ruemara

Someone on the Twitters asked who was working on their dream. My response was, “Who dreams anymore?”

This was amazing. @chadwickboseman surprises #BlackPanther fans while they say what the movie means to them. pic.twitter.com/ZXnfLuV83f

— The Tonight Show (@FallonTonight) March 1, 2018

Somewhere, somewhen in the past, I stopped dreaming.
As a child, I did not dream. I had nightmares, but dreams? Dreams are for people who hope & aspire. I had the restful blackness until I woke and that was that. But some things could break through and inspire me. They could touch the spaces inside my soul that had lost any ability to believe in the people or the world I was unwillingly thrust into, that seemed to desire me as a toy to break. Star Wars, Star Trek, if there was a fantasy or scifi element, I could be lost in that world. A world that seemed infinitely more interesting than the banalities of this one. I could be a Jedi and fight beside Luke Skywalker. As a Ranger, I would be loyal & true to Frodo and ensure the Ring was destroyed. I could not prevent the Fall of Nargothrond, but I would gladly rescue as many as I could. There was a small problem. Even in my dreams, I’d still be the sole black person in the story.

You, my fine alabaster to tan brethren, probably grew up with a hero you identified with. Whether it’s The Lone Ranger, Pippi Longstocking, Aragorn, or Alexander Portnoy – you didn’t just decide to participate, you got to see yourself as the hero. You felt that connection, a bond where art and audience don’t just find each other, the art makes a home in you and the story that was told is now a thread of the story of you. I can’t quite say I felt that way about everything. The few black heroes were often busy heroing somewhere off to the side, lesser heroes in lesser stories that didn’t get be as important as the big and Caucasian leads. I wasn’t deterred from desiring to participate in these worlds, but there was a longing I didn’t know I had for faces like mine and voices that could connect me to a group, a dynamic, a heritage. There’s an absence, I think, for some in the Diaspora where we know nothing but the lands we’ve arrived in while dealing with craving for mother tongues we’ve never spoken, dances we’ve never moved to & tales for lands we’ve never seen but within our gene pool we can recognize as belonging to us and also about us. Maybe it’s just me.

Fast forward. I had no desire for Black Panther to be a movie. Sorry, I’m 100% a Storm fan but…Ryan Coogler and Chadwick “I am a very serious ACTOR” Boseman”…? Maybe I’m the only one who appreciated Ang Lee’s Hulk for what Lee was trying to do, and I am always curious when the “serious movie” talent gets to let their [super]freak flag fly. Let’s see how it goes. Besides, I’ve grow up seeing so many “black” movies be done with less budget, get stuck as narrow genre content and worse yet, languish in development because the common wisdom is movies with black leads won’t be enjoyed by anybody really important, i.e. white people. A money losing proposition. It’s also stupid, because who didn’t enjoy Blade? Make a good movie, give us a shot. Common wisdom is sometimes incredibly stupid.

I didn’t know what to expect while sitting in the theater. I knew it was going to be good from the first action sequence and I let out a breath of relief. A good-not-great Marvel movie was going to do well and wouldn’t be a drag on black lead projects. Yeah, I think in movie business, what of it? We don’t really get to just make an error and have it reflect on just use. A notable black person making a mistake in public is a pratfall every black person has to get up & dust themselves off from. It was going to be ok for more like this to be made. And then T’Challa, Nakia & Okoye flew through the curtain of the regular world and descended into the glorious dream of Wakanda. My heart opened up to absorb this dream. This dream of an unconquered Africa. This dream of people who never knew slavery, degradation or abuse. A land where a known past melded with an advanced future. Women of beauty, strength & intellect in positions of power. Presided over by a young king who would put himself in danger for his people, while commanding loyalty due to his compassion and willingness to question what does it mean to be a good man as well as a good king. Every time I watch that movie, I feel myself connecting passionately with it from start to finish. A hero’s journey, but one where the hero starts a hero, then passes through battle and death to become fully human. King Lear, but with spandex & a massive VFX budget.

I remember leaving the theater with my friends and having to think deeply of all the themes and complications. That was a performance! From every star of that film, but Boseman’s T’Challa created a legend for black people. One they hadn’t really been given before. We got our King, we got our Aragorn, WE HAD OUR ARTHUR! We got to dream, in bold, vivid colors, with a complexity that fits the concept of Blackness on this very small yet large planet. The most brilliant thing is, he helped prove that stories that center us, feature us and elevate us, are capable of connecting to the hearts of people everywhere. Which cracks open the door for other actors to bring BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) stories to screen. Maybe they’ll get to be sitting at a desk, shaking hands with the fans and seeing little kids and giant kids like myself just dissolve into joy because the character they played meant something and brought a dream to life. I hope so. Chadwick Boseman did film after film after film – while fighting cancer. The little movies I’ve made and worked on were exhausting. The preplanning I did for an action short that covid kaboshed, even more work. I have no idea how he did it. But I think I know why. He had to put all his love for his craft, for his people and for the life he knew he could be leaving soon, into something. And he did. Black Panther. Da 5 Bloods. 42. Marshall. Any of those would be such a great film, no one would blame you for taking the rest of the year off & handing you a damned award. People, he was in more films than just that since 2016. When you know you might have to go, though… it makes sense to take your most precious gifts and make sure they go to the people who need them. I think he did.

The king is dead. Long Live the King. Long live the story that will stay with all of us.

Baba, Tell Me A StoryPost + Comments (76)

A few days after my employer had us haul our potentially infected asses out of our cube farm, I decided to do something I haven’t done since I lived in a house with my ex. Make a garden.

It started off fairly normal, but maybe things got a little out of hand.

I suppose it’s a weird thing to do, considering I’ve lived like my existence here is a temporary thing that might be uprooted at any second. But, in the face of worldwide instability, I believe the most normal & sane thing to do is to carve out somewhere where the feeling of stability and sanity can be present. I don’t think I’m alone as most of covid lockdown seems to involve nesting behaviours like gardening, cooking & crafting.

The projects continued past just a few potted plants or the big ass cloth planter (what was I thinking?)

I repurposed some dumped chairs & a table, plus old pine wood. Surprisingly, I could sit in the chairs strung with boat rope. Things are, once again, changing the minute I decide to embrace stability. I did fear that. But, the respite of this spot has been helpful.

There are no cat pics outside. I’m right up against a busy roadway – super FUN for voiceover – and kitties don’t get to be outside in my household. But I got them a 6foot tall mega-cat tree and I’m their favourite entertainment anyway.

Here’s Hime assisting for Zoom Yoga & Odoroki providing system support for video & voiceover work. I hope you’ve made an oasis where you are at and that it holds you, completes you and gives you a respite. Open Thread, play nice.

Breathing Room – Homesteading EditionPost + Comments (93)

The maker of Good Trouble, a giant of a man with a heart that encompassed millions and strength of purpose that forged a path for civil rights – has died. Rest well, sir. You’ve earned it. May we all pick up the work that remains and do as well as he did. Open thread.

I do suggest watching the documentary on him in his honor.

Congress John Lewis Has DiedPost + Comments (48)

It’s Beltane, herald of summer, season of the fire. I must admit, it’s been a bit dark here at chez ruemara. Covid-19 has added more instability to a life that was already akin to riding a unicycle while juggling flaming batons & balancing a bunch of pitchers on my head. I knew a shelter in place order was going to happen, I was just 2 days off in my estimate of when CA would say “stay the hell home”.

I worried quite a bit about Covid, considering the bulk of my known family is in NYC or Florida, better known as Hot Spot 1 and Future Hotter Spot 1, but the first call from my mother still hit me quite hard. Less about the deaths themselves – 3 3rd cousins & a family friend’s sister – and more about the enormity of the devastation we the marginalized were about to go through. It’s hitting African Americans, Latinos & Native Americans the hardest. Because structural racism is all about making life something you survive not thrive in, so you’re far more vulnerable. Had to take a day just to process this point in history we’re getting to exist in. How does one remain calm in the face of genocide (Puerto Rico still doesn’t have power, over 900 days without infrastructure), because you have to deal with brand new even worse genocide kicking into gear? And while the people that died didn’t mean that much to me, they meant a lot to their people. I felt the tragedy of that absence.

Less than a week later, Alain died and that took my breath away. Alain was a lovely human being, filled with generosity. I don’t bring up much here of some of my interactions, but he reached out to offer help to get me setup doing voice work. That’s his nature. Finding out he’d passed… it made me feel like yet another bright light has gone from the world. Then a few days after Alain, I got word my beloved son kitty, Otajamakushi Taifun, wasn’t just having urinary tract issues, he had kidney disease and this could be his last year. Unfortunately, it turned out to be his last week. Another light gone.

And I’m not remotely alone in this. Way too many people are losing their bright lights. People who made their lives better, who made other lives better. Grief is as national a pastime these days as boredom. What is there to do? Wrap ourselves in darkness, fear & anger? The truth is, we’re all bright lights in someone’s life, whether we know it or not. And we share in the work of pushing back darkness. Over 60k people have died as I write this, yet when I’d started thinking about writing this, only 40k were dead. That number is only going to get bigger. Some of the deaths will be in their normal due time, some will be unfortunate happenstance and some will be due to the criminal mismanagement and callousness of our mostly GOP government. What is there to do, when deaths large & small affect our world, except be a light?

We’re going to need each other, probably more than we think. To let the noise and distractions of others fall away and take the work of preserving this country and what’s truly good in humanity. And to take all the time we need to feel joy. Welcome, Beltane. Welcome. We plan to shine brightly for those we’ve lost.

Shine OnPost + Comments (46)