I have been busy- between picking and cleaning berries, making pickles, and eating my weight in fresh fruit, I have not had much time for anything. Today I am making not one, not two, but three crocks worth of kraut. I am ready.
In other news, I have a friend who is worse at texting than me, and she accidentally hits the return button a lot so all of her texts look like a Vogon poetry session attempting haikus:
“I am going to the grocery
store Kroger
this afternoon
Do you need
Anything”
Danielx
Your day is going better than mine – stopped up floor drain cost 125 to get fixed, but water damage to bamboo flooring, carpet and FSM knows what else. Fuck fuckity fuck…
satby
At least she can get through to someone when she texts. Day ±5 for me not being able to text IPhones, which everyone I know has, unless I include a stupid GIF so that it’s MMS instead of SMS.
Occasional GIFs: fun. Having to use them every message: teh suxxxs.
Edit: I get their SMS text messages fine. They wondered if I had died because they thought I wasn’t replying.
Kristine
Vogon haiku.
Heh.
Ken
“I am going to the grocery
store Kroger
this afternoon
Do you need
Anything”
Burma-Shave
Ohio Mom
Danielx:
I’ve heard it said that water is the homeowner’s worse enemy.
My day’s task is untangling a health insurance snafu. I won’t take it out on the hapless souls on the other end of the line — I am always sure to be pleasant and gracious — but I’d really like to kick something.
Spanky
Not sure you can be trash talking someone else’s texting in a post you’ve titled in all caps.
OTOH, that would be something you’d shout, now innit?
dr. bloor
William Carlos Williams goes to the Piggly-Wiggly.
SiubhanDuinne
I am a member of a six-person Messenger group of friends/former colleagues. Just learned this morning that one of them has been in Ottawa General hospital for the past five days, and another is sitting in the ER at Emory hospital right now. I am concerned.
Anonymous At Work
Making a comment so someone else will shoulder the burden of making an appropriate Haiku about going to the grocery store.
piratedan
radishes red smear
cleanup on aisle three
aisle three
price check on lima beans
lima beans?
JPL
@SiubhanDuinne: I’m so sorry and I hope that both will feel better soon. It is worrisome though.
SiubhanDuinne
@JPL:
Thanks, JPL.
satby
@SiubhanDuinne: Fingers crossed they don’t have anything serious and recover soon.
Leto
@SiubhanDuinne: oh man; hopefully it’s nothing too bad and they’re released soon!
CaseyL
Loving the grocery store haikus!
Yesterday the weather was perfect, so I went to the Ballard Locks, watched some boats come and go, and then crossed the lock canal to meander around the nearby neighborhood. I’ve very rarely been in that area, and never on foot, so it was a lot of fun.
@SiubhanDuinne: Hope your friends recover and come through okay! 5 days in the hospital sounds serious, so extra good thoughts going their way.
Dorothy A. Winsor
I just came back from the gym. The instructor is 8 months pregnant with twins, and she crushed me.
OTOH, my tentative new book is starting to intrigue me, and I get to work on it this afternoon.
dr. bloor
@Dorothy A. Winsor: Three against one hardly seems like a fair fight.
Betty Cracker
I just did something I haven’t done in more than 20 years: I bailed a boat! The mister and I have a very detailed labor-sharing agreement, and not ever having to bail boats or mow the lawn were high on my priority list when we were dividing tasks. (I was made to bail boats as a child all the time because my dad had a dive shop/marina.)
But Elsa is headed our way to drop several inches of rain, and it’s rained a lot lately, so several inches had accrued in our little jon boat even though the mister had bailed several times this week. Didn’t seem fair to make him have to bail the boat again in the pouring rain when he comes home from work, so I did it. It wasn’t as odious a task as I recalled, but then we only have one boat and my dad’s business had more than a dozen. But I’m not ever mowing the fucking lawn!
lowtechcyclist
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
This is just to say
you might want to
pick up some more
JCJ
at grocery store
walking by the fresh produce
it all smells so nice
JCJ
the meat department
fresh beef, pork, chicken, and lamb
ready for the grill
Hoodie
Speaking of kraut, I have a buddy who worked with a brick mason who ate a quart of kraut and a handful of pickled eggs for lunch every day, topped off with an unfiltered lucky. My friend said the guy had the worst flatulence imaginable.
Spanky
@Betty Cracker: Just sayin …
Patricia Kayden
A man who can cook!!
JCJ
the frozen food aisle
lots of delicious ice cream
where is joe biden?
sab
@Betty Cracker: We had a tiny sailboat (a sailfish) and the only part I was allowed to work was the centerboard. My brother got to work the rudder and the sails. So I haven’t been sailing since age 12 and haven’t missed ot at all.
randy khan
@Anonymous At Work:
Peaches on aisle 1;
Rice on 2; Ice cream on 8.
Oops – Forgot the milk!
Ken
Nine cents a dozen
Between large and extra large
Which is the bargain?
NotMax
No can flip boat upside down?
What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?
@dr. bloor:
So much depends
upon
A chrome shopping
cart
Glazed with leaking meat
juice
Next to the half off
pineapple.
MomSense
@satby:
Ever wonder how we humans ended up reverting to the digital equivalent of hieroglyphics?
Van Buren
My puppy has decided to show off her newly discovered skill of picking things up with her mouth and moving them to new spots.
Dog bed: no problem
Blanky: no problem
Food bowl: no problem
Water bowl: now I have to get up off the couch.
CaseyL
Pungent spice aisle
Cinnamon, clove, nutmeg
Like a bakery in waiting
NotMax
A Streisand shopping strain.
(Also, #29, wrong thread.)
Kristine
No parking close by
And all the damned carts are gone
Shopping on Friday
NotMax
@NotMax
Crap. Should read:
Also, #29 @Betty Cracker.
N e e d <c o f f e e.
Mo MacArbie
I obey arrows
That haven’t been there in months
Mayochup, the fuck?
mrmoshpotato
@Spanky:
What is this world you live in where PICKLES AND KRAUT aren’t shouted about?
Ken
Secret overlords
Beneath Gizan pyramids
Beam mind control rays
dr. bloor
PICKLES AND KRAUT: the latest collection of poems by the BJ commentariat.
Coming soon to a check-out line near you.
mrmoshpotato
@Betty Cracker: Bail bail bail!
NotMax
@Ken
And chortle at our spuds.
:)
mrmoshpotato
@NotMax: But can those aliens do the Twist?
What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?
What size crocks are you using? I have a 5 liter Harsch crock and that makes enough kraut to last a few months, minimum. And being of Pennsylvania Dutch descent on my mom’s side I’m guessing I eat more kraut than the average American.
NotMax
@mrmoshpotato
They go ga-ga over it. A unanimous alien nation of affection.
geg6
@What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?:
My granddad had two of those and, being a first gen German American (my mom’s maiden name was Schnell), he made Bavarian style kraut in them every year, one for him and my grandmother and one for our family as my mom was an only child. Damn, that stuff was good. Haven’t had any kraut as good since he passed.
SN in CO
Vogon poetry session attempting haiku . . . masterful analogy.
Shana
@dr. bloor: This Is Just To Say by William Carlos Williams
I have eaten
the plums
that were
in the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
Michael Cain
Unless I am at home, where I can switch my Bluetooth keyboard to pair with my phone, I confine my texting to one-word answers to other people’s messages. God(s) gave me ten fingers, I learned to use nine of them to type (poor left thumb just hangs there, forever hopeful), and at my advanced age I refuse to learn hunt-and-peck.
I am also reluctant to speak answers in public.
EmbraceYourInnerCrone
@Danielx: oh crap. So sorry this happened to you. Water damage sucks. I have two wet dry vacs…unfortunately they have seen some use. Bleh!
danielx
@EmbraceYourInnerCrone:
It does suck – bamboo flooring is only two years old, or was only two years old.
Ms. Deranged in AZ
I’ve finally figured out the blogfathers superpower (beyond dour sarcasm and fantastically entertaining rants)–its his intestines. If I ate the way he does I’d build up enough gas to travel to the next solar system over and be in constant agony. So I salute your guts of steel, Mr. Cole.
mrmoshpotato
@Ms. Deranged in AZ: LMAO!
Just One More Canuck
@piratedan: Sounds like something out of Lord of the Rings.
“We hear drums, drums in the deep. They are coming”
StringOnAStick
Lately I’ve fallen for fresh bread and butter pickle chips because they aren’t nearly as sweet. They are, however, expensive. Anyone have a recipe that results in something like the Sonoma Brinery fresh sweet pickles?
Miss Bianca
@dr. bloor: You are en fuego today, my friend!
Kristine
@StringOnAStick:
As an aside, I’ve taken to pickling grapes–many recipes online. I make sure to add some sort of chili pepper, such as jalapeño, to give them bite. Nice addition to a cheese plate or charcuterie board.
Also, spiced beet & red onion jam. I just don’t add as much sugar as is usually called for because beets are sweet enough for crying out loud.
Jeffery
Found the first kirby cucumber the other day and gave it to my neighbor not planning on eat it anytime soon. Next day went out to check the kirby vines and found 5 ready to pick lying on the ground which I didn’t see the day before. Made a jar of refrigerator pickles which are nearly gone.
rikyrah
Love hearing about your canning adventures, Cole?
NotMax
@Kristine
Heh. First read that as spiced beef and red onion jam until moved along to the next sentence.
What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?
@geg6: The Germans eat tons of kraut…the 5 liter version is the smallest Harsch crock you can buy. I also have mason jar lids with air locks (the same type of air lock equipment used in home beer brewing) so I can do smaller batches. Making it is pretty easy so long as your cabbage is reasonably fresh – it should be heavy for its size as that means it still has a high water content – and you get the salt to cabbage ratio right, and use kosher or sea salt – do NOT use iodized salt as the iodine will kill the microbes that ferment the cabbage and you will just wind up with moldy cabbage rather than sauerkraut.
If you want to try it at home a mason jar plus a lid with a built in air lock would be a cheap way to give it a go. The crocks are pricey.
Kristine
@NotMax:
That probably would be good, in a mincemeat sort of way.
Origuy
@Van Buren: Your puppy should meet Franklin.
dmk
This is the recipe I use from a dear friend who has since gone to the great garden in the sky. I use whatever cucumbers I have in the garden that year, especially pretty with Armenian Cucumbers (which I don’t peel, but do cut length wise and seed).
Lynelle’s Bread and Butter Pickles
Canning
Difficulty Easy ∙ Source Lynelle
INGREDIENTS
3.25 pounds cucumbers
1 small onion
1/4 cup kosher salt
2.5 cups Cider vinegar
1.75 cups sugar
5 cloves
1 tablespoon mustard seeds
1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
3/4 cups water
DIRECTIONS
Using the V-slicer, slice the cucumber crosswise into 1/4 inch slices (gros, not fin). Place in a large colander. Slice onion into small rings with the V-slicer (fin, not gros). Add to the colander, toss well with salt, let rest for 3 hours. Rinse lightly with cold water, let drain.
Add all the remaining ingredients to the 5 qt. All-Clad, bring to a boil.
Meanwhile, start a hot water bath in the big Calphalon pot about 1/3 full. Once it is hot, put 5 pint jars in the hot water, along with 5 lids (can turn the fire off).
Add the rinsed and drained cucumber and onions to the brine in the All-clad, turn up flame to high, and warm the mixture, but don’t bring to a boil.
Hot pack the veggies into the jars (should fill 4, the fifth will probably be partial). Distribute the brine evenly over the jars. Make sure that the seeds and cloves get spread around, also. Put lids and rings on the full jars, and put in hot water bath for 5 minutes. Remove to towels, let cool.
Once the partial jar is cool, store in fridge. Leave a few weeks before eating. Sealed jars can be stored in the pantry.
Comrade Colette
I got a big bag of “ugly” mushrooms (actually just fine, not sure why they were in the ugly section) at the farmer’s market the other day, so I made pickled mushrooms. Yum. I am the only person chez Colette who likes them, so they are MINE ALL MINE.