Floriduh! Man: February Update!

It’s been a few weeks since we checked in on Floriduh! Man (and occasionally Woman, and one time toddler). What madcap antics has he been up to?

Way back in January, Floriduh! Man found a unique way to partake of Attorney General Sessions favorite gateway drug!

SEBASTIAN, Florida – During a traffic stop on Tuesday at approximately 8:50 p.m., a local man hid a bag of marijuana in his anal cavity while being searched, according to the Sebastian Police Department.

As they say in the Ranger Regiment: “That’s a technique!”

Floriduh! Man is a fitness freak. Emphasis on the freak. We’ve got not one, but two overly enthusiastic and way, way under dressed fitness (aficionados in the) buff.

VERO BEACH, Florida – A 25-year-old man was arrested after employees at Plant Fitness called law enforcement about a man committing an indecent act in the parking lot, according to the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office.

Robert Joseph Fishman, of Vero Beach, was arrested Sunday on charges of Exposure of Sexual Organs, Misdemeanor Disorderly Conduct, Misdemeanor Disorderly Conduct, and Misdemeanor Resist Arrest Without Violence.

The incident occurred at a plaza in Vero Beach, located at 1295 U.S. 1 Highway, in front of the Planet Fitness where a utility worker said Fishman was naked and talking to himself, the report said.

“I observed a white male with no shirt, no shoes, and jean pants that were low enough to expose his sexual organs,” the deputy said.

Fishman was rambling and making no sense of any sentences. He was having difficulty concentrating and was continuously moving his hands in and out of his pockets, according to the deputy.

Employees at Planet Fitness called law enforcement to report the subject over concern for the safety of the public.

Fishman told police that he took heroin a couple of hours prior and said he was trying to get to his father’s house.

And:

A tenant at a Florida apartment complex is facing criminal charges–and eviction–after he was caught “utilizing every machine” in n the community gym “while being completely naked,” according to an arrest affidavit.

Police were called Wednesday morning to the Andover Place Apartments in Orlando after a leasing agent spotted Kerry Haynes, 57, working out in the buff. The agent then contacted a maintenance man to report what she had observed.

That’s gotta chafe!

What about Floriduh! shooting arns you ask? Do we have something special for you!

CAPE CORAL, Fla. — A Florida man was arrested Sunday after allegedly trying to turn his Cape Coral apartment into an indoor shooting range, according to the Cape Coral Police Department.

Ivan Bakh, 61, was charged when his neighbors called police to report that they were awakened by a loud bang and found a large hole in the headboard of their beds, just over their heads.

A second hole was discovered in the dresser mirror at the foot of the victims’ bed, police say. Further investigation from the victims uncovered another hole in the adjacent living room (on the other side of the wall from the dresser mirror) and a fourth hole in the living room’s far wall.

After police were summoned, they made contact with Bakh, the victims’ next-door neighbor, according to the police report.  An investigation of his apartment revealed a large hole through the wall between his apartment and the victims’ next door. Several books were found, taped together and propped  on a shelf. One had a target drawn on the cover in red marker, police say. The books appeared to be perforated by several rounds, according to police.

It is the Gunshine State…

Just a brief Public Service Announcement: DO NOT TURN YOUR DOMICILE INTO A SHOOTING RANGE! IT’S BAD! VERY, VERY BAD! M’KAY?!?!?

All these Floriduh! Man hijinks sure do make a guy hungry.

A Florida man desperate to get his beer Friday used hot dogs and a corn dog stick to attack a gas station clerk, police said Monday.

Cavan McDaniel, 35, threw hot dogs and poked the female clerk with a corn dog stick at Petro gas station in Marion County, officials said. McDaniel’s bizarre outbreak allegedly began after the clerk refused to sell him beer. It’s unclear what the clerk’s reason was.

“The victim was left with a red mark under her eye due to the corn dog stick attack,” the sheriff’s office said.

Surveillance video captured a man identified as McDaniel lunging with a hot dog at the clerk.

McDaniel was charged with battery-touch or strike. He also violated his probation from Pasco County.

He is being held in jail on no bond.

Good thing he only had a standard sized corn dog stick magazine or clip or whatever… Also, obligatory:

And we end our tour of the indigenous fauna of the largest commercially viable sandbar with the intersection of Floriduh! Man and the President:

VERO BEACH, Florida – A 41-year-old man told officers that President Donald Trump opened the Chevron gas station for him to rob after he was caught stealing merchandise, according to the Vero Beach Police Department.

William Thomas Keating, of Vero Beach, was seen by a motorist entering the Chevron gas station, located at 3365 Aviation Blvd., and banging his fist on the counter multiple times while the business was closed.

The incident happened on Tuesday morning at approximately 4:00 a.m. when a passerby saw him inside the store.

Keating, who told police he works as a publisher in Vero Beach, was seen with his hands full of merchandise.

“During my limited questioning of Mr. Keating, he stated that he knew he was not supposed to be in the store but stated that Donald Trump opened the door and let him in,” the officer said.

In Keating’s coat pocket were 10-15 white pills that were sent to the lab for testing. (Front Pager’s note: this is what we professional criminologists call a clue!)

Apparently Mr. Keating only wanted to MAGA!

Stay frosty or BettyC and I will buy some of these folks bus tickets and send them to visit your towns!

Open thread!



Happy Nice Thots Open Thread: Guess Who Won’t Be Going to Nerd Prom *This* Year, Either

After all, as reported in Fire & Fury, Trump’s not “funny, in that humorous kind of way” — and we know he doesn’t enter any contest where he’s not guaranteed a win…

“Our dinner honors the First Amendment and strong, independent journalism. [Wolf’s] embrace of these values and her truth-to-power style make her a great friend to the WHCA,” said Margaret Talev, president of the WHCA, in a statement. “Her Pennsylvania roots, stints on Wall Street and in science and self-made, feminist edge make her the right voice now.”

“This is true news,” Wolf tweeted in response to social media posts about her newest gig.

It’s the second year in a row that the dinner — long a venue for A-list comics with established brands such as Bob Hope, Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Kimmel — has turned to entertainers still on the cusp of fame…

Like last year’s host Hasan Minhaj, Wolf is a presence on “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah.” She also released an HBO stand-up special, “Nice Lady,” in December and, just earlier this month, signed on to host a late-night show on streaming giant Netflix. She helped write jokes for Chris Rock’s 2016 Oscars gig and performed on HBO’s “Night of Too Many Stars” last year.

Headlining the dinner has always been a challenge for comics, who have to muscle through a monologue in front of a notoriously tough crowd, but it may be even more so with President Trump in the White House. The proliferation of late-night comedy shows and the dizzying pace of the news cycle means comics doing topical humor have to be able to quickly write timely material, as well as jokes that stand out in a crowded field of professional joke-tellers on TV and amateurs on social media.

The Trump administration is familiar comedic fodder for Wolf, especially during her “Daily Show” appearances. “I realized it’s easier to become president than it is to become Miss America,” she said on a September 2017 episode about the pageant’s regulations. “You know what the qualifications are for president? Thirty-five and born here. That’s not qualifications! That’s the search terms of a sad lady on a Match.com profile.”…

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Apart from nitpicking this choice, what’s on the agenda for the weekend?



Russiagate Open Thread: Hey, Remember That Jared Kid?…

Yet another shoe from the Trump Crime Cartel millipede…

The Feb. 9 phone call from Deputy Attorney General Rod J. Rosenstein to White House Counsel Donald McGahn came amid growing public scrutiny of a number of administration officials without final security clearances. Most prominent among them is Kushner, President Trump’s son-in-law, who has had access to some of the nation’s most sensitive material for the last year while waiting for his background investigation to be completed.

A week after the call from Rosenstein, White House Chief of Staff John F. Kelly announced that staffers whose clearances have not been finalized will no longer be able to view top-secret information — meaning that Kushner could stand to lose his status as early as Friday…

In his phone conversation with McGahn, Rosenstein intended to give an update on the status of Kushner’s background investigation. He did not specify the source of the information that officials were examining, the three people said.

Justice Department officials said Rosenstein did not provide any details to the White House about the matters that need to be investigated relating to Kushner.

“The Deputy Attorney General has not referenced to the White House any specific concerns relating to this individual’s security clearance process,” spokeswoman Sarah Isgur Flores said in a statement…

There are conflicting accounts about whether Rosenstein discussed with McGahn the significance of the information and its possible impact on Kushner’s clearance. Two people said the deputy attorney general told McGahn the Justice Department had obtained important new information, suggesting it could be an obstacle to his clearance process. One other said Rosenstein did not discuss the nature of the ongoing investigation.

Bob Bauer, who served as White House counsel in the Obama administration, said administration officials should view Rosenstein’s alert as a strong reason to revoke Kushner’s interim top-secret access…

Ordinarily, security clearance experts said, the failure to completely disclose all contacts would jeopardize an applicant’s chances of obtaining final clearance.

In addition, Kushner’s actions during the transition have been referenced in the guilty plea of former Trump national security adviser Michael Flynn, who admitted he lied to the FBI about contacts with then-Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak. Prosecutors said Flynn was acting in consultation with a senior Trump transition official, whom people familiar with the matter have identified as Kushner…

“That sounds bad. Is that bad, Dad?”

At CPAC, this very morning:



Two-Bit Grifter Open Thread: Apparently Donny Jr Is Jealous of the Attention Jared’s Been Getting…

Lest we overlook, in the crush of events, the Trump family’s ongoing attempt to sell out the country for their own two-bit schemes…

The president’s eldest son, Donald Trump Jr., is making what has been dubbed an unofficial visit to India to promote his family’s real estate projects. But he’s also planning to deliver a foreign policy speech on Indo-Pacific relations at an event with Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi…

During the visit, the 40-year-old Trump Jr., executive vice president of the Trump Organization, will take a break from his private promotional tour to give an address on “Reshaping Indo-Pacific Ties: The New Era of Cooperation” at a global business summit on Friday evening, co-sponsored by the Economic Times newspaper. Modi will also speak at the summit…

“Trump’s company is literally selling access to the president’s son overseas,” said Jordan Libowitz, the communications director for Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, which is frequently critical of the first family. “For many people wanting to impact American policy in the region, the cost of a condo is a small price to pay to lobby one of the people closest to the president, far away from watchful eyes.”

Critics have often complained of the high cost of Secret Service agents accompanying the Trump children on private business trips, straining the agency’s budget. The Trump Organization’s spokesman did not return requests for comment…

Later this week, Trump Jr. will travel to Mumbai to open the demo unit at the golden-facade Trump Tower being built by the family development firm of Mangal Prabhat Lodha, a state legislator in Modi’s Bharatiya Janata Party. That relationship has also sparked concern about potential conflicts of interest. As with most of its foreign deals, the Trump family licenses its name to the projects, collecting hefty royalty fees but avoiding risky investments.

“Part of the deal was that Trump would come and do promotions every couple of years,” said an employee of the Lodha Group, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because he is not authorized to speak to the media…

“Ideally we’d have preferred Ivanka,” he said, referring to the president’s elder daughter, who is now an adviser to her father. “She has a better public image. But it makes sense for Donald Trump Junior to do it.”

The Atlantic, “The Ethics of Donald Trump Jr’s Indian Adventure”:

“When these sons go around all over the world talking about, one, Trump business deals and, two, … apparently giving speeches on some United States government foreign policy, they are strongly suggesting a linkage between the two,” Richard Painter, President George W. Bush’s chief ethics lawyer who is a professor of law at the University of Minnesota, told me. “Somebody, somewhere is going to cross the line into suggesting a quid pro quo.”…

There are numerous Trump projects in India. There are buildings with the Trump name in Pune, a city of about 3 million people near Mumbai. Other projects are underway in Kolkota; Gurgaon, a suburb of New Delhi; and Mumbai. Prices for the luxury apartments range from $780,000 to $1.6 million. Properties are routinely sold for those amounts in India’s largest cities.

What all these projects have in common is that they are licensing agreements—not Trump construction projects. The Trump Organization’s Indian business partners use the Trump name in exchange for licensing fees. The Trump units reportedly sell at a 30 percent premium over the market rate.

“It’s all about status symbols,” Pankaj Bansal, the director of the real-estate firm M3M India, told CNN last month. “People want to be able to say: ‘Come, let’s go have a drink at the Trump Tower.’ That’s what we’re trying to tap into.”…

“If at dinner, he’s going to talk about United States government policy, that suggests a linkage between United States government official action and people buying condominiums [who] have an opportunity to influence United States government,” Painter said.

Trump Jr. was asked about this during his trip. He told CNBC-TV18 that the criticism the Trump Organization was profiting from the presidency was “nonsense.” “It’s sort of a shame,” he said. “Because we put on all these impositions on ourselves and essentially got no credit for actually doing that. … for doing the right thing.” Trump resigned leadership of the Trump Organization upon becoming president, and among other steps, the company announced that it won’t enter any new deals overseas while he is in office. Additionally, it said, domestic projects will be undertaken only after internal ethics approval. But Painter pointed out that the president himself “has a serious financial conflict of interest with his official duties.”….

Come to think about it, last time I can remember this level of blatant nepotistic influence-peddling was during the first Bush presidency, when runt of the litter son Neil was cruising around Asia, collecting ‘consulting fees’ with bonus ‘room service’ visits (“… The women, he said, simply knocked on the door of his hotel room, entered and had sex with him. He said he did not know if they were prostitutes because they never asked for money and he did not pay them…”) But that was a simpler age, and those naughty details didn’t come out until years later, when Neil’s longsuffering wife took him to divorce court. News moves more swiftly these days — and the Trump boys are even dumber than the young Bushes. So, silver lining, by this weekend there could be diverting infotainment stories about Donny Jr’s favorite kinks…

Vox is straightforward — “Donald Trump Jr.’s tour through India is staggeringly corrupt”:

Trump Jr.’s visit to India not only suggests that the Trump Organization wants to lean into its investments in India — it almost seems designed to invite corrupt behavior.

Experts say Junior is selling access to himself — and by proxy, to the president of the US — in exchange for buying his products. He knows that if a member of the Indian elite wants a chance to advocate for a policy that they’d like to see enacted, buying Trump property is a simple way to do it…
Read more



Late Night Horrorshow Open Thread: It’d Be More Entertaining If This Goniff Wasn’t Squatting in the Oval Office

Phillip Elliott, for Time, “Inside Donald Trump’s Twitter-Fueled Weekend Meltdown”:

White House aides prayed for rain. Inclement weather would mean President Donald Trump would have to take the motorcade to the waiting plane to Florida. That would mean he couldn’t take the helicopter from the South Lawn to Joint Base Andrews, which meant he wouldn’t walk in front of a few dozen waiting reporters who would of course ask him about Special Counsel Bob Mueller’s indictments of 13 Russians for meddling in the 2016 elections.

“If anyone knows a rain dance,” a senior White House official said in the hallway around midday Friday. She didn’t finish the sentence…

This is the daily reality of White House staff members at this moment. Their best hope of averting a crisis — of the legal, political, foreign policy, public relations and familial varieties — is hoping the weather report scuttles an airlift from the South Lawn. In conversations with more than a dozen White House officials and outside advisers, they describe the mood as being grim. Many inside are looking for a way out. Roughly half of them compared it to what they felt when Trump fired FBI Director James Comey last May. None would speak for attribution lest they be seen as publicly disloyal to the President…

Even by Trumpian standards, the President’s weekend in Florida was a class apart. In angry, sometimes profane and occasionally misspelled outbursts, the President gave the world a glimpse into what was going through his head at a moment certain to draw scrutiny for generations. It also brought to light what it’s like to work for this Leader of the Free World who is increasingly feeling isolated.

Already, the week had been a bad one. There were rumors, then reports, that a top deputy on the Trump campaign was ready to plead guilty in Mueller’s probe. A school shooting in Parkland, Florida, left 17 dead not far from the President’s private Mar a Lago club. The President scheduled a Friday evening visit to the community, although White House officials worried that it was a fraught situation for what most aides recognize is figure who doesn’t exactly exude compassion in public…

The President is increasingly angered with his personal and political situations and blames those around him: White House chief of staff John Kelly for the Porter drama; the FBI, even though law enforcement officials have been sharing with the White House lawyers their concerns about the hires; leaders in Congress for not being yes-men; the Attorney General for letting the special counsel exist in the first place; his lawyers for not being more careful with hush money. Ivanka Trump and Kushner have, according to reports, started shopping for a replacement for Kelly — a suggestion Vice President Mike Pence was sent out to deny last week.

Trump’s always formidable temper has been shorter-fused than usual, his willingness to listen less than normal. Some White House officials have stopped speaking up in meetings, knowing it won’t make any difference because Trump is counting on a shrinking circle of those he trusts. Nothing anyone on the National Security Council staff, in the counsel’s office or from across government can outweigh what the President hears from conservatives on cable television or from his social media maven and communications adviser…

The problems were only getting started. The President changed his Twitter picture to one of him flashing a smile and thumbs-up — taken while the President was visiting a hospital where victims of the school shooting were recovering. Other social media accounts featured a grinning President standing next to a young woman in a hospital bed and her medical equipment…



Tuesday Evening Open Thread: Will Their Most Valuable Fan Get A Comp Sub?

Can Trump insist that every WiFi-enabled device in the White House pay for a sub on the government’s dime?


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On the other hand, there’s one WH occupant who’s apparently about to have lots of free time to stream:

Given Kushner’s debts, maybe he can set up a YouTube channel with his reactions live from the West Wing — I hear that’s a cutting-edge monetization platform these days…



Russiagate Open Thread: Exposing the Tinpot Dictator Squatting in the Oval Office

(Matt Davies via GoComics.com)
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It’s a tragic status that’s getting noticed more & more…

The Pentagon is considering soliciting donations to fund the President’s requested military parade, which could cost between $3 million and $50 million, according to preliminary estimates from a defense official who spoke with CNN.

Because there is currently no money set aside for a parade in the military budget, the Pentagon would likely use those private donations to offset the cost of the non-military components of the event, according to CNN. Budget director Mick Mulvaney said Wednesday that he estimates the parade could cost between $10 million to $30 million.

Defense officials are also concerned about the lack of available troops to attend a parade, CNN reported. A large-scale parade would require weeks of planning and the transportation of equipment, like tanks, to Washington, D.C. days ahead of time in order to prepare, according to the official who spoke with CNN…

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Hey, remember how offended the Trumplodytes were when the South Korean government was nice to Kim Jong-un’s sister?…

The government is preparing a VIP welcome for U.S. President Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka, who comes to Korea for the closing ceremony of the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics on Feb. 25. The government apparently wants to soften her up so Trump agrees to a mooted visit to Pyongyang by President Moon Jae-in…

Trump runs the White House like a private fiefdom and has levered both Ivanka and her husband Jarred Kushner into ill-defined foreign-policy roles.

Technically, Seoul has no diplomatic obligation to roll out the red carpet for the child of a U.S. leader, and even the head of a U.S. presidential delegation does not receive the treatment given to a head of state…

Moon himself seems minded to greet her cap-in-hand. A Cheong Wa Dae official said, “Ivanka enjoys sports and especially skiing, so we are discussing having the president travel to Pyeongchang with her to watch a skiing competition.”

Ivanka Trump is the mother of two sons and a daughter, whom the government wants to lavish with presents.

The government has to calibrate the red-carpet treatment so it meets at least the welcome given to North Korean leader Kim Jong-un’s sister Yo-jong, who visited the opening ceremony. The first daughter has repeatedly been treated as a virtual head of state during visits to other countries, not least to Germany, where she shared a stage with Chancellor Angela Merkel…


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BREAKING…

Special counsel Robert Mueller’s interest in Jared Kushner has expanded beyond his contacts with Russia and now includes his efforts to secure financing for his company from foreign investors during the presidential transition, according to people familiar with the inquiry.

This is the first indication that Mueller is exploring Kushner’s discussions with potential non-Russian foreign investors, including in China…

It’s not clear what’s behind Mueller’s specific interest in the financing discussions. Mueller’s team has not contacted Kushner Companies for information or requested interviews with its executives, according to a person familiar with the matter.

During the presidential transition, Kushner was a lead contact for foreign governments, speaking to “over fifty contacts with people from over fifteen countries,” according to a statement he gave to congressional investigators…