Pergola Update

Yes- the boards are uneven, so don’t waste your breath- they’re coming down so we can prime and paint them. Also, I have to go to Lowe’s because apparently I did not pay attention in school and can not count properly and am ONE FUCKING BOARD short.

We’re painting it white, fwiw. Realized today I am not sure what I am more excited about- shade, or the opportunity for more hanging plants.








Things I Have Learned This Week

1.) The reason butterflies fly like they are drunk, bouncing all over the place, is an evolutionary adaptation that helps to make their flight path difficult to predict, thwarting potential predators. The more poisonous ones don’t do this as much because fuck you go ahead and eat me you prick.

2.) Bobsled dogs poop while running. Which means it really pays to be the lead dog.

3.) I actually really enjoy the process of sanding and staining wood. I’m putting a book case in my office and the cheapest option was to just make it myself. It’s been fun.

4.) I should have purchased a pickup truck instead of the CRV. Not on of those giant vehicle penises, but just something to haul shit in.

*** UPDATE ***

Will all the front pagers PLEASE EMAIL ME AT JGRIFFINCOLE @ GMAIL . COM

I purchased the email server and need all your current emails so I can set you up with a zoho account for website use.








Deck Update

Because I know there is nothing more riveting than watching me burn piles of cash and walk you step by step through the reconstruction of my deck, here is the end of the day status report. 2x10x16’s replaced and secured correctly, concrete poured, bad decking and the boards that got ruined pulling them up replaced:

Because I am a masochist and I like pain, and I know all you homeowners are secretly (and in some cases not so secretly) deriving great pleasure as I walk you through this, nodding along saying to yourself “been there, sucker,” here is the same picture with the boards I HAD ORIGINALLY INTENDED TO REPLACE marked:

Tomorrow, pergola.








Rosie Update

As I sat down to write this post, I thought to myself- “I remember when I used to write about politics.” At any rate, called up the vet first thing this morning, and they did not have any appointments, but said to just drop her off and they would check her out when they could. They all like Rosie, and she likes everyone but me, so it was a win/win. So I lassoed her, got her into the family truckster, and dropped her off.

I’m serious about her not liking me. I spent a good bit of last night sleepless worrying about her, and I spent some time reflecting on our journey together. It’s been a strange ride. As you remember, I found her in the middle of the road running around in a circle in the middle of NOWHERE, stopped the car to check on her, walked towards her, and she ran around the other side of the car and jumped in the driver’s seat. I spent a fruitless couple days posting flyers for eight miles in every direction and went to every house on that road, and of course no one knew her because she had clearly been dumped.

She had clearly been abused and was hand shy, and for the first couple of years would snarl viciously at anyone who walked near her- so much so that my one friend named her Snarls Barkley. I had a couple friends who thought she needed to be put down, but I refused to consider that. A lot of you were worried about her harming Tunch, but she did ok and after a while pretty seamlessly folded into the shitshow pack. And we’ve been together ever since.

But she really doesn’t like me. I think she loves me and tolerates me, and knows where her food comes from, but of all the people who come and go in her life, I am her least favorite. She absolutely adores Tammy, and she loves Gerald and she and my dad are basically soulmates, and whenever people come over she gets waggy and gets the zooms, but she basically looks at me the way I look at watching what I eat- a necessary evil. Everyone loves her, though, because she is so happy to see people who are not me. I know that not so secretly she is the favorite pet for a lot of you.

And I’m ok with that. I’ve been trained accordingly. I know if I want to give her a pill, I have to wrap it in cheese and pretend to drop it off the counter. I know if she needs a bath I have to pretend to take her for a walk and put the leash on her. I know she is not going to come when I call- EVER. I know when she walks through the living room and I say “Hi Rosie” she’s just going to glare at me and keep walking. I know that she wants to be in bed every night, and that when I go to pick her up she is going to try to bite me. We’ve just come to an arrangement.

At any rate, the doctor inspected her, and the diagnosis is she hurt her knee, but there is no structural damage, it’s just a little “ouchy” and “crunchy,” but it’s been that way for quite some time from her arthritis. The fall just aggravated it a little bit more than usual. So she got a shot for pain, and we will continue taking rimadyl and joint supplements, and carry on. We’re installing a handicap ramp (basically just a 2×10) on the back steps of the deck down to the yard so she can avoid steps, and I will just carry her upstairs at night for the next few days/weeks/years. So that is that.

Now it is time to deal with this clusterfuck:

Winning.








Another Day in Paradise Concluded

So if you have been following along with today’s events on this somewhat popular full service maybe top 10,000 blog, you are aware that the simple plan to replace a few pieces of decking has morphed into yet another somewhat predictable Coletastrophe. Many of the 2×10’s under the deck allegedly holding it up were not pressure treated and had rotted away, but that’s ok because they weren’t supported anyway because they never buried the posts in concrete. Winning. Current status- clusterfuck:

Once we discovered that there was a great deal of structural support to contend with, Gerald said “might as well deal with your shade problem now, then,” so we are now not only going to fix the problem, but putting on a pergola while we have everything ripped apart. This is what we have based our design on:

In other words, what was a 30 dollar one hour job has now become a $500 dollar adventure. I’m so fucking broken spiritually I just said to hell with it and agreed with whatever Gerald said and just put the lumber on the Lowes card. While at Lowes, however, Gerald called and said “You have a problem with your dog.” I immediately replied “christ what did Thurston do,” and as it turns out, Thurston didn’t do anything, Rosie decided to try to jump the hole in the deck where the boards USED to be and fell through three feet to the ground, injuring her hip. I inspected her when I got home, and she is gimpy and limping, and there did not seem to be any broken bones, but we will be going to the vet tomorrow because of course we are money grows on fucking trees. I’ll be keeping a close eye on her tonight.

On the positive side of things, look at this head of broccoli I just harvested:

I don’t have the emotional strength to check the news tonight. I’m just going to watch netflix and go to bed.

*** Update ***

I forgot the other major news- the town of Bethany just survived a contested election for mayor since (my dad was mayor for like 24 years)- THERE WERE EVEN FOUR SIGNS and even a meet the candidates event (which is amusing since everyone has basically lived here for over 50 years except Furbee, who has only been here 20 years). I have never seen a sign for a mayoral election here. Big happenings in little Bethany- even a write up on the website for the big city tv station in Wheeling. Today was election day, so of course I went down the hill to the town center and voted, and the results are in:

Congratulations to Mayor Elect Shirley Kemp and the new town council!