I don’t want to cause problems for someone else, so I have decided to put this discussion of my mental status below the fold. If you’re sick of reading about it or worry it may impact you negatively, just scroll on by. I assure you that I am more sick of living it than you …
One Day at a TimePost + Comments (157)
At any rate, woke up this morning, sun was coming through the curtains, and I told myself that I was going to confront the day and it was going to be a good one. This lasted about thirty seconds after I got out of bed and both cats started screaming for breakfast, I looked and saw my dismantled computer that I had to take to the shop for repair, and the spiral began.
Before I left for Arizona I had scheduled a blood draw for this morning so that I could go into my spring checkup with the doctor armed with all the necessary data, so I went and did that. It was awful and bright and the place was full of physically unwell people. Got out of there alive, went and dropped off the computer, and then headed to Kroger.
My parents came back today so I was going to pick them up some stuff, and I went into the store, got a cart, and not sure if you know this, but one of the side effects of anxiety for people is a histamine effect, and I had to go to the bathroom. So I went to the bathroom, came out, and my cart was gone. I looked for it, could not find it, couldn’t figure out if I was losing my mind, and the cognitive load of simply getting another cart was too much so instead I went out to the car and pulled into a spot in the shade behind the store and cried.
After I had my shit together I called the doctor and said I need to come in today, so they scheduled me at 3 pm. Got in, and all my bloodwork from 8 am was already done, and wouldn’t you know it, it was great. Like cholesterol and triglyceride levels that were not just good for my age but straight up good. Was officially down 22 lbs according to their scales, and it appears my body is fine and my head is just shit.
I talked with her for a while and she said she wanted to do an EKG just to rule that out for my piece of mind, we did it, and it was normal. Basically, we agreed that for now the diagnosis is I am nuts and having a major anxiety episode. Just talking to her and getting the bloodwork results lowered my blood pressure (she tested it when I got there and it was through the roof) and it was normal by the time I left.
I apparently have another sinus infection on top of everything else, so she told me to get some flonase and mucinex, and then put me on two short term anxiety meds- atarax and buspar. She was very kind and patient with me, and sent me on my way.
I have no experience with the meds- I had been prescribed atarax before but never took it because it was a “just in case” thing, but I dutifully took both WITHOUT GOOGLING either, and I feel a lot better right now. I don’t think I should operate anything more dangerous than a keyboard, but for the first time in a week I do not feel completely insane and spiraling.
So that is where we are now- 24 hours later, not great, but better. I’ll fucking take that. I even wrote this post in one sitting. Thanks for listening.