Have you seen your mother, baby?

Conservatives are weird:

While Mike Pence was governor, his relationship with the Democratic minority in the legislature was crap. Someone on his staff suggested having the Democratic leaders over to the governor’s mansion for dinner. The table was set for 20, but there were only around seven in attendance. One unlucky legislator stuck next to Pence tried to make conversation, but found even at dinner she couldn’t shift Pence off his talking points. Gov. Pence shouted to his wife, Karen, his closest adviser, at the other end of the table.

“Mother, Mother, who prepared our meal this evening?”

The legislators looked at one another, speaking with their eyes: He just called his wife “Mother.”

Maybe it was a joke, the legislator reasoned. But a few minutes later, Pence shouted again.

“Mother, Mother, whose china are we eating on?”








The union of the snake

Could one of you artistic types create a picture of a snake with Donald Trump hair (maybe also a Donald Trump face?) with “Don’t Pee On Me” written on it?

In the style of this Wonkette classic








I went home with the waitress, the way I always do

I guess Dear Leader really was very careful when he was in Moscow.

Sarka offered up that during the 2013 Miss Universe pageant, held in Moscow, a man surrounded by bodyguards approached her.

“He grabbed my hand like this,” she told host Kasza Tibor. “He was standing in the middle of a group of bodyguards, he grabbed my hand, he pulled me towards himself, and he asked, ‘Who are you?’ He asked in English. Then, I was so surprised, I’ll tell you who it was in a moment, I was so surprised that I couldn’t say anything except ‘Hungary.’”

“’Hungary,’” Tibor repeated, laughing. “You’re so lame!”

“He gave me his business card with his private number, and he told me in which hotel, which room he was staying in, and that his name is Donald Trump,” Sarka continued.

[…]

“By the way, I still have the business card,” she said on Kasza Taxi, before moving on to the next song. Sarka later provided what she said was a picture of the card Trump handed her to Hungarian tabloid Blikk.








Jill Stein- Grifter, Idiot, or Attention Seeking Diva?

tina-fey-go-home

I’ll take all three:

Jill Stein, having spent the entire election telling us all that Hillary Clinton was a mass murderer who would be worse than Trump has apparently had a change of heart, or wants more attention, or just wants to raise a ton of money she won’t refund when the states won’t or don’t do the recount.

If you want to know why no one takes the green party seriously despite aligning with them on many issues (or more accurately, them aligning with us on many issues since they haven’t done jack shit), this is why.

In related news, I am also raising money for a recount. Just click on the paypal link above and I will make sure I send it right away to my fucking bloodsucking plumber and electrician the appropriate states.



I’ll try to love again but I know

What I like best about politics is the abject idiocy of commentators. I think modern civilization is so smug, so proud of its liberal democracies and its scientific method. People think we’re smarter and better than our illiterate cave people ancestors, but we’re not, and the best proof of this is the writing of Peggy Noonan. Will this column the day before the 2012 election ever be surpassed?

Who knows what to make of the weighting of the polls and the assumptions as to who will vote? Who knows the depth and breadth of each party’s turnout efforts? Among the wisest words spoken this cycle were by John Dickerson of CBS News and Slate, who said, in a conversation the night before the last presidential debate, that he thought maybe the American people were quietly cooking something up, something we don’t know about.

I think they are and I think it’s this: a Romney win.

[…]

All the vibrations are right…

[…]

One of the Romney campaign’s surrogates, who appeared at a rally with him the other night, spoke of the intensity and joy of the crowd “I worked the rope line, people wouldn’t let go of my hand.” It startled him.

[…]

But he (Obama) is still trying to fire up the base when he ought to be wooing the center and speaking their calm centrist talk. His crowds haven’t been big.

Will we ever see political punditry this bad again, now that we live in a Sam Wang/Nate Silver world? You can talk about H. A. Goodman but he writes for HuffPost so that’s like talking about Herschel Walker’s USFL records. Peggy Noonan is famous and has been talked up for a Pulitzer. You might say that in terms of pure volume, Megan McArdle produces more words of stupidity than Noonan, but she’s working in a medium that allows longer articles. It’s like comparing Sadaharu Oh to Babe Ruth.

Is there anyone out there who’s going to challenge Noona’s record? I can see Frank Bruni making a run at it, but he seems like the clean-and-sober type. Theres no way that Noonan could have done what she did without performance-enhancers like vodka.








Nothing changes New Year’s day

I’ve read a bunch of stupid articles recently, many of them by conservatives, about how the GOP will change after this election, assuming Trump loses.

Really? Now, I don’t blame conservatives for hoping that this will happen, but it’s ridiculous to think that it will. Trump is popular with their base. We will get four more years of obstruction along with all kinds of ridiculous investigations of Hillary Clinton. And the media reaction will be a combination of cheering the Republicans on and saying both sides do it, with the occasional reference to Robert Bork and Ronnie n’ Tip thrown in. The GOP will become a little bit whiter and a little bit older, and their long-term prospects will become a little bit worse, but the GOP becoming a reality-base party is about as likely as Morning Joe becoming a reality-based show.

That’s just the world we live in. There’s not a damn thing we can do about it except keep electing Democrats. I do agree with Atrios that a Hillary victory will make Washington a little less wired for Republican control:

I’ve long held the belief that Dems needed 3 consecutive terms in the executive branch to rebalance certain things that had gone a bit off kilter since the Nixon era. I stand by that, though I’m a bit less optimistic about how much that will ultimately help. The Blob, the Deep State, and various other bipartisany elements of the permanent floating Washington power class aren’t going to budge too much. Still if the most we can hope for is to nudge things one way or another, better one way than the other.

We’re lucky, really lucky, to have candidates like Hillary and Obama, who understand that politics today (maybe always, I don’t for sure) is a long painful slog.








Hard Out There for a Pimp

jawdropping

So the much awaited evidence from Team Trump that Pence promised this morning would debunk the sexual assault claims has dropped in the form of an interview in the NY Post. And no. This is not made up or the Onion:

Donald Trump’s campaign says a British man is countering claims that the GOP presidential nominee groped a woman on a cross-country flight more than three decades ago.

The man says he was sitting across from the accuser and contacted the Trump campaign because he was incensed by her account — which is at odds with what he witnessed.

“I have only met this accuser once and frankly cannot imagine why she is seeking to make out that Trump made sexual advances on her. Not only did he not do so (and I was present at all times) but it was she that was the one being flirtatious,” Anthony Gilberthorpe said in a note provided to The Post by the Trump campaign.

In an exclusive interview arranged by the campaign, Gilberthorpe said he was on the flight — in either 1980 or 1981— where Jessica Leeds claimed Trump groped her.

***

Indeed, Gilberthorpe claimed, Leeds was “trying too hard” in her attempt to win Trump over.

“She wanted to marry him,” Gilberthorpe said of Leeds, who apparently made the confession when Trump excused himself and went to the bathroom.

There was no kissing, but the “shrill” Leeds was “very much in your face” with the real estate developer.

Not only did Trump not grope the woman, but she wanted HIM. But wait, it gets better, and by better I mean OMFG WAY WORSE I CAN NOT BELIEVE THIS SHIT BECAUSE YOU CAN NOT MAKE IT UP:

Gilberthorpe made headlines in 2014, when he went public with a claim that as a 17-year-old he procured boys (some who “could have been” underage”) for sex parties with high-ranking British politicians.

Gilberthorpe has no evidence to back up his claim — just his self-described excellent memory.

“What she said about Trump is wrong,” he told The Post. “I mean, no decent human being could sit by and have a woman go on television and tell the United States of America — accuse an individual of sexually molesting. It’s wrong for Trump, it’s wrong for me. But you know something else? It’s wrong for the American people,” he said.

You, sir, are no decent human being, so stop speaking for us.