Late Night Open Thread

Sitting here reading a garbage Ludlum novel with Lily on the lap and listening to the Daft Punk album (I really, really liked that performance on the Grammys so I dl’d it), and I looked over on the couch and saw this:

onetiredkitty

All pet owners will know exactly what I am talking about right now, because when you lean over and see fluffy adorableness like that, you are immediately hit with two competing thoughts:

1.) I want to rub that.

2.) I know if I rub that, it is going to ruin the moment for him.

So basically, what I am confronted with is the cat petting version of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. I know it is going to be temporarily awesome to just throw my hand into that warm floofy belly, but if I do, I will change the dynamics of the situation forever.

And so I sit here in silence, suffering, knowing how good it could be to grab a handful of that furry gut but not wanting to interrupt Steve’s bliss for a fleeting moment of personal pleasure. And now I can go to bed happy, having not done a god damned thing or sacrificed one bit for my fellow man, but wholly convinced I am an awesome person because I didn’t fuck with my fat cat.

The human mind rules.








Occam’s Razor Lost Its Edge

There are a couple of gnawing thoughts tonight about the Outlaw Jersey Whale (thank you TBOGG) that are keeping me awake tonight.

The first is my conflicted opinion about what Tim referred to as “Chris Christie demands to know why nobody told him what everyone in his office is up to.” I mean, to me, it just defies all logic and reason that all his close aides were involved in this shit and yet he is just stunned to be learning about it. What the fuck did he spend the last few months doing since these allegations were first made?

Having said that, I’ve spent a lot of time studying groupthink, and I have had employees in the past in both the “real” world, in academia, and in the military when I was a squad leader, so I know all about the concept of mind guarding and keeping info from the boss and the uncanny ability of employees to fuck up the simplest of things without any recognition of the depth and breadth of what they have just done. In this case, though, Christie presents himself as a hands on guy who is in control of things (that was him walking around after Sandy in a hard hat with Obama, wasn’t it), so that shit just doesn’t fly. He spent hours with these people every day. Either he knew or he is the most incompetent executive ever.

Second, this whole thing with that young, blonde, long-term rightwing aide who got run over by the Christie bus just reminds me of another young blonde female who was also a vicious political hack- Monica Goodling. I simply don’t remember so many vicious female political hacks when I was younger. There was always Phyllis Schlafly and Anita Bryant, but, it just seems like there are so many more female political hacks than before. Not that they outpace the male political hacks by any measure.

Finally, what I really don’t get out of this whole thing is what was the fucking point of it all? It doesn’t matter if Christie was involved or not, what was the fucking point? All it was was a dick move that fucked over a lot of people. No political point was made (until they got caught). No one on the bridge stuck there for hours thought “Well God Damned. I’ll not vote Democrat again.”

It was just pointless dickish idiocy. Which, I guess, isn’t so far removed from the House GOP voting 38 times to repeal the ACA. So I guess, If you look at it holistically, the whole damned thing makes sense after all.

Thus spoke Zarathustra.

*** Update ***

I’d also like to be the first to note that this is the second Republican Presidential/VP hopeful in the last few years to have problems with what we shall call a “Bridge to Nowhere.” If I were Christie, I’d personally shoot anyone who mentions the term “Appalachian Trail” within 100 yards of me.








I Wish You a Very Merry Stevemas

I know you all are sick and tired of Steve pics and stories, but I am telling you, this cat just grows in character by day. It’s quite hilarious how captivating this breed is. At any rate, a nice glamour shot of my main man with his glamorous mane (which is also growing day by day, still) and his white Tunch spot on full display:

mymainman

I also think I am going the full Hemingway and declaring I will only rescue polydactyl cats from now on. I mean, look at these things:

paw

When he walks into a room, with those larger than life mitts moseying on in combined with the Maine Coon lope, which really looks a lot like a German Shephard’s walk, it’s imposing. Everyone who has met him first says “WOW, that’s a cat!” and then after a little bit says “Ok, I get it now. I thought Steve was a stupid name, but he’s Steve.”

I leave you with this:

dutchoven

What’s that, you ask? Why yes, it is my jade plant in a dutch oven next to Steve. And yes, I know it is a shitty picture, but I just wanted to get Steve next to his victim. Sir Spazzalot got the zooms the other day, roared into the living room and crashed into the speaker, knocking the jade plant and my favorite pot in the world onto the floor, where the pot shattered. It was a one of a kind Laura W. creation, and it makes me sick to my stomache.

At any rate, Merry Christmas, and I’ll see you all tomorrow afternoon sometime. If you have any pictures of your pets destroying Christmas stuff, send them to me. That could be a fun thread.








Here’s a Holiday Gripe From Me

I’m an atheist, as you all know, but I really don’t get the point of this nonsense. Here’s a billboard on display in Times Square this year:

american-atheists-billboard

I thought one of the real benefits of being an atheist is that you didn’t have to get into pitched battles with people about what they believed in- I didn’t realize that because I don’t believe, I have to choose some side and work to convince people there is no God. That’s not what I signed up for. I just thought the whole thing was nonsense, and left it at that. I didn’t realize by taking that stance I had to actively work to convince other people there is no God. What’s the point in that, and why is this good for me and them?

I don’t believe in a lot of things. I don’t believe in unicorns or Santa Claus, but I don’t feel like i have to go out and actively work to persuade people they don’t exist. Why do I have to take on this endeavor?

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll be as uppity as all get out when the religious nuts decide they think their deity should dictate how I and my friends live, but otherwise, I really don’t care- as long as you are not affecting me, whatever blows your trumpet, I say.

And is there any other group in the world other than atheists.org whose organizing principle is not believing in something? Whole thing just seems weird and counter-intuitive. Basically, being an atheist isn’t a license to be a total fucking dick.








Open Thread

Just sort of sitting here doing not much of anything, but before I start to ramble, this:

novalox

Now I know I am a dumb hick from West Virginia and fully recognize that I do not know all the nuances of lox and smoked salmon and nova lox, but all this hillbilly can do is honestly report what is on the fucking package of the product he is eating. There is NO Jewish community around here, so a lot of foodstuffs you all take for granted (kosher dogs and pickles, bagels, etc.) just don’t exist in high quality here. I love the stuff when I can find it, but I deal with what I got here. So if you all want to have a big debate about what I actually ate and everything, fine, but I’m just reporting what was on the package. The only other option was Gravilux, and it was sold out. So I danced with the girl who brung me, and it tasted ok. I’m sure one of you will inform me it was farmed under slave labor and I just ate five years worth of mercury and PCB’s, but shit happens.

Also, fuck you for making me defensive about this.

At any rate, just sitting here with the piglets. I was watching a little Lilyhammer before I realized I could actually watch the Boise State game because it was in Hawaii and not on that god damned blue turf. Why is that allowed? It’s just criminal and hurtful on the eyes.

Whatever, get off my grass. Happy Holidays.