Seems like a good morning to share this. Postcards don’t have to be political, after all:
Dear Amy: I suppose this is a minor matter, but I’ve lost touch with some very close friends during the pandemic. Honestly, I was just feeling down (fortunately, not sick). I wouldn’t describe it as depression but more as just not having any energy.
I’m feeling much better now, but I’m a little unsure about how to pick up the pieces of these friendships.
Any suggestions?
— Distant
Distant: I believe that your situation is probably extremely common, as many of us seem to have been in a state of torpor.
I prescribe … postcards!
Write out a sincere message. Here’s a start: “Dear Friend, I’m sending this postcard from my couch, where I seem to have spent the past year or so. I am so sorry that I seem to have fallen off the edge of the world, but I am emerging now. I hope you will forgive me for not being in touch, and I am crossing my fingers that you’ll still take my calls, so we can resume where we left off.
I’ve thought of you so often and truly “wish you were here!”
Winston
I hate this pandemic. I should have lived my life without it. Now I’m thinking I should take a cruise.
Central Planning
We had a session at work last week where the speaker used the word “languishing” to define how many (most?) people are feeling at this point in the pandemic.
A week ago I was lucky enough to take two days to help build an all inclusive and accessible playground with some coworkers. It was amazing to do something so positive and be around people. The languishing comment really hit home after hearing it.
Winston
@Winston: So I did a google search and now I get adverts on every site i visit for cruises. I can get one for 11 days from Tampa for about $1200. Open bar. Tempting. But is there no privacy on the internet any more?
raven
We had an outdoor wedding yesterday and another at a “resort/churchy camp” in North Carolina next week. Along with the epic win over Clemson last night and life is not so bad right now!
Baud
I was fortunate not to have any friends before the pandemic.
lowtechcyclist
I’ve been using the word ‘lassitude’ to describe the pandemic’s effect on my mental state. All this enforced inactivity has made it so much harder for me to convince myself to get up and do anything I don’t absolutely have to do.
My office is still closed, and will continue to be so for another year, since TPTB used the fact that everyone was working from home during the pandemic as an opportunity to redo our offices from top to bottom. Right now my old cubicle doesn’t even exist. But if it did, I’d welcome the opportunity to go into the office once or twice a week, just to get myself out of this stupor.
raven
@Baud: We managed to keep our old people pod going with weekly outdoor dinners. I know many people couldn’t do that so we were very lucky in that regard.
OzarkHillbilly
Just pick up the phone. Any insecurity one feels over “picking up the pieces” is wholly misplaced. Remember, they “dropped” the friendship too. Besides, true friendship doesn’t dim with absence but that it doubles when it reconnects.
mrmoshpotato
@Baud: LOL!
mrmoshpotato
Ahoy there, old matey! Long time, no “AH! YARRRRR!”
Hope your bones are well, and no timbers are shivered!
Baud
@raven:
Sounds lovely.
raven
@Baud: We’re lucky to have a eatery with outdoor seating that is owned by good friends and is 50 yards away.
Chris Johnson
Lucky. I lost a significant number of friends and family to them turning out to be chuds.
On the brighter side, these were the friends and family I dreaded and who tended to make me miserable, so it turned out that being more selective was GOOD…
Ramalama
Postcards?
My cousin-ette is an artist who specializes in postcards.
Her site is here: https://thepostcardmachine.com/
And a wee chat about her work on Minnesota NPR
Winston
Yeah to this. I found out after the 2020 election there were a lot my friends I didn’t want to be friends with and they didn’t want to be friends with me.
ljt
@Central Planning: Adam Grant had an article in the NYT back in April that described this perfectly: There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing.
rikyrah
Good Morning, Everyone???
Dorothy A. Winsor
@lowtechcyclist: I hear you on how not doing stuff makes me feel increasingly like not doing stuff. Like maybe I can’t do stuff. Like it never occurs to me that there’s stuff I could do or try.
I feel so slow.
OTOH, this afternoon, we’re having drinks outside with our secret liberal cabal. Someone else organized it.
Geoduck
It probably won’t even make a blip on the news, but some of the Proud Boy terrorists decided to riot in my SW Washington state town on Saturday. They ran around the downtown area in tactical gear, evidently roughed up a reporter who follows their crap, and then one of them got shot in the foot; it’s not clear who exactly did it to him. About the only article I can find about it, which blames Antifa and calls the whole thing a “protest”:
https://pamplinmedia.com/pt/9-news/520702-416146-portland-proud-boy-tiny-toese-shot-in-foot-at-protest
Our local fishwrap has long deteriorated to uselessness, and doesn’t have anything on it.
And the Washington Huskies managed to lose to Montana, so not a fun weekend in this corner of the world.
mrmoshpotato
@Dorothy A. Winsor:
Schrodinger’s doing stuff?
Suzanne
I have been doing a lot of yoga, including hot. It helps. I am going to a class in about at hour.
Ken
All this talk of languishing is reminding me of Verlaine’s poem “Autumn Song”, with the lines “Wounds my heart with monotonous languor”. Which I only know about because of its use in the D-Day invasion.
mrmoshpotato
@Geoduck: “I’m gonna riot over being asked to wear a piece of cloth on my face!”
These slapdicks…
mrmoshpotato
@Suzanne: Is there an Arctic yoga? Downward polar bear?
Evap
@Baud: what are we, chopped liver?
mrmoshpotato
@Evap: Liverwurst ala mode!
TS (the original)
@Baud:
Your comments are beyond reproach – truth to tell and entertaining – I am reminded I have but one remaining snail mail correspondent.
Chris Johnson
@Winston: On reflection, I think this is a good sign in some ways.
In NORMAL circumstances it means you are so civilized you can be friends with people who aren’t that much like you, and that’s valuable.
When they go full Nazi, there’s a breaking point, and it leaves you asking how you could have been so foolish. But under normal circumstances it’s NOT foolish, it’s fundamental to how we break down barriers and wear down things like racism and prejudice.
What happened was, they gradually laid down stricter and stricter Nazi rules (metaphorically, sometimes not so much!). I ended up being the one to break the rules, but when the rules are ‘accept that gangs of Black Lives Matter terrorists are setting up roadblocks to make passing motorists ‘kiss my black feet” (!) (in the deep South, yet!) those are bullshit rules and I’m not at fault for calling bullshit.
Similarly for anti-vax nonsense in a pandemic and attacking, harassing doctors etc.
Chuds. (sigh)
mrmoshpotato
@Chris Johnson:
Wow. Those chuds make me feel bad for these chuds.
Lapassionara
@raven: Georgia beat Clemson? Well, that is something to cheer.
lowtechcyclist
@Dorothy A. Winsor:
Enjoy your drinks, and the company of your cabal!
geg6
Not good news, but news of a good person who has passed too soon. Tunch Ilkin, Steeler Pro-Bowler and longtime game day radio broadcaster (and the person the legendary Tunch the amazing cat was named for), has passed away from ALS at age 63. Tunch was a great guy and good Christian (which seems to often be a rare thing these days) who gave much to the cause of homelessness through his decades of work with the Light of Life Mission, a comprehensive homeless shelter here in Pittsburgh. Steeler Nation is in deep mourning.
JPL
On the garden thread, Japa mentioned that the gardening comes after play time with the family, which it should In little and bigs ways the pandemic and the trump years have changed us all.
I let go of those that admire authoritarian rule, and who let facts dies in the ashes. I probably don’t need the postcards.
?
Central Planning
@ljt: He was the guy that was speaking! I bought some of his books.
Baud
@rikyrah: Good morning.
satby
@Baud: I feel so unseen.
Raoul Paste
@OzarkHillbilly: Well said
mali muso
Good morning! I continue to keep my quarantine sourdough starter alive by taking it out of the fridge every week or so, building it and making something (muffins, bread, waffles, whatever). Today I am going to take the time to make this delicious Sourdough Cinnamon Bun recipe from King Arthur, with the plan to have them in the fridge overnight for a tasty breakfast tomorrow.
My prior self (pre-kiddo and pre-COVID) would have been out at the gym working out, entering all my foods into a digital calorie counter and generally being much healthier. But I can’t seem to get my head back into that space. So, baking projects and lassitude it is.
WereBear
Since losing my office job in the Pandemic, I’ve been re-tooling my entire mindset to work on my cat business instead of my old job.
On top of that, Mr WereBear is at a low point in his chronic illness: doing okay, but far from tip-top, which makes me want to seal him in Tupperware. AND the covidiots means we can’t go to the diner or meet our friends for dinner like we want to: even though we are all vaccinated.
Fortunately, I didn’t lose any friends. But I still can’t approach any kind of “normal” life, either.
Dorothy A. Winsor
@mali muso: So you’re saying there are compensations?
zhena gogolia
@Baud: I have a lot of friends, and I’ve reconnected with college and grad-school friends via Zoom, so I have a more lively social life than ever, just not in real life, mostly. But what makes me “languish” is that I seem to be everybody’s social director. I have to always take the initiative to check on people, set up meetings, etc. The most exhausting is the people who never, ever initiate contact, but who I know are just waiting for me to check in on them. Why don’t they ever reach out to me first?
Ajabu
Totally agree with all of this. As I write this I’m on a break between sets playing music at Atlanta airport. Pre-pandemic this was a steady job. Now it’s holidays only and my reaction is WTF am I doing getting up at 6:30 in the fucking morning? I’m literally just going through the motions and have little interest in entertaining anybody…
mali muso
@Dorothy A. Winsor: tasty baked goods at least! Not sure about my overall health but at this point I can’t stir myself to care.
debbie
@Dorothy A. Winsor:
They sound like pleasant distractions to me. And delicious!
satby
I hear you! I feel the same about everything I do. And my “NOPE” list has really expanded.
Kristine
@Ramalama: Oh, I really like those correspondence kits.
NotMax
I hope the whole postcard thing is a lame attempt at a Dear Abby parody.
Because if not it’s one of the more chuckleheaded ideas I’ve heard in years.
dmsilev
@NotMax: “Ask Amy” is a real advice column. How useful/insightful her advice is is open for debate.
brantl
@Geoduck: I’m sure somebody has already said this, I am late to the thread, but a guy called “Tiny Toese” got shot in the FOOT? Life really is stranger than fiction, you can’t make this shit up…….
NotMax
@dmsilev
Suppose, then, it’s inevitable someone had to be last in the graduating class at Advice U.
Winston
Watched on Netflix last night. What dreams may come. Stars Robin Williams. From a novel by Richard Matheson that I read way back when, from the Science Fiction book club back in the 80s. Movie was better than the novel, but the novel really impressed me and I remembered it instantly. A story about after death and eternal love, which can be depressing, but has a happy ending.
The Thin Black Duke
It’s been difficult. Besides putting up with the hateful madness in the news, I’m having a hard time dealing with my mother’s death. I can’t bring myself to erase her number from my phone yet. I haven’t been dumb enough to call her number one last time, thankfully. Yeah, things are fucked up.
WaterGirl
@zhena gogolia:
People are all built differently and as far as I can tell, some people just do not have the initiation gene. It has nothing to do with their interest in seeing you, or with their enthusiasm once you are together.
One of my best friends is like that, so I am speaking from experience here.
NotMax
In the mood for some BBQ?
The meat dispenser is odd enough, but stick around and check out that grill.
brantl
@WaterGirl: You think that’s one of your best friends, but only one experiment will tell you that…… By the way, Michigan Republicans are trying a ballot initiative to force photo voter ID on absentee ballot voters. This, in conjunction with their move to challenge signatures, is looking to me to disenfranchise many people, including the fact that they will do the disenfranchisement on the last Friday before election day!
Winston
My 74th was Friday and 18 friends wished me a happy birthday on Facebook. In 2020 there were 80 wishes. This is going to be the second year for me of isolation, with about a 8 week hiatus in May to July. Sucks to be alone.
WaterGirl
@The Thin Black Duke:
That’s not fucked up. Not at all.
Grieving is a process and it doesn’t run on anybody else’s time but your own. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Your mom’s name can sit on your phone until the end of time, and it still won’t be wrong. Now if a year from now you are calling your mother’s number every day, then you can start worrying about moving on.
WaterGirl
@brantl: Sorry, but after 35 years, I’m pretty secure in that friendship.
The Thin Black Duke
@WaterGirl: Thank you.
Ohio Mom
For me, my feelings about, and reactions to the limitations of Covid life are all mixed up with the slowly dawning realization that after a year of job searching, Ohio Dad has most likely entered involuntary early retirement. He’s still getting job nibbles but nothing is coming through.
So for example, are we not eating out or going to other entertainments because Covid or because we are on a strict budget? Are we languishing because of Covid or in a state of shock?
Why not both, huh?
Benw
@The Thin Black Duke: Sorry to hear about your mom. That must be real hard.
Winston
@The Thin Black Duke: Greif can be forever. You get used to not having them around, but missing them… I still have my beloveds numbers on my phone as well. Don’t ever plan to let the memories go.
debbie
@The Thin Black Duke:
I’m so sorry. Nothing feels right about the loss of a parent.
frosty
@zhena gogolia:
This has happened to me, too. We have friends we lost touch with years ago for the same reason. After meeting them for dinner they said something like “We should do this again soon, it was fun.” and my response was something like, “Yes we should, call us when you’re free, you have our number.” They never bothered.
WaterGirl
@The Thin Black Duke: I don’t know whether your dad is still in the picture or not.
I lost my mom first, and it was a terrible, terrible loss. But when I lost my dad 10 years later, it was much more difficult. When that second parent goes – or the first parent if there is only one parent in the picture – it can rock your world in a very profound way for a good 6 months to a year.
Everything around you looks the same, but somehow the foundation is gone, so it was kind of surreal.
I’m sure there are exceptions to all of that, but if that’s how you feel, know that you are not alone.
Ohio Mom
@The Thin Black Duke:
As antediluvian as it is, I keep a Rolodex — not just for telephone numbers and addresses, I find it is a great way to keep notes about everyone in my life: birthdays, anniversaries, obscure tidbits, like the names of in-laws of in-laws. For doctors, I add office hours, and so on.
A year and a half after her death, I still can not bear to remove my favorite’s aunt’s card, with all its scribbles about the milestones of her life.
Is this any different from enjoying wearing the earrings she gave me? Enjoy your memories I say.
Miss Bianca
It’s been hard, this last 18 months. My theater is opening sporadically and we still aren’t showing movies. And I have been trying to come up with other programming to justify our existence as a performing arts center in the Plague Times. Plans, I have lots of plans…but not a lot of drive right now. Sometimes I’m not sure I even still want to be there. I feel like my Board and my boss haven’t been really useful in coming up with their OWN plans. Or acknowledging that if they’re going to have employees, they ought to be paying them what they’re worth, not expecting them to work for peanuts because, “oh, we’re small and poor!” Not.Good.Enough.
Plus my favorite sister just called me yesterday morning to tell me she has pancreatic cancer. So now I am making other plans…to take a month’s leave of absence to travel back East for the month of November.
Exactly how this is all going to work out, I don’t know. But in addition to it feeling like the right thing to do for my family, it feels like an opportunity for a little Miss Bianca Appreciation to set in for my place of work. Some things gotta change, and if they don’t change to my satisfaction, well…time for more big changes. We shall see.
frosty
@The Thin Black Duke:
My mom’s number is still in my phone five years later. My late sister-in-law is still in my email addresses, ten years later. Either I’m weird or it’s not unusual.
stinger
@The Thin Black Duke:
It’s been four years for me, and I still have contact numbers for her neighbors (also now dead) at the assisted living center, as well as some of her belongings that I don’t want but can’t bring myself to either donate or throw away. I deal with a few things from time to time, as I’m able. So give yourself space and forgiveness — the grieving process is different for every person. You have my sympathy.
brantl
@WaterGirl: Did you see the edit, about voter ID tightening for absentee ballots, as a ballot initiative, in Michigan?
stinger
@WaterGirl: I’m afraid that’s me, too — missing the reach-out-and-touch gene, but desperately hoping they’ll reach out to me! I work at being different, but it certainly doesn’t come naturally.
FelonyGovt
@The Thin Black Duke: I’m so sorry. Losing your mom is one of the worst things there is. It feels very raw.
I’m also having trouble picking up the pieces with some of my friends amidst the pandemic. It just feels like it’s too much trouble to make a plan and go out for lunch or whatever.
Dorothy A. Winsor
@The Thin Black Duke: I’m sorry.
Kristine
@The Thin Black Duke: heartfelt sympathies.
I still have a handwritten grocery list I found in one of my Mom’s handbags. Never getting rid of it.
narya
@The Thin Black Duke: I hear that. Somehow, removing someone from the address book or contact list or whatever the current technology is feels like the last goodbye. Of course they remain in our hearts, but that this-world manifestation of absence is hard.
stinger
@Miss Bianca: So very sorry about your sister. I’m sure you’ll both enjoy the time you can spend together.
Dorothy A. Winsor
My DIL has been teaching in-person kindergarten for about two weeks now. She’s vaccinated, and as of Oct. 1, all school personnel must be vaccinated, but obviously the 5 year olds aren’t. Masks are required on everyone. So far, so good.
She teaches at West Elementary, and she does this thing where she puts up the big W symbol West uses in her classroom. Every time the kids do something good, she puts a sticker on the W. When they fill the W, they get to suggest rewards they might like and (after she omits the impossible) they vote on what they want. So they filled their first W on Thursday and on Friday, they got to bring their stuffed animals to school. The picture made me smile.
stinger
@stinger: Her assisted living center featured various residents in their monthly newsletter, and oddly enough I was thinking only this morning that maybe I could take the articles featuring my mother off the refrigerator. (I’d keep them, just not display them.) So a very timely comment, Thin Black Duke!
Lyrebird
@Ramalama: Thanks, her stuff is so cool!
@Ken: Yeah had to memorize that one in school.
I’m trying to remember a different poem, female poet, about dancing in these bones until …?? the grave…
I think there’s a commenter who uses a references to it in her or his nym.
Gotta fight the lassitude!!! or so I tell myself.
Lyrebird
@The Thin Black Duke: Not that I have any business giving you advice, but you *keep* that phone number in there until you are darn well ready to do something different, Sir Duke!
My g’ma’s number is on my speed dial, voice dial, and “Favorites”
Best to you and your Duchess, too.
Miss Bianca
@The Thin Black Duke: I am sorry for your loss. Deaths in the family are just hard, there’s no “right way” or “right length of time” to mourn.
@stinger: Thank you. She is optimistic about her prognosis – I guess they caught it early enough that they can actually treat it – but it’s still hard to deal with.
NotMax
@Dorothy A. Winsor
Just so long as none of the kids is named Addams….
;)
narya
Put me in the pile of people who are “meh.” I was thinking this morning, while on a run, that running has really been one of the main things that has kept me from falling into a complete pit of despair. That morning exercise seems to clear out some of the mental gunk and keep too much from accumulating. But otherwise . . . I keep thinking that I need to be making something. (I woke up yesterday morning with a plan for a quilt in my head; I’ve never quilted in my life. As I lay there, not quite awake yet, it evolved into a quilt of embroidered squares, because I HAVE embroidered, a lot. I still very much doubt I’ll make it.) My cooking and baking has really become next-level, but even that is odd: it’s ephemeral, because it’s consumed, which means I’m not creating Stuff For Which I Must Find a Place, which is good, but it doesn’t feel creative.
So, yeah, with regard to this thread: me, too. Thanks to all of you for being here.
stinger
@Dorothy A. Winsor: How delightful, Dorothy! I’m so glad your schools can require masks! Covid Kim Reynolds and our legislature are malignant idiots, unfortunately.
NotMax
Coding fail. Fix.
@Dorothy A. Winsor
Just so long as none of the kids is named Addams….
;)
narya
@Dorothy A. Winsor: That warmed my heart.
germy
History is all around us.
WaterGirl
@brantl: I did see that, but only after I had replied.
I sent a message to the Michigan people asking if we are on top of that. thanks.
Ohio Mom
@Miss Bianca:
Oh I am so sorry. Pancreatic cancer (which is what my mom died of) is brutal. You are right to put your sister first right now.
In a previous life, back in the 80’s and first part of the 90’s, I too was a poorly paid community arts administrator. It was a glorious time in my life, to have so much autonomy, to be able to shape my work to my strengths , to see a vision of a project through. I was happy to be “paid” spiritually but nowadays I sometimes shake my head at my younger self.
MomSense
Good morning, jackals. Spent yesterday upta camp and had a wonderful time. Lots of health care and public health workers in my extended who are at their breaking point. I spent the whole day just making food for them so they could relax.
The hospital where one of my cousin’s works had a videographer come in to their ICU to talk to nurses. Because there has been so much anti vaxx trolling and protesting they asked if any of the nurses would be willing to give their full names – and they all did knowing they will now face the worst possible behavior and threats.
Here is the first video.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz5ZVxWit3w Nurses at Maine Health.
Pleas share this video.
WaterGirl
@stinger: As my dad used to say, it takes all kinds. That’s what makes the world go ’round.
NotMax
@germy
Damn you, Freddy Olmstead!
:)
MomSense
@Miss Bianca:
I am so sorry to hear your news. How far east is back east for you? If I can do anything please let me know.
WaterGirl
@MomSense: sobbing.
Soprano2
@WereBear: I’ve got a cat concern. It’s about our new cat, Killer. We took him to the vet back in the middle of August. We got him neutered, and he had all his shots (tested negative for feline leukemia and feline AIDS) and flea treatment. We kept him in our bedroom for two days while he healed, then we let him outside again because one of our inside dogs isn’t ready for us to bring him in yet (we’re working on it.) Killer didn’t seem any different personality-wise than before – he still meowed at us when we came home demanding to be fed, and was his normal spunky self. After 4 days, he disappeared for 3 days. We were scared something had happened to him, but no one had seen him (workers are renovating the house next door, I thought something happened to him there). Then, he returned! We were overjoyed! However, he acts different now. For one thing, he sticks close to home (which I like). He also acts tentative; he doesn’t seem nearly as spunky. He also spends a lot of time in the house my husband built for him. There are no wounds of any kind on him. I think he had some kind of traumatic experience while he was gone; maybe he got locked in somewhere? He didn’t eat like he was starving when he came back, though. I don’t know if there is anything I can do other than keep taking care of him and loving on him. I wish I could take him inside, but I think that would be traumatic if our other dog and Killer aren’t ready for that yet.
WaterGirl
@MomSense: Glad you had a wonderful day with your extended family.
I don’t know how medical people can continue going to work day after day. You can push yourself to extremes for awhile when needed, that’s a sprint. But a sprint for nearly 2 years, we are not built for that.
Dorothy A. Winsor
They not only can, they have to. Pritzker issued some kind of mandate. Honestly, I don’t know what happened to Iowa. When we moved there, you could still see the vestiges of Prairie Progressivism.
Dorothy A. Winsor
@MomSense: Shared to FB and twitter
laura
@The Thin Black Duke: No matter how old we are, no one is ever prepared to be a motherless child. Keep that number. Take comfort when and where it can be found.
Cheryl from Maryland
@WereBear: My spouse and I are in a similar situation — he’s in end-stage renal failure and waiting for a kidney transplant. COVID could end his hopes. Oddly enough, we are energized by keeping him safe until this happens (hopefully next year).
Soprano2
@The Thin Black Duke: I still have my sister’s # in my phone, and it’s been 9 years since she died. There’s no rule that says you ever have to remove it if you don’t want to.
germy
@NotMax:
I love Olmsted. I live about a five minute walk from one of his creations.
Miss Bianca
@Ohio Mom: @MomSense: Thank you! My sister currently lives in Maine, but is planning to sell her place and move down to the DC area where her daughter and granddaughter live – she’s talking about Fredericksburg, MD. So that’s where I will be headed.
By the time I get out there I expect she will be resettled, and embarked on a course of treatment at Johns Hopkins. One of my other sisters has become an insurance maven in her spare time, and is up there with her now. She is going to get her enrolled in a different Medicare program as of October 1.
I am sure the Jackaltariat will become privy to my plans as they evolve. Not sure yet whether to sink the money into my car to get it ready for a road trip, or take the train. Don’t want to fly, if I can avoid it. Even in the Before Times, I had soured on domestic flights. But we’ll see.
dkinPa
@The Thin Black Duke: I am so sorry for your loss. Be good to yourself.
MomSense
@WaterGirl:
They are exhausted and traumatized. I heard some stories yesterday that made me want to scream and set everything on fire. Thankfully we had the lake and dogs and little kids. My youngest played guitar and I just kept churning out food and drinks all day so everyone could try to relax. We had some crazy badminton, kayaking, and lots of throwing tennis balls into the lake for the dogs.
We only had one day though because there are no long weekends or holidays for nurses and doctors in a pandemic.
Also why do dogs come out of the water and wait until they get next to you to shake off? What is that about???
laura
@Miss Bianca: im so sorry. I hope that you and you sibling will have a lot of love and comfort together and more laughter than tears.
MomSense
@The Thin Black Duke:
OH TTBD. ?
gwangung
@zhena gogolia: THAT is a big factor I’m familiar with. (And it goes double with one of my closest friends; everyone depends on her being the queen social bee).
MomSense
@Miss Bianca:
If plans change and you are in Maine, I’d love to meet and at least provide some respite for you.
Miss Bianca
@Cheryl from Maryland: Oh, man. That is rough.
I am so angry at the RWNJs who have politicized this COVID plague and rendered it not only endemic, but a serious threat to others with other health problems.
HeleninEire
@MomSense: That was brutal.
Miss Bianca
@MomSense: Thank you! Funnily enough, I have been dreaming of Maine almost obsessively for the past few months and was thinking that I would end up visiting Sis at her place in Biddeford. Now I’ll never see it.
I do have another sister in Kennebunk and one on Cape Cod, so I may just see if I can extend my travel plans to head to New England while I’m out there. After living in Colorado for so long I now think nothing of multi-hour drives to get to where I want to go!
lowtechcyclist
@The Thin Black Duke:
My MIL died four years ago this month, and we still have messages from her on our answering machine that my wife isn’t ready to erase. I don’t think there will ever come a time when she doesn’t deeply miss her mother.
So as others have said, deal with grief in your own way, and in your own time. Losing a parent is hard.
Sure Lurkalot
@The Thin Black Duke: This is so hard. My eldest sister died young on 2/9/20, our deceased mother’s birthday, and then came COVID. The grief and then the isolation, which continues. Her memorial service was to happen next week but it got canceled due to COVID Wave #whatever.
We had plans together for our retirement. I miss her a lot.
MomSense
@Miss Bianca:
My sister lives in Kennebunk! I taught in Biddeford for years and lived in K’Port. I think you may need some time in Maine. I know a great spot for beach glass in Biddeford Pool.
NotMax
@Miss Bianca
“Have mead, will travel.”
;)
debbie
@MomSense:
?
When this all has ended, the purveyors of dis- and misinformation must be prosecuted. Just maddening.
lowtechcyclist
@Miss Bianca:
You’ll need a car in Frederick, MD, so I’d say it depends on whether you can use your sister’s car as needed.
I’ll be sending prayers, thoughts, and good vibes her way. And yours.
Wyatt Salamanca
One can only hope this article is accurate and that the next Congress will include one less gun fetishing moron:
h/t https://www.salon.com/2021/09/04/lauren-boebert-faces-major-roadblock-on-path-to-re-election-redistricting_partner/
Miss Bianca
@MomSense: Oh, Biddeford Pool! I would love to see it. Yep, may have to arrange a trip to Maine, you’re right. November is not my favorite time of year to visit up there, but we take what we can get!
@NotMax: ha! So true. A hip flask of home-brewed and away we go!
RaflW
I had to gently cajole my partner, repeatedly, to accept a plan to have 7 or 8 friends over for an outdoor early evening birthday party for him happening in a week. Ironic, because he’s been frustrated that his mom has been resisting making plans for her b-day coming up a week later! (We prevailed on planning a family-only gathering for her.)
These are both very social people (in M.I.L.’s defense, she’s having a non-Bday party for 11 of her friends today. I’m captaining the pontoon boat of 70-something revelers).
Particularly my partner, though, is showing signs of significant depression. We’ve been together more than 15 years and he’s not been prone to depression (that was my job for a while, till I moved out of my cave-like former home).
The pandemic is definitely dragging some folks down. Maybe a lot. And winter two of worry and some level of social avoidance? Damn.
debbie
@Miss Bianca:
I am sorry to read this news, but grateful you have to opportunity to go East to be with her and others in your family. ?
MontyTheClipArtMongoose
@Geoduck: i remember the patriots pride memorial picnic & whitepowerhour in esther short park last august in honor of the follow proud boi b-teamer who got his shitwrecked in portland
wandered over after a workout at my gym, & those people were just sad… but not sad as in mournful but sad as in worthless
RaflW
@Wyatt Salamanca: This is a crucial improvement to the first round Colorado map.
The first one created 4 safe D seats and 4 safe R seats. CO voted convincingly for Biden. There was no excuse for artificially boosting the GOP in that fashion as the state adds a rep. A 4-3 map plus one ‘swing’ D +1.9 district makes okay sense.
Boebert owns a second home (because of course she’s a member of the wealthy class, despite her photo-opped beer-hall persona) in the redrawn version of her current district.
Anoniminous
@Miss Bianca:
They did the same thing with the 1918 Influenza pandemic, smallpox vaccination, and the AIDS epidemic.
Millard Filmore
“Willard Scott — the legendary TODAY weatherman known for his exuberant personality and launching the tradition of celebrating fans who reached the century mark — died this morning, TODAY’s Al Roker has confirmed.”
https://www.today.com/news/willard-scott-dead-t152927
—
“We are the Joy Boys of radio
We chase electron to and fro …”
Quiltingfool
@The Thin Black Duke: I’m sorry about your mother’s passing. Blessings be upon you.
After my mother’s death, my dad was debating on when he should take Mom’s things from the house. He really didn’t want to, but thought he “should.” I told him that he can keep her stuff for as long as he wanted, there is no timetable. You have to deal with your loss in your time, not what other people may think. She is your mother, and you are her precious son.
The Thin Black Duke
Thanks, everybody. Blessings to you all.
Yutsano
Thanks to the cushy job she oh so conveniently forgot to include on her financial disclosure form. I mean, who hasn’t forgotten $450,000 from their spouse? Could happen to anyone.
Had a very rough night of no sleep. Am gonna take the first of several naps today.
MontyTheClipArtMongoose
@Wyatt Salamanca: i thought the job those rocky mountain nat-cs sent her to do was exterminate the democrats
at least, seemed that way when not a peep from her adoring constituents was heard when she opposed the january 6, 2021, march on washington commission
RaflW
@lowtechcyclist: Keeping old VMs is one of modern tech’s blessings, IMO (if sometimes double-edged). My dad sang happy birthday into my old digital answering machine several years before he died, so probably around 2008? It was a little bittersweet even then as he was in decline from dementia.
I am so incredibly glad that I figured out how to get that recording onto my computer hard drive. I rarely play it, but knowing I can hear his voice now that he’s been gone five years is comforting.
My sister in law also video-taped my dad and my uncle telling stories from growing up. That was done maybe 20 years ago. So awesome to watch it – but I had to wait several years after his departure to do it. I burned a DVD for the cousins, who are grateful too, to have their dad’s retellings archived.
Anyway
Went to a picnic yesterday at a state park. Two of my friends were going and I didn’t know anyone else. It was a friendly crowd, gorgeous weather, burgers and dogs on the grill — you know the drill. Holiday weekend and there were other groups in different areas of the park. There was a pavilion nearby with another group — we couldn’t really hear them but people were walking around them to get to the restrooms and the pond area.
Couple of people repeatedly made PA comments that the group was speaking Spanish or maybe “Indian” or who knows what…which pissed me off. The other group were not in our way, they were in their area enjoying their Saturday — let them speak what they want. I am sure they would have switched to English if they needed to address anyone outside their group. They were not loud, were not playing their music loudly and these couple of people kept referring to them speaking Spanish. Grrrrr – how can someone be bothered by hearing another language in 2021??
This on top of the TX pregnancy vigilante law has me languishing and down in the dumps. Sigh.
Miss Bianca
@RaflW: I like this map a lot better than the first one they drew up. That one would have put my county into Ken Buck’s district, CD-4, which would have been worse. Because on the one hand, he’s marginally less insane than Boebert, which is a plus, but only marginally. And on the other, he’s in a pretty safe seat, while CD-3 would be a wild card.
Is Vail in Eagle County? Because if so, Kerry Donovan could end up being the Democratic candidate squaring off against her if Boebert decides to relocate to her other property. I think either Donovan or Valdez (state rep from the San Luis Valley) could be competitive in CD-3.
Miss Bianca
@MontyTheClipArtMongoose: WTF do you know about Boebert’s “oh so adoring” constituents? Believe me, there are a number of us who noted her stance on January 6. And have been working to replace her, thank you very much.
Quiltingfool
@narya: As a quilting “fool” (lol), I plan quilts in my head all the time, and I don’t know if I’ll live long enough to make all of them! One day you’ll sit down and start – and you can decide whether that craft is for you! I made a woven rag rug (had my husband make the frame for it) and they are good rugs and easy to make. Yet I just can’t summon up much enthusiasm to make more, I guess it isn’t exciting enough for me. You may feel that way about your quilt, but maybe not.
Say, when you get it done, I quilt tops for other people (I have a quilting machine) and I am very affordable and my customers seem pleased with the results; they keep coming back! Quilt tops are pretty, but quilting them makes them shine!
raven
@Lapassionara: Damn straight !!!!!!
Kay
My daughter and son in law entered a pediatric covid vaccine study/trial in NY. They’re both health care professionals and they’re comfortable with the people running the study and the facility. The participants are between 6 years old and 6 months. The study starts with the 6 year olds and goes down in age from there. Their daughter is 18 months so it will be a while before she’s part of it, although obviously not TOO long a while since she gets older every day, so will be moving up naturally :)
75% get vaccine and 25% get saline. I didn’t ask about the dosage but they’re PA’s so they would have.
Benw
@Soprano2: I’ve had several cats change personality like that. Sometimes we can find the source, like moving houses, other times they’ve just been away a few days and come back different. In the extreme cases we’ve taken them to the vet and always been told ‘that’s a healthy cat!’ Sounds like you’ve checked what you can and Killer’s still hanging around. Cats are weird man.
Killer is, well, a killer name!
MomSense
@Sure Lurkalot:
?
Quiltingfool
@Anyway: Good lord, I’ve got family members who get irritated if they overhear people in a restaurant speaking TO EACH OTHER in a language other than English. They seem to think the foreign language folks are talking about them. I shut that shit down fast when I made the remark that I didn’t think I was interesting enough to talk about, and if they were talking about me, so what?
Now, here’s the weird part – these family members had deaf parents, so they all know how to sign. So, when they are signing to other deaf people, am I supposed to be offended because I don’t understand what they’re talking about? BTW, I’m not! I studied languages in school, and am hella impressed when folks can communicate in more than one language.
CaseyL
@The Thin Black Duke: I am so sorry your Mom died, and agree that you should keep her number on your phone as long as you need to.
(One of the most understated poignant movie scenes I ever saw was in “Testament,” a post-nuclear holocaust movie starring Jane Alexander.
(She needed to harvest batteries from everything in the house to use in, IIRC, flashlights. Among the items she removed batteries from was the telephone answering machine. Her husband, who had been killed in the first strike, had left a message for her earlier, something ordinary and quotidian, but once she took out the batteries, she would never be able to hear it, hear his voice, again.
(The tiny pause before she removed the batteries was, to me, heart-rending.)
Regarding social lassitude: I haz it. Boy Howdy. I call it “The Don’t Wannas.” I’ve had some regular social interactions over the last 18 months, and have gone into the office one day per week since Autumn 2020, which have probably been all that has prevented me from going into full Hibernating Bear mode.
I’ve been dithering over my Maine trip, until I realized I might be using the excuse of Covid to avoid all the mess of traveling (packing, getting there, and putting up with plane travel – which was already pretty damned unpleasant before Covid).
IOW, it was a great big Don’t Wanna. Once I realized that, I decided that I would, by God, go on the trip.
zhena gogolia
@Miss Bianca: I am so sorry about your sister.
Kelly
@The Thin Black Duke: My Dad’s hat still hangs at Mom’s house. He died in 1992.
PAM Dirac
@Miss Bianca:
If you are talking about Frederick, MD, thats where I live. You would be more than welcome to drop by and see the vineyard. I remember you have made mead and there is a very good mead place not too far away that is always a pleasant visit. Anyway, feel free to get in touch if there is anything I can help with.
NotMax
@Quiltingfool
True horror story.
Acquaintance who was not always the most mentally stable person in the world at one point went up to the homestead’s attic (his family’s accumulation dated back to their arrival in the mid-1600s) and decided quilts from the 18th and 19th century, long stuffed in a large cedar chest there, should serve as area rugs, scattering them throughout the house.
This coincided with the period when he was dragging chests of drawers down from the same attic in order to use in place of ordering a delivery of firewood. Fireplace was large enough to shove one into, with room to spare.
Miss Bianca
@PAM Dirac: Did I get the name wrong? And oh, yes, I *well* remember that you have a vineyard and are a fellow mead aficionado. Jackals, I sense a series of meet-ups in my future! Properly socially-distanced, of course.
ETA: There are references to both a Frederick *and* a Fredericksburg in MD, according to Teh Google. Do they use the names interchangeably for the same place? I r confoozled now.
MomSense
@CaseyL:
Where in Maine and when??? It’s always worth the trouble to get here.
PAM Dirac
@Miss Bianca:
I know there is a Fredericksburg in Virginia, but I don’t think there is a Fredericksburg in Maryland. Anyway, there is plenty of room on the patio to be well distanced and sip some good cheer and look at the mountains. I’m just about to start this year’s harvest, so I’m not quite sure what I will get yet, but there is a chance that I will make a pyment this year.
ETA- when I google Fredericksburg, MD everything points to Frederick, MD. I have not heard Frederick ever called Fredericksburg.
CaseyL
@MomSense: Arriving Sept 25 and leaving Oct 6. Itinerary:
Portland – 2 nights
Bar Harbor – 3 nights
Bangor – 1 night
Machias – 3 nights
Dover-Foxcroft – 2 nights
… then South Portland, near the airport, where I will be returning my car and getting to bed way early for a (shudder) 6:00 AM flight back to Seattle.
I’d be happy to try meeting up anywhere along that itinerary (except the last day, which will be chaotic). JanieM and I are planning to get together, but we’re not sure exactly when/where yet.
?BillinGlendaleCA
I got home from work last night and there was a note on my car’s windshield. It said someone in a black Benz had backed into my car with the Benz’s license number. Just went out to look and there a big dent on the driver’s side of the front of the car, the hits keep on coming. Literally in this case.x\
MomSense
@CaseyL:
Ok, setting aside the 25th and 26th – and if it doesn’t work out I’m happy to give you some cool things to do there.
When you are in Machias – please go to Cutler to see Jasper Beach. You will be so glad you did.
Bar Harbor is awesome. If you want to do a hike, let me know what type and I’ll suggest some for you.
Seriously let me know what activities you like to do and I can give you some suggestions.
WaterGirl
@?BillinGlendaleCA: I’m sorry your car got hit but how awesome is it that someone took down the plate # and took the time to leave you a note?
Kelly
Lassitude. We’ve been Yellow with some Orange and Red on the AQI (Air Quality Index) at fire.airnow.gov since Friday. Canceled a river trip with our retiree padding group Friday. The AQI has been compared to last year or many areas down wind of the wildfires but it really gets to me. Stayed inside all day yesterday. I did well during the early phase of the plague going for long walks. All but one of my nearby walks burnt up in the Beachie fire.
?BillinGlendaleCA
@WaterGirl: Yeah, they were quite nice about it, they even left contact info if I needed it. The asshole in the Benz however…
debbie
@?BillinGlendaleCA:
I can’t stand the way people are driving or parking anymore. No one exists except them. I’m glad you have the license plate number, at least.
germy
Spanky
@Miss Bianca:
There is no Fredericksburg in Maryland. Both Frederick MD and Fredericksburg VA are great little towns with a lot of history, but my preference is for Frederick in having successfully negotiated the transition from isolated town to part of the metroplex with most of it’s unique character still intact. I think you’ll love it there.
Both lowtechcyclist & I live diametrically opposite DC from Frederick in a rural area that’s not faring real well against the onslaught of development.
Sister Golden Bear
@The Thin Black Duke: Not fucked up at all. Losing a parent is hard, and grief has it’s own timetable
@Miss Bianca: I’m so sorry, my mother died of pancreatic cancer, so I know how hard it is. Not to be morbid, but better to see her sooner rather than later, since it can progress unexpectedly quickly.
PAM Dirac
@Spanky:
My family lived for about 40 years just outside the beltway off Route 5. When we moved in, outside the beltway was way out in the sticks, not so much anymore. I imagine you live further out Rt 5 or Rt 4. It is nice that way. We were half looking in that area for retirement. We ended up in Frederick because I could cut my commute from 90′ to 15′ and still have a place with enough distance from neighbors to be a place to retire to. I do find Frederick just right for us, big enough to support some nice things, but not so big as to be overwhelming.
StringOnAStick
@Chris Johnson: I feel you. We moved to a new state, and a couple that we camped and travelled with moved 2 hours away 6 months later. Our last camping trip a few weeks ago is where she threw down the “we’ve decided not to talk politics anymore because it’s making us not want to spend time with certain friends”, followed by him saying essentially that there needs to be a Final Solution to end homeless people ruining cities because their “libtard” mayors are destroying the cities by tolerating them and those cities will die. Later she said that someone’s kids are “going to be successful business men like tRump” , and both my husband and I laughed and said that tRump is everything but a successful business man. She turned to her husband and said “see what I mean?” And he chided her with ” you’re the one who brought up Trump”. She had also called us both libtards in a sideways fashion. My husband didn’t pick up any of this until I pointed it out later and he was more concerned that I wanted to end one of the few friendships we have here, but I’m completely done with these people. My husband and these two worked together for 20 years so they have time invested while I’ve always known it is just a superficial relationship with superficial people who only care about their next Facebook post. I’ve tried being understanding and learned to not get invested emotionally because she would always do something or say something hurtful to me sooner or later. I think they’ve been radicalized by social media; that’s the only thing I can come up with. There were problems with homelessness and crime in their old home in a inner city but gentrifying neighbourhood but now they live in the custom home part of a small town without an obvious homeless population, but the hate they are nurturing over it is scary.
I did point out to my Jewish husband that people who want to Final Solution one inconvenient group of people will find it easier to move on to the same for the next group of designated inconvenient people.
Geminid
@Spanky: Frederick also has better weather, I think. It gets some snow, but the summers are cooler. And Frederick is closer to the mountains.
Miss Bianca
@Sister Golden Bear: Understood. I am tied up till the middle of October, but maybe I will try to go out right after that, rather than waiting till November.
StringOnAStick
Now that I’ve read the whole thread, it’s much more important to give my condolences to those here feeling their losses and those worrying about the people they love.
Best wishes Miss Bianca, treatments have improved and it certainly helps that they caught it early.
Thin Black Duke, please accept my condolences and I wish you peace.
Miss Bianca
@Geminid:
@Spanky:
Frederick sounds lovely, I can’t wait to see it! If Sis really does decide to buy a condo there, I will probably have to stay with her for a while.
Ramalama
@The Thin Black Duke: My mother in law had a tape / answering machine. Died in 2010? We stored the machine in our attic after emptying out her apartment. We know it’s there. And when we get enough courage, we’re going to listen to her outgoing message again.
Sorry for your terrible loss. I hope you have family who can help you joke through the loss. Siblings helped me with our loss.
CaseyL
@MomSense: This is probably dead thread by now, but if you do happen to check in: I love recommendations by people who live in the area! Thanks for the tip about Jasper Beach. Provided that I can find it, I’ll check it out.
The Maine trip started out as a reconnaissance mission, for possible relocation there after I retire. I have been there, very briefly: a cruise a few years ago to see New England and the Canadian Maritime provinces included a couple days in Bar Harbor. I liked what I saw. Checked out home prices on real estate websites and, while Bar Harbor is way out of my price range, some of the smaller cities up the coast look adorable, and are affordable.
So originally I was going to check out cities, towns, neighborhoods. Now I am thinking more about not relocating (I live in Seattle) but still want to see more of the state. Emphasis on outdoors. Pre-Pandemic, I would have loved to check out art galleries, local festivals, locally-beloved eateries… but now am not eager to do anything that will put me in small venues with lots of people, even though Maine has the best vax rate in the country.
Hiking is definitely on the agenda, and also strolling (masked) the cute downtown areas. So any recs are welcome!
MomSense
@CaseyL:
Portland is fun for walking along the waterfront and old port. There are lots of breweries and places to sit outside. I like the walk from East End Beach along the water to the ferry terminal. The views on the Eastern Promenade are wonderful and so are the food trucks. The Western Promenade is also beautiful with lots of gorgeous old homes as well.
If you are heading north from Portland to Bar Harbor, I would take Route 1 even though it can be slow at times. Beautiful towns along the way are Damariscotta, Wiscasset, Rockland, Rockport and Camden, and Belfast. Just outside of Damariscotta is Pemaquid Point Lighthouse which I think is one of the prettiest in the state. The harbor trail in Rockland gives you a nice taste of the city. You will walk past the working harbor, see where some windjammers are docked and you can walk down to the Coast Guard Station. There are two beautiful museums in Rockland and a very nice downtown.
The harbors in Rockport and Camden are picturesque and still mostly sailboats. If you want to drive to the top of Mount Batty in Camden you will have a great view of the Penobscot and you will see the view described in the first verse from Edna St. Vincent Millay’s poem Renascence.
In Bar Harbor I like the restaurant Havana and the Thai place although I can’t remember the name. Also love Getty’s, Side street cafe, and MDI ice cream. Definitely get ice cream. I’m partial to the lemon curd cardamom but all the flavors are amazing.
Great Head Trail and Bubble mountain/Jordan Pond trails are really nice. Both have amazing views. Of course you will want to drive to the top of Cadillac Mountain and stop at Thunder Hole on the park loop. If you time Thunder Hole just right – you might get wet!
Other hikes: Jesup Path, Carriage Trails, Eagle Lake Path and Beehive. Go LEFT to the bowl. DON’T go to the rungs. Compass Harbor is pretty.
Jasper Beach in Cutler s amazing. Hard to describe except to say that it is rocky with stones of all sizes from pebbles to boulders and you will find yourself mesmerized by them. I have so many jasper rocks at my house. Definitely go to Reversing Falls near Cobscook Bay. It means place of boiling tides in Passamaquoddy. When the tides change it looks like the water is boiling the currents are so wild. I’ve watched seals play in the bubbling water. Lots of eagles, too.
Lubec is beautiful and there are some really pretty trails to walk in the Bold Coast. Take the Eastport-Lubec Ferry out of Lubec if they are still running. Wonderful views and Eastport has Ray’s mustard (only real stone-ground mustard left in US and really tasty), wicked tides, and a Pirate festival in September. There is a red-sailed windjammer that runs tours which is fun. They will take you past the “old sow” which is the largest whirlpool in the Atlantic. There is a nice walking trail in Eastport with great views of the bay. Lots of eagle viewing.
Not sure if the Waponahki Museum in Perry is open because of COVID. It’s very small but worth seeing.
If the ferry isn’t running and you don’t want to drive all the way to Eastport, then stick with Machiasport, Roque Bluffs State Park, Jasper Beach and Reversing Falls.
I know next to nothing about Bangor – I did see Bob Dylan perform there, though. Not sure if there will be any concerts on the waterfront when you are there.
MomSense
@MomSense:
Forgot to mention the breakwater and lighthouse in Rockport near the Samoset hotel. You can walk to the lighthouse at the end of the jetty. Beautiful spot.
MomSense
@MomSense:
Damn also forgot to mention College of the Atlantic on Eden street in Bar Harbor. In front of Turrets is a sunken garden designed by Beatrix Farrand. The whole campus is happy and beautiful.
J R in WV
@The Thin Black Duke:
I’m with you. My mom died in the late 1990s. I now use that phone number for many things, so I key it in multiple times a day. Try it out. I think it helps a little bit. PIN numbers, tablet code, etc.
Wish I could remember grandma’s phone number… been gone a long time now.