World’s saddest cookbook?
Could be! Discuss sad cooking or whatever.
Florida woman, boxer wrangler and football hooligan currently deep-fat frying something in a humid swamp somewhere.
Betty Cracker has been a Balloon Juice writer since 2012.
I’ve spent the past week struggling to kick a 20+ year nicotine addiction, which pretty much renders me unfit for anything but sobbing into my hands or rereading familiar books so that it won’t matter that I read the same paragraph three times without comprehending it.
I see intriguing stories that are worthy of comment or outrageous bullshit that cries out for abuse. But I find myself incapable of formulating a response other than “blaarrgh!”
This is SO not fun, except for the bizarre Chantix dreams, one of which involves the chickens pictured above. I dreamed I was riding in the passenger seat of a 1970-something Dodge, and my chickens were driving. Two chickens on the floorboard controlled the gas and brake pedals, and three perched on the wheel steered by shifting their weight to make turns.
In the dream, I was completely unafraid to be the chickens’ passenger (even though they were exceeding the speed limit). I was just impressed that they figured out how to drive. Is that weird, or what?
What’s the most bizarre dream you’ve ever had? (Or talk about whatever…)
In the most impactful journalistic feat of impacted extraction seen since the late Andy Rooney’s final colonoscopy monologue, Breitbart cub reporter Joel Pollak squirts out another HUGE STORY in his ongoing “Vetting the Bed”* series.
The latest EXCLUSIVE, MUST CREDIT BREITBART.COM story reveals that an assistant professor currently residing in Alabama said on a blog seven years ago that some people at his barbeque said they saw future President Obama over the fence at another barbeque hosted by DOMESTIC TERRORISTS Bill Ayers and Bernadine Dohrn.
Further, the now-professor in Alabama mentioned on his now-defunct blog that it rained at his barbeque, and Pollak found out on the Internet that rain was reported in Chicago that day. So suck it, libtards: This is proof that Obama is a radical leftwing terrorist who was raised jointly by the Black Panthers and Weather Underground and elected to enact their shadowy agenda.
Or maybe it merely proves that the big reveals can get even more lame and obscure as you work your way methodically through all 900M+ Google search results for “Barack Obama” in search of wingnut skree-bait. Either way, this is HUGE, you guys!
*H/T: Different Church Lady[X-posted at Rumproast]
If you’re not too busy, perhaps you could look into this:
Kay covered Florida Governor Rick Scott’s brazen attempt to steal the upcoming election here yesterday. The issue is getting some local press, and it was heavily covered on the MSNBC line-up last night. But aside from that, the story isn’t getting a lot of play in the national press.
Maddow pointed out that whites make up only 13% of the names on the purge list (and are more than 60% of the state population as a whole). The whole thing stinks to high heaven, and unless the DOJ steps in, it looks like Scott might get away with it.
But it’s only a fundamental right being stripped away from legitimate citizens. I’m glad the media decided to focus instead on what the guy who wears a hair clump from the shower drain on his head says and how it might affect the fortunes of the guy who strapped a dog to the roof of his car.[X-posted at Rumproast]
Once upon a time, King Juan Carlos of Spain went on an expensive elephant-killing excursion in Africa. Shooting an elephant seems like a really dickish thing to do (unless, of course, the elephant is rampaging toward a flimsy shack containing your children).
Anyhoo, King Juan Carlos fell out of bed and hurt his hip on the trip, so that sucked for him. And when he got home, the public outcry was so great that he had to apologize for living out his expensive, macho-shithead Big Game Hunter fantasies on the dime of a country in the midst of a horrible economic crisis with 25%+ unemployment.
So the last goddamned thing on the entire goddamned planet King Juan Carlos of Spain wanted to hear about was goddamned elephants and his goddamned hip. Enter reptilian tea party ninny and Florida Governor Rick Scott, visiting the King on a trade mission:*
He wouldn’t shut up about the goddamned elephant! He even dragged his wife into the elephant conversation:
And then he brought up the king’s embarrassing hip thing:
And then back to the elephant — it was like he had some weird elephant-centric form of Tourettes:
Needless to say, King Juan Carlos was not amused:
He will probably skip out on Scott’s invitation to attend the 500th anniversary celebration of Spaniard Ponce de Leon’s discovery of Florida next year.
In fact, he’ll probably urge the government to eliminate the unemployment crisis in Spain by conscripting all able-bodied Spanish men into an army to retake Florida. And if the US has any sense, they’ll let Spain have it back.
*Dialog edited for clarity.