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Betty Cracker

You are here: Home / Archives for Betty Cracker

Florida woman, boxer wrangler and football hooligan currently deep-fat frying something in a humid swamp somewhere.

Betty Cracker has been a Balloon Juice writer since 2012.

Electoral Count Open Thread

by Betty Cracker|  January 6, 20211:32 pm| 156 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Politics, Republican Stupidity

Here’s a CSPAN live stream of the proceedings:

Also, Pence isn’t going to gum up the works. From The Post:

Pence, in a letter to lawmakers Wednesday, rejected Trump’s view that he could unilaterally reject electoral college votes from states won by Biden when he presides over a joint session of Congress.

“My oath to support and defend the Constitution constrains me from claiming unilateral authority to determine which electoral votes should be counted and which should not,” Pence said in the letter. “My role as presiding officer is largely ceremonial.”

His letter circulated as Trump repeatedly implored him to intervene in Congress’s counting of the results during a rally at the White House Ellipse.

“Mike Pence, I hope you’re going to stand up for the good of our Constitution and for the good of our country,” Trump said. “And if you’re not, I’m going to be very disappointed in you. I will tell you right now, I’m not hearing good stories.”

Flaccid Führer was just telling the assembled Brown Shirts that Pence had the power to overturn the election. He doesn’t, of course, but I figured the servile Pence would fake a seizure or something to get out of his emcee duties. Pence has spent four years occupying Trump’s colon hoping to inherit the MAGA choads, but that’s not happening now. Let the Sessionshunning of Pence begin!

Open thread.

Electoral Count Open ThreadPost + Comments (156)

New Year’s Eve Plans (Open Thread)

by Betty Cracker|  December 31, 202012:47 pm| 275 Comments

This post is in: Birdwatching, Open Threads

We’ve stayed home on Amateur Night for many years now, but this evening, we have an adventure planned. We’ve seen Black-Crowned Night Herons hanging around a nearby marshy island in the river, and we plan to anchor our little Jon boat upstream at sunset and stake it out to see for ourselves if it’s true these birds work the night shift so as to avoid competition with daytime herons. Here’s a photo of one I took on a recent evening off said island:

New Years Eve Plans (Open Thread)

I’m also hoping to see some owls. I hear Barred Owls every night from all directions but rarely see them. Must not forget the mosquito dope, or it’ll be a short trip. Other than that, no particular plans. What are you guys up to this evening?

Open thread!

New Year’s Eve Plans (Open Thread)Post + Comments (275)

Race to the Bottom?

by Betty Cracker|  December 30, 20201:08 pm| 293 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Politics

Hawley of Missouri announced he’ll object to the certification of the Electoral College votes next week. David Plouffe thinks Hawley will have company in effecting a brief and pointless certification delay. Plouffe also predicts the spectacle will foreshadow a repulsive clown show in the next Republican primary:

Hawley willing to shred our democracy to improve his talking points for the inevitable QAnon Debate in Roswell, NM. They’ll all have to follow now. The 2024 GOP primary will be a race to the bottom like none we have ever seen.

— David Plouffe (@davidplouffe) December 30, 2020

There’s good reason to suppose Plouffe’s prophesy will come to pass. Even elite invertebrate Marco Rubio is attempting to bolster his anti-elitist cred by slapping an 80-year-old physician around. It would work better if Rubio managed to land blows on Fauci instead of punching himself in the face, but Marquito’s pathetic antics aside, he does have an unerring instinct for following his party down identity rabbit holes, having latched onto and discarded every dominant strain of Republicanism in its turn.

There’s an interesting piece in The Atlantic that explores UC Berkeley sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild’s theory about Trumpism, i.e., the narrative Trump cultists perceive in our political drama, and how that might evolve when the object of veneration is sulking in Palm Beach rather than the Oval Office:

Hochschild is telling us that Trumpism is not just a garland of public-policy proposals that any other Republican can drape around his or her neck. And it is more complex than a personality trait, or a talent for saying mean stuff on Twitter. Rather, Trumpism is an emotional planet that orbits around Trump’s star. Breaking the connection between Trump and the better part of the GOP will require either that Trump disappears (an unlikely proposition) or that a larger star emerges from the Republican backbench (also unlikely).

At the end of our conversation, I asked Hochschild what she’s learned from the past four years. “I used to think of political identity as something more solid,” she said. “I now think of political identity as like water that’s always going somewhere, that needs to go somewhere, but where it goes depends on the lay of the land, the rock formations that stand in its way,” she told me. She’s still waiting to see where Trump moves the mountain.

Somehow, this made me feel better. I’ve been pessimistic about America ever since the election. I’m overjoyed that we’re getting rid of the buffoonish monster, of course, but it’s distressing that 74 million people voted for four more years of chaos and calamity. Or, to put in more accurately, 74 million voters no longer recognize chaos and calamity when they see it.

Hochschild’s quote about political identity as a fluid thing sounds right, but that said, I think it’s possible Trump won’t “move the mountain” at all. He’s a lazy fuck, for one thing, an obese, 74-year-old man with a poor diet and habits. He doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself, so it’s hard to imagine him putting serious effort into grooming a successor. From Trump’s perspective, even Ivanker is just a reflection of his own greatness, not really a separate person with ideas of her own.

So, absent any credible sluices to channel it forward, maybe Trumpism just stagnates, like a fetid bog, while the country surges past it. Maybe we’ll be living in such a different reality three years from now that the thought of GOP primary contenders aping Trump will seem preposterous. I don’t know about you, but that possibility cheers me up a bit.

Open thread.

Race to the Bottom?Post + Comments (293)

Vaccinated! (Open Thread)

by Betty Cracker|  December 29, 202011:30 am| 147 Comments

This post is in: COVID-19 Coronavirus, Open Threads

VP-Elect Harris got hers today:

Vice President-elect Kamala Harris receives her first dose of the coronavirus vaccine https://t.co/vAgQ7xCufl

— State of the Union (@CNNSotu) December 29, 2020

Coincidentally, so did my sister (a nurse-anesthetist), who is a huge Kamala Harris fan and was delighted to learn they’d been jabbed on the same day. It’s a load off my mind; I’ve worried about sis and her wife, who is also a frontline healthcare worker. Anyone here get the shot yet?

I reckon my husband and I are way down on the list since we’re middle-aged, in good health and in non-healthcare, naturally socially distanced jobs. That’s as it should be. I hope our elderly relatives are able to get shots relatively soon. It’s been tough keeping them in check.

Open thread!

Vaccinated! (Open Thread)Post + Comments (147)

Christmas Loot (Open Thread)

by Betty Cracker|  December 27, 20201:50 pm| 231 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

Did you get any good stuff for Christmas? I received many nice things, including a Waterpik Sonic Fusion thingie that I’d specifically requested from Santa. I’ve never had anything but a regular toothbrush until now, but I despise flossing the old fashioned way, so I figured I’d try the water method. Love it so far, though one has to be careful with the buttons or one can accidentally squirt water all over one’s boobs.

Other stuff I got: a bourbon cake, Florida Gators socks, two very nice bottles of wine and a fancy wine kit, a novelty tea towel, a mask that makes the wearer look like a fox from the nose down, several books, flannel pajamas, several Hot Wheels cars, truffle salt, and fancy honey. Overall, a nice haul.

It was the coldest Christmas we’ve had in a while; it was down to 28 degrees F a couple of mornings in a row, but it’s supposed to warm back up tomorrow, thank dog. Open thread!

Christmas Loot (Open Thread)Post + Comments (231)

The Pestivus Parade: A True Story (Rerun and Open Thread)

by Betty Cracker|  December 24, 20208:57 am| 90 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

AUTHOR’S NOTE, 2020: I first shared this true story here seven years ago, when I was living about 100 miles from where the action takes place. I’m now back in my home county. There was going to be a Christmas parade again this year — the Republicans who run the joint are on board with Gov. DeSantis’s “Pandemic? What pandemic?” strategy for containing the public health crisis.

But the county’s top health official told the commissioners that the hospital is already at capacity and that holding the traditional parade would lead to rationing healthcare. Remarkably, that got through to them. So, the commissioners decided to have a parked parade instead. The floats will be stationary in a big parking lot, and people can walk around them in family groups instead of gathering at the side of the road in a crowd to watch the floats pass. We’re still going to skip it. Anyhoo, on with the story…

I grew up in a small coastal town in Florida. Every year there was an annual holiday parade featuring an honor guard, Future Farmers of America, the school marching band, floats sponsored by local merchants and Santa and his elves on the town fire truck.

One year, my younger sister and I got to be in the parade. We were about five and six at the time, so when we were told that we were actually going to be on a float in the parade instead of mere spectators, it was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to us.

Even when our mom told us we would be riding on the Florida Pest Control float (a display sponsored by the exterminator business where our grandfather worked at the time) and costumed as vermin, it didn’t dampen our enthusiasm. At least, not until we saw our costumes, which our mom spent days sewing for us. I was to dress as a rat, and that was okay with me:

Pestivus-2

However, my sister had to be a cockroach, and she was NOT happy about that, even though our mom had cleverly used fishing line to make the costume’s fake roachy arms move whenever my sister moved her real arms:

pestivus-1

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The Pestivus Parade: A True Story (Rerun and Open Thread)Post + Comments (90)

And in truth, my sister did have a legitimate complaint, since, in an attempt to get the proportions right, our mom had made a roach costume that tightly restricted the wearer’s movements. Most of my sister’s real legs were encased in the padded felt roach carapace, with just her shins and feet sticking out of a fairly small opening at the bottom:

Pestivus-3

This design forced her to take baby steps in the costume. After trying it on, she asked why she couldn’t be the rat and I couldn’t be the roach. But mom pointed out that as the eldest, I was the tallest, and it wouldn’t be logical for a roach to be taller than a rat, not even in Florida.

When the evening of the parade finally arrived, we went down to the beginning of the route to meet up with the Florida Pest Control float crew. The float was a livestock trailer attached to a pest control truck. Someone had fashioned giant ants out of red Styrofoam balls and pipe-cleaners and wired them randomly over the float’s exterior.

On the float, there was a bin filled with candy as well as a box of flyswatters emblazoned with the Florida Pest Control logo. We were to throw handfuls of candy to parade goers (I guess it never occurred to anyone that people might be reluctant to accept candy from vermin). We were also instructed to “gently toss” flyswatters into the crowd. My sister was still seething about the roach costume as our father hoisted us onto the float.

A more empathetic sibling might have offered comfort, but I threatened to beat the shit out of my sister if she didn’t stop whining. Thus, we both began the parade in a foul mood, expressing our ire by hurling candy with great force at other children and attempting to hit as many people in the face with the flyswatters as we could:

Pestivus-4a

You could say the crowd wasn’t on our side. But then the Florida Pest Control float came to an abrupt halt, possibly to avoid bumping into the float in front of it. Since I had unrestricted use of my legs, I was able to maintain my balance. But my sister’s costume tripped her when the truck lurched, and she fell against the railing of the float, clinging to it and wailing piteously.

At that moment, I happened to have a flyswatter raised high over my head, intent on hurling it full-force at my Sunday school teacher, whom I’d spotted in the crowd. But then I noticed my roach-sister splayed on the railing in front of me, emitting annoying howls. I began swatting her padded carapace, which didn’t actually hurt her, but was still fun. The crowd went wild:

Pestivus-4b

The end.

Low Barr (Open Thread)

by Betty Cracker|  December 21, 20201:06 pm| 158 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads, Politics, Republican Stupidity, Trumpery

William Barr, America’s shittiest attorney general for two more days, doesn’t support illegally seizing locally owned voting machines or appointing special counsel to investigate the Trump/Flynn/Powell-Kraken election fraud fantasies, so let the media rehabilitation commence? Via TPM:

Attorney General Bill Barr said Monday that he saw “no basis” for the federal government to seize voting machines, responding to a reporter’s question geared at the recent news that President Trump’s allies have floated such a gambit.

Barr also gave no support to the idea of appointing a special counsel to investigate the conspiracy theories around election fraud. Over the weekend, Trump reportedly discussed the idea of appointing Sidney Powell — the fringy lawyer leading the flailing legal gambit to overturn the election results — to such a role.

“If I thought a special counsel at this stage was the right tool and was appropriate, I would have named one,” Barr said Monday. “But I haven’t and I am not going to.”

Barr said he stood by his previous remarks indicating the Department had not found evidence of mass voter fraud in the 2020 presidential contest, though he stressed Monday that he did think some fraud occurs in “most” elections.

Just checked the shitgibbon’s Twitter feed to see if there’s any reaction. He’s tweet-screaming at Georgia’s Gov. Kemp and hyping yet another supposed bombshell fraud discovery in Pennsylvania today, but nothing about Barr. I hope Trump is truly as panicked and agitated as he sounds and that he spends every remaining second of the next 29 days setting Republicans at each other’s throats instead of actively wreaking further havoc on the country at large. It’s all I want for Christmas, really.

Open thread!

Low Barr (Open Thread)Post + Comments (158)

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