Twitter @soonergrunt
Retired Army/National Guard Infantry NCO. I am an IT Specialist for the US Department of Agriculture. Nothing I say in any forum should be attributed to the the Army, the National Guard, the DoD, or the DoA.
I ski and hike and camp a lot.
Oh, and I go to Comic Cons in Salt Lake City and in San Diego whenever I can.

Soonergrunt

5 years and 3 days ago John gave me the keys

by Soonergrunt| November 25, 201611:00 pm| 53 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

And I promptly crashed the blog into the ditch.

We’ve dug out the Christmas decorations and started tossing them around. We’ve got the garage door openers installed, and the new snow blower is really something. So far, we’ve had two <3-inch snow falls, so I may not get to really give a work out for a while. We do get lake effect snow here in Tooele. Last year one storm dropped four inches in Salt Lake City, and two feet in Tooele. It’s jacked up when you’re hoping for that. And of course, the more snow we get, the better the skiing will be up in the mountains. I’m looking forward to that, too.

We’ve got plans to replace the hideous carpet in the living room and the stairs and the common area upstairs. Hopefully in the spring. Daughter gets her braces off next week. She’s graduating in the spring, and we’re prodding her to decide where she wants to go for a family trip. I’m rooting for Yellowstone National Park, but it’s her trip.

So Donald J. Trump will be the President. The dog has caught the car. It will be interesting to see what he does with it. I’ve already been approached by three co-workers about forming a union local. I’ve been in contact with the union, and we’ll see what happens with that. I know a LOT of federal workers are concerned about our future. We’ll do what we can to operate in the new world, but quite a few people are polishing resumes.

5 years and 3 days ago John gave me the keysPost + Comments (53)

It’s a beautiful day in Utah. Open Thread.

by Soonergrunt| October 29, 201610:14 am| 208 Comments

This post is in: Election 2016, Energy Policy, Hillary Clinton 2016, Open Threads

Doing some renovation on our house. There were relatively minor things wrong with it, with a couple of exceptions when we bought it, but it was a short sale so we got a very good deal on it.

Today, we’re moving a garage door opener from the big garage door to the small one. The opener on the big door is really undersized for the job, and even more so that the spring/counterbalance isn’t working. We’ll get that adjusted by a professional since everything we’ve read about adjusting or repairing it was essentially “YOU WILL DIE ARRRRRRRGH!” But in the meantime I can install the new, bigger one.
Fixed a couple of leaks, including a temporary repair until the spring, when we’ll pull the window in question and re-frame it. It wasn’t framed in properly and it’s 1/2 inch out of level/plumb, but for now it’s not leaking. It’s the window in the kitchen, so it puts off tiling the backsplash for now. I didn’t figure out that it was out of plumb until I started layout lines for the backsplash and found it. No way around it except to pull it and reframe it.
Getting ready to upgrade the main electrical panel and run some new circuits in the garage, basement, and the bonus room office. I can pull the wire and connect the outlets and even install breakers, but upgrading the panel itself needs doing by a professional for the same reason as above. My challenges are nothing like John’s, though.
Landscaping–talked to the county extension office because I want to get the right plants in the right places and save water, and there’s a study going to start in the spring of some native grass/hybrid plantings. I volunteered for that. We’ll see how that goes. We’re going to replace the water heater with a gas tankless heater next month, and we’re going to install solar panels on the roof as well. There are a LOT of Green contractors here. People are very serious about this kind of thing here in this red state and there are a lot of state laws that support green building and renovation here. It’s not like Oklahoma where the oil and gas interests run everything. Tourism is king here.
On the political side here in UT, this is what’s happening:
UT will NOT go for Clinton. It just isn’t going to happen. It MIGHT go to Evan McMullin (which would deny the EVs to Trump, which is almost as good) but I’m not holding my breath. Trump holds a steady 3-4pt lead over McMullin in the local polling, and local political reporters aren’t getting too excited. McMullin is pulling in the crowds, and he comes off as a clean-cut, reasonable person. That kind of thing is important here. The Mormons don’t like Trump, and McMullin is a nice alternative, but they REALLY dislike Clinton. If it wasn’t for the fact that every single member of the UT delegation is a Republican, McMullin would have a strong chance at a House or Senate seat if he were to run and maybe he’ll primary somebody in a couple of years. To get a feel for the Mormon mindset on politics, think of Mitt Romney. Handsome, articulate, not (overtly) a bomb-thrower, (appears) reasonable, etc.
The House campaigns are going about how one expects them. The UT3 has gotten particularly nasty but Mia Love will win. The Salt Lake Tribune “endorsed” her along the lines of “she’s useless and incompetent and probably corrupt, but the House is likely to stay Republican, so better to have an in with leadership than not.” In the UT2, where I live, the race is between the incumbent Republican who makes a huge deal out of having been a B-1 Pilot in the Air Force and strong national defense. The biggest single site employer in the district is the US Army, with Tooele Army Depot and Dougway Proving Ground. His opponent is a Social Worker and Community Organizer whose main campaign thrust is about doing things for the people of the district like homeless shelters and increased access to healthcare–things the incumbent has ignored. The Trib’s endorsement of the Republican incumbent in UT2 is essentially the same as the UT3 with the names changed.

It’s a beautiful day in Utah. Open Thread.Post + Comments (208)

The Republican Party is tearing itself apart. It’s about damn time.

by Soonergrunt| October 10, 20168:00 pm| 218 Comments

This post is in: America, I'm With Her, Politics, Stream of Consciousness, Assholes, Blogospheric Navel-Gazing, Both Sides Do It!, Schadenfreude

The following is from a Tweetstorm I composed yesterday in the hours before that shitshow of a “debate.” There are probably some spelling and grammar errors, because for the most part, I just copied and pasted from my Twitter account, @soonergrunt.

Someone asked me recently why I’m a dick to Conservatives who engage me on Twitter. I’m not to everyone. @RadioFreeTom is a notable example. There are others. But I’ll tell you the answer now. I came to political conscience in the age of Ronald Reagan. I liked him as a person, but I didn’t agree with him on much. But I respected him. He was my President, for one thing, but also my parents taught me that the other side were decent people who wanted what they saw as best for the country. They just happened to usually be wrong. And sometimes they were right. That kind of consideration is something I’ve rarely received in return. Rare enough that I remember a lot of those respectful interactions. They stick out due to their rarity.

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The Republican Party is tearing itself apart. It’s about damn time.Post + Comments (218)

What I’ve heard most of my adult life is that as a Democrat and a Liberal in particular, that I didn’t love my country. Liberals in the Army get used to this kind of thing very, very quickly. We learn to keep our mouths shut. The same NCOs and officers who are telling you that ppl like you should be killed for treason are the same people writing your NCOER. They are the same people who are supposed to risk their lives for you. Even after serving as a combat infantryman, some of the guys I served with, and a LOT of civilians still would say things like that. This kind of thing was pushed a little bit by Reagan, but a LOT by Newt Gingrich. And it’s burned into the modern Republican Party’s DNA. FOX News monetized this. Tune in, anytime day or night, and you’ll see what I’m talking about within a few minutes. Millions watch daily. The typical Conservative is so incredibly vicious because s/he has been raised on a steady diet of vitriol and hate for 2 decades now.

It’s to the point where Conservatives who aren’t calling for a Liberal to be killed, who aren’t calling for a Liberal’s daughter to be raped who aren’t calling for a Liberal to lose his employment are the atypical ones. You spend 30 years hearing this kind of thing, and maybe you aren’t quite so open minded and accepting anymore. It’s hard to take people at face value, because you’re just waiting for the other shoe.

There’s probably more than just the 4 or 5 Cons that I follow that are worth following. There’s a lot of people on Twitter after all. But they’re very hard to find in this bitterest of election years.

@SopanDeb had a couple of tweets yesterday about talking to Establishment Republicans who were, in his words, shocked at all of the hatred directed at Hillary Clinton from the right. That they considered her just another cynical politician. I RT’ed that with a hearty ‘fuck you’ or some such attached to it. Today’s ‘establishment Rs’ came up on that attitude and behavior. They are the principle actors and benefactors. Well, right now we’re watching the Republican Party self-destruct. Where it is because the party and intellectual leaders on the right have, for decades, sold them on the idea that they are the only true patriots and that anyone who opposes them is aligned with the enemies. And now, as was inevitable, they’ve turned on the Conservatives who aren’t complete assholes. Well, I’m not really sorry for them. They are reaping what they have sewn.

When I was a kid, there were Conservative Democrats & Liberal Republicans, and most people held views that occasionally crossed ideological lines. I tend to believe in a much stronger military and more robust foreign policy than many of my liberal brethren. It is essential to the health of the Liberal movement and the Democratic Party, and most especially to the political health of the Nation for there to be a functioning, engaged Conservative movement and a center right party. I don’t know if the Republican Party will survive or if something else will rise in its place, but it’s going to take a while. It took decades to get here, and it won’t be changed one way or the other overnight. I take some small consolation that many Conservatives are now experiencing what people like me have for decades. But schadenfreude isn’t something I should be proud of.

It’s going to be interesting to watch, but I really am worried for the near-term future of the country. I do believe that in the end, things will be OK. I believe that most people are essentially good and decent in their hearts and that my kids will see a better country and a better world. If you’ve made it this far, you sure are a glutton for punishment, but I thank you for reading.

Trump is a Goddamned moron, and has no honor.

by Soonergrunt| September 8, 20169:19 pm| 106 Comments

This post is in: America, Election 2016, Hail to the Hairpiece, Media, Military, Clown Shoes, Our Failed Media Experiment

But you already knew that.
Here’s where it matters.

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Trump is a Goddamned moron, and has no honor.Post + Comments (106)

From one bullshit statement to the next out of his mouth last night, he showed that he does not understand, and doesn’t really care to understand how the world works, how the military works, or how intelligence works.

He lies with a facility that is breathtaking, but as Fareed Zakaria pointed out, Trump is a bullshit artist, and the truth isn’t particularly important to him one way or the other.

He reminds me of that troop who somehow always talks the biggest shit, but is never around for the work details that make up most of a Soldier’s day, or keeps coming up on sick call at SP time. I wouldn’t trust him on shit-burning detail. He’d steal the JP-8 and the TP. He’s the guy who never does anything productive, whose gear is parade field clean, but lobbies for a combat award when an RPG hits the perimeter wall 600 meters away from him while he was in the line at Burger King. And you just know he’ll be telling stories about how terrible it was “in the shit” to the newbies. And he’ll strut around the mall on leave wearing those stupid T-shirts with skulls and M-4s and “MESS WITH THE BEST, DIE LIKE THE REST” on them.

Every Vet reading this knows the guy, or guys I’m talking about, and every Vet who watched that last night saw the same thing I did. I don’t know how much, if any, it changed anything, but if it did, it didn’t go Trump’s way. Another thing that I know struck people the wrong way was his sticky man-crush on Vladimir Putin.

Other than those observations, and the observation that Matt Lauer is as useless as tits on a boar hog, the Commander in Chief’s forum was an hour of my life that I’ll never get back. Of all the things we could have learned, like what do the candidates think about the new nuclear weapons program, what they want to do about the floundering F-35 program, how they’re going to pay for the VA’s burgeoning expenses over the next several decades, or the Army’s program to recapitalize the ground vehicle fleet, or how we’re going to deal with friends and allies in the early years of the 21st century. Instead we got that crap.

I’m not outraged about Colin Kaepernik

by Soonergrunt| August 29, 20166:12 pm| 160 Comments

This post is in: America, Blogospheric Navel-Gazing, Outrage

I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff on Twitter and Facebook about how Colin Kaepernik insulted Veterans with his refusal to stand for the National Anthem.

I personally am not offended by Kaepernik’s actions. I wish he’d chosen a different method, but only because the substance of his protest, the glaring racial iniquities of policing and the legal system, have been ignored while the outrage machine over his refusal to stand for the anthem has burned up all the oxygen. I honestly had no idea who the guy was before this week. Those glaring racial iniquities of policing and the legal system? That’s the real outrage here, or it should be if you buy into the idea that “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Speaking for myself, I for one am real Goddamned tired of people appointing themselves to be outraged on my my behalf.

I joined the army for a lot of reasons, patriotism being one of them, but patriotism had little if anything to do with my decisions to re-enlist over and over again. Every place I ever fought, I fought FOR my brothers, the guys to my left and right. If politics entered into it at all, it was because we fought against people who would string up the Colin Kaeperniks of the world for being a racial minority, or for not toeing some religious or political line. So there was always some knowledge and understanding that on some level there was a difference between us, or what we still aspire to but haven’t yet become, and them.

But mostly it was for my brothers. And a paycheck.

I’m not outraged about Colin KaepernikPost + Comments (160)

It’s been a while. Love what you’ve done with the place.

by Soonergrunt| February 16, 20161:40 am| 72 Comments

This post is in: Excellent Links, Open Threads, Rare Sincerity

Tonight I’m interrupting your regularly scheduled blog programming to tell you that a guy with whom I served in combat, Ken William “Wild Bill” Lynn killed himself this morning.

I’ve already had my emotional reaction to it. I’m not posting this for your sympathy. I’m posting this because losing a friend sucks. I’m posting this because Wild Bill left a ton of friends who are now shocked and saddened and hurt and confused. I don’t know why he ended his life. those who had contact with him recently said that he seemed fine. The Army’s suicide prevention training taught me that those who had attempted suicide later reported in interviews that their overwhelming emotions were guilt and futility. Essentially that they felt, right or wrong, that they had fucked something important in their lives up, and that nothing they did could fix that. I know this-somebody out there reading this, whether a Vet or not, may be experiencing these feelings, and I want you to know that there is somebody in your life who will be devastated by your death. Please don’t do this horrible thing. Please reach out to the people who love you. I guarantee that whatever it is that you have done or think you have done, you probably haven’t caused as much pain as killing yourself will do. If you can’t face your loved ones, there are lots of resources out in the world. People who care for you and can help you and want to help you. I was in a real bad way a few months back. Ready to pack it in, gun in hand. I called the VA Crisis Line. They talked me down. The life I have now is radically different than the life I had then, and it’s still not perfect. I have my bad days. But it’s a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline— 1 (800) 273-8255

The VA Crisis Line— 1 (800) 273-8255 Option 1 (yes, they are the same number)

And of course, your local 911 service, and your local hospital Emergency Room.

Please.

It’s been a while. Love what you’ve done with the place.Post + Comments (72)

Open Thread

by Soonergrunt| October 22, 201511:22 pm| 192 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

So Trey Gowdy and the Republicans of the House Select Committee On Hillary Clinton’s Presidential Campaign basically cut their own asses off and gave them to Hillary Clinton, who obligingly handed them their asses right back.

In other news today, A US Special Operator (probably Army Special Forces, but not confirmed) was Killed in Action in northern Iraq accompanying Kurdish forces on a raid to rescue prisoners of ISIS. 75 prisoners were liberated and 15 ISIS fighters were killed and 5 captured in the fighting.

Lincoln Chafee will probably drop out of the Democratic field for 2016 in the next day or so.

The Zombie-eyed Granny Starver will run for, and probably win the Speakership of the House.

Open ThreadPost + Comments (192)

Open Thread

by Soonergrunt| October 15, 20159:17 pm| 124 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

I’ve been doing a lot of hiking here in Salt Lake City and the surroundings. It’s beautiful here. Going to do some more this weekend. I’m starting a new work schedule soon that will allow me every other Friday off. Work is going well. I’ve been driving around Utah and parts of western Colorado and southern Idaho for my job. I’m so glad to be back in the mountains again. Western Wyoming is also part of my area of responsibility, but I haven’t had any calls up there yet. I went to Colorado earlier in the week, and I picked up a couple of cases of Fat Tire and 90 Schilling amber ales. They’re pretty good. There are local breweries here in SLC, some of them pretty good, but the beer here is on the expensive side.

If you can get out and about before the weather turns chilly where you’re at, I highly recommend you do so.

I haven’t been watching the news much recently, and I don’t notice that I’ve missed much. I have been rewatching Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and Buffy The Vampire Slayer on Netflix.

What’s on tap for you all this weekend?

Open ThreadPost + Comments (124)

And now for something completely predictable

by Soonergrunt| October 1, 201510:02 pm| 48 Comments

This post is in: Gun nuts, Assholes, Shitheads, Ugh

Adam’s post below is very informative, and you should all go and read it. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

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And now for something completely predictablePost + Comments (48)

Evening Open Thread

by Soonergrunt| September 30, 201510:13 pm| 121 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Blogospheric Navel-Gazing

Here’s a fresh new open thread for you all.

The Congress has passed a clean Continuing Resolution, so the government won’t shut down until December 11, when they’re going to have another fight over raising the national debt limit.

My new agency is, for the most part, a pretty good gig. I do love taking long drives to support people in the field who are doing important work protecting our natural resources. There’s a couple of things I’m not liking, but I won’t go into that. If everything were perfect all the time, life wouldn’t be an adventure, would it?

Evening Open ThreadPost + Comments (121)

Morning Open Thread

by Soonergrunt| September 27, 20159:12 am| 240 Comments

This post is in: Media, Open Threads, Blatant Liars and the Lies They Tell, Both Sides Do It!, DC Press Corpse, Our Failed Media Experiment, Our Failed Political Establishment

There’s a Super Moon and a lunar eclipse tonight. It should make for pretty skywatching. You can find details HERE.

I went to Salt Lake Comic Con on Friday and Saturday. A good time was had by all. Here in SLC, the Comic Con ran Thursday-Saturday. There’s not a lot going on Sundays here. I think I’ll drive up in the mountains later and look at the leaves changing.

My new job is going well for the most part. It’s a small facility, but I also support entomologists and naturalists deployed to various places around Utah, southern Idaho, western Colorado, and eastern Nevada, so I’m driving a lot.

I saw a thing on CNN this morning about Boehner’s retirement from Congress. All the talking heads were going on about how it’s a sure sign of “the dysfunction in Washington.” They were wrong, of course. It’s a sign of the dysfunction in the Republican party. The Democrats are doing just fine, thank you very much. But our media is so cowed by the right wing, and in many instances controlled by them, that there has to be some way the Democrats are at fault. It’s been like this for most of my life, and I don’t expect it to change anytime soon.

Dana Milbank at the WaPo has an editorial up about Carly Fiorina, the Flavor of the Week. The media is never better at self reflection than when they’re sniping at each other.

Also, Berkley Brethed has hit upon one of the signal issues of our time.

GO Broncos! Beat the Lions!

Morning Open ThreadPost + Comments (240)

Hi. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

by Soonergrunt| August 30, 20159:05 am| 154 Comments

This post is in: Getting The Band Back Together, Open Threads, Blogospheric Navel-Gazing, Midnight Confessions

Well, it’s been an interesting few months…

My last post, I was having a lot of problems with anger and sadness. I spent four days in the inpatient psychiatric ward in observation. I slept a LOT during that time. After I got out, I was going to individual counseling every other day for the first two weeks, then weekly after that. My wife and I started marriage counseling.

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Hi. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?Post + Comments (154)

Our marriage is troubled. Some of that is my fault. It takes two people to make a marriage work, and it takes two people to break a marriage. I won’t go into details, except to say that in some respects we’re in a better place as a couple, and in others we are not. I don’t know if or how long we’ll last, but I’ll own my share of the responsibility for that.

After a couple of months it became obvious to me that I needed a new start in my life. I started applying for positions with the federal government all over the west. 106 applications went out. 63 of them were forwarded to the hiring managers as “highly qualified”. Four resulted in interviews, and two resulted in job offers, both in the same city, for sub-agencies of the same department.

I have accepted a position with the US Department of Agriculture in Salt Lake City, UT. I start the day after Labor Day. The position is managing Enterprise Messaging, which is a glorified way of saying email. It’s a pay-band jump to GS-12 from GS-11, and it includes the possibility of making GS-13 within 18 months. The last few days have been about packing my stuff. My wife and I are driving out there, starting Monday. My daughter will be staying with her aunt, who teaches at her high school here. Daughter is not thrilled at all about having to change high schools. She just started her Junior year. She’s doing well on a new medication for her Crohn’s disease, but all the recent stress is not helping her. We are concerned about her, and are looking at ways to keep her here to go to school with her friends. I don’t know how that’s going to play out. I’m taking her this afternoon to practice parallel parking for her driver’s test Monday morning. The boy is well ensconced at University of Central Oklahoma, in the dorms. He pledged a frat there. I like these boys. Requirement to maintain a 2.8 GPA, and no drinking by pledges at Frat events, even if they’re over 21 like he is. 15 hours of community service per semester.

Once I get to SLC, one of the first things I’ll do is go to the VA there to schedule appointments, including more marriage and individual counseling.

My wife will return to OKC after a week, and manage selling the house. The government is paying for the move, so once the the house is sold, she’ll use one of their qualified movers to pack everything out and move it to SLC. We’ll be looking for a nice house in the meantime. Houses there are more expensive than here, but we’re planning on downsizing anyway. We both love our house here in OKC, but it really is too big for two people. I’ll be living in a corporate hotel for a couple months probably. I’ll be flying around a bit, too. Training in Colorado, meetings in Pennsylvania, and so forth.

The dog had surgery. Removed a bunch of calcium stones the size of dimes and quarters from her bladder. Poor thing only weighs 9 pounds, so you can imagine how small her bladder was in the first place. But she’s back to her normal old self, which means pretty much running the place and making people pet and snuggle with her, which is OK by me, to be completely honest.

So, that’s where I am. I’m better in many respects than I was, but I still have a lot of work to do. I hope, as things normalize in my life, to return to blogging here more often. Also, I’d like to thank John, who kept checking up on me, and letting me know that there were people who cared.

OK Weather

by Soonergrunt| May 9, 201512:30 pm| 55 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

It’s been a hard week in Oklahoma for the weather. We’ve had 15 inches of rain in two days, with more on the way. It’s nice break from the drought that much of the state has been in, but obviously not enough to change things in that respect long term.

Supposed to have very severe weather this afternoon and tonight. Wife and daughter are in Tulsa with daughter’s friend at a concert by somebody or other and will stay the night and drive back tomorrow afternoon. Son is hanging with friends, seeing Avengers 2 today. I’ll catch that later at some point. The movie theater is a storm shelter–took a near miss from the May 20, 2013 F-5 and was back in operation 3 days later. His friend’s house has a shelter, so he’s good there.

I’m in the house, and getting some things done and taking a break from everybody and everything. The shelter is cleaned and restocked, the batteries are charged, the beer is cold, and the dog and I are curled up on the couch. My weight is down to 261. I had one cigarette yesterday.

Open thread.

EDIT–first weather radio alert of the day just issued at 12:00PM–Major Thunderstorm Watch until 9:00 PM

~~Tornado Watch until 9:00PM~~. Cancelled for OKC area. Also Flash Flood Warning till 12:00AM.

OK WeatherPost + Comments (55)

One day at a time. Sometimes it’s 5 minutes at a time.

by Soonergrunt| April 25, 20159:11 am| 68 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

I get through each day like that. I have a huge raft of appointments coming up–Psychiatric individual therapy, General Practice, Marriage Counseling, Anger Management, PTSD group therapy and so on.

In the short term, I’m prioritizing my energy. The lawn at my house needs mowing, but it keeps raining so no use in getting wrapped around the axle about that is of no use to anyone, which is what I have done. On the other hand, I CAN fix the broken SCCM image for the new laptops at work, so that’s what I did the last three days. I have enjoyed amazing support from my bosses and from my union.

I don’t know where I’ll be or what the world will look like for me in a year or five years time. About the only thing I am sure of is that I’ll still be doing IT (which I love) for the Federal government (which is a great employer, even with those assholes in Congress.) Pretty much everything else is up in the air right now, and that’s OK for the time being.

I’m currently living with my dad and step-mom. They’re wise and easy going and they have a spare bedroom, and I have chores. This is what I need right now, and I’m lucky to have this kind of support.

One day at a time. Sometimes it’s 5 minutes at a time.Post + Comments (68)

Strange how hard it rains now

by Soonergrunt| April 21, 201511:33 am| 187 Comments

This post is in: Midnight Confessions

I have been dealing with overwhelming feelings of anger and sadness for some time now, and it’s gotten progressively worse. I won’t go into the details of how I got here because that would entail me violating some people’s privacy, but I do believe that overwork, my PTSD, and the May 20, 2013 tornado were some of the factors in this long, slow spiral. On Thursday last, I blew off work to go buy a bike, but at the sporting goods store, I kept hovering near the gun counter with images in my mind of shooting myself. I never once thought “I’m going to kill myself” but I kept seeing it, like watching a film, over and over again. I remember thinking “I should do something else.” So I got back in my car and drove around till I found a bar and got drunk. At some point in the evening, I called the VA’s crisis line. I don’t remember this, but I’m told that I did. I don’t remember driving home from there, but I must have done so. I woke up on Friday and decided that I needed help.

I went to Outpatient Mental Health at the VA on Friday. They were waiting for me, having received a referral from the crisis line people. After talking to several people, we determined that the best course of action in the near term was for me to be admitted to inpatient psych ward for observation. I don’t remember much of that. I know that I talked to a bunch of people, and I slept most of that time. I was released yesterday afternoon. We’re titrating a couple of different anti-anxiety medications. I am living with my dad on the other side of town at the moment. I can’t go home just yet. I’m not sure what I’ll find there when I do. In the short term, I need to get my head on straight. I still feel like I’m underwater sometimes but I can come up for air now, so there’s some small, if measurable progress already. In the medium to long term, I don’t know what the future holds, and my goal is mainly to fortify my emotional and mental abilities to handle whatever changes may come, and practically as well to try to study up and earn a couple of IT certifications that should position me well for a change in work if it comes to that. Some of those changes I’ll have to make myself. I can’t make those decisions right now. I don’t know what changes I’ll make, but I can’t stay in this place.

Strange how hard it rains nowPost + Comments (187)

Subsole on Bernie is out (Apr 8, 2020 @ 3:59pm)

mrmoshpotato on One Thing is Clear (Apr 8, 2020 @ 3:58pm)

different-church-lady on Bernie is out (Apr 8, 2020 @ 3:57pm)

🐾BillinGlendaleCA on On The Road – 🐾BillinGlendaleCA – Salvation Mountain & Slab City (Apr 8, 2020 @ 3:56pm)

Quaker in a Basement on Bernie is out (Apr 8, 2020 @ 3:55pm)

Han shot first.

This blog is Obama’s Katrina.

Saul Alinsky is my co-pilot

The Math Demands It!

Wetsuit optional.

Consistently wrong since 2002

An army of rabid, anonymous commenters

The house always wins.

Verified, but limited!

Shock troops for the Unitarian Jihad.

The revolution will be supervised.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Not all heroes wear capes.

We still have time to mess this up!

Nevertheless, she persisted

Too inconsequential to be sued

We Survived Breitbartpocalypse!

Almost as fun as hiking the Appalachian Trail.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense.

Mission Accomplished!

This is how realignments happen…

Today in our ongoing national embarrassment…

‘Forty-two’ said Deep Thought, with infinite majesty and calm.

What fresh hell is this?

5 years and 3 days ago John gave me the keys

It’s a beautiful day in Utah. Open Thread.

The Republican Party is tearing itself apart. It’s about damn time.

Trump is a Goddamned moron, and has no honor.

I’m not outraged about Colin Kaepernik

It’s been a while. Love what you’ve done with the place.

Open Thread

Open Thread

And now for something completely predictable

Evening Open Thread

Morning Open Thread

Hi. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

OK Weather

One day at a time. Sometimes it’s 5 minutes at a time.

Strange how hard it rains now