Late Night Open Thread: “As I Am Now, You Soon Shall Be… “

I’m in a mood where this actually made me laugh…

… because it reminded me of the old epitaph that ends …”Prepare for death, and follow me.”

Don’t intend to have a headstone myself, but if I did, it would be more like this:

Reader, pass on! Don’t waste your time
On bad biographer and bitter rhyme;
For what I am, this crumbling stone ensures,
And what I was is no concern of yours.

My Healthy Fucking Dogs are Driving Me Insane

Sorry to every front pager I am stepping on, but I need to vent. Here is the portrait of an angel:

You’d think, given what she is going through and has gone through the past few weeks, she would be the one to act up. But no, even with cancer, going through chemo, she is a perfect angel. She quietly relaxes, she follows me from room to room and lies down and gazes at me, she goes downstairs and suns herself on the back porch. She is magnificent (although I will note with the meds and rich food she is now producing mustard gas and dutch ovened me in bed so much I woke from a dead sleep from the odor that made it through a sleep apnea mask and its filters. Sweet mother of everything holy it was bad).

The other two, however:

I mean, just nonstop dickishness. This morning I put them both out back and blocked the doggie door with a stool so I could give Lily her meds (two pills, two eyedroppers) without Thurston pushing her out of the way at the last minute so I shoot the liquid in her face instead of her mouth, and the two of them headbutted the god damned door for five minutes. Just the worst.

And it’s not a matter of them needing attention. Rosie has never liked unsolicited attention. I don’t recall if I have ever discussed this in detail, but Rosie was a very abused dog before she got me, so she has some unique issues. She still eats lying down because she was clearly crated the majority of the time, and she can not be a lapdog because she just shakes and is nervous. Additionally, I think the previous monster who had her before used to be nice then hit her, so when you are petting her and being sweet, she can all of a sudden turn into a monster and start snarling and growling and snapping. It’s nothing you can train away, her wires just get crossed because she was so abused. She’s not aggressive in the sense that she goes after people or other animals, but she can just get mixed up when yo uare petting her. So she wants attention, but it is kind of like a lot of cats- “mm yes pet the belly, pet the belly FUCK YOU I WILL END YOU SNARL HISS BITE.” She also has bad hips, so if you walk by her and get to close she will go from sound asleep to Snarls Barkley. It’s just who she is, although she is 1000% better than the first year I had her.

Thurston is just an attention seeking asshole, always has been, always will be, and wants to be an only dog. The dick. That’s all I have to say about that.

Regardless, I still love them both and they are getting lots of treats and attention when they want it, but they are just being real pricks. Rosie has taken to sleeping on the stairs so there is no chance I make it to the kitchen without her knowing, and the two of them are constantly hovering whenever I do something. I stepped on Rosie twice and she snapped at my feet both times while loading the dishwasher- they are just all up in my grill. It’s driving me INSANE and I am sure my neighbors think I am an insane crazy person when they hear me yelling stuff like:


They are so pissed they are not getting the food that I forgot to pick up the fiestaware bowl I fed Lily in, which is quite heavy, and somehow Thurston managed to drag it out into the back yard so he could lick it.

God damned dogs.

I feel better now, thank you for listening.

Late Night Crankypants Grifters Open Thread: STFU, Sen. Sanders

Sanders, as predicted, has gone full-metal Ron Paul: Now his Travelling WWC Economic Anxiety Tour is solely a tool for separating his cultists from their money. Unfortunately, the Media Village Idiots hate Democrats almost as much as they love Republicans, so they’re a lot more interested in megaphoning St. Bernie’s attacks on our party than they ever were in helping Dr. Ron (or his idiot son Rand) abuse “his” party-of-convenience.

If there was one day this year when the red-rose-in-their-twitter-profiles “Socialist Progressive” manbabies and the women who love them could’ve profited from not insisting that every political statement or action should revolve around them, you’d think the commemoration of MLK Jr’s assassination (by an economically-anxious WWC guy) would’ve been that day.

And if Senator Sanders couldn’t find a single commemoration in his home state (there are certainly civil rights supporters in Vermont, many of them presumably Sanders voters), surely he could’ve found an appropriate event in the Washington DC area. But the national media attention was in Selma — so to Selma, Bernie rushed!…

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Trump’s War Against Amazon / Bezos: Here Comes the Grift!

Grant Trump this very specific talent: Not many people could get monopoly-suspicious liberals and technology-suspicious conservatives *all* cheering for Amazon’s further success. Gabriel Sherman, in Vanity Fair:

For the first time in Donald Trump’s presidency, the West Wing soap opera appears to be in hiatus… Currently, there’s one star—a situation Trump is obviously enjoying—and his new freedom is used to focus ever more closely on his perceived enemies and obsessions. Amazon, whose owner, Jeff Bezos, also owns The Washington Post, is currently the main target. Trump has ripped into Amazon in recent days, claiming in a series of tweets that Jeff Bezos’s tech giant benefits from billions in subsidies from the U.S. Post office while skirting sales taxes. “Unlike others, they pay little or no taxes to state & local governments, use our Postal System as their Delivery Boy (causing tremendous loss to the U.S.), and are putting many thousands of retailers out of business!” Trump tweeted. On Monday, he wrote: “Only fools, or worse, are saying that our money losing Post Office makes money with Amazon. THEY LOSE A FORTUNE, and this will be changed. Also, our fully tax paying retailers are closing stores all over the country . . . not a level playing field!” The tweets caused Amazon’s stock to plunge 5 percent on Monday.

Now, according to four sources close to the White House, Trump is discussing ways to escalate his Twitter attacks on Amazon to further damage the company. “He’s off the hook on this. It’s war,” one source told me. “He gets obsessed with something, and now he’s obsessed with Bezos,” said another source. “Trump is like, how can I fuck with him?”…

Advisers are also encouraging Trump to cancel Amazon’s pending multi-billion contract with the Pentagon to provide cloud computing services, sources say. Another line of attack would be to encourage attorneys general in red states to open investigations into Amazon’s business practices. Sources say Trump is open to the ideas. (The White House did not respond to a request for comment.)

Even Trump’s allies acknowledge that much of what’s fueling Trump’s rage toward Amazon is that Amazon C.E.O. Jeff Bezos owns The Washington Post, sources said. “Trump doesn’t like The New York Times, but he reveres it because it’s his hometown paper. The Washington Post, he has zero respect for,” the Republican close to the White House said. While the Post says that Bezos has no involvement in newsroom decisions, Trump has told advisers he believes Bezos uses the paper as a political weapon. One former White House official said Trump looks at the Post the same way he looks at the National Enquirer. “When Bezos says he has no involvement, Trump doesn’t believe him. His experience is with the David Peckers of the world. Whether it’s right or wrong, he knows it can be done.”…

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Open Thread: “President” Grampa Needs A Nap


It’s not just that President Donald Trump loves Dobbs’ show and his on-air style. It’s not just that the president asks West Wing aides and confidants if they’ve seen specific, recent segments of Dobbs’ program, or that Trump calls the cable-news personality semi-regularly to gossip or solicit counsel, or that he’s boosted Dobbs on his Twitter account. It’s not just that the president has sat for a friendly interview with Dobbs or that he is on a first-name basis with “Lou.”

Indeed, much of this can describe Trump’s relationships with various other television personalities. What sets Dobbs apart is the degree to which the president views him as a political and populism godfather, the #MAGA Socrates to Trump’s Plato…

During the more intense days of the tax-bill push, Trump made sure to have his White House personal secretary get Dobbs on the line. And toward the conclusion of one memorable meeting, when the line was disconnected and Dobbs said farewell, Trump looked up, smiled, and simply told the room, “Love Lou.”

“He cherishes Lou,” a senior White House official told The Daily Beast. And the feeling is, evidently, quite mutual…

For Dobbs, however, Trump is a revelation as much as a cause. For years, Dobbs has staked out a position for himself as one of cable news’ most strident and devoted immigrant-bashers, as well as, more recently, a staunch crusader against what he lambastes as multiculturalism’s excesses in American life—to the point where he has repeatedly attacked St. Patrick’s Day and other “ethnic holidays.”

Much like the sitting president, Dobbs has also long railed against the forces of political correctness and was similarly an early mainstream promoter of racist Obama birther conspiracy theories. Also like the president, Dobbs earned himself the political backing of Trump’s one-time White House chief strategist and campaign chief. According to two sources familiar with their past discussions, in 2010 Bannon tried, but ultimately failed, to convince Dobbs to run for president as a right-wing populist firebrand.

“Dobbs is pretty strong on immigration enforcement issues… so better that the president listen to him than his son-in-law or his daughter,” Mark Krikorian, executive director of the Center for Immigration Studies and a leading activist for a stricter immigration system in the U.S., told The Daily Beast. “Dobbs has been talking about immigration for years. He has a certain body of knowledge that other advisers, even people working in the administration, don’t have.”

Though Trump regularly calls Dobbs to riff on immigration and other issues, some of the president’s earliest political supporters have hopes that the Fox host will play an even larger role in the second year of the administration. That is especially true for those pushing a more nativist immigration policy, who see Dobbs as potentially a useful cog in keeping Trump on his America First track…

The Old Rules Don’t Apply Any More

I really, really hope that people are watching how the Parkland kids are just shredding the gun nuts and the right wing extremists, because it really is an object lesson in how to get things done. Again, it’s a long battle, and very little has changed legally, but laws always follow public attitudes.

At any rate, their recipe for success is simple, but most of all what they are doing is throwing out the old rules. In the old way of doing things, liberals put forward a watered down version of their agenda, and signal they are willing to compromise before the game even starts- “we can all agree on common sense gun laws.” And then we learn, that no, we can’t all agree on common sense gun laws, and they take the weak opening position and push back against it. Then we get distracted, bullied, and allow them to muddy the waters with discussions over clips v. magazine and other gunhumper bullshit, all wrapped around the axle because we let them set the terms of the debate.

Not these kids. They have clear messages that haven’t been muddied by technocratic bullshit- “My friends got shot and there are too many fucking guns and we’re going to do something about it and we’re going to go after people who won’t.” The end result, obviously, is legislation, but these kids are not pushing specific laws- they’ll let legislators do that.

And it is working. A clear message, the moral high ground, and inclusive approach, and most importantly, not taking any shit. Someone throws bullshit at them, they turn it back around and amplify it on their target. See also, Laura Ingraham. And when they get minor victories, like the weak laws that passed in Florida, they don’t celebrate, they nod and get back to going after the motherfuckers who keep putting guns on the street.

It’s a goddamned breath of fresh air. I don’t know if it is because they are young and fearless, because they are smart and social media savvy, if it’s because they have great parents and teachers, or if because being shot at brings one a clarity of purpose, but it’s probably all of the above. We all could learn something from these kids, because the NRA and the frothing wingnuts sure are- the old rules don’t fucking apply any more.

The Problem Isn’t Just Facebook, It’s That You’re a Fucking Idiot

I understand and agree that facebook and Cambridge Analytica did a lot of really awful things, and they should pay a price for that. But if you want to know the real problem, look in the god damned mirror. Every time one of you jackasses authorized one of those stupid god damned third party apps so you could spam my timeline with “what kind of dog are you” or “what’s your real political persuasion” or “if you were a jelly what flavor would you be” or “which member of Friends are you” you were giving them permission to collect all your data.

You did this, you dumb fuckers. Why don’t you start reading shit before you go “oh fuck yeah” and click on it. You stupid pricks haven’t learned a god damned thing since Kevin Poulsen social engineered his ass into jail.