John Cole Presents “This Fucking Old House”

It’s the parents 51st anniversary, and since they are still on lockdown, we could not go out like we did last year to the Italian restaurant whose name I can not even remember. At any rate, Devon and I decided we would do something for them, and since mom and dad both loved Maryland crabs, we did that. I went to Maryland this morning and picked up a half a bushel and some Utz’s potato chips, Devon made a gazpacho and a corn salad, and we surprised them for dinner:

If you look to the left, you can see my bear paw, but as dad and Chris are more photogenic, the rest of me was not in the frame. Crabs look good, though:

Ironically, both mom and dad, lifelong Republicans, are almost as eager as I am to vote for Biden. They just LOATHE Trump. At any rate, Happy 51st.

Happy 51st Anniversary, Mom and DadPost + Comments (74)

I haven’t even checked the front page in four hours so I am probably bigfooting like three posters, but I simply refuse to watch any of the RNC. As I noted last night, I chose to watch WWII in color, when it was acceptable to shoot nazis.

In other news, I have been in a legendary bad mood all day. I mean just spitting fire. I have no idea why. Don’t bother trying to cheer me up, I’m just gonna go to bed anyway.

Pet owners- THE FLEA SITUATION IS OUT OF CONTROL THIS SEASON. I have given them pills, I have given them drops, I bathe them every week, and they even have flea collars for the first time. And it doesn’t help. I feel terrible for them but there is nothing we can do and I am out of ideas. Thurston, btw, gets aggressive and barks at his ass whenever he itches.

Feh.

Fuck the Republicans.

RNC Open ThreadPost + Comments (170)

Every now and then I turn around, look behind me, and find things like this:

And then I slowly turn back around and pretend I didn’t see anything because mom and dad didn’t raise a total idiot.

I’m rewatching Chuck on Amazon Prime.

I Don’t Know EitherPost + Comments (45)

I love how full my yard looks:

Open ThreadPost + Comments (35)

I am so fucking angry today at just everything. Everything going on has me just sputtering with rage.

On top of it, I have a sinus infection in my front right sinus cavity that is leaking a mixture of pus and blood and am on strong anti-biotics that will no doubt give me the shits and my teeth and eye and whole face feel like they have been punched and I just want it to be 21 January 2021 and this awful motherfucker out of the office.

Anger BearPost + Comments (130)

In case you were ever wondering why I am the way I am, let me share this with you. Today is dad’s 79th birthday, and for his birthday they decided they wanted an ice cream cake. So mom ordered it, and I, as a good soon, picked it up and delivered it. All should be well in good in the Cole households. But, however, my family is INSANE, and mom is now blowing up the family text because she is ABSOLUTELY LIVID that they forgot the comma:

The family text is here to make me miserable btw- it’s all the kids, mom and dad, and Tammy, aka daughter #3. Sometimes I can pick the phone up and there will be 113 messages, and I will think something horrible has happened only to find out that they have sent 86 messages to the group discussing whose dogs more when the UPS person comes. And then they get mad at me because I don’t read every text.

At any rate, happy birthday, dad. Look at the mess you have unleashed on an unsuspecting world.

Why I Am the Way I AmPost + Comments (70)