Floriduh Man! and Floriduh! Woman: Been a Busy Few Days in Pinellas County…

It’s been a while since we checked in with Floriduh! Man, or at least Floriduh! Man not trying to blow up a couple of dozen people, so let’s see what we’ve got cooking. Er, um…

Take it away Tampa Bay Times!

ST. PETERSBURG — It started with chicken wings, a beer and a burglar.

It went downhill from there.

A St. Petersburg police officer was investigating a Nov. 6 break-in at The Chattaway restaurant, reviewing surveillance video that shows the burglar devouring a plate of chicken wings and enjoying a beer inside the kitchen. But then the officer stumbled across another incident from the night before.

The video shows a man riding his bike up to the restaurant at 358 22nd Ave S, pedaling around the parking lot for 10 minutes, then slipping in through the back gate. After wandering around for a bit, he opens the door to a shed for storing odds and ends, and removes them one by one.

Then the man gains access to a restaurant bathroom. And exits without his clothes.

He proceeds to sit naked at one of the restaurant’s picnic tables and digs into a meal he brought with him — Maruchan Instant Lunch ramen. The video also shows him playing the bongos, also naked.

“He came in with pants on but he rode off on the bike without pants,” Chattaway server Chad Pearson said. “I’m not sure if he took his pants with him but we didn’t find them. We still don’t know where his pants are.”

He spray-painted a few chairs, the bongos and a pickle jar, but his handiwork was barely noticeable, manager Amanda Kitto said. Everything was put back so neatly, in fact, it was four hours before anyone noticed he had been there.

“We would not have known about the naked guy without the cop finding that video,” Kitto said.

Police identified the man, who is homeless, but did not release his name publicly. Kitto declined to give his name and said the restaurant will not press charges because he caused no harm.

“His goal was to not break in, his goal was to just hang out at The Chattaway.”

What about the first guy?

Police still are trying to catch him.

He enjoyed the plate of chicken wings and some beer, and stole an estimated $500 worth of stuff, including cash tips, a laptop, a tablet, and a grocery bag he filled with beer.

“He made himself at home,” Kitto said. “He spent over an hour just milling around going room to room and eating and drinking while he did it.”

The man also tried unsuccessfully to access the safe using his hands, a pot handle and tongs.

Kitto is confident that even though the two incidents happened back-to-back, they are not connected.

“I used to always joke and say that if you were going to break into The Chattaway to make sure to grab a beer. And it finally happened.”

I was hot, and I was hungry. Okay?

Also, given the Real Genius reference, this cannot be unseen!

Floriduh! Woman, however, also put in a strong showing.

Once again The Tampa Bay Times has got this story well in hand…

The lobster never saw it coming.

One second it was floating listlessly in a glass tank, vying against endless shrimp, the smell of Cheddar Bay Biscuits hanging hauntingly in the air. Then, the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office said, an apparently intoxicated St. Petersburg woman snatched the lobster from its crustaceous purgatory and ran.

The lobster was never seen again.

Kimberly Gabel was arrested Saturday on charges of disorderly intoxication and petit theft for causing a disturbance in the Red Lobster at 6151 34th St N . The restaurant had barely been open two hours.

It was just after 1:15 p.m., deputies said, when a manager at the restaurant asked Gabel to leave. The manager said she was disturbing customers and shouted obscenities as she made her way to the door. Before she could leave, though, the 42-year-old woman reached into the oft-familiar entryway lobster tank, grabbed a live lobster and bolted.

Deputies said they caught up with Gabel a “short distance later.” They said she smelled of alcohol and slurred her words as she continued cursing, telling deputies she didn’t know what she did with the lobster because she was “blacked out drunk” and that she “did not care because she did not do anything wrong.”

Deputies described Gabel as a homeless woman. According to Pinellas County Jail records, she has been arrested numerous times for charges ranging from public intoxication to multiple counts of burglary and theft. She is currently awaiting trial in Pinellas County Jail.

Stay hungry!

Open thread!



Untreated Mental Illness is Not a Joke. Nor a Political Statement.

Kanye West went to the White House today to meet and have lunch with the President, supposedly about prison reform. Prior to lunch, he and the President held an impromptu press gaggle in the Oval Office. I watched this live, except for the final couple of minutes as I had to take care of something. West, both just speaking off the cuff, as well as taking questions from the White House press corps as if he actually had any idea what he was talking about, was completely out of control. Including referencing his mental health issues and his IQ. Here’s the video of almost the full ten minutes of Kanye ranting and raving about everything from how the 13th Amendment needs to be repealed to do away with slavery (which is what the 13th Amendment does except for, in practical purposes, convicted, incarcerated prisoners), crime and violence in Chicago, manliness, his mental illness, his IQ, and a hydrogen powered airplane among other topics. And Jim Brown was there. I’m not sure why. I’m not sure Jim Brown knew why by the time this was all over.

Warning! This is unpleasant to watch. Warning!

Ali Velshi and Stephanie Ruhle were a bit flabbergasted…

Apparently so was someone working either for the President or in the White House press corps.

Kanye’s antics have now made him a security threat to the United States.

I would not take this bet.

Also, the Oval Office is a Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility. As is much of the West Wing. How in the name of anyone’s Deity or Deities was Kanye allowed to bring his cellphone into the West Wing, let alone the Oval Office? This, in and of itself, is a major security breach. Of course letting a person with untreated mental illness because he’s chosen to stop taking his medication within arms’ length of the President is a major security breach as well.

Aside from the obvious inanity on display here, mental illness and untreated mental illness is not a joke. If you or a loved one or a close friend needs help, here are some resources:

Here’s the link to the National Institute of Mental Health’s help for mental illnesses page.

Here’s the link to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI).

Open thread!

 



If I Find You Been Creepin’ ‘Round My Backstairs

“I have broken more Elton John records, he seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record. Because you know, look I only need this space. They need much more room. For basketball, for hockey and all of the sports, they need a lot of room. We don’t need it. We have people in that space. So we break all of these records. Really we do it without like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical: the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth. Right? The brain, more important than the mouth, is the brain. The brain is much more important.”

Christ almighty.

Goal Thermometer



Floriduh Man! Shocking Edition

Floriduh Man! is trying to finish the year off strong. And when I say finish off, I mean finish off!

From The Daytona Beach Sentinel-Journal:

A Palm Coast man rigged the front door of his home with wiring attached to a car battery charger in an attempt to electrocute his pregnant wife, Flagler County Sheriff’s investigators said.

Michael Wilson, 32, is accused of trying to kill his wife after he attached electrical devices to the inside of the deadbolt lock and the door handle of their Palm Coast home, according to a charging affidavit. The ploy, which could have easily led to her death, was to have her insert the house key and then grab the handle, completing the circuit and sending a jolt of electricity through her arm, chest and heart.

Steven Bray, a journeyman lineman from from Florida Power & Light, was shown several photographs of what deputies described as the “booby trap” and he said that a person who touched the door lock and handle at the same time would receive a jolt of some 120 volts and 1 amp, enough power that the person had an 80 to 100 percent chance of “suffering death or great bodily harm,” according to the affidavit.

Wilson is charged with two counts of attempted aggravated battery on a pregnant person and one count of grand theft of a firearm.

“This is one of the most bizarre domestic violence cases I have seen in my career,” Sheriff Rick Staley said in a statement. “Not only did this man try to electrocute his wife, but he could have injured a deputy or any person attempting to enter this residence. Thankfully this man was found and taken into custody before he could cause the harm he intended.”

An interview with Wilson’s wife, whose name is redacted throughout the report, shed light on the scene. She said that a few months ago her husband fell but he refused to seek medical treatment.

“Up until that point, (Wilson) seemed to be a normal person,” she told the detective.

He was later hospitalized under Florida’s Baker Act — which allows for someone to be involuntarily taken into custody for mental evaluation — in late November.

More shocking details at the link!

Open thread!



Floriduh Man! Steps Up His Game

Several of you have sent me, or recommended to me in comments, some potential Floriduh Man! posts. And I appreciate it very much. But for tonight’s installment we’ve got this enterprising young man who may have won the Floriduh Man! of the Year award.

Miami Beach Commissioner Kristen Rosen Gonzalez, who is running for U.S. Congress, sent the Miami Beach Police chief a flurry emails demanding a major donor to her campaign not be arrested for an alleged spree of machete destruction, according to text messages and emails New Times obtained this week.

Saturday, September 16, in the aftermath of Hurricane Irma, Miami Beach-based arms dealer and shooting-range owner Erik Agazim strapped on a Kevlar vest and military helmet, hung an assault-style rifle from his body, and grabbed a machete. According to police, Agazim proceeded to slash 11 blaring fire alarms with his long knife, terrifying his Sunset Harbour neighbors. According to cops, power outages from the hurricane had caused the alarms to malfunction.

Destroying a fire-safety device is a felony, but before he was arrested, Agazim fired off a text message around 11:15 p.m. to Commissioner Rosen Gonzalez, who is running in the Democratic primary for the seat that will vacated by retiring Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen. In May, Agazim had donated $2,700 to Rosen Gonzalez’s congressional campaign — the maximum amount an individual may donate in a federal race.

Rosen Gonzalez was quickly spurred into action by the text from Agazim, who owns both an arms-supply business — the National Police Equipment Exchange — which sells guns to local police departments such as Miami Beach PD, and the Lock & Load shooting range in Wynwood. Using her city email address, she demanded that police stop investigating Agazim.

“Please confirm that he is not being pursued by anyone,” Rosen Gonzalez wrote to Chief Dan Oates. “He has permits for everything he is carrying. Erik is a meticulous and upstanding businessman.”

She also asked to sit in on a meeting between Agazim and the cops. In a separate email to Oates, she said she “would like to be present” at a police interview “if possible.”

“That would be inappropriate,” Oates replied.

Agazim was eventually charged with 11 felony counts of destroying fire-safety devices, one felony count of criminal mischief, and one misdemeanor count of openly carrying a rifle, suggesting that Rosen Gonazlez was incorrect in suggesting he had “permits for everything.” His arraignment hearing is scheduled for tomorrow.

Reached by phone, Rosen Gonzalez denied she’d done anything wrong and said the exchange showed her engaging in simple “constituent services.” She said that after Agazim was arrested, she donated his $2,700 campaign contribution to “victims of the Las Vegas shooting.”

“I had no reason to think he was anything other than a respectable, upstanding citizen,” she said. “I don’t know the details of the case, but I had no reason to believe anything than what he told me.”

(Rosen Gonzalez has previously said she believes public oversight hinders police from doing their jobs.)

Many more highly entertaining details at The Miami New Times.

Open thread!



Late Night Open Thread: NUTZ!



This Is Where We Are 2-7-17

So I just got off the phone with my mom and she shared some disturbing news. Especially so for me as the son of an immigrant, a Green Card holder until his death.

My former sister-in-law returned in the last couple of days from a family funeral in Peru. She’s an American, with passport, but originally from Peru. When her plane arrived at SFO, there were armed immigration/customs agents on the boarding ramp, right outside the plane’s door.

Every person exiting the plane was asked for their papers and scrutinized. This was a normal international flight, not from the countries of current trumpian concern. The next day, her friends told her that all international flights are being greeted thusly.

I’ve been traveling since I was two weeks old. I’m a dual national, but my US issued birth certificate shows I was born in Africa to an American woman and a Swiss man. This country has ALWAYS been the land of the free and customs and immigration folks are in their booths, lanes, aisles, etc. Not intimidating folks getting off the plane.

It’s beginning my friends. A moat is being created around us, between us and the rest of the world.