Ted Barlow- Headcase

Ted Barlow has gone completely bonkers. This was funny, though:

Q. How many bloggers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Only one, but when has that ever stopped us?

Clinton Jokes

Here is my nasty Clinton joke for the week-end:

Bill Clinton started jogging near his new home in Chappaqua.
But on each run, he happened to jog past a hooker standing on
the same street corner, day after day.

With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached
her for what was most certainly to follow. “Fifty dollars!”
she would shout from the curb. “No. Five dollars!” fired back
Clinton. This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for
days. He’d run by. She’d holler, “Fifty dollars!” He’d yell
back, “Five dollars!”

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany
her husband on his jog. As the jogging couple neared the
problematic street corner, Bill realized the “pro” would bark
her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what Bill had been
really doing on all his past outings. He realized he should
have a darn good explanation for the junior Senator.

As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the
corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual. Sure
enough, there was the hooker where she always stood. Bill tried
to evade the prostitute’s eyes as she watched the pair jog

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled, “See what you get
for five bucks!”

See, Hesiod? Republicans do have a sense of humor.

Paging Yogi Berra

My Governor, Bob Wise, discussing the need to streamline state government to make it more efficient, during his State of the State Address:

” It’s not a question of if we change. The only issue is how and when. I say now..”

Yogi Berra was spotted weeping openly in the audience.

My other favorite Wise quote from tonight:

Some may say step back — we say move forward.

And you do the hokie pokie…

Governor Wise did have one really interesting proposal which just goes to show how far the internet has come, and again, shows where we are going in the future:

Last year, we condensed the budget and the bills to two tiny compact discs and gave them to each member on the first day. We’ve made it a tradition. This year, we’re going a step further:

The executive budget, and my legislative proposals are being transferred as I speak to your email accounts. They also being delivered electronically to the press, to state agencies and many citizens — and we’re saving a ton of paper and printing and postage costs in the process.

Good. An outstanding use of technology that no one should be against (now watch the idiots print them out on ther government computers- ruining the whole purpose).

Where Are the Osbourne’s?

LOS ANGELES(AP) – A gunman who apparently believed his neighbors were demons shot to death a 67-year-old man and critically injured his son before surrendering, police said.
The man was arrested Monday evening after a three-hour standoff at a North Hollywood home.

Does anyone know where Ozzy Osbourne and his son are, and if so, are they in good health?

Cats Rule I was sitting

Cats Rule

I was sitting here at the computer having a snack, and my cat, Tunch, jumped up on the desk to get in the way say Hello. I was eating sliced pineapple, which I like to dip into a little powdered sugar. Tunch stuck his nose down to investigate, not knowing what was on the plate, but still willing to offer his taste-testing skills, got a big snoot of powder up the nose. He then totally freaked out and fell off the desk. I felt bad for him, but I am still laughing.

BTW- IF you are planning on getting a cat, first go buy a couple little boxes to put things in. Like pens. Change. Lighters. Anything that can be knocked off of a flat surface, in other words.

Bizarre Office Injuries

As I type this, I have an aching butt. Today, I had the most bizarre office injury I have ever had. I moved into a new office, and I have a brand new leather chair– really nice- the whole room smells like the leather, and I love it. At any rate, I also got one of those plastic floor thingies for the chair to sit on. You know what I am talking about- it is there for ease of rolling and to protect the carpet.

I was typing away, when I thought I had to go do something. I stood up, then realized I was an hour early, and I went to sit back down. This is when tragedy stuck.

Apparently (actually there is no apparently about it), I misjudged where I should plant my copious ass and where my brand new chair was. Needless to say, I missed the chair, and just managed to plant my butt on the very edge of the seat of the chair. I sat down rapidly enough that the momentum created enough force to rocket my new chair (aided by the new chair mat) backwards at light speed. I continued downward, narrowly missing my chin on the desk, throwing hot coffee all over my newly painted office. My ass hit the hard mat with massive force.

I could have died, and the only thing I thought was “Thank God everyone else is at lunch.”

In short, my butt hurts, and tomorrow I have to be in a car for hours. Down pillow, anyone?