The only disagreement I have with the Harper’s Bazaar column excerpted below is the author’s decision to use plural pronouns to refer to singular antecedents:*
IF YOU ARE MARRIED TO A TRUMP SUPPORTER, DIVORCE THEM
I’m going to save you three years of therapy where you and your partner try to “agree to disagree.”
If your partner is a Trump supporter and you are not, just divorce them…
You do not need to try to make it work with someone who thinks of people as “illegals.” Just divorce them…
This may not always be possible. Some people may not have the financial or practical means available to get a divorce, but if you do have those means? DIVORCE THEM.
Because if one member of a couple believes the President should endorse police brutality and the other member believes that is balls-to-the-wall insane, that is not a disagreement you’re going to find common ground on. You can use all the measured voices and positive words you want. It’s not a question of disagreement about the most effective way to load the dishwasher, or even whether trickle-down economics works. Those are opinions that might be altered by showing compelling factual evidence.
Supporting Trump at this point does not indicate a difference of opinions. It indicates a difference of values.
Values aren’t like hobbies or interests. They don’t change over time, and they more or less define who you are. Trump’s administration may have been, for some of us, a time when what we value has become much clearer to us.
So, while you may be able to convince your partner that there is a more efficient way to load the dishwasher, you will never be able to convince them that they need to care about people they are fundamentally uninterested in caring about…
Luckily, I’m not married to a Trump supporter. Actually, luck has nothing to do with it — 20 years ago, I married someone who shared my values, which precluded future Trump support. But I can see how people could find themselves in this situation; my own parents were wildly ill-suited in that regard, and my mother’s decision to run like a scalded dog was the smartest thing she ever did.
Anyhoo, many of us have shared election estrangement stories in comments. I’m estranged from my Trump-voting relatives to varying degrees, including my only surviving parent. It hurts, but there it is.
The thing that gets me is how gob-smacked Trump supporters are that “politics” could create such a rift. Yeah, you used your ballot to metaphorically spit in my face, telling me I’m a second-class citizen and that you don’t give a shit about me, my daughter, my sister, our immigrant loved ones, etc. And we took it personally! Who could have predicted?
[H/T: @JesusHCristos on the Twitters]
*Yeah, I know — the language evolves, blah blah blah. Get the fuck off my lawn while I disperse these clouds with the power of my voice!