Floriduh! Man: February Update!

It’s been a few weeks since we checked in on Floriduh! Man (and occasionally Woman, and one time toddler). What madcap antics has he been up to?

Way back in January, Floriduh! Man found a unique way to partake of Attorney General Sessions favorite gateway drug!

SEBASTIAN, Florida – During a traffic stop on Tuesday at approximately 8:50 p.m., a local man hid a bag of marijuana in his anal cavity while being searched, according to the Sebastian Police Department.

As they say in the Ranger Regiment: “That’s a technique!”

Floriduh! Man is a fitness freak. Emphasis on the freak. We’ve got not one, but two overly enthusiastic and way, way under dressed fitness (aficionados in the) buff.

VERO BEACH, Florida – A 25-year-old man was arrested after employees at Plant Fitness called law enforcement about a man committing an indecent act in the parking lot, according to the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office.

Robert Joseph Fishman, of Vero Beach, was arrested Sunday on charges of Exposure of Sexual Organs, Misdemeanor Disorderly Conduct, Misdemeanor Disorderly Conduct, and Misdemeanor Resist Arrest Without Violence.

The incident occurred at a plaza in Vero Beach, located at 1295 U.S. 1 Highway, in front of the Planet Fitness where a utility worker said Fishman was naked and talking to himself, the report said.

“I observed a white male with no shirt, no shoes, and jean pants that were low enough to expose his sexual organs,” the deputy said.

Fishman was rambling and making no sense of any sentences. He was having difficulty concentrating and was continuously moving his hands in and out of his pockets, according to the deputy.

Employees at Planet Fitness called law enforcement to report the subject over concern for the safety of the public.

Fishman told police that he took heroin a couple of hours prior and said he was trying to get to his father’s house.

And:

A tenant at a Florida apartment complex is facing criminal charges–and eviction–after he was caught “utilizing every machine” in n the community gym “while being completely naked,” according to an arrest affidavit.

Police were called Wednesday morning to the Andover Place Apartments in Orlando after a leasing agent spotted Kerry Haynes, 57, working out in the buff. The agent then contacted a maintenance man to report what she had observed.

That’s gotta chafe!

What about Floriduh! shooting arns you ask? Do we have something special for you!

CAPE CORAL, Fla. — A Florida man was arrested Sunday after allegedly trying to turn his Cape Coral apartment into an indoor shooting range, according to the Cape Coral Police Department.

Ivan Bakh, 61, was charged when his neighbors called police to report that they were awakened by a loud bang and found a large hole in the headboard of their beds, just over their heads.

A second hole was discovered in the dresser mirror at the foot of the victims’ bed, police say. Further investigation from the victims uncovered another hole in the adjacent living room (on the other side of the wall from the dresser mirror) and a fourth hole in the living room’s far wall.

After police were summoned, they made contact with Bakh, the victims’ next-door neighbor, according to the police report.  An investigation of his apartment revealed a large hole through the wall between his apartment and the victims’ next door. Several books were found, taped together and propped  on a shelf. One had a target drawn on the cover in red marker, police say. The books appeared to be perforated by several rounds, according to police.

It is the Gunshine State…

Just a brief Public Service Announcement: DO NOT TURN YOUR DOMICILE INTO A SHOOTING RANGE! IT’S BAD! VERY, VERY BAD! M’KAY?!?!?

All these Floriduh! Man hijinks sure do make a guy hungry.

A Florida man desperate to get his beer Friday used hot dogs and a corn dog stick to attack a gas station clerk, police said Monday.

Cavan McDaniel, 35, threw hot dogs and poked the female clerk with a corn dog stick at Petro gas station in Marion County, officials said. McDaniel’s bizarre outbreak allegedly began after the clerk refused to sell him beer. It’s unclear what the clerk’s reason was.

“The victim was left with a red mark under her eye due to the corn dog stick attack,” the sheriff’s office said.

Surveillance video captured a man identified as McDaniel lunging with a hot dog at the clerk.

McDaniel was charged with battery-touch or strike. He also violated his probation from Pasco County.

He is being held in jail on no bond.

Good thing he only had a standard sized corn dog stick magazine or clip or whatever… Also, obligatory:

And we end our tour of the indigenous fauna of the largest commercially viable sandbar with the intersection of Floriduh! Man and the President:

VERO BEACH, Florida – A 41-year-old man told officers that President Donald Trump opened the Chevron gas station for him to rob after he was caught stealing merchandise, according to the Vero Beach Police Department.

William Thomas Keating, of Vero Beach, was seen by a motorist entering the Chevron gas station, located at 3365 Aviation Blvd., and banging his fist on the counter multiple times while the business was closed.

The incident happened on Tuesday morning at approximately 4:00 a.m. when a passerby saw him inside the store.

Keating, who told police he works as a publisher in Vero Beach, was seen with his hands full of merchandise.

“During my limited questioning of Mr. Keating, he stated that he knew he was not supposed to be in the store but stated that Donald Trump opened the door and let him in,” the officer said.

In Keating’s coat pocket were 10-15 white pills that were sent to the lab for testing. (Front Pager’s note: this is what we professional criminologists call a clue!)

Apparently Mr. Keating only wanted to MAGA!

Stay frosty or BettyC and I will buy some of these folks bus tickets and send them to visit your towns!

Open thread!



The President’s Speech At CPAC 2018: Video And Full Transcript

In case you’d just rather watch it, here’s the video:

The transcript of the President’s speech at CPAC, or as Rick Wilson calls it Hillsdale Rumspringa, is from VOX:

Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you, Matt, for that great introduction. And thank you for this big crowd. This is incredible. Really incredible. We have all come a long way together. We have come a long way together.

I’m thrilled to be back at CPAC, with so many of my wonderful friends and amazing supporters and proud conservatives. Remember when I first started running? Because I wasn’t a politician, fortunately, but do you remember I started running and people said, are you sure he’s a conservative? I think I proved I’m a conservative.

For more than four decades, this event has served as a forum for our nation’s top leaders, activists, writers, and thinkers.

Year after year, leaders have stood on this stage to discuss what we can do together to protect our heritage, to promote our culture, and to defend our freedom. CPAC has always been about big ideas, and it has also been about putting those ideas into action — and CPAC really has put a lot of ideas into action. We’ll talk about some of them this morning.

For the last year with your help, we have put more great conservative ideas into use than perhaps ever before in American history. What a nice picture that is. Look at that. I would love to watch that guy speak. Oh, boy. Oh, I try like hell to hide that bald spot, folks. I work hard at it. Doesn’t look bad. Hey, we’re hanging in. We’re hanging in. We’re hanging in there, right? Together we’re hanging in. We have confirmed a record number, so important, of circuit court judges and we’re going to be putting in a lot more.

And they will interpret the law as written and we have confirmed an incredible new Supreme Court justice, a great man, Neil Gorsuch. Right. We have passed massive, biggest in history, tax cuts and reforms. I don’t use the word reform, there was a lot of reform too, very positive — I don’t use it. And when we were first doing it I told everybody, everybody gathered, I said, just talk about tax cuts. People don’t know what reform means. They think reform might means it is going up. And I said, do tax cuts.

Thank you. How did he get in here, Matt? Boy. Okay. Just for the media, the fake news back there, they took very good care of him. They were very gentle. He was very obnoxious. It was only one person. So we have thousands of people here. So, listen, tomorrow the headline will be protesters disturb the Trump — one person, folks. Doesn’t deserve a mention. Doesn’t deserve a headline. The headline tomorrow, disrupters of CPAC. One person. And he was very nice. We looked at him, he immediately left. Okay. Now, I’ve heard it too often.

Read more



Cry Havoc And Let Slip The Loesch Of War!

NRA spokeswoman Dana Loesch spoke this morning at CPAC. She was the warm up for NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre. I’m not sure I know exactly how to describe her remarks, so you’ll just have to watch for herself. I’ve spent a 1/2 hour looking for a transcript to no avail for those who would rather not watch. Sorry. To be honest, this has to be seen to be believed.

Update at 12:50 PM EST

Here’s the video of NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre’s speech at CPAC.

David Kurtz at Talking Points Memo succinctly and accurately sums up LaPierre’s speech:

Watching the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre hold forth at CPAC–carried live on the news nets–is a good reminder that while it carefully crafts an image as a membership association of gun owners, the NRA is really a house organ of the Republican Party. What I’m saying isn’t new. The reporting documenting the NRA’s shift under LaPierre has been out there for years. But listen to his rhetoric. This isn’t about guns or gun rights.The Second Amendment argument, as anathema as it is to many people, is window dressing. It’s about using “guns” as a political cudgel, using “guns” to catalyze the resentments and grievances of conservatives, using “guns” as a bulwark against political threats to the Republican Party. Plain and simple.

Open thread!



The Right To Teach And Bear Arms

Earlier today the President, while meeting with the survivors and surviving family members of school shootings, suggested that the solution was to arm the teachers.

President Donald Trump said Wednesday that having more people armed at schools could prevent future mass shootings.

“I think it could very well solve your problem,” he said.

After hearing the devastating stories from parents and young people affected by gun massacres at schools, Trump pointed to the example of Stoneman Douglas football coach Aaron Feis, who was reportedly killed by the alleged gunman last week after Feis threw himself in front of students to protect them from the gunfire.

“If the coach had a firearm in his locker when he ran at this guy — that coach was very brave, saved a lot of lives I suspect — but if he had a firearm, he wouldn’t have had to run, he would have shot and that would have been the end of it,” Trump said.

“Gun-free zone, to a maniac — because they’re all cowards — a gun-free zone is ‘Let’s go in and let’s attack, because bullets aren’t coming back at us,” Trump said, wondering aloud about arming “20 percent of your teaching force.”

“You can’t have 100 security guards in Stoneman Douglas, that’s a big school,” he said. “It’s a massive school with a lot of acreage to cover, a lot of floor area, so that would be certainly a situation that is being discussed a lot by a lot of people.”

“You’d have a lot of people that’d be armed, that’d be ready, they are professionals, they may be Marines that left the Marines, left the Army, left the Air Force, and they are very adept at doing that. You’d have a lot of them and they would be spread evenly through the school.”

The President said he believed “that if these cowards knew that the school was well-guarded from the standpoint of having pretty much professionals with great training, I think they wouldn’t go into the school to start off with.”

“I think it could very well solve your problem,” he said.

“So we’ll be doing the background checks, we’ll be doing a lot of different things, but we’ll certainly be looking at ideas like that.”

Given how the President positioned himself during his campaign regarding guns and the 2nd Amendment, that he received the earliest endorsement and largest amount of monetary support from the NRA, and his previous statements about armed self defense, this is not particularly surprising. Especially because it is an article of faith amongst the 2nd Amendment absolutist community that arming teachers in specific, and doing away with gun free zones, such as schools, in general, would significantly decrease violence and crime in the US.

Someone even took this picture from Israel and turned it into a factually inaccurate meme to support this argument.

The “RIP Children of Newtown” on the bottom is a nice touch. You can’t find bespoke smarm like that just anywhere.

There’s one problem with holding Israel out as an example of how to protect American students and schools: school teachers ARE NOT armed in Israeli schools! Except, perhaps, in some of the West Bank* settlements. And the picture in this meme isn’t of an Israeli school or an Israeli school teacher. Rather it is of a group of Israelis students on a field trip in Acre (aka Akko), Israel. And the woman fiddling with her purse strap with the rifle slung over her back is a paid security guard, not a teacher. They are required for all field trips and school outings in Israel.

Here are the details about the picture:

There is a picture going around the Internet that I have seen about a dozen times today that claims that Israeli teachers are packing heat. Well, are they? The answer is “NO.” There may be some exceptions in dangerous areas like the West Bank (where five percent of Israelis live), but in general, Israeli teachers are not walking around like it’s the Wild Wild West, strapped with a six shooter. No, our teachers are not focused on shooting, but educating. That doesn’t mean, however, that we don’t protect young students.

In the picture, the students are on an outing. While it appears that the teacher is holding a rifle, I have never seen such a thing in ten years of living here. Rest assured however, they are under armed protection. In most cases it is an armed guard or a soldier that will accompany a class, not the teacher. And my guess is that the woman with the gun is a security guard, not a teacher.

Secondly, they are not armed in the classroom. Is that really the image you want to imprint on the minds of six-year-olds? (That would be Hamas) On the other hand. I have never seen a school in Israel that was not fenced in. You must go through a locked gate that is guarded by an armed shomer, a security guard. He or she, on the other hand, is not concerned with educating, but protecting. He or she will ask you why you are there? “What is your child’s name?” “Show me your I.D. card.” And he or she would not let you bring a weapon inside.

These types of massacres don’t seem to happen here for other reasons as well. Despite the stereotype of Israel being a violent nation, it is a million times (slight exaggeration) easier to get a weapon in the US than it is in Israel. Gun Control laws are very strict here.

Israel’s approach to school security is not what the armed intelligentsia thinks it is (emphasis mine).

As we travelled the streets of Tel-Aviv, my mind turned to stories I’d heard of how there are soldiers securing every school and school bus in Israel. I quickly learned after observing a school from the street and making inquiries of our police escort that this was not the case. It is correct that they do indeed have armed security in every school and that an officer is very visible. All the security officers working in the schools are under the guidance of the Israel police, and the standards are high. Unannounced drills are frequent to test operational readiness.

Regarding school buses, there is no such thing in Israel. Any child not walking or being taken to school rides on public transportation. Now, very often there is an armed IDF soldier on the bus, yet this is happenstance and not by design. When there is a heavily attended school field trip, contracted IDF soldiers, police or armed security officers provide the escort for the group.

The Israel schools have assessed the threats and acted accordingly to address them. They have heavy fencing around them to prevent suicide bombers from entering their grounds and buildings, and fences are erected high enough so that anyone trying to lob some explosive device over the top would have a hard time accomplishing the act.

The Israeli “SRO” does not handle law enforcement functions as do many of us within our country. Their function is solely a preventive counter-terror measure to deter, engage if necessary and neutralize a threat.

By all accounts that I received, issues with Israeli school children committing acts that are considered crimes are very rare. Even when this does occur, these events are handled by the school’s headmaster. This is a considerable difference between our style and theirs because as much as we don’t enjoy saying it, American kids can and do commit criminal acts on campus that are sometimes horrendous. This is an unfortunate fact that we face daily as campus police or armed security in our schools. This is life in the United States.

Israel’s example has very little to tell anyone in the US about the 2nd Amendment or how we should understand the enumerated rights within it in a 21st Century context, much less the original late 18th Century one. In order to own a firearm in Israel one must be licensed and there is a strict limit on the amount of ammunition one can own. Quite simply, there is no enumerated right to a firearm, let alone to keep and bear arms in the Israeli Basic Laws (the Israeli constitution). This isn’t a knock on Israel, they just have a different approach so comparisons aren’t going to be particularly helpful.

In fact the Israeli firearm ownership reality is very different from that in the US.

Two types of people have guns in Israel: Soldiers and those with licensesMentally unstable people don’t have guns—and thus, don’t shoot people. And it is not as easy to steal a gun as it is in the US. When you are drafted you go through mental tests to see if there are any red flags. If so, you will be discharged or placed in an area where you would never see a rifle.

Only those with the rank of Captain or Lieutenant Colonel for at least two years can qualify to own a gun after the army. And those who do have guns are taught to guard them carefully. For soldiers who take their weapons home, it must be on their persons at all times or under lock and key.

Losing a weapon will get you a jail sentence, as my wife’s childhood friend, Moti, found out two decades ago. He left his gun in his car because he was just running into a mini-mart. He came back and the gun was gone. He spent six months in jail and God only knows where that gun ended up.

Hunting is not popular in Israel, so it would be rare to see someone with five or six hunting rifles and therefore, neither would their son, who spends ten hours a day playing mortal combat, have access to them.

Assault rifles are banned in Israel, except in areas where there is a security risk such as the West Bank.

Glynn County School District Chief of Police Rod Ellis provides support for this recounting of the facts about Israel and firearms.

There are a lot of ideas in the United States of what Israel is like. For example, I’d always heard that Israel is an armed society, and virtually everyone routinely carries a weapon. I learned quickly from one of our guides that although the private ownership of firearms in Israel is not forbidden, those not employed in public safety, security or in the military must show a legitimate need to possess a firearm and must have a permit. Examples include being a civilian, yet being a target of a specific credible threat, such as a retired member of the Israel Defense Force (IDF) or police officer, or a person serving as a reservist. With 20% of Israel’s budget going to defense and security, and 80% of the nation’s defense force being reservists, one can comfortably calculate that a significant portion of the public owns a firearm but don’t routinely carry one.

As I wrote way back in 2015, there is almost nothing any other society can teach the US about the 2nd Amendment, what it means, or how we should do about it. Not 1930s and 1940s Germany, not Israel in 2018. And not any other state and society in between. While Mexico and Guatemala also include a right to keep and bear arms in their constitutions, both of these states interpret and apply this enumerated right very differently than in the US. As a result the US is really the only state with an enumerated right pertaining to keeping and bearing arms in the national foundational law that also officially interprets that right broadly. In this the US is quite unique, exceptional if you will, in that it is the exception, and as such it is very, very difficult to draw effective comparisons from how any other state and society approaches these issues. There are, however, plenty of contrasts that could be made.

Finally, the President’s instructions to the DOJ to develop a regulation that bans bump stocks is most likely dead on arrival. The reason for this is that the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives (BATFE) has repeatedly stated that they do not believe they have the authority under existing laws pertaining to firearms to impose such a restriction.

The head of the federal agency tasked with regulating firearms said Wednesday it does not have direct authority to regulate or ban bump stocks ― devices that allow semi-automatic weapons to function like machine guns ― but is looking into whether can reclassify them as firearms to regulate them under existing law.

The review is likely to take months, however, and it’s unclear whether the agency can impose restrictions on firearm accessories without aid from Congress.

“If that wasn’t a possibility, in the end, we wouldn’t initiate the process,” ATF Acting Director Thomas Brandon told lawmakers at a Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on Wednesday.

But Brandon conceded it was equally possible for the agency to complete its monthslong review, which includes a 30-day public comment period, and come to the conclusion that it cannot regulate the devices without an update in federal law. The admission prompted one Republican senator to suggest a legislative solution instead.

Stay frosty!

Open thread!

* Tour groups that go to the West Bank are required to have an armed security guard with them, as well as a properly trained and certified medic. Often they are the same person.

Upadated at 8:35 PM EST:

There is a President Trump tweet for everything!



Today In All American Americana

It’s been almost a week since the mass shooting at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida. So what is going on with American teenagers planning on taking their 2nd Amendment rights out for some exercise?

(Before anyone grouses about it: yes, that is not an AR pattern rifle in the picture it is a GLOCK handgun. Since it is locked back and lying on its left side, I can neither see the caliber (printed on the barrel) nor the model number (printed on the left side). From the size of the barrel in the picture I’d estimate it is a 9mm parabellum/9X19 caliber. It definitely has had a custom grip/frame job.)

Bethesda Magazine has the details of last Thursday’s incident:

Prosecutors detailed Monday during a bond review hearing in Montgomery County District Court what was found during Thursday’s search of the home of Alwin Chen, 18, of the 11700 block of Gunners Drive in Germantown Court. Chen, who appeared in court over video from the Montgomery County Detention Center in Rockville, was ordered held without bail by Judge John C. Moffett. He faces charges of possession of a handgun, possession of a firearm by a person under 21 and possession of a firearm on school property, according to county police.

When arrested Thursday afternoon at the high school, Chen had a 9mm handgun in his book bag and a knife in his pocket, according to police, The arrest came a day after a former student shot and killed at least 17 people at a high school in Parkland, Florida.

Officer Michael Chindblom of the county police department’s crisis intervention team testified in court Monday that police found the list and additional weapons at Chen’s home while executing a search warrant. In addition to the AR-15 style rifle, several inert grenades, revolvers, a Glock pistol, landmine detonators and an attack vest were found, he said.

This is clearly an example of the power of the labeling theory of crime. Had he lived on Bakers Drive, I’m sure he’d have just made cupcakes for his classmates.

We can be thankful that Mr. Chen was unsuccessful, but there have been four more mass shootings since Nikolas Cruz shot up Marjorie Stoneman Douglas High School last Wednesday. One each in Oklahoma, Tennessee, Kansas, and Texas. There were only 2 killed and 20 wounded across all four incidents.

Stay frosty!

Open thread.



Late Night Olympics Open Thread: Dancing on Ice


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As a devout animist, of course I was much interested in Yuzuru Hanyu’s Abe no Seimei themed performance. Found this Youtube fan short which might be enlightening for those of you who haven’t seen the movie he based it on…

(Theme is from Onmiyoji, which is entertaining in its own right.)



Saturday Morning Open Thread: Adventure Tourism in Glorious Wakanda!

The Spousal Unit and I intend to make one of our rare forays to see this in an actual movie theatre. Just not this weekend, cuz we’re old and not good with crowds. (And there will *be* crowds — quite possibly our local chains are already sold out.) Herewith some links to stuff about the movie that y’all might find interesting.

NO SPOILERS, okay?
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The first movie I remember seeing in a theater had a black hero. Lando Calrissian, played by Billy Dee Williams, didn’t have any superpowers, but he ran his own city. That movie, the 1980 Star Wars sequel The Empire Strikes Back, introduced Calrissian as a complicated human being who still did the right thing. That’s one reason I grew up knowing I could be the same.

If you are reading this and you are white, seeing people who look like you in mass media probably isn’t something you think about often. Every day, the culture reflects not only you but nearly infinite versions of you—executives, poets, garbage collectors, soldiers, nurses and so on. The world shows you that your possibilities are boundless. Now, after a brief respite, you again have a President.

Those of us who are not white have considerably more trouble not only finding representation of ourselves in mass media and other arenas of public life, but also finding representation that indicates that our humanity is multi­faceted. Relating to characters onscreen is necessary not merely for us to feel seen and understood, but also for others who need to see and understand us. When it doesn’t happen, we are all the poorer for it…

Derek Robertson, at Politico, “How the Quietly Radical ‘Black Panther’ Took Over Hollywood”:

[I]f you’ve been on the internet at any point over the past 12 months, you’ve likely noticed the intensifying hype around that hero’s upcoming film, the 18th in Marvel Studios’ endless procession of world-beating blockbusters. With a nostalgist in the White House who seems to relish sticking his finger in the country’s open wound of racial grievance, it’s easy to understand why a big-budget, black-directed superhero film featuring an almost entirely black cast would be cause for celebration. But its appeal doesn’t lie solely in backlash. Black Panther may have never sold as many copies as Spider-Man or The Incredible Hulk, but the series’ history and politics are as rich and unique as either, if not more so—and they explain how this moment helped poise a formerly second-string hero to shatter box-office records…

The cultural critic Mark Dery coined the term “Afrofuturism” in a 1993 essay, referring to the loosely defined common characteristics of black science fiction in art spanning from Sun Ra’s experimental jazz to the novels of Octavia Butler. Author and UCLA professor Tananarive Due recently described its unique function in the African diaspora as a “reimagining of race, racial constructs, history … and liberation themes, through what we call a speculative lens.” Black Panther, both the comic series and the film, falls squarely on this continuum, as has been noted in several features leading up to the movie’s release. Due, on a recent podcast appearance, discussed Afro-futurism’s galvanizing effect in providing representations of black “power, technological prowess, courage, family [and] community.”

The upcoming film is the most prominent example of the phenomenon thus far, directed and co-written by Fruitvale Station and Creed auteur Ryan Coogler with the full production and marketing strength of the Disney-industrial complex behind him. It pits the Panther, portrayed by Chadwick Boseman, against Erik Killmonger (portrayed by frequent Coogler collaborator Michael B. Jordan), an American rival and mercenary who aims to usurp his throne and foment a global revolution…

Zack Linly, in the Washington Post:

The enthusiasm around “Black Panther” isn’t just about finally getting to see a mostly black action blockbuster, a milestone we should have been celebrating decades ago. It’s about being able to go to the movies without feeling like the future of black film is at stake.
Read more