Haha, not really! They’re still holding panels with Trump-voting idiots as if — instead of being the mush-brained goobers who have plunged our country into an interminable series of political, international and moral crises that they are — they were founts of homespun political wisdom.
But fuck it; instead of cursing the darkness, I’ll light a candle by interviewing a Clinton voter in a state that went for Trump. She is someone I know rather well — me. Here are her fascinating insights:
Q: It has been a little over six months since Trump was sworn in as president. Do you think the country has changed, and if so, are things worse or better?
A: Christ on a pony, so much worse! Not only is an addled, unqualified narcissist occupying the Oval Office and embarrassing us as a nation on a daily basis, the Republican Party — elected officials and base of voters both — have failed to live up to even my rock-bottom expectations for them.
An entire network of media outlets, chief among them Fox News, is devoted to excusing collusion with a hostile foreign power.
So-called “values voters” devote 100% of their social media output to constructing apologies for an admitted degenerate.
Alleged “fiscal hawks” are going to bat for an epically corrupt tax cheat.
And pretend-moderates are signing on for racist immigration policies, voter suppression schemes and a radical and cruel gutting of the social safety net, leaving their constituents to the tender mercies of insurance corporations. It’s an ongoing disaster.
Q: Since you live in a heavily Republican district, you must find common ground with your friends and neighbors, right?
A: Fuck no! A so-called “friend” who voted for that pussy-grabbing piece of shit is no friend of mine! If a Trump-voting neighbor stops by to borrow a cup of sugar, I’ll happily oblige — after I hock a loogie into their cup.
Q: Gross! What do you say to people who are disillusioned with the political system — folks who believe there’s really no difference between the two parties?
A: I say, “You’re a goddamned idiot who shouldn’t leave the house until your mommy pins a note with your name and address on your shirt.”
Q: Are you at all comforted by he fact that moderates like Ivanka Trump and husband Jared Kushner have the president’s ear?
A: Are you fucking kidding me? That pair of worthless dilettantes are just as corrupt and clueless as the old man. They open their stupid yaps, and torrents of meaningless corporate buzzwords stream forth while they subvert our democracy for their personal gain. I’d love to see the two of them building a global brand from a medium-security prison.
Q: Do you think America can recover from this period of heightened partisanship?
A: Depends on whether actual patriots outnumber the arrogant shitheads in MAGA hats. The MAGAts are the minority, but they’ll press their advantage at every turn. Will the people keep opposing them? Will they stay strong and not lose heart? I hope so. The resistance so far gives me hope.
Q: Thank you, Clinton voter, a species more rare than the reticulated naked Dalmatian mole-bat, despite having won the popular vote by some three million. Are you willing to be interviewed by other media outlets?
A: You bet your ass I am! Call me!
The end. Open thread!