Washington Man: Getting Freaky On the Highway Edition!

ELBE, Wash. (KOMO) – A naked man and woman were having sex in their car, while driving on State Route 7 with their baby in the back seat, when they crashed Wednesday night near La Grande, according to the State Patrol.

The crash happened around 6 p.m. in the 48400 block of Mountain Highway.

Troopers said the man was driving when he missed a curve, went off the road and crashed into a tree.

Witnesses told troopers both the man and woman were naked when they got out of the car. Troopers said they were also both impaired.

You’d expect this type of behavior to take place in Florida, and, historically, you’d be correct:

A couple seen having sex while driving on Interstate 95 followed a couple in another car who was watching them, eventually pulling a gun during a confrontation at a business, according to the Nassau County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies said Louis Carr was in a car with his girlfriend and 3-year-old son driving north on I-95 at the Airport Road exit about 3:30 p.m. Sunday. They had left the Jaguars game early, and that’s when they say they saw Suzanne Welker giving Ernest Gonzales oral sex while Gonzales was driving a SUV.

“I pointed to my old lady. She looked across me about that time, she jumped up in the seat bare butt, mooned us through the window,” Carr said of the suspect.

While the couple was watching the suspects, they said Welker was trying to climb Gonzales’ lap, and she was naked and could be seen clearly by everyone in the area, deputies said.

Also, Wisconsin, wait, what?

A Wisconsin couple wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of their good time. Not even the beam of a police flashlight.

The man and woman were arrested Monday after being caught having sex in their car — and then refusing to stop.

According to the police report, Officer A. Westpfahl was called to Adams St. to investigate a report of someone suspiciously looking into cars. He didn’t find anyone, and began walking up to the home of the person who’d called 911 to talk to her.

As he approached her home, he said suddenly heard “what sounded like someone moaning.” Suddenly, the 911 caller called out from an open window on the second floor and said there were two people in front of her home having sex in a car.

At least the couple in Wisconsin were in a parked, though obviously not completely stationary, car.

Anyone else? Chicago, IL come on down! So to speak.

This whole thing gives new meaning to the term double airbags, 5th gear, and cruise control!



Late Evening Open Thread: Floriduh Woman! And the Horse She Rode In On Too!

The details:

After one drink too many, a four-legged animal might seem a better option than a four-wheeled vehicle.

But sadly for one Florida woman, the police did not agree – arresting her on Thursday for “drunk-driving” a horse.

Donna Byrne, 53, was arrested in Polk City, central Florida, for “DUI on a horse,” the Polk County Sheriff’s Office said Friday.

Byrne is also accused of animal neglect for failing to provide proper protection for the horse, placing it at risk of injury or death while riding it along the busy road.

According to police, who were called by a passerby, Byrne appeared intoxicated when officers arrived on the scene.

“Ms Byrne was obviously not in any condition to be on the road. She not only put herself and the horse in danger, but also anyone who was driving on the road, which is typically very busy,” Sheriff Grady Judd said.

The horse was taken to a sheriff’s office animal shelter.

I really don’t want to know what this is referring to:

Byrne is also accused of animal neglect for failing to provide proper protection for the horse, placing it at risk of injury or death while riding it along the busy road.

Remember folks friends don’t let friends drink and canter.



Visualize Whirled Peas

I know there’s a series of acute global and national crises brewing. There’s climate change, which may have flung hurricanes and typhoons across the oceans like so many martial arts stars targeting our vulnerable coastlines. And the quickening investigation into the role a foreign power played in installing a racist, sexist, xenophobic demagogue in the Oval Office. And federal agencies repackaged as force-multipliers for rogue police departments and out-of-control border protection units. And smarmy liars trying to gut healthcare and social services to further enrich obscenely wealthy plutocrats. And our escalating showdown with the planet’s other nuclear-armed narcissist with a fondness for nepotism, military parades, sycophancy and preposterous hairdos.

To all that, I say, “Blaarrrgh!” Not because it’s not important. Not because I don’t care. But rather because, like the sole remaining team member in a dodge-ball match, I don’t know how to avoid the blows, so I’m curling up in the fetal position. This post is a pixelated manifestation of that phenomenon.

Instead of worrying about these grave crises, I want to know who is trying to shove green peas down our throats. Is there a Pea Council? A Green Pea Growers Association? Because some cabal is pushing peas, and they’ve infiltrated the highest levels of our media organizations and social media platforms.

The first salvo was The New York Times’ unconscionable suggestion that we put green peas in guacamole a couple of years ago, but that was just the beginning:

“Trust us?” How about “fuck no!” Suddenly the food section had become as unreliable as the political coverage. Thankfully, we still had President Obama to protect us back then:

And after that high-profile beat-down, the pea pushers kept a lower profile, but they haven’t stopped. For years now, I’ve stood by helplessly as peas crop up in the most unlikely recipes. I was just looking up ingredients for green goddess salad dressing, and damned if there wasn’t a video ad adjacent suggesting that green peas should be pureed and used to make a sauce for seared sea scallops. As fucking if.

I’ve got nothing against green peas. They have their place, which is alongside carrots, in soups, in a monoculture side dish and even smushed up with mint and served with fish and chips by the more tradition-minded purveyors.

But this business of adding peas to anything green or pretending that they are on the same culinary plane as butter, olive oil, scallions or garlic has to fucking stop.

Please feel free to discuss weightier matters, such as Trump’s wack U.N. speech. I’ll be over here trying not to visualize whirled peas.

Open thread!



Open Thread: Now with more Nick Danger, Third Eye

 

 

Thanks to Raven et al. for reminding me of the genius that is Firesign Theater. Suck it, haters!

 

Open thread!



Moral Clarity and Vanilla ISIS

Heather Heyer’s mom isn’t interested in talking to Trump:

Ms. Bro says she received “frantic messages” from Trump’s press secretaries during her daughter’s funeral (these fucking people!) and later that day; she was willing to speak to Trump at that point but simply missed his calls since she was occupied with burying her child, who was murdered by a Trump-supporting Nazi. But after seeing a clip of Trump drawing equivalence between her daughter and other counterprotesters and the white supremacist mob, Bro is no longer willing to speak to Trump. Good for her.

On the lighter side, Tina Fey has a suggestion for how sane people might respond to heavily armed white supremacist goons descending on their towns — eat cake:

And speaking of heavily armed white supremacist goons:

I am not a lawyer, and I realize the NRA has its bloody fingers wrapped around the throat of legislatures at the state and federal level. But doesn’t Omidyar have a point here? Wasn’t it a public safety issue when these militia goons swarmed through the center of Charlottesville?

Governor McAuliffe said the local cops were outgunned by the militia goons. Sounds like a public safety issue to me.

We may not be able to roll back these bugfuck-crazy open carry laws any time soon, but can’t cities and towns require unarmed participants as a condition of issuing permits for marches and demonstrations? I know when the RNC held its 2012 convention in Tampa, people were not allowed to bring concealed weapons into the convention zone, even though an NRA representative personally writes every piece of legislation that affects firearms, which our governor then rubber-stamps.

If gun-free zones are good enough for Republican Party delegates, by God, they should be good enough for city centers when homegrown Nazis assemble to spew hate speech. It won’t solve our Nazi problem, obviously — Vanilla ISIS can run people down in the street, as one of their number did in Charlottesville. But it’s a start.



The Gator Nation’s Long National Nightmare is Over: They Have Identified the Naked Shark Mounter

From The NY Daily News:

A freaky fish humper who got naked, straddled a dead shark and smiled for a photo is a former New York City cop, a Florida sports reporter claims.

People have been speculating on the man’s identity in recent days as the astonishing photo went viral online.

David Pingalore, the sports anchor for WKMG-TV in Orlando, said Friday he was contacted recently by a man who knows the former Finest and provided more photos of the man — clothed and not.

“This guy lives in upstate New York,” Pingalore said of the mystery man in the picture. “That photo was taken two years ago off the shores of Long Island.”

Pingalore said his source is a friend of the mystery man who while on vacation in Florida happened to be watching his newscast about the photo.

The source sent Pingalore the other photos of the cop to help disprove the theory that Florida Gators football coach Jim McElwain is the mystery man.

“The man that is naked on the shark is afraid for his life because he believes bounty hunters — I’m not making this up — and people with shark people, whatever, those people would be called.”

So New York Police Department Man!

Tweet with NSFW picture below the fold.

Open thread!

Read more



Vive La France!

Via The Guardian, Macron wipes out Le Pen:

The centrist Emmanuel Macron is the next president of France, defeating his far right rival Marine Le Pen by a comfortable 65.1% to 34.9%, according to a usually reliable vote estimate by pollsters Ispos/Sopra Steria for French state TV and radio and Le Monde.

Vote estimates by other polling organisations for different French media show a broadly similar result, although some are showing marginal variations.

I exhale.

Also — don’t our obligations to Lafayette require us to perform a do-over of our recent 11/8 debacle?

ETA the inevitable:

 

Image: Jacques-Louis David, Design for the Republican costume, engraved by Vivant Denon, 1794.