Breaking News: Former Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker Admits to Committing Perjury During His Public Testimony Before the House Judiciary Committee!

And there appears to have been a nascent attempt to reprise the Bush 43 US Attorneys firing scandal involved too boot! Nicholas Fandos of The New York Times has the scoop.

Update at 6:15 PM EDT

Here’s the video of Congressman Nadler’s remarks:

Discuss amongst yourselves…

Open thread!

Medium Large (Open Thread)

This is a fairly large gator upriver from me:

Probably eight or nine feet, I’m guessing. Wouldn’t want to swim past it!

And here’s a swallow-tailed kite:

Enjoying your evening so far?

Open thread!

Roadside Attraction: Tales of Terror

Fellow jackal lamh36, aka @psddluva4evah on Twitter, highlighted a thread on a little-discussed childhood trauma — being terrorized by monkeys at Florida tourist traps:

I should say up front (as the author of the tweet thread acknowledges) that the true victims of these tales are the captive monkeys. It’s perfectly understandable that they’d want to terrorize children herded into their prisons by human captors.

But that doesn’t make the terror of those children any less real. I know; I was one of them.

My tale begins at a local tourist trap with my kindergarten classmates. It was a field trip, and a dumb one since all of us had seen everything at that nature-themed roadside attraction before with our relatives, so it wasn’t educational. Maybe the principal was getting a kickback from the person who owned the place, who knows.

Anyhoo, the way it was supposed to work is that tourists would board a boat that would chug slowly around a lagoon and series of canals to see animals, including a bored hippo, some manatees, flamingos and other exotic birds, etc.

One of the draws on the tour was Monkey Island, a spit of land inhabited by feral spider monkeys. The boat would motor past — not too close! — and the monkeys would screech and fling shit at the people gawking at them from the boat.

Well, on this tour, the boat broke down just as we were approaching Monkey Island and started drifting toward it. The monkeys, perhaps sensing that something was amiss, screamed even more loudly, showed their teeth and flung poo with greater force the closer we got.

It was like a slow-motion scene in a horror movie, the monkeys’ rising hysteria as we drifted closer and closer, matched by the increasingly terrified screams of the children. As we ran aground on the island, the monkeys swarmed the boat like an invading horde of hairy pirates, swinging from the bars that held up the canvas roof and screaming right in our faces. Utterly terrifying!

I crawled under the bench seat, curled up in the fetal position with my face pressed against the hull and apparently went into a catatonic state. I don’t really remember much after that, but was told later we were rescued by another boat and there were no physical injuries among monkeys or humans.

Anyhoo, decades later, I saw that island again. It still has a handful of monkeys on it, but it’s part of a nature preserve now.

My father says my memory of the field trip incident is ridiculously over-dramatized. I know he’s right because I was shocked when I saw the island again as an adult.

I remembered a much larger island teeming with dozens of angry, screeching, revenge-seeking monkeys. The reality is a little clump of rocks and vegetation occupied by few desultory primates who aren’t at all interested in passersby.

That’s the thing about growing up. Reality scales down the remembered terrors. It diminishes the sense of wonder too, I suppose, but I’ll take that bargain. I bet most folks who were terrorized by monkeys as children would too. And don’t even get me started on hissing, angry swans!

Open thread!

“What in tarnation?”

Badger always looks super alarmed when I’m dusting in his location:

I mean, I know dusting is rare around here, but really?

We’re having a chill day. The mister took the kids fishing upriver, and what do I do when I finally have a moment to myself? Dust and make fun of my dog on the internet.

Hope y’all are doing something more exciting. Open thread!

ETA: I’m also making a big pot of ropa vieja using Ingrid Hoffmann’s recipe. It’s a great recipe, and I’ve made it dozens of times, but Hoffmann must have servants because she unnecessarily directs you to dirty an entire sink full of dishes when in reality all you need is one big pot and a large bowl.

PPS: I’d link the recipe, but the WP mobile interface sucks great big green gators…

Stupidity Sniffer (Open Thread)

We’re having a new central air/heat unit installed over the next couple of days, and it’s a big, ugly, expensive undertaking. The previous owners smoked in the house for 30 years, so we’re not just replacing the old, crappy A/C unit and ancient handler; we’re having the duct work ripped out and replaced and starting afresh.

My husband chose the HVAC vendor, and he did not screen them for political views. Imagine my horror when a truck covered in Trump stickers and hauling a trailer with a giant MAGA banner rolled into my fucking driveway a while ago.

I was this-close to saying, “Get your goddamned MAGAtmobile off my property, you gormless dupe of the most obvious conman who ever swindled a sucker!” But then I remembered my husband had given the A/C outfit a substantial deposit.

When the driver emerged from the truck, Badger, who has heretofore been a friend to all, barked hysterically, as if the man were a Nazgûl invading our yard instead of a garden-variety fool. Daisy seemed confused by the hub-bub.

The A/C guys are friendly enough. But I eventually had to banish the dogs to the porch because Badger would not chill, and I thought he might bite someone and cause a lawsuit.

Anyhoo, we’ve got no A/C for the next couple of days (luckily the weather is mild) and an infestation of Trumpsters in our attic. And it looks like Badger has hidden talent as a stupidity sniffer.

How’s your Thursday going?