A family is taking a trip and they’ve lost cell signal, the roads are crappy and the weather is bad. The parents navigating and driving the car in the front seat are doing the best they can with imperfect information. One road is washed out so they need to backtrack. A windshield wiper breaks so they can’t see what’s in front of them very well. In other words, the journey is hard to predict and full of unpleasant surprises.
As they go down the road, the kids in the back are loudly complaining: “How many miles?” “I’m hungry and I want to eat!” “I thought you knew where we were going!” At every juncture, every bad piece of news is amplified by their whining. Every good piece of news is discounted because they’re not at the end of the journey yet.
The older kids in the middle seat are sitting quietly and every so often offering an observation if the parents missed something. They’re also tolerating the kids in the back seat.
At some point, when the parents have had enough, the car is pulled over and, depending on the level of enlightenment and/or patience of the parents, the kids in the back get a stern scolding or a bit of corporal punishment, or both. Then the trip continues.
Unfortunately, shithead Uncle Frank is also in the middle seat. Frank has been spending his time detailing the trip setbacks to the kids in the back. He has been of no damn use to the parents, but as soon as his brother and sister-in-law do something to shut those goddam whiners up, Frank pipes up, telling them that if they only spoke rationally and patiently to the kids in the back, the kids in back would be more like the middle seat kids.
In a just world, as soon as this advice leaves Frank’s piehole, he would be set upon by the parents and the middle seat kids and told to shut up or get ready to walk in a rainstorm. Unfortunately, for the trip we’re on, our Uncle Frank has a powerful media platform and a complete disregard for the fact that he’s in the same car as everyone else.
Who knows if this little allegory makes sense, but I’ll be god damned if I turn this country over to the kids in the back seat, no matter what some both sides idiot tells me.
Open thread.
Old School
Wait. Have you been on my vacations?
waspuppet
The kids in the back also have spent the whole trip with fingers about an inch from each others’ eyes saying “I’m not TOUCHING you!” and when the car goes over a bump they poke each other in the eye and scream at the parents that it was their fault for going over a bump.
And Uncle Frank tells the parents, “Well, I’m just saying that’s what they’re saying.”
germy
cain
@germy: There is nothing in any religion that says anything about vaccines. I have no idea why this judge is being an asshat and not recognizing it for what it is.
Otherwise, you can pretty much use religious exceptions for everything – why not murder? I mean I should get to murder someone cuz my religion told me they deserve it. :eyeroll:
Edmund Dantes
@cain: actually. The Bible is kind of pro vaccine as they understood them, also quarantining. Leviticus chapter 13 is a fun read on quarantining.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@germy: I don’t suppose plaintiffs have to provide proof a pre-2021 religious belief….?
Edmund Dantes
Can we tell Leahy and Durbin to shut up?
Kavanaugh having people protesting outside his home is a small inconvenience compared to what he did to women seeking maternity healthcare in Texas.
Ken
This is an allegory about the gold standard, isn’t it? Or The Wizard of Oz. Same thing, really.
germy
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
“I’m a recent convert!”
germy
@cain:
I don’t know anything about the judge, but my guess is he’s a loon.
Gravenstone
Let Uncle Frank roleplay the Mittster’s late lamented dog, and ride the rest of the way lashed to the roof of the car.
Four Seasons Total Landscaping mistermix
@germy: The mandate for kids for school vaccinations (measles, mumps, etc) in NY doesn’t allow religious exemptions, so I don’t know why that would matter here.
germy
@Four Seasons Total Landscaping mistermix:
https://abcnews.go.com/Health/wireStory/judge-blocks-medical-worker-vaccine-mandate-ny-state-80014754
scav
My religion forbids me from paying taxes.
My religion forbids me from following speed limits.
My religion orders me to sacrifice judges by throwing them into volcanos. Preachers will do in a pinch, but only if doubled in number.
Oh, and god personally informed me that all chocolate is free — especially the dark stuff.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@germy: So they’re against aborting the virus. Um, OK.
Origuy
https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a37597276/senator-jim-risch-anthony-blinken-joe-biden-senile/
Roger Moore
@germy:
The only connection between the mRNA vaccines and abortion is that some of the tests during the development involved embryonic-derived cell cultures. But that’s going to be true of practically any medicine invented in the past few decades. If you’re going to refuse to associate with anything with that tenuous an association to abortion, it’s hard to imagine how you can do anything in modern medicine.
dmsilev
@germy: Every pregnant woman who dies because of a preventable case of COVID, or indeed who dies because the hospitals are full and her otherwise-treatable issue isn’t addressed, is one more “abortion” that these lunatics are directly aiding and abetting.
Wapiti
@germy: Fine. Assign these plague rats to sit at a picnic table outside, away from patients.
germy
@Origuy:
I wonder if Risch is simply offended by Woodward’s latest revelations, and just decided to do the old republican projection game. “Trump is crazy and was being cut off by his people? No, Biden is crazy and is being cut off by his people! Suck it, Libs!”
SpaceUnit
Who’s Uncle Frank? It better not be me.
germy
zhena gogolia
@waspuppet: Haha!
RaflW
I’ll add: Somewhere along the way the parents — trying to cope with Frank and not lose their mind — turn on the in-car video, and make Frank watch Jay Rosen and Eric Boehlert as they discuss how back-seat driving is not helpful, and how ‘parenting’ your nephews is unasked for advice, aka criticism.
This enrages Frank, who triples down on how he’s just a neutral observer and simply reporting facts back and forth between the first and third rows. The kids in the middle row hear Frank say this and one backs him up, thinking they’re being ‘centrist and accommodating;, and the other puts on Beats headphones and just scowls like she might end up with permanent resting jerk-face.
germy
Omnes Omnibus
I usually brought books and magazines with me on car trips. I also found changing landscapes interesting. Every once in a while I would need to punch my brother when he got bored and tried to bother me. One punch usually held him for a couple of hours. Then he would get bored again. Our car trips were nothing like you describe.
lowtechcyclist
@germy:
Hail, hail Freedonia!
RaflW
@dmsilev: Oh, but “G-d just called them home to be with him”. A wretched excuse, but surely useful in defending the indefensible.
zhena gogolia
@germy: You’re fast.
I really liked him.
Mallard Filmore
@Wapiti:
No. No vacations for them. They get to spend their shifts in the boiler room.
West of the Rockies
I am sooo weary of grown-ass man-babies like “Uncle Frank”.
Does anybody else have towns that seem almost overrun with 30 and 40-something men on BMX bikes running stop signs, riding down the wrong side of the street, dressed like they’re still high school sophomores (heavy metal shirts, black shorts, high-tops), scowling at everyone, their homely, shaved heads and whiskered faces demanding to be punched? I swear, my town has them by the dozens.
RaflW
@cain: There were a whole lotta years where my religion explicitly said it was fine and dandy for same-sex couples to get married, but there was in fact NO ‘exemption’ from the ban, which would have allowed our clergy to sign said marriage licenses. Huh.
Omnes Omnibus
@West of the Rockies: YOU MUST CHILL!!!
Ruckus
@Roger Moore:
Isn’t modern for them anything that has happened after zero AD? Or am I missing their plot?
rikyrah
@germy:
RIP :(
citizen dave
Very sad about Norm MacDonald. Great comedian, and his relatively few Netflix talk show episodes are really funny, especially the Jane Fonda one.
Wapiti
@Mallard Filmore: Ok. But only until it starts snowing, then move them outside.
Another Scott
Another story:
A canoe usually needs 6 people to row the boat across the river. The most experienced rowers are in the front, navigating around the whirlpools and crocodiles. The youngest two rowers are in the back. They don’t like it (“the view never changes!”). They decide, after listening to Radio MAGA for months, that they’ve had enough and go on strike until they get what they want. 4 rowers won’t get the canoe across the river and they risk being carried over the falls if they try, but 5 might.
What to do??
Cheers,
Scott.
Mary G
@germy: RIP. I liked him.
Ken
Phrases like that remind me of Sandman 2.14, “The Collectors”. Hmm, minor spoiler, so rot13.
Ng n pbairagvba bs frevny xvyyref, gurer vf n cnary qvfphffvba ba eryvtvbhf xvyyref. Bar fnlf Tbq gryyf uvz gb xvyy; bar gung ur vf fraqvat crbcyr gb Tbq; naq bar gung ur vf Tbq.
piratedan
@Omnes Omnibus: ty Keymaster!
Omnes Omnibus
@RaflW: Many religions are okay with polygamy too. There is a reason we don’t let religion rule our polity. The French may sometimes go too far but laïcité is generally a good plan.
Ken
Do we know that for sure yet? If so, I’ll feel a little happier about the world.
West of the Rockies
@Omnes Omnibus:
I try… on edge with the recall election here today…
James E Powell
@West of the Rockies:
Me too. I want to be cautiously optimistic, but the burns from 2016 have only recently healed.
Without any doubt, the press/media will have a huge sad if it fails. It’s not that they hate Newsom like they did Grey Davis. It’s just that they miss Trump very much and need another asshole who produces hot content several times a day.
The Moar You Know
@West of the Rockies: if you substitute “skateboards” for “BMX bikes”, we had a whole lot of that here in my SoCal beachtown about 10-15 years ago.
Their parents, though, all eventually got priced out and when Mom and Dad had to move, so did Uncle Frank. One of the few upsides to gentrification, and frankly I’d happily take the legions of Uncle Franks back if it meant getting rid of the BMW and (worst of the worst) Land Rover crowd.
Miss Bianca
@Omnes Omnibus: Same here. Three of us crammed into a backseat for hours and miles and I don’t remember ever fighting with my brothers because of it. I was too thrilled to be travelling and seeing the sights.
In fact, now that I think about it, long car trips were probably the one time my brothers and I *didn’t* end up fighting.
ETA: Not that this means that I don’t understand or appreciate mistermix’s analogy.
Old School
@Ken: Elder denounced the results as fraudulent yesterday on his website.
lgerard
Good News
American hacker mercenaries face U.S. charges for work in UAE
Mike S
As a Californian who spent a horrific 9 years working in right wing radio I can say that this allegory is spot on. I even have the asshole brother plus a brother in law.
Barry
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Omnes Omnibus:
“tell me you’re the elder sibling without directly indicating birth order…”
-(signed) The Youngest Of Five
Citizen Alan
@cain: You say that sarcastically, but after some recent SCOTUS opinions, I would like very much to ask some of the Shiite Catholics on the Court whether the killer from the Pulse Nightclub attack, had he lived, would have been able to argue that his religion mandated death for homosexuals and thus he had a protected right to do so. I’m genuinely curious as to how they would thread that needle given their apparent belief that the merest invocation of “religious freedom” should get them out of any lesser penalty for disobeying the law.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@The Moar You Know:
On my drive home from my hike on Sunday, this guy in a new Land Rover was changing lanes all over the place(no signals) trying to get in the fastest lane, I was staying in one lane in my Prius, I saw him exit the freeway and was even with him.
RaflW
@Omnes Omnibus: In theory I’d agree with your argument. But in practice, since our polity decided a very long time ago that clergy were actors of the state (unlike in France), and the state determines who is allowed to marry, it’s messy.
Of course our denomination presided over religious same-sex marriages before our clergy could sign licenses. But having the two intertwined created a bind for both officiants and celebrants that never got the slightest respect as a ‘religious liberty’ argument. That was and is my point: The liberty claim is a one-way arrow pointing only to already-privileged conservative Christians.
Omnes Omnibus
@Miss Bianca: With just two kids, each of us got a window and the transmission tunnel was our territorial divide. But, yeah, I did understand the analogy. I was just expressing my relief at being from a small family.
Citizen Alan
@germy: I just saw that seconds earlier. Sigh. Norm McDonald is gone, and fucking Jim Breur is still going.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
The fact that whoever typed this included that at of MacDonald suggests it was not Bob Dole, but it’s a nice tweet anyway.
Citizen Alan
@West of the Rockies:
I resent that. I have a shaved head and a whiskered face (and am probably quite homely). I’m actually considering shaving off the goatee I’ve had for over a year and going back to a full beard just because of how goatees are now associated with Herman Cain Award nominees. It pisses me off. I had my first goatee years before the dumbass rednecks discovered it.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Citizen Alan: Still going, but most likely going nowhere
Baud
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
The fact that it’s a tweet suggests Bob Dole did not write it.
Omnes Omnibus
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Every once in a while he felt the need to fuck around. I was just reading my book or looking for Ferraris. He found out.
Yes, I am the elder of two.
RaflW
@Citizen Alan: If the flap a few years ago around here went (admittedly public opinion, not at Scotus), over the issue of Muslim cashiers not wanting to touch packages of pork, the ‘religious liberty’ arguments are reserved exclusively for Christians.
zhena gogolia
@West of the Rockies: Hmmm . . . I can’t say that we do.
Motorcycles, yes, but they tend to observe the rules of the road.
Roger Moore
@Citizen Alan:
I know the answer: Islam isn’t really a religion, it’s a cult.
Richard
Road trip! We went to Capitol Reef! Me, my brother and his spouse. We were awesome and it was good to see that country again.
I can’t walk anymore but there was plenty. They went on some short hikes.
I found myself in the strange place of defending the Mormons. I have lived with them for 40+ years and i think they are not something i would want to be. But i was saying that is not who they are.
Anyway that was just Kanab. Onward to Cannonville and Kodachrome Basin! We stopped at Bryce NP but it was very smoky that day. That place is beautiful but there is something wrong about it .
It was a relief to leave that place and head down the hill to Cannonville.
I began to relax, and we began to feel more comfortable.
That’s where the road trip became alive. We visited the Boulder Mountain. We visited the Henry Mountains, but that place is not friendly to automobiles. I think those mountains are not friendly to the 21st century. We found some fossils there.
We stayed in Torrey, which is still nice. My favorite little town was Bicknell, because they have a grocery, a post office, and a state liquor agency. I could live there. We visited the Bicknell Bottoms Wildlife Management Area and i was happy to see it is in good shape.
By this time we are half way through our road trip and we are in the groove.
We were going to stay in Hanksville but they were hit by a flashflood and it was pretty serious. We stopped at the rock shop and heard about it. Nobody died, but it was a bad event and it wiped out their irrigation system, again.
We also visited the Fish Lake mountains and saw the famous Pando Aspen Grove and met some Friends of Pando who are what they say they are. We met the mayor of Caineville.
Road trips are great
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@Baud: well there is that, yes, but I choose to believe it’s in the spirit of the pre-trump Bob Dole
Roger Moore
@Richard:
It’s too late now, but I would highly recommend spending a night in Boulder and having dinner at Hell’s Backbone Grill. I adore the area around Boulder.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@Richard: Great trip, I’m thinking of heading up to the eastern Sierra for fall color shots, though have to wait for the forests to re-open.
JustRuss
@Another Scott: One does not row a canoe, one paddles.
Sorry, had this drilled into my head every time I rode the canoes at Disneyland (long gone I think). Edit: Apparently still there, now called the Davy Crockett canoes. I believe back in the day the employees dressed as Indians…probably best they changed that.
NotMax
A fiting example of why to avoid shopping at the “reduced for quick sale” aisle of the analogy store.
SpaceUnit
@Richard: You’re bringing back some memories. The area just behind Torrey (I believe it’s called Hell’s Canyon or maybe The Devil’s Canyon) used to be my favorite camping spot. It ought to be a State Park all by itself. The day hiking is astonishing and yet I never saw anyone around. There’s a trail that follows the creek up into Fishlake National Forest. Amazing place.
J R in WV
@cain:
Human sacrifice, the gods demand it ~!!~ Right away, if you all want to live through the Trumpian Plague! //s
West of the Rockies
@zhena gogolia:
I’m just tired of the hyper-toxic masculinity thing coupled with their resentful and seething immaturity.
Another Scott
@JustRuss: I noticed that on rereading it after the edit window closed. :-/
These were very talented rowers though! They had evolved eyes in the backs of their heads and everything!!
Cheers,
Scott.
WereBear
Christian Science. Who went around way back getting their little pieces of religion passed into law.
Richard
@The Moar You Know:
We have them by the dozens. I don’t know who they are so i usually just lump them in to the “stranger” category. I also sometimes call them lost boys. I don’t hate them, i am not angry with them. They could be me, and i could be them.
They come all the way out here for reasons of their own.
Most of them are victims, like you, like me.
That doesn’t mean i like their nasty ways. It doesn’t mean i approve of their ignorance. If they will see something here, they are welcome to it. Maybe they will be changed.
Roger Moore
@West of the Rockies:
Nope. My town has a scourge of road bike riders who wear fancy cycling get-ups, take over the city center, and ignore traffic laws by riding through stop signs, turning without signaling, and generally behaving as though pedestrians don’t exist. They are also very punchable, but in a completely different way.
karen marie
@WereBear: I think if you google it you’ll find that even the Christian Science church is not opposed to vaccines, in fact gives the thumbs up to its practitioners getting the COVID and all other vaccines.
zhena gogolia
@West of the Rockies: Yeah, sounds bad.
WaterGirl
@lgerard: I found this comment in spam. Not sure why it landed there, but I released it.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@West of the Rockies: @Roger Moore: someone said on twitter yesterday that there’s been a real rise in minor anti-social behavior that sometimes becomes not so minor, from anti-mask dickheads in stores, to all the incidents on airplanes to the nuttiness at and around school boards.
Anecdotally, I overheard a grocery store clerk telling a colleague that the reason so many of their co-workers had quit was they were tired of being treated like crap by customers, and an Uber driver told me he thinks drivers have gotten a lot more aggressive in the last year. I can’t say I’ve noticed an increase in aggressive driving, but aggressive drivers have always puzzled me, at least as I’ve gotten older and generally in less of a hurry myself.
Roger Moore
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
I can’t blame the local cyclist problem on COVID. These people have been cycling like assholes for years, maybe decades.
Betsy
@Roger Moore: If you think that’s bad, wair til you find out about about cars!
Betsy
@Roger Moore: Cyclists can roll through stop signs safely because unlike cars, bikes don’t have roof pillars that cause blind spots at intersections. The rider is able to scan for cross-traffic before reaching the stop sign and proceed safely if there is none.
Some states and cities have an “Idaho stop” law that recognizes this and permits bikes to roll through on a yield basis. Others haven’t caught up yet.
Richard
@Roger Moore:
Boulder was looking good. I could have just stopped there, but we were on our way to Capitol Reef. They have a little grocery store on the west side of town. We talked with a few people because we saw a big herd of goats. We wanted to buy some cheese, but they can’t sell it because regulations. Come to the farmers market this Saturday.
Anyway, Boulder is still there. Who knows what they thought? We looked like tourists.
Roger Moore
@Betsy:
Unfortunately, these cyclists appear to have a blind spot that makes them unable to see pedestrians. They do pay attention to cars, but they frequently ignore pedestrians and get angry when pedestrians who have the right of way try to cross the street. The one exception is that they appear to think they can instantly change from being vehicles to being pedestrians themselves whenever they choose, and everyone else is supposed to recognize when this happens even if they don’t bother to get off their bikes.
rikyrah
The gall of this traitor ?
Hugo Lowell (@hugolowell) tweeted at 11:06 AM on Tue, Sep 14, 2021:
New: Republican Sen. Josh Hawley says he won’t vote to confirm any Biden nominations for the State or Department of Defense until SecState Blinken and SecDef Austin resign over US withdrawal from Afghanistan
(https://twitter.com/hugolowell/status/1437810022193434636?s=03)
Richard
I am happy to tell you that most of the country is still there.
It was a memory trip for me too.
Baud
@rikyrah:
So he’ll keep doing what he has been doing?
MisterForkbeard
@rikyrah: He should appreciate the report TODAY that Trump ordered a secret withdrawal from Afghanistan with ~2 weeks notice back in December. And went around his Joint Chiefs and military leader to do it.
cain
@Baud: Pretty much – but perhaps someone should tell him that by holding up State and Defense appointees he is in fact making us less safe because there won’t be enough people to deal with an urgent problem thanks to his performative bullshit.
cain
@WereBear: Ah yes.. those folks. Well, I would think notionally that they won’t even show up at a hospital to compete for ICU beds.
cain
@J R in WV:
A very time honored tradition that have their roots in history for thousands of years! Maybe my religion says I need to sacrifice 2 anti-vaxxers to get John Hawley to shut the fuck up.
zhena gogolia
JL Cauvin is on top of the day’s news.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FS4Pstq0hGg
cain
@Another Scott:
Throw one off the boat, and then threaten the others until one of them starts rowing.
Ascap_scab
“Uncle Frank” is really Chuck Todd, isn’t it? C’mon, you can be honest. Uncle Chuck. Un-cle Chuck, un-cle Chuck, un-cle Chuck! Are we there yet? I gotta go pee.
Betsy
@Roger Moore: That’s probably because 7/8ths of the public right-of-way is given over to single-occupancy motor cars, leaving pedestrians and cyclists to compete for the remaining 1/8th of space, which isn’t sufficient to accommodate both modes of travel,
and because there is almost no place in the North American continent that sufficiently provides infrastructure for pedestrians and bicycle riders the same way car drivers are lavishly accommodated with roads and streets that are 100% compliant with the highest engineering design standards, while people in wheelchairs and pushing strollers and on bikes have to steer around puddles, piles of gravel and broken car fenders, lack of proper curb ramps, light poles planted in the middle of their travel facilities, etc. This is the case even in places like Boulder!
I am with you in the rudeness issue, no one should behave that way, but again, check out what cars do to pedestrians – 15,000 deaths per year, and countless more disabling injuries is the carnage that motor vehicle drivers wreak on walking people in the United States every twelve months. Certain cyclists’ rude behavior doesn’t even come close.