Hey If You Like That Wall, I Got a Bridge For Sale Over Here

Trump’s chumps fell for it hook, line, and sinker:

In a much-anticipated move, President Donald Trump on Wednesday will sign a directive ordering federal funds to be diverted to begin building a massive wall along the U.S.-Mexico border.

While Trump long promised during the presidential campaign to build a wall, he insisted Mexico would pay for it, and the decision to use taxpayer funds and later seek reimbursement from Mexico is a hugely contentious move.

During a visit to the Department of Homeland Security, Trump signed two immigration-themed executive orders on Wednesday. One covers starting his promised border wall project, as well as expanding resources for the Homeland Security Department and Immigration and Customs Enforcement. The second seeks to strip federal funding for “sanctuary cities.”

The move comes one day before the new president will fly to Philadelphia to address House and Senate Republicans at their annual retreat, and it means they will face votes in the coming months on how to fund Trump’s top campaign pledge.

Every fucking Democrat needs to vote against this.

“Building this barrier is more than just a campaign promise. It’s a common-sense first step to really securing our porous border,” White House Press Secretary Spicer told reporters. “This will stem the flow of drugs, crime, illegal immigration into the United States. And, yes, one way or another, as the president has said, Mexico will pay for it.”

Crime is down and doesn’t “flow” across the borders, immigration is way down, and the only thing that will stop drugs coming across American borders (WE HAVE MORE THAN ONE!) is lowering demand. But, whatever.

I just hope the people who own property that will be seized to construct this wall make a god damned fortune so we can hang the price tag of this debacle around their heads for the next five decades.



Let’s Just Pretend We’re Not Bigots

So since a ban on Muslims is too unpalatable politically, unadulterated and uncondensed shitweasel Ted Cruz has come up with a new idea:

Two Republican lawmakers on Tuesday introduced a measure that would let governors bar refugees from their states.

The State Refugee Security Act requires the federal government to notify a state at least 21 days before resettling a refugee there. Under the law, governors could block refugees from being resettled in their states unless federal officials can provide “adequate assurance” that the individual doesn’t pose a security threat.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) and Rep. Ted Poe (R-Texas) reintroduced the bill this week, after initially pushing it late last year in the previous Congress. Sen. Richard Shelby (R-Ala.) is co-sponsoring the measure.

“The first obligation of the president is to keep this country safe as commander in chief,” Cruz said in a statement. “I am encouraged that, unlike the previous administration, one of President Trump’s top priorities is to defeat radical Islamic terrorism.”

Cruz has long criticized U.S. efforts to resettle Muslims fleeing conflict in Syria and Iraq, arguing that terrorists could use the resettlement program as a sort of Trojan horse to enter the U.S. He has suggested resettling only Christian refugees from the region, arguing that members of the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria would not try to hide among Christians.

This way, they can wrap up rejecting scary Muslims under the auspices of “safety and security” rather than them being icky heathens. Unfortunately, this bill will not address the movement of members of the Christianist intifada that is actually terrorizing America.

Bonus fact- this bill still does nothing but make bigots feel good. First, even if the governors of heavily gomerized states like Alabama and Texas ban the resettling of immigrants for whatever reason they come up with on the spot, these are people, not fucking objects. They aren’t inert objects like the Statue of Liberty or Ted Cruz’s conscience. So once an immigrant is welcomed into a state with actual human beings like New York or California, guess what? THEY CAN CROSS FUCKING STATE LINES, just like guns. And why the fuck would they want to go to Texas anyway? They can livestream SXSW, which is the only reason I can think of for wanting to go there.

Bonus fact #2: The President’s first duty isn’t to protect Americans. It’s to uphold the Constitution. You know, that old piece of paper they routinely wipe their ass with when they introduce bills like this,



The Takes- THEY ARE SO HOT

Full time douche canoe and State Senator Chris McDaniel took to facebook with this bit of idiocy:

He’s proud of that, too! A couple of quick things:

1.) The protests were not about free birth control.

2.) This is when you can tell they are spooked- when all they have is dumbassery to puke up. You’ve no doubt seen some of the other crap the wingnuts have tried- pictures of trash left behind after the march gasping about dirty liberals, idiots wondering “what did it accomplish,” or others barfing up stuff like “what if they had not spent money on tickets and donated it to women’s shelters” and on and on. When you see that, what you should recognize is that the protests worked and it unnerved them. They have no response, so rather than confront the issue head on, they’ll bicker around the edges.

3.) And I am sure David Anderson aka Richard Mayhew will chime in, but for now, THIS IS NOT HOW INSURANCE WORKS. INSURANCE IS NOT FREE SHIT. INSURANCE IS SOMETHING WE ALL PAY INTO TO HAVE THINGS COVERED.

So when women mention that birth control should be covered by insurance, it’s not because they want free shit, it’s because they want their health needs treated equally to men’s health needs. Additionally, while called “birth control,” birth control isn’t just for stopping unwanted pregnancies.

So a hearty middle finger to the full time penis impersonator from Mississippi, who not only is an asshole, but a stupid asshole who doesn’t even know what health insurance is and how it works.



Modern “Conservatism” In One Screen Shot

Ole Larry O’Connor at Hot Air is all het up and having a bad day:

gladwehaveourprioritiesstraight

He concludes: “Hillary posts pages of documented Trump lies” and holds a conference call with members of the media detailing the same theme and within 48 hours major publications print articles following along with Hillary’s prescribed narrative.

Yup, total coincidence.”

And there you have it. Rather than being concerned about the fact that Donald Trump’s past is so full of toxic lies it could be an EPA Superfund site, he’s upset that Trump is a victim of the media (a notion which is in and of itself utter nonsense).

Priorities!



Let’s Help Make Lea Hudson of Cheatham County, Tennessee Internet Famous!

This is what counts as thinking from the wingnut community:

“Any park ranger will tell you: don’t feed wildlife. The reason behind this is that they become dependent and will not forage for themselves any longer. A disturbing trend is affecting American wildlife. Animals that formerly were self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party. They have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.” (The Unpopular Truth, March 14, 2012)

Isn’t this what Hillary and the Democratic Party are doing — continuing to make more and more people dependent by continuing to “feed them?”

Food stamps, children’s lunch programs, child care programs, housing subsidies, farm subsidies, student loans — the list is endless.

In fact, there are over 1,800 social welfare programs funded by hard-working taxpayers to the tune of hundreds of billions of dollars.

Let’s skip past the fact that she is talking about people, and not animals, and in many of those cases CHILDREN who can’t provide for themselves (wonder where she stands on abortion). All of that is deplorable, but let’s watch where this goes next:

Folks, this is the most important election of our time — we must stop the pathway the Democrats/Socialists are leading us down.

Our grandchildren don’t stand a chance! Will working for a living become obsolete? Will the rest of us who have worked hard for our whole lives find our ability to hang onto what we have impossible?

Will we lose our basic freedoms like the Second Amendment, freedom of religion and freedom of speech?

So please don’t feed the animals. America deserves better. We all deserve better!

We have to stop feeding hungry kids to defend our grandkids who might lose their right to own a gun. This is what government by your grandfather’s chain emails looks like.

It will not surprise you that darling Lea is all in for Trump, will it?



Rope a Bunch of Dopes

hills

Here is today’s Clinton “scandal” news:

Attorney General Loretta E. Lynch, conceding that her airport meeting with former President Bill Clinton this week had cast a shadow over a federal investigation of Hillary Clinton’s personal email account, said Friday that she would accept whatever recommendations that career prosecutors and the F.B.I. director make about whether to bring charges in the case.

“I will accept their recommendations,” Ms. Lynch said in an appearance at the Aspen Ideas Festival. She said that “the case will be resolved by the same team that has been working on it from the beginning.”

The attorney general said she had decided several months ago to defer to the recommendations of her staff and of the director of the F.B.I. because her status as a political appointee sitting in judgment on a politically charged case would raise questions of a conflict of interest.

The meeting with Mr. Clinton, she acknowledged, only deepened those questions, and she said she felt compelled to publicly explain her reasoning to try to put concerns to rest.

Here’s how I’m betting this will play out. The FBI is not going to recommend any charges for several reasons. First, I don’t think she did anything criminal. Second, the FBI is not going to charge a major political candidate in the middle of an election cycle, because to do so would forever taint the FBI as a partisan organization, and no Democrat would ever have any faith in them to be independent whatsoever. Also, their budget comes from elected office, and they aren’t going to stretch the rules or bend over backwards to find some bullshit reason to charge her. They just aren’t.

If the FBI does anything, it will issue some long report with a bunch of mealy mouthed bullshit, the investigative version of “mistakes were made,” and say that while she did not do anything illegal or criminal she did something improper. This will then give them defense against the right, who also fund their budget and do not want to be left with nothing. They will then recommend a bunch of changes to policy regarding this to all levels of government in regards to email protocols and security.

The Republicans, having just demanded that Loretta Lynch recuse herself for… reasons, will then have no way to demand that she do something additional to HRC, because, as we know, she has recused herself and has nothing to do with the process. And thus, E-Mail Benghazi: Electric Boogaloo, will come to an end with some short term yelling and fauxtrage on Fox, some hysterics among the Infowars sect, and some smug tweets coming from secure pockets of true progressive Bernistan. I’ll note for posterity that these are increasingly overlapped areas in a Venn diagram. Who knows, maybe Dan Burton will videotape himself shooting a server in his backyard.

A very cynical person might even think that Bill Clinton intentionally publicly met with AG Lynch in a private airplane. Someone has spent some time perfecting their Kung Fu under our swarthy Jedi overlord.



That Was Money Well Spent

Holy nothingburgers, batman:

Ending one of the longest, costliest and most bitterly partisan congressional investigations in history, the House Select Committee on Benghazi issued its final report on Tuesday, finding no new evidence of culpability or wrongdoing by Hillary Clinton in the 2012 attacks in Libya that left four Americans dead.

The 800-page report, however, included some new details about the night of the attacks, and the context in which it occurred, and it delivered a broad rebuke of government agencies like the Defense Department, the Central Intelligence Agency and the State Department — and the officials who led them — for failing to grasp the acute security risks in the Libyan city, and especially for maintaining outposts in Benghazi that they could not protect.

The committee, led by Representative Trey Gowdy, Republican of South Carolina, also harshly criticized an internal State Department investigation that it said had allowed officials like Mrs. Clinton, then the secretary of state, to effectively choose who would investigate their actions. In addition, it reiterated Republicans’ complaints that the Obama administration had sought to thwart the investigation by withholding witnesses and evidence.

The report, however, did not dispute that United States military forces stationed in Europe could not have reached Benghazi in time to rescue the personnel who died — a central finding of previous inquiries.

Seven million well spent, you wankers.