Let The Rosenstein Impeachment Shitshow Begin

Two of the dumbest members of congress, Jim Jordan and Mark Meadows, have wrangled several other nitwits in the freedom caucus into putting their names on this:

Conservative members led by Reps. Mark Meadows (R-N.C.) and Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH), along with 9 cosponsors, introduced articles of impeachment against Rosenstein shortly after a meeting with Justice Department officials concerning document production.

“For 9 months we’ve warned them consequences were coming, and for 9 months we’ve heard the same excuses backed up by the same unacceptable conduct. Time is up and the consequences are here. It’s time to find a new Deputy Attorney General who is serious about accountability and transparency,” Meadows said in a statement.

“Multiple times we’ve caught DOJ officials hiding information from Congress, withholding relevant documents, or even outright ignoring Congressional subpoenas—and now we have evidence that Mr. Rosenstein signed off on a document using unverified political opposition research as a cornerstone of a FISA application to spy on an American citizen working for the Trump campaign,” Meadows continued.

The document they are claiming about is the FISA bit on Carter Page that Devin Nunes lied about in his memo and that Jim Jordan has still apparently not read. Literally every person I have read that deals with FISA or the law has read the released FISA application and said it was fine, and you don’t need to be an expert to see that Nunes clearly was lying about the FISA application in his memo.

It used to be this was the kind of things that one or two members of Congress would say, and the idiots like Streiff at Red State or that lunatic Andy McCarthy at National Review would repeat at length for their drooling commentariat, but we’re now to the point where we have elected the commenters at these website to Congress, so this is where we are. I have no idea what happens next, but it will involve a great bit of Republican lying and stupidity, on that you can be sure.



A Confederacy of Dunces

Several posts already about the hearings, and I watched them live until the lunch break, at which I couldn’t take anymore. If the goal of these hearings was to make Strozk look good and the majority party in congress look like idiots, well, mission accomplished.

What I never understand about these hearings is why these people seem to just relish the opportunity to go on camera and act the fool. I get that Louis Gohmert and Steve King actually ARE probably stupid enough to not realize how dumb they look, but what I don’t get is why the people of Steertaint, Texas and Cornpone, Iowa keep sending those morons back to congress to humiliate them.

Trey Gowdy is a different case- he’s from South Carolina, and he’s actually a pretty bright guy, he’s just a hack and has accurately determined that his voters are as dumb as he thinks they are, so he just doesn’t give a fuck.

I just don’t get it. When I was a kid and we went on vacation, my mother would scream at us if we did something like put our feet up on the windows of the car when we were on the highway- “YOU CAN’T DO THAT WE HAVE WEST VIRGINIA PLATES THEY WILL THINK WE ARE ALL HILLBILLIES AND HICKS.” We were little brand ambassadors everywhere we went for the good state of West by God Virginny.

Any time Joe Manchin is on television I sit in terror waiting for him to say something awful- I sit there watching the tv as if I am on the phone with my doctor waiting for an STD test result. Fortunately, he never says much of anything, so my fears are usually misplaced.

But really, what the hell is wrong with these people?








Repub Venality Open Thread: Freedom Caucus Founder Jim Jordan Wrestled With His Conscience, Scored Knockout

Rep. Jim Jordan, the powerful Republican congressman from Ohio, is being accused by former wrestlers he coached more than two decades ago at Ohio State University of failing to stop the team doctor from molesting them and other students.

The university announced in April that it was investigating accusations that Dr. Richard Strauss, who died in 2005, abused team members when he was the team doctor from the mid-1970s to late 1990s.

Jordan, who was assistant wrestling coach at the university from 1986 to 1994, has repeatedly said he knew nothing of the abuse until former students began speaking out this spring, and continued to deny it on Tuesday. His denials, however, have been met with skepticism and anger from some former members of the wrestling team.

Three former wrestlers told NBC News that it was common knowledge that Strauss showered regularly with the students and inappropriately touched them during appointments, and said it would have been impossible for Jordan to be unaware; one wrestler said he told Jordan directly about the abuse.

DiSabato, whose allegations against Strauss prompted Ohio State to open its investigation, called Jordan a “liar.”

“I considered Jim Jordan a friend,” DiSabato said. “But at the end of the day, he is absolutely lying if he says he doesn’t know what was going on.”

DiSabato said he reached out to Jordan this year, before going to the university, to tell Jordan that he planned to go public with his allegations. Jordan told him to “please leave me out of it,” DiSabato said. “He asked me not to get him involved.”…

Jordan, a founder of the House Freedom Caucus, a group of the most conservative representatives, is a staunch ally of President Donald Trump and is frequently mentioned as a possible replacement for the speaker of the House, Paul Ryan

Jordan is wrestling royalty. Born and raised in Champaign County, Ohio, he was a four-time state wrestling champion. Competing for the University of Wisconsin-Madison, he won NCAA titles in 1985 and 1986.

But in the wrestling world, Jordan is best known for defeating future two-time Olympic gold medalist John Smith twice in an NCAA tournament in 1985.

Jordan returned home to Ohio and — while working as a coach — earned a master’s degree in education at Ohio State and later a law degree from Capital University in Columbus before launching his political career in 1994 when he was elected to the Ohio General Assembly…

Since the House Repubs are very fond of unfunny “jokes” (see: Ryan & McCarthy sharing a laugh over Dana Rohrabacher being on Putin’s payroll), maybe we should check for coffee mugs emblazoned YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A PERVERT ENABLER TO WORK HERE — BUT IT HELPS!



The Elders Have Authorized a Public Service Announcement for Alex Jones: There is No Civil War Planned for Independence Day 2018, Just the Global Conspiracy Round Robin Softball Tournament and Picnic!

On behalf of the Elders, I have been authorized to inform Alex Jones, using this platform, that there is no Civil War scheduled for Independence Day. Instead we have, as per tradition, scheduled the annual Global Conspiracy for World Domination round robin softball tournament and picnic.

The Elders would like Mr. Jones to know that his claim of a Civil War is #Fake News! And since he is not responding via the device we had his dentist implant in the filling in his left, front, bottom molar when he had his wisdom tooth removed, we have had to resort to this manner of communication. Also, Mr. Jones, please see your dentist soon so we can have that thing serviced. Thanks!

Anyhow, as we do every year, at the recreational facilities at our undisclosed location (because it’s part of the global conspiracy for world domination, duh!), we will be having our annual round robin softball tournament and picnic. And let me tell you what a pain in the tuchas that is. Every year, EVERY FREAKING YEAR, it’s the same thing. The Illuminati sign up to bring the sides. And every year, EVERY FREAKING YEAR, they screw them up. How hard is it to make decent cole slaw? All you’re doing is shredding red and white cabbage with carrots, salting and peppering to taste, mixing it all together with the good mayonnaise and cider vinegar, and then tying it together with celery salt. How hard is that? If you can’t make cole slaw, how can we expect you to run your part of the global conspiracy? Don’t even get me started on their potato salad, macaroni salad, baked beans, and macaroni and cheese. How do you screw up baked beans? Open can, pour into baking pan. Mix with good stone ground mustard, brown sugar, and a shot or two of bourbon to taste. And make one batch without the fatback for those who don’t eat pork or meat. Nope, they just open the can, pour into a pot, and heat it up. Weak!!! SAD! Low Energy!!!!

As for the Bilderbergers. Masters of the Financial Universe my tuchas!!! Cheap bastards is more like it. They’re even worse than the Illuminati. I get it, if you splurge all the time, you’ll fritter away your fortunes, but these cheapskates sign up to bring the cups, plates, plastic flatware, and napkins every year. And they can’t even be bothered to get the solo cups and the decent plastic plates. No they get the styrofoam coffee cups and the flimsy, poorly wax treated paper plates. And sporks. I get the KFC connection, but really order some plastic flatware from Amazon for crying out loud!

The Trilateral Commission always brings the crappy, store bought chemical cake deserts! For Deity’s sake, every decent grocery store actually has a bakery if you can’t be bothered to go to a stand alone bakery. The good news is the Freemasons are good at setting up and running that nice brick grill every year. And we finally got the Romneys – all 300 of them including the Romney-McDaniels – to stop bringing the jello salad. We told them that the Pope was allergic to gelatin (Don’t tell anyone…) Also, he brings the good chiarascura and chimchurri. All Benedict every brought was sauerkraut. The Reptiloids just bring their own food because they have specific dietary restrictions…

Sorry, where was I? Oh yes: Attention Alex Jones! There is not a planned Civil War scheduled to kickoff on Wednesday. Please lie down in a cool dark room for a nap. And if that doesn’t help, please seek professional help before you get someone so worked up they decide to take the 2nd Amendment out for a walk and kill someone. Or lots of someones. And don’t forget to see your dentist soon, so we can get that receiver in your molar fixed. In fact we’re going to upgrade you and put one in the molar on the other side so you can receive our transmissions in stereo. For no extra charge. And have a nice day!

Stay suspicious.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled web browsing.

Open thread!



The Trump Hiring Doctrine

I think I have figured out the Trump hiring procedures. They go like this:

Q: Are you qualified for this position?

A: Not in any way, shape, or form, but I did stay in a Trump hotel.

Q: Do you have a large social media presence and an easily discoverable history of past racially and otherwise bigoted statements?

A: Of course.

Q: Do you read Gateway Pundit?

A: I’m a valued commenter.

Q: State the first commandment.

A: Trump is thy God; thou shalt not have strange gods before the Donald.

EXCELLENT! You’re hired.

In other news:

A political appointee at the Department of Health and Human Services shared an image in 2017 that said “our forefathers would have hung” Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton for treason, a CNN KFile review has found.

Ximena Barreto is a far-right political pundit who in December 2017 joined the Trump administration as deputy director of communications at the department.

Barreto was placed on leave by the department on Monday after the liberal watchdog Media Matters reported that Barreto called Islam “a cult” and pushed the false Pizzagate conspiracy theory, which alleged that Clinton was part of a child-sex ring based in part at a Washington, DC, pizza restaurant.

A subsequent KFile review of her Twitter account “RepublicanChick” found that Barreto also repeatedly used the hashtag #BanIslam and twice shared conspiracy theories about the death of Democratic National Committee staffer Seth Rich.

Barreto also shared a conspiracy theory that French President Emmanuel Macron was controlled by the Rothschild family and that Clinton and Obama were controlled by investor and Democratic mega-donor George Soros. Both the Rothschilds and Soros are frequent targets of anti-Semitic conspiracy theories.

Our government is now just jampacked with every bottom feeder the internet can burp up. When Democrats get back in charge the denazification is going to take up the entire first term.








It’s A God Damned Stunt is Why

Donald Trump’s favorite rectal wart, Devin Nunes, is still playing games and doing everything he can to fuck with any investigation into Trump’s potential crimes:

The FBI has not been permitted to see the memo Rep. Devin Nunes and his staff wrote about alleged abuses by the intelligence community, The Daily Beast has learned.

“The FBI has requested to receive a copy of the memo in order to evaluate the information and take appropriate steps if necessary. To date, the request has been declined,” said Andrew Ames, a spokesperson for the FBI.

Reached for comment, Nunes’ spokesperson Jack Langer said, “The Daily Beast has become America’s foremost publication for regurgitating the Democrats’ talking points.”

Nunes, who heads the powerful House intelligence community, put together the four-page memo based on intelligence the FBI showed him and a few of his staff, as well as Rep. Adam Schiff, the top Democrat on the committee. More than 150 members of the House have seen Nunes’ memo. Scores are calling for its release, while Democrats say it is “a misleading set of talking points attacking the FBI.”

I an not wait to see what dirt there is out there on Nunes, because I can’t think of any reason other than his own complicity for someone to go this all in for Trump.



I Wanna Get Freaky With You

When we last discussed GOP Rep. Trent Franks, he was announcing his his retirement on 31 January for the following:

I have recently learned that the Ethics Committee is reviewing an inquiry regarding my discussion of surrogacy with two previous female subordinates, making each feel uncomfortable. I deeply regret that my discussion of this option and process in the workplace caused distress.

We are in an unusual moment in history – there is collective focus on a very important problem of justice and sexual impropriety. It is so important that we get this right for everyone, especially for victims.

But in the midst of this current cultural and media climate, I am deeply convinced I would be unable to complete a fair House Ethics investigation before distorted and sensationalized versions of this story would put me, my family, my staff, and my noble colleagues in the House of Representatives through hyperbolized public excoriation. Rather than allow a sensationalized trial by media damage those things I love most, this morning I notified House leadership that I will be leaving Congress as of January 31st, 2018. It is with the greatest sadness, that for the sake of the causes I deeply love, I must now step back from the battle I have spent over three decades fighting. I hope my resignation will remain distinct from the great gains we have made. My time in Congress serving my constituents, America and the Constitution is and will remain one of God’s greatest gift to me in life.

Today we learn his resignation is taking place immediately. Wonder why? Oh:

Arizona Rep. Trent Franks allegedly made unwanted advances toward female staffers in his office and retaliated against one who rebuffed him, according to House GOP sources with knowledge of a complaint against him.

The allegations, which reached Speaker Paul Ryan and top GOP leaders in recent days, led to Franks’ sudden resignation this week. Franks originally announced that he would resign on Jan. 31, 2018. But just hours after POLITICO inquired about the allegations, he sped up his resignation and left office Friday.

The sources said Franks approached two female staffers about acting as a potential surrogate for him and his wife, who has struggled with fertility issues for years. But the aides were concerned that Franks was asking to have sexual relations with them. It was not clear to the women whether he was asking about impregnating the women through sexual intercourse or in vitro fertilization. Franks opposes abortion rights as well as procedures that discard embryos.

A former staffer also alleged that Franks tried to persuade a female aide that they were in love by having her read an article that described how a person knows they’re in love with someone, the sources said. One woman believed she was the subject of retribution after rebuffing Franks. While she enjoyed access to the congressman before the incident, that access was revoked afterward, she told Republican leaders.

Life comes at you fast.