OH HEY IT GETS BETTER

The mouthbreathing imbeciles who put this deck in never used cement so some of the support beams are just fucking dangling.

I have made a command decision. I don’t have the money to do it right now, and probably never will because every time I think I have money someone gets sick or something breaks, but after this repair I am done with this fucking deck. In five years I am just tearing the god damned thing down, replacing it with a very modest porch about one tenth the size whose sole purpose is to have stairs to the yard, and then putting in a little stone patio.

Fuck this.








Fuck People Who Don’t Take Care of Their God Damned House

What started out as a minor project to replace a few rotted deck boards has now turned into me starting a bonfire and burning piles of cash I don’t have. Apparently the shit for brains who owned this house used untreated 2×10’s all across the midsection of the deck and now I have to rip up the entire god damned midsection of my deck and replace all of the infrastructure. We thought we had all of it last year.

This is not a fucking website rebuild metaphor.

Buy a house they said. You’ll build equity, they said. In ten months I have replaced a fucking $5,000 central air unit, the fucking hot water heater for another cool grand, and now who knows how much on this fucking deck. And it’s a deck I can’t even fucking use for three months in the summer because there is no shade and it is like sitting on the surface of the fucking sun.

Motherfucker. Buy a fucking house and hemorrhage cash. Probably time for one of the fucking dogs to get sick and cost me another fortune. Cocksucker.








Day Trip to the ‘Burgh

Wanted to get out of the house and do something fun and cheap today, so I headed up to the Strip District in Pittsburgh. I went a little bit later to beat the mad rush (plus, the flower guys always cut the prices later on), and it worked:

As always, I called mom and dad and some friends to see if they wanted anything, and I stopped by the usual places- Pennsylvania Macaroni Company, Stamooli Brothers, Wholeys, etc. I didn’t get that much- I am not really eating as much lately and trying to eat healthier, plus I am saving money for the path I am putting in the backyard, but I did get some fresh ricotta and some olive oil, as well as some stuffed grape leaves. Also, ran into my fraternity brother Nick while there (we’ve known each other since 1987):

Fortunately, Nick apparently has a wide angle lens on his phone, otherwise I am not sure he would have been able to take this picture of my ginormous head. I mean jesus tapdancing christ that is a planetary sized head- I’m surprised I don’t have a god damned moon orbiting. I mean, I have always known I had a big head- we had to special order my hats in the army and my drill sergeant told me that if I was a cowboy I would need a 12 gallon hat, but every now and then I see a picture and it just shocks me.

After the Strip district, I went to Traxx Farm Market on the way home to pick up some strawberries for dad and some for Harry and Chatman and a quart for me to eat with my fresh ricotta and honey tonight, and I followed this hysterical car for quite some way. At a stop light I took a picture because I knew you all would appreciate it:

If you can’t tell from the image, the wiper blade is painted as the tail so when the wipers are on it makes it look like the cat is wagging it’s tail. I laughed.

I’m going to take a nap and then tackle the back yard.








Friday Night Open Thread

I got some tiles made for the front of the house so people will know the street number, and I can replace the hideous ones I hastily purchased when I moved in:

Also, the petunias, pansies, and wildflowers are going NUTS:

That’s all I got for tonight. Keep bitching amongst yourselves.








Long Day But I Got Some New Plates

It had been several years since I ventured north to the Homer Laughlin Fiestaware Tent Sale, so I went up this morning and man was it PACKED:

It took about 75 minutes to get in, which is longer than I remember. While I was in line, sister Devon called and informed me that she needed plates and bowls, of the green, blue, and turquoise variety. Also while in line, I was twice asked if I was there for my wife. The second time I responded “I didn’t know those were for sale but I’m probably just going to pick up some dishes.” Also talked about making preserves and the pros and cons of pectin.

At any rate, I finally got everything for Devon, and picked out a bunch of replacement plates for ones that have been broken, and was very excited by a bright yellow color I had not seen before which, according to the HL website, is daffodil. I also got a new butter dish to replace the one Tammy broke over the winter. It was in a pale yellow, not the aforementioned daffodil:

While I was in line to check out, a woman was very upset that I was buying that particular butter dish because it had a flaw. “You don’t want that one, it has an imperfection,” she said. I looked at it and said “I think it will hold butter just fine.” “Yes, but it has that flaw,” she insisted, at which point I just said something to the effect “you should see the rest of my life.” She even offered to go back and find me a better one, but I said I was ok.

Some people are very particular- they bring towels to wipe the plates off and inspect every square millimeter, and then there are others who just lift whole stacks in their cart because they are just going to pay for them, get back in line, haul it back home and sell them at flea markets. I just like a variety of colors and functionality, and I am ok with a little character. Not like I will be hosting the Queen- after this week I think she is pretty done with Americans for a while.

Met a nice lady named Vicky in the checkout line who had flown from Kansas City into Cleveland to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and then drove over to pick up a few items. When we were done paying, I offered to watch her stuff while she went into the retail full price store, and she asked “How do I know you are not going to rob me?” It caught me off guard, and I just told her I guess she has no way of knowing and will just have to roll the dice. So she did, and I did not rob her. Rather sporting of her, though. She then watched my boxes while I walked the half mile to get my car, came back, picked her up and drove her and her boxes top her car.

At any rate, I got back home, and here is the haul:

Isn’t the daffodil spectacular? I am moving most of these into immediate rotation. I had mostly salmon and orange plates left (others got broken), so I am excited that I now have a selection of vibrant colors- blues, greens, yellows, red, some plum and deep purples, etc. I’ll put the others in the basement until something breaks.

So that was my day. Did an inspection of the garden and spent an hour watering all the plants, and now am finishing up Chernobyl, which is just spectacular- more on that later.

Also, bonus picture of the godson Cole and his adorable pup Tulip:

So happy he has a dog now.