It Was a One Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater

This is great:

The Trump administration this week launched a new hotline called the Victims of Immigration Crime Engagement (VOICE) for people to learn more information about crimes that have been committed by undocumented immigrants.

However, the hotline was quickly flooded by pranksters who called up to report their close encounters with a different kind of “illegal alien” — namely, space aliens who fly around in saucer-shaped ships.

Fusion on Thursday asked Immigration and Customs Enforcement for a response to the people who called them to talk about space aliens, and an agency spokesperson angrily lashed out by calling everyone who participated in the prank “despicable.”

“I hope you won’t dignify this group with the attention they are seeking,” the spokesperson told Fusion. “But if you choose to do so… this group’s cheap publicity stunt is beyond the pale of legitimate public discourse. Their actions seek to obstruct and do harm to crime victims; that’s objectively despicable regardless of one’s views on immigration policy.”

Fuck you, Nazi scum. The next President is going to have to resurrect the Allied Control Council and engage in denazification of these fucking brownshirts at ICE.


You wanted Trump, you got him, bitch.

Obviously I don’t like whistleblowers being prosecuted, but wikileaks and Assange morphed from whistleblower status long ago.

Just Fuck It All

I’m as hopeless and as despondent about this country and its future as I have ever been.

Thursday Morning Open Thread: Now You Wanna Be Our Buddy?

The South Boston Democrat is among those who received a formal invitation to meet next week with Trump’s director of legislative affairs, Marc Short, as the White House makes a renewed push to cultivate moderate Democrats.

“I was asked if I would be interested in going over to the White House for a meeting,” Lynch said in a statement to the Globe. “They said they were looking for ‘moderate’ Democrats – which I am. But under the circumstances I felt like they were trying to divide our party so I declined the invitation.”

“My feeling is that the Trump White House has taken a ‘scorched earth’ approach so far,” he added. “I am usually someone who looks for middle ground, but Mr. Trump’s opening position, especially as reflected in his budget, has been so extreme that there is no middle ground. It’s a non-starter for me.”…

Lynch is the most conservative member of the Massachusetts delegation, and has in the past shown a willingness to buck Democratic Party lines. In 2010, he was one of the few to vote against final passage of President Obama’s health care bill.

Think of Steve Lynch as a low-profile version of Long Island’s Pete King; he’s got a job for life, as long as he doesn’t get crosswise of his base, whose strongest impulse is to reject anything not of its Tribe and its Tribal Traditions (aka ‘Southie Pride’). Lynch voters may not have been Trump voters, but they were at the very least Trump-persuadable. If Steverino is publicly spurning the outstretched Repub hand now, it means that Lord Smallgloves’ mojo has lost its magic, at least here in the redder reaches of the Peoples’ Commonwealth.

Which is a bit of a problem, if you read the Washington Post, company paper for the town whose monopoly industry is national politics:

Congressional Republicans are working aggressively to craft an agreement intended to keep the government open past April 28, but their bid to avert a shutdown hinges on courting Democrats wary of President Trump and skirting the wrath of hard-line conservatives and Trump himself.

The murky path forward on government funding sparked unease Wednesday within the business community and at the Capitol, where Republicans speculated that Trump’s request for money to build a wall along the border with Mexico and $30 billion in new defense spending may need to be delayed to avoid a shutdown…

But for the moment, neither House nor Senate Democratic leaders have committed to supporting a spending plan. Bipartisan committee negotiations are underway, and crucial elements of an agreement remain unfinished. Democrats, too, bring their own challenges to the negotiating table. They are under pressure from their liberal base to oppose virtually everything that Trump and Republicans do — especially, in the case of the budget, funding for a border wall. But they and most of their supporters also favor keeping government open, and they are vulnerable to being accused of hypocrisy if they are seen as playing a part in causing a shutdown after years criticizing Republicans for doing the same.

Meanwhile, several congressional aides said that Republicans are agitated by the lack of clarity from White House officials over a strategy to avert the awkward theater of a Republican-driven shutdown on the watch of a Republican president…

But wait — this time, there’s a Plan B!


Why must everybody laugh at his mighty sword?

Long Read(s): Kellyanne Conway Is Having A Moment

It may be, as some Conway-skeptics have hinted, that she’s pushing her narrative hard because she’s feeling “shut out” in the latest battles among the Trump cabal’s inner circle. It may be that her husband has just been, per the NYTimes, chosen to head the civil division of the Justice Department… placing him in charge of a crucial office charged with defending Mr. Trump’s contentious travel ban and lawsuits alleging that his business activities violate the Constitution.” (And the photo of the happy couple the Times picked for its header speaks volumes.) Or it may just be the exigences of long-form journalism, where multiple stories on the same subject emerge simultaneously because such reporting takes time.

In any case, here’s hoping (/snark) that her sudden celebrity doesn’t lead her boss and idol to feel overshadowed, because we know how he’s prone to lashing out under such circumstances .

Olivia Nuzzi, in NYMag, on “The Real First Lady of Trump’s America“:

On the third floor of the West Wing, one flight past the stairwell portrait of President Donald Trump talking on his Android phone, is an office once occupied by Valerie Jarrett, senior adviser to Barack Obama; Karl Rove, senior adviser to George W. Bush; and First Lady Hillary Clinton. By cramped White House standards, it’s an expansive space, complete with a desk, a conference table, a couch, a bookshelf stocked with a single copy of The Art of the Deal, a duffel bag full of family photos and a couple of pairs of Spanx — and, through the blinds, a view of the Washington Monument. And on this February day, its current tenant, Kellyanne Conway, was explaining how her life had changed in the nine months since she joined the campaign of the man who would ultimately become the 45th president of the United States — for one thing, she now answers to “Blueberry.”

That’s because she’s one of the only officials in the White House, other than President Trump and Vice-President Mike Pence, to have Secret Service protection — which staffers receive at the special request of the president, who has famously referred to her as “my Kellyanne.” She got the protection, Conway said, after she was sent a suspicious white substance. And then there were the threats. “Most of them are online,” she remarked, “and most of them are very explicit and graphic, and they’re sometimes people who have a history of following through but for whatever reason weren’t prosecuted.”…

Conway laughed with her assistant, a 26-year-old College Republicans alum named Catharine Cypher, as she tried to explain the absurdity of hearing the stoic armed men who follow her around refer in all earnestness to the whereabouts of one Miss Blueberry… “Oh my God, there’s no privacy! It’s crazy, it really is crazy.” And it can get complicated. “I have two friends, who both — well, one is Ann Coulter. She started dating her security guard probably ten years ago because she couldn’t see anybody else,” Conway said. “And you know Rebekah Mercer?” she asked, referring to the Republican megadonor who, with her father, Robert, bankrolled Trump’s campaign and pushed to install Conway as its campaign manager. “Her younger sister, Heather Sue, married her security guard. She was like, ‘Well, I didn’t see anybody else, so one night, I, you know, I invited him in!’ ” Conway’s got a running joke about one of her own agents. “If Blueberry has an affair, it’s with Secret Service! It’s with Joe.” She deepened her voice to mimic his: “ ‘Ma’am? Blueberry, horsepower!’ ” (Coulter and the Mercer family did not respond to multiple requests for comment.)
Read more

Seriously, Just go Fuck Yourself to Death

This fucking guy:

Former Gov. Pat McCrory says the backlash against House Bill 2 is making it difficult for him to land a new job after he left office.

McCrory has been appearing frequently on national media outlets to defend the controversial LGBT law, but he hasn’t announced what’s next for his career. In a podcast interview recently with WORLD, an Asheville-based evangelical Christian news website, McCrory talked about his challenges on the job market.

The former Republican governor says HB2 “has impacted me to this day, even after I left office. People are reluctant to hire me, because, ‘oh my gosh, he’s a bigot’ – which is the last thing I am.”

Later in the interview, McCrory wouldn’t say if he’s being considered for a job in President Donald Trump’s administration. But he praised Trump, calling him “a breath of fresh air.”

McCrory said the liberal groups opposing HB2 have harmed his reputation. “If you disagree with the politically correct thought police on this new definition of gender, you’re a bigot, you’re the worst of evil,” he said. “It’s almost as if I broke a law.”

Republicans are the least self aware motherfuckers on the planet.

Trumpstunting Open Thread: Literally Trying to Hand-Wave Away the Lies

When you’re reduced to using Sarah Huckabee (Yew know who ma daddy wuz?) Sanders as your spokesperson, it’s not a great omen, let’s face it…

Even Mike Allan — founder of Politico, currently of Koch-funded Axios — is beginning to lose his enthusiasm for cheerleading the Trump maladministration:

Towergate is a fascinating test of Trump’s great gamble that he can do the job of president in a totally new way: largely improvisational, driven by whims, moods and obsessions; thinly staffed, like his campaign, and with poorly enforced process, not taking advantage of the massive safety net available to him; heavily reliant on family; and unconstrained by manners, rituals or precedent…

A Democratic theory is that if Trump believes problematic transcripts of recorded calls with Russians may dribble or gush out, why not discredit them in advance as a political dirty trick? Then when they emerge, you can say “Aha!” rather than being on the defensive.

But a Republican close to the White House said that’s overthinking it: That “view is quite plausible. But I do not believe they are playing chess. I think they are playing Trivial Pursuit.”

Yeah, more like they’re playing Candyland — but they think it’s Monopoly.