Primary Rancor-Free Open Thread

Instead of rehashing the 2016 Democratic Party primary for the millionth goddamned time or arguing counterfactuals based on an election outcome in another country, how about looking at this lovely giant swallowtail butterfly that briefly graced a bamboo tree in my yard?

Open thread, except for the aforementioned topics, which can be engaged downstairs. C’mon, man. There’s plenty of other stuff to talk about. Weekend plans? Cooking? Pets? Irritating bosses? Read any good books lately? Anything except you-know-what. Don’t make me come down there!

Monday Afternoon Open Thread

We went hiking yesterday in a swampy preserve. There were signs posted at the gate warning visitors that it’s black bear mating season. We didn’t see any bears but did see suspected bear poop:

Yeah, they shit in the woods.

We came upon a wooden bridge, and while I was leaning on it and sighting an alligator for a photo, something stung the ever-loving crap out of my right thumb.

I didn’t see what bit me, but my thumb immediately swelled up. Over the past 24 hours, I’ve taken antihistamines, put ice on it, etc., but when I got up this morning, it was even worse. I can’t bend it at all now, and it’s so swollen it feels like my skin will split.

I may have to break down and go see a doctor, which will cost a lot of money because my insurance sucks donkey balls. Fucking venomous creepy crawlies!

Hope you’re having a better day. Open thread!

The Gator Nation’s Long National Nightmare is Over: They Have Identified the Naked Shark Mounter

From The NY Daily News:

A freaky fish humper who got naked, straddled a dead shark and smiled for a photo is a former New York City cop, a Florida sports reporter claims.

People have been speculating on the man’s identity in recent days as the astonishing photo went viral online.

David Pingalore, the sports anchor for WKMG-TV in Orlando, said Friday he was contacted recently by a man who knows the former Finest and provided more photos of the man — clothed and not.

“This guy lives in upstate New York,” Pingalore said of the mystery man in the picture. “That photo was taken two years ago off the shores of Long Island.”

Pingalore said his source is a friend of the mystery man who while on vacation in Florida happened to be watching his newscast about the photo.

The source sent Pingalore the other photos of the cop to help disprove the theory that Florida Gators football coach Jim McElwain is the mystery man.

“The man that is naked on the shark is afraid for his life because he believes bounty hunters — I’m not making this up — and people with shark people, whatever, those people would be called.”

So New York Police Department Man!

Tweet with NSFW picture below the fold.

Open thread!

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Late Evening/Early Morning Open Thread: Florida Zebra Edition – Wait, What?

So this happened in Florida:

From WFTS Tampa Bay:

WIMAUMA, Fla. – An escaped zebra caused quite a scene in Hillsborough County on Friday.

At about 2:00 p.m., the driver of a Ford F-150 pickup truck was traveling westbound on SR-672 just east of Amber Sweet Lane in Wimauma when a zebra that was walking along the side of the road ran into the driver’s side of the truck.

The impact broke the side mirror and shattered the mirror.  Some of the glass hit the driver.

After the impact, the zebra ran into a field.  The Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office aviation team responded and was able to guide the zebra in a safe direction.  It was corralled by deputies and employees of its owner.

The zebra was returned to the owner, and the driver was transported to Brandon Hospital.

Mark Ross captured the zebra on video running through his backyard and posted it to Facebook.

Open thread!

Woodsy Respite (Open Thread)

We went for a hike this morning and saw these lovely Sandhill cranes:

We also saw a little dragonfly that was the most gorgeous metallic blue:

We spotted a couple of soft-shell turtles as well as a gopher tortoise and numerous wading birds. Plus the usual complement of cardinals, jays, mockingbirds, etc.

I hope you’re finding beauty in your corner of the world when you can. I’ve made a deliberate effort to look for it as an antidote to the ugliness in the current culture, and I swear it helps!

Open thread!

Perspective (Open Thread)

Something funny from the Twitters:

Man, it’s hot here in West Central FL today! Summer is going to be beastly. It always is, of course. But the sun-blasted hellscape will be even more hellish than usual, is my prediction.

Pursuant to the weather, I was looking for summer cocktail recipes online earlier. My search led straight to one of my pet peeves: a compendium of recipes (or livable towns, recommended hiking boots, sought-after vinyl records — anything that lends itself to the listicle treatment) that requires the reader to click through item by item instead of scrolling down or clicking a particular entry from a list of links.

I get why they do it; it’s more swipeable for mobile, and page clicks generate ad revenue. But it’s annoying AF, particularly when the separate page for each item then requires you to click yet again for the full recipe. I feel like someone’s Pomeranian being forced through a virtual agility course.

The navigation scheme of this one collection I saw made me want to hunt down the web designer and punch him in the dick: Not only do you have to page through to find the recipe, then click to see the ingredients and measurements, some of the recipes contain custom mixers with cutesy names like, say, “Buccaneer Betty Mix,” so you have to click through to that page to find out what the fuck it is!

I know — “boo-fucking-hoo, you have to depress a button on a mouse four whole times to assemble an entire cocktail recipe — wah!” Still, they’re gonna drive me back to print, I swear, the money-grubbing shitweasels.

Anyhoo, open thread. And feel free to share refreshing drink recipes (alcohol or nah)!

PS: I ultimately settled on an old favorite I invented a few years back.

PPS: For some reason, “St. Elmo’s Fire” is playing without the sound on our tiki bar TV. (Hubby’s golf tournament must’ve ended.) I will never hassle my kid about Gen Z fashion sensibilities again. Ever.

Let’s Check in With Cole’s Pet Sitter…

Meanwhile, back at the Villa Cole:

Open thread!