Sheer Lunacy (Open Thread)

I usually try to spare y’all the sight of Trump’s hideous mug and the sound of his snuffling, adenoidal voice, but this clip from his CPAC appearance yesterday kinda has to be seen to be believed, IMO:

It may be a measure of just how far into Crazytown we are that a POTUS can puke up a psychotic fantasy like the above — a fever-dream delusion that puts targets on the backs of real medical professionals — and it’s not front page news on every outlet.

Maybe we’re all just numb, even the Beltway reporters. I’ve heard it was a rambling, demented, extra-long speech. I’m sure the above wasn’t the only nugget of extra-fancy grade A bugfuck insanity, but it was the only one I subjected myself to.

In other news, it looks like there are now enough GOP votes in the US Senate (4) to pass a bill opposing Trump’s bogus border emergency declaration. On the other hand, the GOP opponents include spineless shape-shifters Rand Paul and Susan Collins, so who knows.

What we do know is that if the bill passes, Trump will veto it, probably at a ceremony with a special golden pen and challenge coin. There won’t be enough votes in the so-called “limited government” party to override the veto, so it’ll be up to the courts to contain the damage over the next couple of years. And then it’ll be up to the voters.








Floriduh! Woman: Public Service Announcement Edition

And now a Public Service Announcement brought to you in regard to Floriduh! Woman

It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity…

Also: EWWWWW!!!!!

Open thread!








Floriduh Man! and Floriduh! Woman: Been a Busy Few Days in Pinellas County…

It’s been a while since we checked in with Floriduh! Man, or at least Floriduh! Man not trying to blow up a couple of dozen people, so let’s see what we’ve got cooking. Er, um…

Take it away Tampa Bay Times!

ST. PETERSBURG — It started with chicken wings, a beer and a burglar.

It went downhill from there.

A St. Petersburg police officer was investigating a Nov. 6 break-in at The Chattaway restaurant, reviewing surveillance video that shows the burglar devouring a plate of chicken wings and enjoying a beer inside the kitchen. But then the officer stumbled across another incident from the night before.

The video shows a man riding his bike up to the restaurant at 358 22nd Ave S, pedaling around the parking lot for 10 minutes, then slipping in through the back gate. After wandering around for a bit, he opens the door to a shed for storing odds and ends, and removes them one by one.

Then the man gains access to a restaurant bathroom. And exits without his clothes.

He proceeds to sit naked at one of the restaurant’s picnic tables and digs into a meal he brought with him — Maruchan Instant Lunch ramen. The video also shows him playing the bongos, also naked.

“He came in with pants on but he rode off on the bike without pants,” Chattaway server Chad Pearson said. “I’m not sure if he took his pants with him but we didn’t find them. We still don’t know where his pants are.”

He spray-painted a few chairs, the bongos and a pickle jar, but his handiwork was barely noticeable, manager Amanda Kitto said. Everything was put back so neatly, in fact, it was four hours before anyone noticed he had been there.

“We would not have known about the naked guy without the cop finding that video,” Kitto said.

Police identified the man, who is homeless, but did not release his name publicly. Kitto declined to give his name and said the restaurant will not press charges because he caused no harm.

“His goal was to not break in, his goal was to just hang out at The Chattaway.”

What about the first guy?

Police still are trying to catch him.

He enjoyed the plate of chicken wings and some beer, and stole an estimated $500 worth of stuff, including cash tips, a laptop, a tablet, and a grocery bag he filled with beer.

“He made himself at home,” Kitto said. “He spent over an hour just milling around going room to room and eating and drinking while he did it.”

The man also tried unsuccessfully to access the safe using his hands, a pot handle and tongs.

Kitto is confident that even though the two incidents happened back-to-back, they are not connected.

“I used to always joke and say that if you were going to break into The Chattaway to make sure to grab a beer. And it finally happened.”

I was hot, and I was hungry. Okay?

Also, given the Real Genius reference, this cannot be unseen!

Floriduh! Woman, however, also put in a strong showing.

Once again The Tampa Bay Times has got this story well in hand…

The lobster never saw it coming.

One second it was floating listlessly in a glass tank, vying against endless shrimp, the smell of Cheddar Bay Biscuits hanging hauntingly in the air. Then, the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office said, an apparently intoxicated St. Petersburg woman snatched the lobster from its crustaceous purgatory and ran.

The lobster was never seen again.

Kimberly Gabel was arrested Saturday on charges of disorderly intoxication and petit theft for causing a disturbance in the Red Lobster at 6151 34th St N . The restaurant had barely been open two hours.

It was just after 1:15 p.m., deputies said, when a manager at the restaurant asked Gabel to leave. The manager said she was disturbing customers and shouted obscenities as she made her way to the door. Before she could leave, though, the 42-year-old woman reached into the oft-familiar entryway lobster tank, grabbed a live lobster and bolted.

Deputies said they caught up with Gabel a “short distance later.” They said she smelled of alcohol and slurred her words as she continued cursing, telling deputies she didn’t know what she did with the lobster because she was “blacked out drunk” and that she “did not care because she did not do anything wrong.”

Deputies described Gabel as a homeless woman. According to Pinellas County Jail records, she has been arrested numerous times for charges ranging from public intoxication to multiple counts of burglary and theft. She is currently awaiting trial in Pinellas County Jail.

Stay hungry!

Open thread!








Floriduh! Man: Friday Night Run Down

Has Floriduh! Man been busy? Of course Floriduh! Man has been busy! What are you, a wise guy???

First up, fun and games down on the farm!

From WFLA TV Channel 8:

ST. JOHNS COUNTY, Fla. (WESH) — A St. Johns County, Florida, man has been jailed on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill.

Deputies say Howell Morris, 72, chased down his neighbor on a tractor last month.

The bizarre incident was filmed by the neighbor’s wife.

In the video you can see a man running from the tractor.

It’s all good fun until someone is turned into mulch…

Next up Floriduh! Man misplaces his gator.

Take it away ABC Action News:

LAKEWOOD RANCH, Fla. (AP) — Florida authorities are searching for two suspects after an injured alligator was dumped in a Wawa store.

Manatee County Sheriff’s Office spokesman Dave Bristow as saying the department was alerted to the alligator around 2:30 a.m. Friday. Bristow says the department was told two people had dropped off a three-foot (1-meter) alligator at the Lakewood Ranch convenience store.

“It wasn’t that big, but inside of a store, anything like that is too big,” said customer Fred Stange.

Deputies alerted the Fish and Wildlife Commission, which sent a trapper who removed the gator.

Justin Matthews is a Manatee County wildlife expert.  He said the case is rare, but alligators are on the move during June.

“This is mating season for them, the best thing to do is just leave them alone,” said Matthews.

Does Floriduh! Man listen to Alex Jones? Of course Floriduh! Man listens to Alex Jones…

WFTV ABC Channel 9 come on down!

DELTONA, Fla. – A Deltona man peacefully surrendered Tuesday evening after claiming he planted a bomb at the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office before barricading himself in his home, deputies said.

Deputies said they were called at about 6:30 p.m. to a home on North Worthington Drive near Fort Smith Boulevard and Newmark Drive after the anonymous threat was called in.

Investigators said they also received photos of a cellphone bomb.

Deputies said they saw Nicholas Licausi, 52, wearing a backpack as he closed a mailbox and ran into the home, deputies said. When deputies made contact with Licausi, he told them his neighbor had planted a device outside that was shooting microwaves into his brain, deputies said.

Neighboring homes were evacuated and several nearby streets were closed, investigators said.

The Sheriff’s Office’s bomb squad was called to the home. Deputies and bomb squad units searched the home but did not find any explosive materials. The item Licausi claimed was a bomb was actually an electrical box on a pole, deputies said.

Licausi was treated at the scene for tear gas exposure and minor lacerations, deputies said. He was treated at Halifax Health before being taken to the Volusia County Branch Jail on $10,500 bond.

We end with an example of Floriduh! Man that has everything that makes Florida Floriduh! Really old people, guns, church, and sex!

US News reports:

LACOOCHEE, Fla. (AP) — Investigators in Florida say a 91-year-man thought a pastor was involved with his ex-girlfriend, so he went to the church and confronted them with a gun.

An arrest report says Pasco County Sheriff’s deputies arrested Cornelius Jones following the Saturday afternoon incident at New Bethel AME Church in Lacoochee. He is charged with aggravated assault.

Investigators say the ex-girlfriend still lives with Jones. Jones wanted to know why she was at the church and the pastor approached them when he heard Jones’ voice.

That’s when investigators say Jones stood up, held the handgun above his head and threatened the pastor. The report said the pastor and three women went into his office and called 911.

Jail records don’t list a lawyer for Jones.

Stay freaky!

Open thread.








Ontario Woman!

From the Cornwall (Ontario) Community Police Service (h/t: Jalopnik):

A happy ending to a complicated car rental! Sgt#121 – In late June a woman attends a car rental company in Cornwall…

Posted by Cornwall Community Police Service on Sunday, July 8, 2018

A happy ending to a complicated car rental!

Sgt#121 – In late June a woman attends a car rental company in Cornwall and rents a vehicle. The vehicle was a black Nissan Sentra. The woman proceeds to Walmart where she parks and does some shopping. She returns to the parking lot, gets into a black vehicle, and proceeds home.

Around the same time, a man attended Walmart in his vehicle, a black Infiniti. After finishing his shopping, he returned to the parking lot to find his car was missing. The man contacted CCPS and reported his car stolen.

For the next two weeks, the woman drove around and used the black car for her regular everyday activities. This weekend, the woman re-attended the car rental company in order to return the vehicle. Once inside, the woman spoke to the Manger and commented about how unkept the inside of the vehicle was and the fact that there was a set of golf clubs in it as well. The woman was not impressed and handed over the keys. The Manager, now slightly confused, observed the keys to belong to an Infinity, a vehicle the woman did not rent. The Manager observed the vehicle and asked the woman where she got it. The woman told him it was the vehicle she had rented. The Manager informed her otherwise and then proceeded to ask her where she went after leaving the car rental two weeks ago. The woman informed him of her activities. The Manager asked the woman to attend Walmart with him in order to have her point out where she had parked. Upon arrival, the woman directed him to the area where she parked and there sat the Black Nissan Sentra. The Manager and the woman, who was now confused and a wee bit embarrassed herself, returned to the car rental company and contacted police, providing the information for the Infiniti and what took place. The Infinity came back as stolen on police systems as reported in June and CCPS attended to take the information of what took place.

Both the car rental company and the Infinity owner retrieved their vehicles and there was a happy, and funny ending to this story! However, the moral of the story is this….PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE YOUR KEY FOBS IN YOUR VEHICLE WHEN NOT BEING OPERATED, YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MIGHT TAKE IT!

Folks, we just can’t make this stuff up!

There are two important lessons here.

  1. As the Cornwall Community Police stated: “DO NOT LEAVE YOUR KEY FOBS IN YOUR VEHICLE WHEN NOT BEING OPERATED, YOU NEVER KNOW WHO MIGHT TAKE IT!”
  2. Make sure you have an annual eye exam and that any corrective prescriptions are promptly filled!

The only things missing from this story are a Tim Horton’s and hockey sticks…

Open thread!