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The Book of Trump: Chapter Three

The Book of Trump

You are here: Home / Archives for Past Elections / 2020 Elections / Biden-Harris 2020 / The Book of Trump

Chapters recorded by SiubhanDuinne.

The Book of Trump: Chapter Five

by WaterGirl|  September 4, 20208:00 pm| 51 Comments

This post is in: 2020 Elections, Biden-Harris 2020, Guest Posts, The Book of Trump

The Book of Trump: Chapter Three

THE BOOK OF TRUMP

Chapter Five

1 Cometh one to challenge Donald, and wrest power from him, according to the will and the deciding of the people.

2 And the name of the challenger is Joseph, and he is a man of decency and goodness; and his advisor is a strong woman named Kamala; their story is yet untold, and will remain so until the sound of the last trump.

Here endeth the beginning of Chapter Five.

Chapters recorded by SiubhanDuinne.

The Book of Trump: Chapter FivePost + Comments (51)

The Book of Trump: Chapter Four

by WaterGirl|  September 3, 20208:00 pm| 42 Comments

This post is in: 2020 Elections, Biden-Harris 2020, Guest Posts, The Book of Trump

The Book of Trump: Chapter Three

THE BOOK OF TRUMP

Chapter Four

1 Now when Donald of the Trumps ruled over the land, many of the scribes and people said, This ruler speaks not truth, but lies; for his mouth is as a serpent mouth, and he speaks with the forked tongue of a serpent, which creeps upon the ground, and all his utterances are false and blasphemous.

2 And he governs not, neither does he lead; but forcefully asserts his own will upon the people of his land.

3 In the years of his reign, Donald of the Trumps hath enriched himself and his kin in many ways, which the Law recognises not; he hath caused his official guard, and his courtiers, and emissaries from foreign lands to sojourn at buildings which he has built and which bear his name; and from them he hath demanded great recompense, that he and his sons Uday and Qusay and his daughter The Golden Child may be further enriched.

4 For he hath not the love of his father, and giveth not fatherly love to his sons, because he knoweth not how to shew such love; but as his father before him, he bestoweth wealth and gold and power upon them, which they have not earned.

5 And he hath cruelly treated the people from Arabian lands, and all those who follow the Prophet (PBUH), and hath denied them entry to his country, but hath closed the gates to them; and hath also said vile words about countries in the Great Afric, and the people who descend therefrom; and of the land of Jye-naa; and the people of many such lands, and their rulers.

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6 And he hath spoken harsh words of disparagement about the rulers of friendly nations, and hath alienated them; and hath broken treaties and alliances, to the great detriment of an orderly world.

7 But of other rulers, he hath spoken only words of glorification, and admiration, and conciliation: the rulers of the Rus, and Corea of the North, and the Magyar; and many other such despotic men.

8 And in the third year of his reign he spake to the ruler of the land of Ukraine, and said unto him, I will give you weapons of war, and will relieve your country of burdensome sanctions, and shall receive you in my palace; but you must do us a favour, though, and must search for evidence of wrongdoing by my political rival (who seeks to unseat me from my throne), 9 and his son.

10 It came to pass that at the start of the fourth year of Trump’s rule, the people and their representatives did rise up in law, to remove him from office for these crimes. And one chamber weighed the evidence, and wrote with their hand upon the wall the words MENE MENE TEKEL UPHARSIN; which means, Your days are numbered, and you have been weighed in the balance and found wanting.

11 But the other chamber of law disregarded the evidence, as men do brush away gnats, and would not remove him from his high office; 12 and Donald the Trump was greatly emboldened, and continued his rule; and his crimes increased in number, and in substance, and in intensity; and he knew no shame, nor restraint.

13 But thereupon did great disasters start to fall upon his people, and do still continue:

14 FIRSTLY, a great plague, which sickened many people in all parts of the world, visited the shores of the land ruled by Trump; and behold, the people fell ill, and died, in numbers greatly exceeding their allotment. And those who did not fall ill stayed in their chambers for many months; nor did they venture out of doors.

15 And Donald withheld face coverings, and body coverings, and hand coverings from the healers; and he said unto his people, you must try the remedies I propose; and the healers said, Do not try these, for you may sicken and die. But Donald of Trump said, What have you got to lose? And some of the people tried these remedies, and some of them sickened and died: as the healers had foretold.

16 SECONDLY, the people could no longer ply their trades because they feared the plague, and were without coin; and had not money to stay in their dwelling-places, and were turned onto the streets, and were left without roof or shelter. And the anger of the people mounted, and grew greater with the heat of the lengthening days.

17 THIRDLY, the people in the land were of many hues, and they suffered, and despaired; but those of a pale hue suffered to a lesser degree than those of a dark hue. And those whose skin was black suffered most greatly at the hands of their pale brethren, and their pale sisters (who are called Karen-happuch); and especially did they suffer and die at the hands of guards, and soldiers, and officers of the law.

18 And those with skin of ebony, and many of those with skin of alabaster, and of all hues between alabaster and ebony, said, This is not right. We mourn the deaths of our brethren, and their deaths anger us greatly; for they should not have died in this wise. 19 And they joined together in cities across the land, and in many foreign lands; and marched in the streets in great numbers, and halted their games of sport, and let their voices be heard.

20 When Donald the Trump heard these things, he raged to his courtiers; and the words that he spake and the actions that he took were against the people in their suffering.

21 The wickedness of the Reign of Trump was without limit; and the chroniclers have told of many terrible deeds, which are too numerous to recount herein.

22 For some have said, Donald of the Tribe of Trump is a Philistine; he values not reading, nor music, nor painting, nor wit, nor the learned discourse which men of culture do enjoy; nor has he ever wished the company of cats or dogs or such loving creatures which soothe the soul and are balm to the spirit.

23 And some have said, Donald of the Tribe of Trump is an hypocrite; for he hath sought the company of those who procure the services of young girls; and when they are imprisoned he wishes them well.

24 And he hath asked the blessing of men of the cloth, who are faithless to their wives and whose wives do cuckold them openly. And again and again he hath proclaimed himself a godly man, though he is ungodly in word, thought, and deed.

Here endeth Chapter Four.

 

Chapters recorded by SiubhanDuinne.

The Book of Trump: Chapter FourPost + Comments (42)

The Book of Trump: Chapter Three

by WaterGirl|  September 2, 20208:00 pm| 113 Comments

This post is in: 2020 Elections, Biden-Harris 2020, Guest Posts, The Book of Trump

The Book of Trump: Chapter Three

THE BOOK OF TRUMP

Chapter Three

1 Now there was in those days a wise and just ruler of the land, who was known as Barack Hussein of the Tribe of Obama. And he was beloved of the people.

2 But there were those who hated Barack, for his skin was of a dusky hue; and among them was Donald, who asked, How can this man be your leader when he was not born in your land?  3 And he said, If this man Barack be your rightful ruler, let him produce sheets of papyrus with markings upon them to prove his place of birth; and let the high priests set thereupon their seal.

4 And when he was much worn down by such foolish demands, Barack of the Obamas did produce papyrus and markings and priestly seals, which did prove his place of birth; but Donald said, these may be false markings, and all those who say they are true markings are themselves false scribes. And he said these words again in a loud voice, saying FALSE SCRIBES! FALSE SCRIBES!

5 Now as the days of Barack’s rule neared their rightful end, the people grieved; for they would miss him. And Donald said, I alone can rule this land.  6 And with his wife Melania, he stepped upon a moving staircase of gold, and he descended to the level of the people, and said unto them, Be sore afraid, for the land called Mexico sends wicked men to our country, to rape our women and plunder our cities; and some, I assume, are good people.

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7 And further, he said to the people, I will build a Great Wall to keep them from crossing into our land; and if you select me as your ruler, I promise I will keep you and your wives and daughters safe; and you shall enjoy great wealth if I am your ruler; and should illness or injury befall you, I shall cause the costs of your healing to be paid.

8 And it came to pass that the people in their numbers did not wish to make Donald their ruler, rather did they wish for Hillary of the Clintons to rule them; but the law of the land gave great weight to the Land of Badgers and the Land of Wolverines and the Lands of Keystone and Buckeye; and Donald of Trump became ruler of the land.

9 Now at this time, and throughout his reign, the people took the streets, in great number, and did mightily protest.  10 And Donald of Trump called to his side courtiers who said worshipful and many flattering things about him; and he looked upon his promises that he had made before he became ruler; and he laughed and denied them all, every one.

11 And as the years passed during the Time of Trump, many afflictions were visited upon the people, and borne by them: most grievous were the mortal injuries from the small machines which do shoot fiery pellets into the flesh of young children at their studies, and folk of all degree who gather for a musical festival, and do slay them thereof.

12 And the Trump courtiers did cruelly separate mothers from sons, and fathers from daughters, and husbands from wives; and the young ones he did place in cages of iron and send them unto places unknown in the land, and they did not see their fathers and mothers again; and the old ones he did return to the lands whereof they came; and great was the wailing and lamentation; young and old alike did they weep.

13 And after too many such things to number, and the people having tried to rid themselves of this turbulent ruler, the days were come that Donald of Trump said unto his people, Lo, if you make me ruler of your land again, this time I really honestly seriously promise that I will keep you and your wives and daughters safe; and you shall enjoy great wealth if I am your ruler; and should illness or injury befall you, I shall cause the costs of your healing to be paid.

14 For he had said these things four years earlier; and the people did believe him.

15 But as the time of decision neared, unto the land of Donald came unwelcome events: poverty, and plague, and uprisings against the guardians of law and order; and later came hurricane and fire and flood, and murder hornets, and uprisings in cities throughout the land.

Here endeth Chapter Three.

Chapters recorded by SiubhanDuinne.

The Book of Trump: Chapter ThreePost + Comments (113)

The Book of Trump: Chapter Two

by WaterGirl|  September 1, 20208:00 pm| 127 Comments

This post is in: 2020 Elections, Biden-Harris 2020, Guest Posts, The Book of Trump

The Book of Trump: Chapter Three

THE BOOK OF TRUMP

Chapter Two

1 Now it came to pass in those days that Donald of the Tribe of Trump did seek his father’s favour.

2 And with his father, he mocked his elder brother, Frederick the Younger; and with his father, he did visit the residents of the Apartments which his father Frederick had builded; and he did collect from them the portion called rent. 3 And all these things he did to secure the love and blessing of his father.

4 And his father Frederick smiled upon his son, who was called Donald, and unto his son he gave much gold; but gave him not the love that Donald sought of him.

5 Therefore, Donald journeyed to the remote land of Manhattan, to seek great wealth and fame among men; and lo, he caused his name to be emblazoned upon buildings, and many beauteous women sought his company; but because he had not the love of his father Frederick, he never found contentment.

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6 And Donald built himself a building which scraped the sky, for it was a tower; and his own tribal name he placed upon it in great letters of gold, for all men to gaze upon in wonder; and for many years he dwelt within this building.

7 Now in those days there was a woman from a foreign land named Ivana; and her hair was golden in colour; and Donald of the Tribe of Trump did lust upon her, and made her his wife. 8 And upon her he fathered children, and their number was three.

9 And the first of the three was a son, and Ivana the wife of Donald said unto him, What now shall we call our boy child, this son?

10 And Donald replied, Wife, do not name him Donald the Younger; for with such a name, if he does wrong or disgraces himself in any wise, he shall bring dishonour upon the Tribe of Trump,  11 and shall disappoint and anger his father and his father’s father, and shall be called Loser.

12 But Ivana, in her confinement, defied her espoused husband and named the babe Donald the Younger; which men know as Uday.

13 And she next brought forth a girl child named Ivana the Younger, called Ivanka; and Donald gazed upon his young daughter, and called her the Golden Child; 14 and he lusted after her in his heart and in his mind and in his body.

15 And the third child he begat upon Ivana was a boy child, that men know as Eric, called Qusay. And Eric was simple in his mind, and devoid of all wisdom; which affliction followed him all the days of his life.

16 Now after a few years had passed, Donald became sore weary of Ivana, and he lusted after women from foreign lands; and from his own land.

17 And it came to pass that Marla of the Tribe of Maples, from the southern regions of his own country, did present herself before Donald; 18 and she said unto him, Give me the best sex I have ever had; and he gave her the best sex she had ever had; and it was good for her and it was good for him; 19 and she said this thing to the scribes and heralds. And the heralds proclaimed these tidings throughout the lands.

20 And Donald performed a divorce upon his wife Ivana, and he lay again with Marla, and she brought forth a girl babe which she named Tiffany, after the merchants of diamonds and golden trinkets; 21 which pitched their tent next to the home of Donald and Marla in the land of Manhattan.

22 And after the girl child Tiffany was born and had attained the age of ten weeks, Donald and Marla were wed, one to another. 23 And behold, the children of Ivana were sore pissed off, and were angered. And in their righteousness, Donald the Younger and Eric said, We will not speak words to our father. 24 But Ivanka said, I will show my father in all ways that I love him and can make him a happy man.

25 Now in those days, the Tribe of Trump grew wealthy, or so men believed; and many were their buildings, and dwelling-places, and splendid palaces, called casinos, where men cast lots; and the name of Trump was fixed upon them.

26 But these buildings and palaces were built not upon rock but upon sand, and vanished; and Donald lost his riches, and his houses, and his boats, and many other things which are too numerous for men to count. And great was the consternation in the House of Trump.

27 And Marla said unto Donald, Behold, I will divorce you, and take our daughter Tiffany, and journey westward to a land of milk and honey, which the ancients called California; and there shall I live; and there shall I raise the daughter whom you have sired upon me.

28 And Donald did thereupon lust after a woman of a foreign tribe, named Melania; and after many days he did wed her; and upon her he begat a son, which he named Barron.

29 And all the wives he had were three in number, named Ivana, Marla, and Melania. And the children he begat upon these wives were numbered five; and five was their number.  30 And they were called Donald the Younger; Ivanka the Golden Child; Eric the Dim; Tiffany the Unplanned; and Barron the Securer of Fortunes.

31 Now while the young babe, named Barron, yet suckled at his mother’s breast, Donald departed from his wife and child, and journeyed throughout the world and unto the corners of his own country; 32 and in these places he lusted after many women, and among these were young girls who were not yet women; and each night he gazed upon them and sought to lie with them, the women and the girls alike.

33 And some of the women said unto him, You may lie with me as you please, but first you must give me gold, for it is burdensome to be in your bed; 34 and they said, If you shall beget upon me a child, whether boy child or girl child, you must pay me gold, that I may ensure that the child be not born. 35 And he spake these same words unto his manservant, Michael of the House of Cohen; and it was done, and he paid them gold.

36 But other women said unto Donald, Nay, though you desire me you shall never lie with me, nor press close to my body; for my body is mine own, and I alone shall say who may lie with me and who shall not lie with me.

37 But he heeded them not, and replied unto them, I have the right and you will let me do it; and the women wailed and gnashed their teeth and beat upon him with their fists; but he subdued them and forced himself upon their bodies, and lay with them. 38 And many were the girl children and women that he took in this way.

39 And in this wise the curse of Trump was visited upon the land, although the people in their blindness did not know this.

40 And Donald of the Tribe of Trump brought forth many scrolls about his own life, although he laboured not; he wrote them not, neither did he create them; but he gave small coin to various scribes to write and tell his story in a pleasing manner, which was flattering to him.

41 And to all the people in the land, he falsely showed himself as a great and powerful man of business; and many were those who foolishly apprenticed themselves unto him.

42 Now some of the people had scales upon their eyes, and believed in his greatness and power; but others of the people said, This man is a false prophet, and tells not the truth; 43 and the country was cleft in twain, those who believed and those who believed not.

44 And lo, upon the people of the country and of the world, the Dark Times began; and there were loud rejoicings from some, crying MAGA, MAGA with their voices; and noisy lamentations from the others, who donned pink headgear and marched through the streets in great number; 45 and terrible were the years that followed in that land.

Here endeth Chapter Two.

 

Chapters recorded by SiubhanDuinne.

The Book of Trump: Chapter TwoPost + Comments (127)

The Book of Trump: Chapter One

by WaterGirl|  August 31, 20207:50 pm| 230 Comments

This post is in: 2020 Elections, Biden-Harris 2020, Guest Posts, The Book of Trump

SiubhanDuinne recently came across an article which said this:

“Would it be too much to pray for a day when the Bible gets a ‘Book of Trump,’ much like it has a ‘Book of Esther’ celebrating the deliverance of the Jews from ancient Persia?” Miriam Adelson wrote in a column published July 6 in the Las Vegas Review-Journal, a newspaper owned by the Adelsons.

[Editor’s note: holy crap!  And yes, it absolutely would be too much, unless it were written by our very own SiubhanDuinne.  Without further ado, we bring you…]

The Book of Trump: Chapter Three

THE BOOK OF TRUMP

Chapter One

1 In the beginning was the Drumpf. And the Drumpf was called Friedrich. And in those days, Friedrich did dwell in the Kingdom which men called Bavaria.

2 And emissaries from the Kingdom of Bavaria came to him, and said, Friedrich of Drumpf, you shall fight for Bavaria; and for Bavaria shall you be a soldier; and for Bavaria mayhap you will die.

3 And Friedrich said, Nay, nay, not so but far otherwise. And he said, I shall not fight and die for this Kingdom of Bavaria, but shall travel to a distant land, beyond the land men call Canada, and there shall I seek my fortune.

4 So Friedrich of the Tribe of Drumpf journeyed for forty days and forty nights, and his journeying did take him to the territory known as Yukon.

5 And Friedrich fell upon his knees, and blest the land which was Yukon. And lo, he gazed upon the men of many strange tribes, who sought gold there, and he spake these words:

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6 Yea verily these are men of lustiness, and these lusty men do wish for a place to sleep, and a meal to eat, and a fine woman to share bed and board.

7 And he raised them a house, in the Land of Yukon. And he gave name to the house, and the name of the house was Bordello. And he procured many fine women to warm the beds of the prospectors of gold.

8 Men do say that Friedrich of the Tribe of Drumpf was possessed of a cat, and the name of the cat was also called Bordello.  9 And lo, men said, What is this thing, that both a house and a cat are called Bordello? And how may we know the one from the other?

10 And from henceforth unto all generations, the house that Friedrich built in the Land of Yukon has been called Cat House, yea even until the fourth generation.

11 And the Cat House did make Friedrich a wealthy man; and he journeyed eastward for many days and nights until he came to the Land of New York, called Queens, and he married a woman named Elizabeth, and begat a son, Frederick; and Friedrich did perish of a plague brought from Spain.

12 And his son Frederick of the Tribe of Trump grew to manhood and built a mighty city, and it was a city of what men call Apartments. And he was a builder of great determination, and on every seventh day, he made a visitation upon each Apartment; and he spake unto each resident, saying, Render unto Frederick that which is Frederick’s, and render unto Trump that which is Trump’s.

13 Now it came to pass in those days that Frederick of the House of Trump did beget three sons and two daughters upon his espoused wife Mary Anne, of the land of the Scots.

14 And the daughters were named Maryanne (after the manner of her mother), and Elizabeth (after the manner of her grandmother).

15 And the sons were named Frederick the Younger, and Donald, and Robert.

16 And these sons and daughters grew to manhood and womanhood, and great riches were theirs; but the sons and daughters of Trump did argue and fight amongst themselves; and as the years passed they were rent asunder; and the family of Trump was cleft in twain.

17 Now Maryanne the elder daughter was a mighty judge. But lo, near the close of her days, after she had attained her fourscore years, she spake when she ought not to have spoken, and she spake many words that she ought not to have said; and there was great consternation.  18 And the words that she spake, she said unto her niece, the daughter of Frederick the Younger, named Mary; though she knew not that Mary kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.

19 And of Elizabeth her sister, men know little; though they do seek knowledge of her.

20 And the youngest son of the House of Trump, named Robert, was a loyal man but a weak man; and Robert did die, and was soon forgotten.

21 But the eldest brother, named Frederick the Younger, was visited by a dream as he slept; and this dream came to him also when he woke; and he spake, saying, What manner of dream is this?

22 For behold, I was seated in a smooth machine of silver, with wings on each side, and a tail. And in the dream, I did touch a wheel, which was inside of the silver machine, and at my touch the machine did move.

23 And the machine and I rose as one into the sky, and were as the birds of the air. And behold, it was good.

24 And Frederick the Younger did fly in silver machines; and the dream was manifested; and Frederick the Younger was content.

25 But Frederick his father and Donald his brother laughed at him; and they mocked him; and his dream became as ashes; and bitter were his thoughts.

26 And Frederick the Younger did thereupon taste of the grape, and he did taste of the grain; and the grape and the grain overmastered him, and there was no health in him; 27 and his spirit departed him, and he did die.

Here Endeth Chapter One.

The Book of Trump: Chapter OnePost + Comments (230)

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