weirder. In order to pay full attention to her sensitive regions, police say Barnes enlisted her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding shotgun, to hold the wheel.

Yes, her ex-husband.

Much more information at the link.



Red Yawn

If he lives another thousand years and keeps using that time to oppose the fascist kleptocrat who hijacked his party of reckless neocons, bible-humpers and plutocracy minions, David Frum might yet work off a fraction of the karmic debt he acquired in the run-up to the Iraq War:

For those of you who are not fellow old farts, Frum is referring to “Red Dawn,” a Reagan-era film that depicted brave American patriots taking on Soviet invaders. And Frum is right — the same people who envisioned themselves picking off Russians with pa’s squirrel rifle in 1984 are filled with admiration for Putin’s steely man-boobs today.

It’s not just the Republicans with a media platform either. Check out this remarkable turnaround in Putin’s poll numbers among a certain subset of our population:

yougov-putin

Of course, we suspected Republicans of being nascent fascist lackeys all along. Still, the stampede to the docks to welcome the conqueror with vodka and caviar is remarkable.

Open thread, comrades!