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Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I’m going back to the respite thread.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Call the National Guard if your insurrection lasts more than four hours.

Let there be snark.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

This is all too absurd to be reality, right?

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

I don’t care how fun he is after a few whiskies. fuck that guy.

We need fewer warriors in public service and more gardeners.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

There will be lawyers.

Something seems odd about that, but i have been drinking.

Consistently wrong since 2002

Accused of treason; bitches about the ratings. I am in awe.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

All your base are belong to Tunch.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Four legs? good! two legs? we’re not so sure…

Too inconsequential to be sued

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

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John Cole Presents “This Fucking Old House”

You are here: Home / Archives for John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

How Did It Get So Broken

by John Cole|  February 10, 20216:44 pm| 238 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Stream of Consciousness

If Senate Republicans fail to convict Donald Trump, it won't be because the facts were with him or his lawyers mounted a competent defense. It will be because the jury includes his co-conspirators.

— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) February 10, 2021

Watching the GOP these days, I just don’t know what they are doing or how it got here. I mean we know how it got to this point, they got increasingly reliant on crazy people and catered to them more and more until they ate the party, but it’s still hard to understand how we got to this point.

If anyone asked me at gunpoint what the Republican Party believes in, the only thing I could say is basically the Republican Party. They’re basically a virus that exist only to replicate to continue existing. I can’t think of any other reason for it to be here, and that isn’t even really one.

While the trial is going on in the Senate, the cameras are, by rule, focused only on the speaker, because that is what the Republicans insisted. That way it won’t show them with their legs up on their desks, doing crosswords, fucking around on their electronic devices, and yukking it up with their fellow co-conspirators.

It’s all so depressing. There are so many things that frustrate me, but one that really grates on me is the absolute lack of vision. They aspire to literally nothing. They live only for the day. A little while ago, GM announced they would be moving to all electric cars in 2035 or something, which is great and something to aspire to. All my right-wing friends LOST THEIR SHIT.

Why do they fucking care? Does anyone think the internal combustion engine will be swept off the earth by 2035? I don’t. That ain’t happening in my lifetime, if for not other reason that the capacity to fuel every engine on earth with renewables will not yet be available. But even the idea of change for the better scares them. It’s insane.

It’s like people do not realize that the very car they are in right now, even if it is a shitty 1983 honda civic that is half bondo, is still better than the mode of transportation that 99.99999% of all humans had over the history of earth. If we are all electric in the future, it will only be because it is better and companies can make a profit on it. And probably in another 50-100 years, something will replace electric cars. And so on.

Like I said, it’s all so god damned depressing.

How Did It Get So BrokenPost + Comments (238)

Open Thread

by John Cole|  October 23, 202012:44 am| 54 Comments

This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

I only watched a little bit of the debate because I’m already angry at the world and I have already voted so why would I put myself through that?

Spent a chunk of time organizing and cleaning today and the house looked so good I took some pictures, and I love how the entrance to Home, Crap Home looks now.

Open Thread 4

Open Thread 5

Open Thread 6

Still a lot of room for more plants.

Open ThreadPost + Comments (54)

Welp, I Voted

by John Cole|  October 21, 20203:45 pm| 84 Comments

This post is in: 2020 Elections, John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

Got myself hosed off and threw on the dress overalls, made sure I had my voter registration card and driver’s license, and loaded up the family truckster and headed on over to the County Courthouse. When I got there, there were about three ladies and a grumpy old man (not my dad) ahead of me, and as I waited, a couple more women trickled in behind me.

The wait was brief, about ten minutes, and the county clerk said they had already had 150 voters and it was only 11:30, which is quite a lot for my neck of the woods. Because I am rule breaker, when she said that, I announced loud enough for everyone to hear that “I’m sure there are a lot of people like me who are pretty darn sick and tired of a certain you know who” and the clerk hushed me because no politicking and several of the women there giggled and two of them nodded at me in agreement.

Finally got in the booth and was filling my ballot out and the grumpy old man (again, not me or my dad) was fussing with his thing as he reviewed his votes and then bellowed “I didn’t want to vote for that damned Donald Trump” and an attendant rushed over to reset it, and it was my turn to giggle. I was also pleasantly surprised that he was voting for Biden because I just sort of figured he was the Trump demographic.

I reviewed my ballot, printed it, and handed it to the county clerk and told her “I normally don’t vote for people running unopposed because I don’t want to encourage them, but you seem to have it really well put together here so I voted for you anyway,” and she blushed and shushed me again.

And my civic duties are complete for 2020. Fuck Donald Trump.

Then went to my favorite hole in the wall and got a garden omelette with hash browns, a black coffee and a large ice cold glass of milk, flirted with the homely waitress and then overtipped. Headed out in pursuit of a non racist barber.. Wait. Did I tell you my barber story? I don’t remember.

A couple weeks ago I ventured out of the bunker to get my hair did, as I had been shaving it myself all year, and figured I might as well get a cut before the third peak of covid, and went to my barber. I’ve been going to here for over a decade, since I moved back to Bethany, and we were friendly and she did pet rescue and the like. I knew she was a Trump supporter in 2016 and she knows I am a pink commie who will argue with her and not take her shit, but we had come to terms with it. At any rate, halfway through the cut she asked me what I thought about Black Live Matters and I said “They do and I support it” and she started into a racist tirade about looting and “those people just don’t want to work” and things like that. I was kinda shocked into silence, and just got up, paid, and left, called my dad because he goes there too, and said “we need to find a new barber.” Kinda sad, because I have only had two barbers since 1992, but I can’t support that shit. I guess what I have learned is you scratch any diehard Trump supporter and underneath you find a Klan hood.

At any rate, headed to the city of Steubenville, which has a decent sized black population (at least for around here), and was going to go to a black owned barbershop, the logic being they were less likely to be RACIST AS FUCK than all the white ones around here, not to mention the best haircuts I have ever had were by the black barbers in the Army and by the one Kuwaiti guy who cut my hair on base in the Persian Gulf. Alas, they were closed, so I will have to try again in the next few days. I took a picture of their hours so next time I won’t fuck it up and show up on the wrong day.

And the annual voting tradition is now over.

Welp, I VotedPost + Comments (84)

The Radicalization of My Parents Continues

by John Cole|  October 13, 202010:10 pm| 137 Comments

This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

Got mom and dad a new sign for their yard, and mom sent a picture to the family text as soon as she saw it:

The Radicalization of My Parents Continues

Dad loves it.

I tell you what, Trump is a uniter. A few years ago my parents thought I was a wild hair on fire liberal, and today when I talked to my mom the first thing out of her mouth before hello was “that woman is awful.” She was talking about Amy Comey Barrett.

The Radicalization of My Parents ContinuesPost + Comments (137)

Happy 51st Anniversary, Mom and Dad

by John Cole|  August 27, 20207:23 pm| 74 Comments

This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

It’s the parents 51st anniversary, and since they are still on lockdown, we could not go out like we did last year to the Italian restaurant whose name I can not even remember. At any rate, Devon and I decided we would do something for them, and since mom and dad both loved Maryland crabs, we did that. I went to Maryland this morning and picked up a half a bushel and some Utz’s potato chips, Devon made a gazpacho and a corn salad, and we surprised them for dinner:

Happy 51st Anniversary, Mom and Dad

If you look to the left, you can see my bear paw, but as dad and Chris are more photogenic, the rest of me was not in the frame. Crabs look good, though:

Happy 51st Anniversary, Mom and Dad 1

Ironically, both mom and dad, lifelong Republicans, are almost as eager as I am to vote for Biden. They just LOATHE Trump. At any rate, Happy 51st.

Happy 51st Anniversary, Mom and DadPost + Comments (74)

RNC Open Thread

by John Cole|  August 25, 202010:49 pm| 170 Comments

This post is in: John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

I haven’t even checked the front page in four hours so I am probably bigfooting like three posters, but I simply refuse to watch any of the RNC. As I noted last night, I chose to watch WWII in color, when it was acceptable to shoot nazis.

In other news, I have been in a legendary bad mood all day. I mean just spitting fire. I have no idea why. Don’t bother trying to cheer me up, I’m just gonna go to bed anyway.

Pet owners- THE FLEA SITUATION IS OUT OF CONTROL THIS SEASON. I have given them pills, I have given them drops, I bathe them every week, and they even have flea collars for the first time. And it doesn’t help. I feel terrible for them but there is nothing we can do and I am out of ideas. Thurston, btw, gets aggressive and barks at his ass whenever he itches.

Feh.

Fuck the Republicans.

RNC Open ThreadPost + Comments (170)

Excellent Book Recommendations

by John Cole|  August 10, 202011:11 pm| 53 Comments

This post is in: Books, John Cole Presents "This Fucking Old House"

If you have not picked up a copy yet, I highly recommend Caste: The Origins of Our Discontent. I’m only a little bit in, and it is fantastic. It’s such a comfortable read and her storytelling is amazing and so smooth. After just a few paragraphs I felt like I had eased into a pair of comfortable slippers.

On a personal note, sorry for not posting more. I’ve been in a mood, distracted, busy, worried about paying for house repairs, and a little depressed. I’ve been spending time ignoring the news, not responding to non-work emails, and biding my time with house and garden and canning stuff, slipping into a gaming k-hole, and reading and watching tv. All the seasons of Chuck are on Amazon Prime, btw.

I just don’t want to think about these fucking people, and I know in a couple weeks that is all I am going to be able to think about as I get to phone calling and door knocking. They’re just so fucking awful and I hate them so much. Sometimes I worry if it is unhealthy to hate them this much, then I realize only a fucking monster could NOT hate them this much. And so it goes.

Keep your chin up, people.

Excellent Book RecommendationsPost + Comments (53)

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