Floriduh Man!, Floriduh Woman!, And Floriduh Toddler! Send 2017 Out With A Bang Or A Whimper

In the waning moments of 2017 we check in one last time with Floriduh Man! to see what he’s been up to at the end of this year.

First up we have a naked polo player.

WELLINGTON, Fla. —

A polo player was arrested after he entered another man’s home, stripped naked and then climbed into bed, Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office deputies said.

Jason Crowder, 29, was arrested Saturday in Wellington on charges of burglary and resisting arrest with violence.

The resident told deputies Crowder entered his home through an unlocked door, walked upstairs to the bedroom and then closed the door.

According to the arrest report, deputies were called and entered the bedroom, where they found Crowder naked in bed under a sheet.

Deputies said Crowder refused numerous commands to put on his clothes and get out of bed, so they attempted to forcibly remove him, but he kept flailing his arms in resistance.

Eventually, deputies said they were able to pull him out of bed, but not without a struggle.

Crowder’s speech was slurred and he appeared to be under the influence of alcohol, the report stated.

Can another Floriduh Man! outdo our naked polo player? Of course he can!!!!!

CBS An Orlando, Florida man is facing charges after he was found masturbating in a baby’s nursery closet.

Orange County police say the mother was getting her three month old baby girl ready for daycare when she opened the closet door and found the man.

The mother screamed for her fiancé and put herself in front of the doorway to stop the man from fleeing.

The fiancé said he arrived to find the man completely naked.
The suspect allegedly told him that he was homeless and then put his hands up.

The father of the child told police he began hitting the man to protect his daughter and two-year old son.

According to the police report, the suspect refused to leave the house, and the fiancé said he ran to the kitchen and got a knife.
But by the time he returned, the suspect ran to the garage and jumped a fence.

The suspect was later arrested and denied masturbating inside the home and told police he could not remember how he had gotten into the home.

Officials say that while the suspect was in the police interview room, he began touching and exposing himself by lowering his pants.
The man faces charges related to exposing himself and burglary.

Finally, or at least until tomorrow when various local Florida police departments update their arrests from tonight, we end with a Floriduh Man! with a bad attitude, poor impulse control, and a case of the munchies.

 – A Florida man was charged with assaulting his girlfriend over who ate the last chocolate chip cookie, police say.

Port St. Lucie police responded to their home on Aster Road on December 14. Richard Anthony Hessic told police he was upset when he discovered someone ate the last chocolate chip cookie and that his girlfriend was not taking him seriously.

His girlfriend said she joked with him about reviewing surveillance cameras to determine who ate the cookie, and did not want to argue “over something so petty,” so she offered to purchase more cookies, according to his affidavit.

After, she went to take a shower, and he followed her into the bathroom. “He felt she was blowing him off so he ripped down the shower curtain,” his affidavit read, “and punched her on the left side of her face.”

Police say they didn’t notice any swelling or bruising on the victim’s face.

Hessic was arrested and charged with battery.

But what about Floriduh Woman!? We have an update on the Floriduh Woman! charged with DUI for equestrianism while drunk.

(BARTOW, Fla.) — A Florida judge says a sheriff’s office must retain custody of a horse whose owner was charged with drunken driving while riding the animal.

In a report by The Ledger , Polk County Judge Sharon Franklin said 53-year-old Donna Byrne was unfit to care for the horse. Franklin also said Byrne must complete treatment for alcohol addiction.

Byrne was arrested Nov. 2 after riding her horse down a highway. Police said her blood-alcohol level twice Florida’s legal limit.

Byrne’s attorney, Craig Whisenhunt, says he will revisit the custody issue at a Jan. 11 hearing regarding additional pending charges of disorderly intoxication, animal endangerment and culpable negligence.

Whisenhunt questions whether the charges applied to Byrne, saying she had not been disorderly and was a pedestrian under the law.

We also have a Floriduh Woman! who is auditioning for the role in the new Grinch movie.

A 61-year-old Florida woman was arrested after deputies said she became a bit Grinch-like just days before Christmas.

The Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office said Deborah Margaret McClung helped herself to a mailman’s Christmas card and his $25 cash.

When they caught up with McClung, she had envelopes and Amazon packages from 20 other residences, according to a sheriff’s news release.

The Clearwater woman was arrested after around noon Friday when a 74-year-old homeowner confronted McClung in her laundry room.

Roseanne Chiaramonte told deputies that she left the card on her sliding-glass door and as she went into her laundry room, she found a strange woman standing there red-handed, according to the release.

When asked what she was doing, the sheriff’s release said that McClung replied, “The mailman does not come down here; I will bring it to him.”

McClung returned the card and cash before driving off in a Toyota Solaris.

The following day, deputies noticed the car in the same area, conducted a traffic stop and found the stolen stash inside her car. They also collected Amazon packages addressed to other people.

McClung admitted to the crimes, the release stated. She was charged with burglary to an occupied structure as well as violation of probation grand theft. Additional grand theft charges are probable.

 So if you live in Clearwater, Safety Harbor, Palm Harbor, Dunedin, and/or Oldsmar you may want to check with the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Department to see if they have your missing Christmas gift from Amazon.
And we’ll end with a brawl involving six Floriduh Women! and one Floriduh Toddler! who was clearly fighting above her weight class.

What lifts a mall brawl above the mundane yapping-and-slapping? How about stepping away from the brawl to bring a toddler into the action?

That’s what one woman did during a Sunday donnybrook at Fort Myers’ Edison Mall captured on video by David Milburn.

The video opens with at least four women pounding and punching one woman turtling to protect herself. The attacked woman sinks to the ground, still in cover-up mode from repeated punches and kicks.

One of the women ganging up on her, a blue-shirted woman wearing what appears to be a raspberry beret, stops punching and walks off screen. She returns to the fray pushing a toddler in a plastic stroller shaped like a car.

As the attacked woman starts to rise, the stroller pusher stops to deliver a side kick to the attacked woman’s face.

The kung fu moment momentarily unbalanced and stunned the woman who was attacked, but she popped back up to go after Bruce Lee-in-a-beret. The woman who kicked her retreated, leaving the bewildered child sitting in the stroller alone.

She eventually returned to scoop the child out of the stroller and disappear into Victoria’s Secret as the brawl broke up.

According to the Fort Myers News-Press, a statement from Fort Myers police Capt. Jay Rodriguez said, “Upon arrival, the incident had already dissipated and police did not find a confrontation going on. Approximately two hours later police were called back to the mall in reference to apparent injuries that occurred previously and spoke to complainants.”

A report of simple battery was filed. The investigation remains open.

Stay frosty! Open thread! And a happy and healthy New Year to you all!



Floriduh Man! Shocking Edition

Floriduh Man! is trying to finish the year off strong. And when I say finish off, I mean finish off!

From The Daytona Beach Sentinel-Journal:

A Palm Coast man rigged the front door of his home with wiring attached to a car battery charger in an attempt to electrocute his pregnant wife, Flagler County Sheriff’s investigators said.

Michael Wilson, 32, is accused of trying to kill his wife after he attached electrical devices to the inside of the deadbolt lock and the door handle of their Palm Coast home, according to a charging affidavit. The ploy, which could have easily led to her death, was to have her insert the house key and then grab the handle, completing the circuit and sending a jolt of electricity through her arm, chest and heart.

Steven Bray, a journeyman lineman from from Florida Power & Light, was shown several photographs of what deputies described as the “booby trap” and he said that a person who touched the door lock and handle at the same time would receive a jolt of some 120 volts and 1 amp, enough power that the person had an 80 to 100 percent chance of “suffering death or great bodily harm,” according to the affidavit.

Wilson is charged with two counts of attempted aggravated battery on a pregnant person and one count of grand theft of a firearm.

“This is one of the most bizarre domestic violence cases I have seen in my career,” Sheriff Rick Staley said in a statement. “Not only did this man try to electrocute his wife, but he could have injured a deputy or any person attempting to enter this residence. Thankfully this man was found and taken into custody before he could cause the harm he intended.”

An interview with Wilson’s wife, whose name is redacted throughout the report, shed light on the scene. She said that a few months ago her husband fell but he refused to seek medical treatment.

“Up until that point, (Wilson) seemed to be a normal person,” she told the detective.

He was later hospitalized under Florida’s Baker Act — which allows for someone to be involuntarily taken into custody for mental evaluation — in late November.

More shocking details at the link!

Open thread!



There’s that number again

The Republican giveaway to the rich tax bill isn’t popular:

New Hart Research polling finds the Republican tax bill is very unpopular in Sen. Bob Corker’s home state of Tennessee (30% approve), Sen. John McCain’s and Sen. Jeff Flake’s home state of Arizona (26% approve) and Sen. Susan Collins’ home state of Maine (22% approve).

The average of 22, 26, and 30 is very close to one of our favorite numbers.

Also too, I got a request to do more fundraising for Doug Jones. Here you go.

Goal Thermometer



Floriduh Man to Ohio Man: Hold My Beer!

In a clear attempt to maintain Florida’s well earned status as the home of turning the crazy up to 11, a Florida Democratic Party Official has turned to his Ohio Man counterpart and said hold me beer!

From The Tampa Bay Times:

Stephen Bittel’s rocky tenure as Florida Democratic Party chairman ended in disgrace Friday after he resigned following accusations from women that he leered at them, made suggestive comments and created an unprofessional work environment.

Bittel said he is working with party leaders to set a date to elect his successor.
Elected in January after a contentious internal campaign, Bittel lasted less than a year on the job.  His departure marks the latest case of sexual impropriety shaking the state Capitol.

Bittel’s position became untenable after all four major Democratic candidates for Florida governor urged his ouster following a Politico Florida report late Thursday in which six women anonymously complained about Bittel’s behavior. They said he was “creepy” and “demeaning.” Bittel apologized, but it was not enough.

Bittel appears to have gone all out in his attempt to earn his Floriduh Man! card and keep Florida much, much stranger than Ohio.

Floriduh Man: offensive and educational!

Open thread!



Evening Open Thread: In God We Trust – Richard Spencer, However, Must Pay Cash!

I’m pretty sure that UF did NAZI see this coming:

Remember, when dealing with neo-NAZIs, white supremacists, neo-fascists, neo-nationalists, and other extremists you want cash or money orders or an electronic funds transfer and you want it up front before providing goods and/or services.

Also, obligatory:



Trump polling thoughts

I’m not a pollster. But I am a political junkie who thinks that there is useful information in polling.

NBC released their standard issues and approval poll over the weekend.

Thirty eight percent of Americans say they approve of Trump’s job performance — down five points since September — while 58 percent disapprove.

The issues polling looks like this:

One of the things that stuck out to as I was debating whether or not I wanted to begin the process of becoming hung-over the day after the election was the following:

Only 38 percent said Trump is qualified to serve as president, while 52 percent said Clinton is qualified. And yet Trump won. Americans elected a candidate they don’t believe is qualified!

These are different polls and different methods but they point in the same direction. The people who think that Trump was qualified to be President last November are all that he has left. The people who thought he was not qualified to be President and still voted for him are special snowflakes whose fee-fees are enabling a rolling constitutional crisis in the quest for upper-income tax cuts that won’t actually trickle down to them have dropped their support. It was weak and fracturable support.

The base remnant are the people that think Trump is a plausible President and just what we need.

However, even that support can be fractured.  A little less than three-quarters of his general approval people think he is doing a good job for Puerto Rico.  These are the ultras, the hardest of hardcore who are wrapped in a bubble so tight that they may need to call Green Balloons and get out of their wetsuit.  The people who think he is doing a good job in Puerto Rico belong in the Crazification Factor.  

Tyrone: 27%.

John: … you said that immmediately, and with some authority.

Tyrone: Obama vs. Alan Keyes. Keyes was from out of state, so you can eliminate any established political base; both candidates were black, so you can factor out racism; and Keyes was plainly, obviously, completely crazy. Batshit crazy. Head-trauma crazy. But 27% of the population of Illinois voted for him. They put party identification, personal prejudice, whatever ahead of rational judgement. Hell, even like 5% of Democrats voted for him. That’s crazy behaviour. I think you have to assume a 27% Crazification Factor in any population.

John: Objectively crazy or crazy vis-a-vis my own inertial reference frame for rational behaviour? I mean, are you creating the Theory of Special Crazification or General Crazification?

Tyrone: Hadn’t thought about it. Let’s split the difference. Half just have worldviews which lead them to disagree with what you consider rationality even though they arrive at their positions through rational means, and the other half are the core of the Crazification — either genuinely crazy; or so woefully misinformed about how the world works, the bases for their decision making is so flawed they may as well be crazy.

John: You realize this leads to there being over 30 million crazy people in the US?

Tyrone: Does that seem wrong?

John: … a bit low, actually.

So one more year until we can get some meaningful checks and balances in to contain and segregate the alternate reality that dominates our current reality.



Russiagate And The Press (Open Thread)

I can’t add much to what Anne said. There are a lot of isolated facts floating around about Trump’s Russia connections and what the Russians may have done in the election, and a lot of speculation on how those facts fit together. My own sense is that there are SO MANY Russian connections that it’s likely that the Russians had more than one route into Trump and his people.

There are still many possible narratives. We need more information to be able to verify one or more. Read more