Bad news, America. “Soccer is boring” no longer works.
Good news, America. “Soccer is communist” is still a go.— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) June 28, 2021
Good luck to @England ahead of today’s game against Germany.
Staff should be allowed to finish early so they can watch the match. #euro2020 https://t.co/dvDpfgtuFc
— Keir Starmer (@Keir_Starmer) June 29, 2021
Playing at Wembley Stadium, and the English seem to be taking it quite seriously…
VIDEO: Before #eng and #ger play at #Euro2020, take a watch of the highlights from their 1966 World Cup final.
Since that game at Wembley it’s been a rivalry defined by English anguish and German glory https://t.co/fWBygzyFBi pic.twitter.com/MIGgtTe6bY
— AP Sports (@AP_Sports) June 29, 2021
Robin Gosens and the deal that put him on the road to #Ger stardom. By @NickAmes82 https://t.co/aHC8bGARRX #Euro2020
— Guardian sport (@guardian_sport) June 28, 2021
WaterGirl
The soccer thread is open for business.
raven
Get this damn tennis off my tv!
eclare
@raven: Hahaha
Mike in NC
Will they mention the famous Christmas Truce of 1914, when the Germans and Brits played football in No Man’s Land?
JML
no Grealish again. I don’t understand Southgate’s plan to actually score goals, but maybe his plan is o try and get it to PKs and hope someone blows one badly enough to forget his missed pen?
Tony Jay
I’m sure everything will proceed swimmingly and the storied history of the occasion will not turn the bowels of these young men to dribbling waterbutts.
Leto
First free kick and yellow card. Great ball played through the back.
Tony Jay
@JML:
Never mind, we can play the old familiar “How can we tell if ENGLAND’S HARRY KANE is playing if no one hears him fall?”
And that’s what you call ‘buying a free kick’.
Leto
This recent strat of a player laying down behind the wall is still… weird, to me. I understand it, still weird.
JML
@Leto: I don’t love it. it makes some sense if you’re going to have your wall jump, but you still have a guy down who can’t get to a rebound.
Leto
@JML: exactly; you’re basically playing a man down. We’ll see how long it lasts.
Omnes Omnibus
@Tony Jay: Spirit of ‘66. Just redo the Alarm song with some reference to George Best.
Tony Jay
Already Saka looks like the only England player out there who isn’t concerned about setting off his rheumatism.
Tempo! Pass forward!
Good shot from Sterling.
Weak header from Slabhead.
Leto
@Tony Jay:
Stonehenge’s little brother. Or sister city of Maidenhead.
Baud
Why not?
Tony Jay
@Omnes Omnibus:
Spirit of ‘66.
Pie and mash with a pint of brown ale and a fag before the game?
From the looks of things I’m not sure they haven’t done just that.
Just Chuck
I like American Football and have no shame about it, but damned if it wouldn’t be better if they cut the play clock in half. Make the no huddle offense the norm. All those goddam pauses, that’s what’s boring.
Sure there’s rugby, but it doesn’t feel the same. Too much in the other direction perhaps.
JML
@Baud: monday’s games were spectacularly exciting?
Tony Jay
@Leto:
Maguire. Have you seen the size of his forehead? It’s like the rising belly of a Great White. Boris Karloff cosplays as him because it’s that towering.
Pity he can’t use it to Head The Fucking Ball!
Baud
@JML:
Ok, thanks. I haven’t been watching.
LeftCoastYankee
The play 8 fullbacks and cross to Slabhead Maguire plan is… interesting?
JML
@LeftCoastYankee: England is doing a surprisingly good job controlling play, but the lack of service in makes me wonder why they even bother having Harry Kane at striker? Slabhead has more chances so far.
Leto
@Tony Jay: his hair does him no favors in helping to de-emphasize that Easter Island monolith of a forehead.
All this slabhead talk reminds me of this skit: Top Soccer Shootout with Scott Sterling
Tony Jay
@JML:
That’s ENGLAND’S HARRY KANE!!!! Don’t forget to lard it up with all the spare exclamation points and rising intonation you have lying around to make up for the fact he’s been a sleepy, snoozy absence so far this tournament.
But Southgate simply will not drop him.
LeftCoastYankee
@JML: Kane is decent in the air (probably better than Rashford), but I’d go with Calvert-Lewin if that’s the strategy.
billcinsd
@JML: Kane is pretty good at moving off the ball and opening space for others, which is one reason he plays pretty frequently
JML
@Tony Jay:
I do think ENGLAND’S HARRY KANE!!! is a marvelous player…but there’s been so little service the entire tournament…
LeftCoastYankee
Harry Kane must be a pest when he’s on the bench… I still have nightmares about Pocchettino putting him in the 70th minute of some blowout FA Cup match with Rochdale (I think).
The best part was the announcers saying it was an honor for the Rochdale players to have ENGLAND’S HARRY KANE run up the score on them. Something they could tell their children about.
Uncle Cosmo
Impractical. Players already on the field have to get up from the ground (or back to the huddle from deep patterns); the coaching staff needs to take note of down and distance, decide on the next play, and make the concomitant substitutions. And that’s just the offense – the defense has to be given an opportunity to note the offensive changes and counter them. All of that can’t happen in much less than 35 seconds.
It’s a shame you’re so antsy. If I ruled the world (yes, we’re both glad I don’t) I’d have you chained in front of your TV with your eyelids taped open & forced to watch a month’s worth of baseball. Either you’d return to the gridiron broadcasts reconciled to the tempo, or you’d go bonkers due to sensory deprivation.
burnspbesq
That’s why Pickford is England’s number one. Neither Pope nor Henderson makes that save. Any other questions?
Smart long ball from Kane, but he forgot that Phillips isn’t as fast as Son.
If Saka can get a clean run at Rudiger, that will be big trouble for Die Mannschaft.
burnspbesq
@Uncle Cosmo:
Baseball? Pshaw.
If you want to torture the man, make him watch test cricket. The whole five days.
Drdavechemist
@Uncle Cosmo: The easy solution for NFL football is to DVR the game and start watching the recording (and zipping through the dead time and commercials) when the actual game is somewhere in the middle of the 3rd quarter so that you catch up with real time with a few minutes left on the clock. No spoilers, and if it’s a blowout you just stop watching. I can usually live just fine without the replays and the commentary from the broadcast team.
LeftCoastYankee
And I just looked up the roster and Calvert Lewin isn’t on it. Whoops. Must have seen him in a run-up game.
Very weird of Southgate to select all that young attacking talent and then stick with the 2 veterans up front.
patroclus
I agree that “soccer is boring” no longer seems to work in that Americans are increasingly tuning in to it. But despite that, soccer can indeed be very boring; especially scoreless matches like this one. Having said that, baseball, golf and American football can also be very boring as well. Even tennis, hockey and basketball can be very boring; albeit less likely. It just depends. All of them can be very exciting too.
eclare
What a save!
Professor Bigfoot
@patroclus: I’ve seen so many complaints that Formula 1 is boring- “the same guys on the podium every time.”
Of course, then there’s NASCAR– bumpercars at 200mph is for damned sure exciting, even if the constant left turns aren’t.
billcinsd
@Drdavechemist: The easiest solution is NFL Red Zone
patroclus
@Professor Bigfoot: I remember – way back when – that some even had the audacity to call the Fischer-Spasky chess match boring.
One thing that’s not boring about soccer are the fake injuries. The replay shows that they were barely touched and yet they clutch their knee or leg like they’re mortally injured…
LeftCoastYankee
Handsome Jack on.
Werner off for Germany, more confidence coming on.
JML
Finally Grealish comes in…will he get the ball?!? or is Southgate going to send all play down through the right now?
Tony Jay
Just bringing on Grealish isn’t going to be enough if the orders from Southgate are still ‘Defence, pass sideways, try to win HARRY a free kick’. We need Sancho, Bellingham, Rashford. Skill to get that ball upfield quick or to play in the runner behind the German defence.
But we won’t. It’s like watching your Nan dance in slow motion.
eclare
Wow!
patroclus
Goooooooooooaaaaaaallllllllll!
JML
and there you go! passing with purpose and some creativity
Leto
Sterling, Kane, and Grealish made that happen. Nice passing between the three with a score to finish.
Tony Jay
Goal!!!!
Quick passing, quick delivery, tap in for Sterling!
Let’s do that again, eh?
Fucksake Slabhead, Shaw had that!
Leto
And Slabhead with a card.
LeftCoastYankee
And Slabhead with a head-block on the free kick!
That’s what it’s for!
Leto
Wow, Mueller… dude… just pulled it wide. Oof!
Just Chuck
@Uncle Cosmo: No-huddle worked for the Buffalo Bills, got them to four super bowls. Guess it would have had made a better impression if they’d won one of those.
Tony Jay
Nazgul’s Balls but I thought that was 1-1
LeftCoastYankee
Sterling’s passing is woeful… except for that goal. He’d make me crazy if he was on my team.
VeniceRiley
Sterling has regained his confidence as a difference maker for several matches now. Glad to see. Bodes well for City as fans were getting down on him.
James E Powell
He is going to have nightmares about that miss for the rest of his life.
JML
Pickford is Man of the Match so far. Done everything right.
Tony Jay
Oh God, they’ll knight him for that.
Leto
And Graelish to Kaine; Germany just doesn’t seem to have an answer in this second half.
patroclus
Stick a fork in this one – Germany’s done.
eclare
Holy shit!
HumboldtBlue
There it is!
Leto
@Just Chuck: The Pats, with Brady, were very effective with the no-huddle.
JML
Hmm, think playing Grealish is a good idea? All the creativity and clever play has come through him and his side since he came on.
LeftCoastYankee
Grealish to Kane!
Sounds like the English fans arrived.
Tony Jay
I was just about to lambast E H KANE for refusing the quick forward pass to Sterling or Grealish because he’s too fucking slow to get up there with them and then he goes and gets on the end of Grealish’s inch perfect pass
I think we’ve got this won, though.
ETA – Which is odd, because this is England v Germany, we’re supposed to lose.
eclare
@JML: I noticed that too
Amir Khalid
Captain Kane grabs the second for England. And some were writing him off earlier in the match.
patroclus
@JML: Putting Grealish in was a literal game-changer.
What Have the Romans Ever Done for Us?
Boy Gnabry gives that ball away and then lollygags it down the pitch and doesn’t get himself back in the play. That was just terrible.
Tony Jay
@Amir Khalid:
My Mum could, would and if forced to choose between playing her or playing ENGLAND’s HARRY KANE definitely should have scored that.
ETA – Harumph and get off my lawn!
He’s a half-fit liability with good Press.
Leto
There was a dude in the stands, English fan, that was a dead fucking ringer for the former Klingon leader Gowron.
Leto
@Tony Jay:
So he’s the next PM? :P
VeniceRiley
@Tony Jay: Oh dear. We will never hear the end of his highness now. I keep praying City don’t buy him.
But well done England!
randy khan
@Uncle Cosmo:
I recognize this is a definite YMMV issue, but I find baseball much more interesting than football. There are literally hundreds of events each game – something can happen on every single pitch, and you can see nearly all of it without the need for four angles of replay to figure out what actually happened. (I’m aware that line play is intricate and precise, but honestly it’s not that exciting, particularly at half speed.)
And it’s even better when you’re there in person, unlike football, which is definitively much better on TV.
Tony Jay
Didn’t expect that result at all. Germany were poor, and whatever they did create the defence and Pickford dealt with it easily enough. Once we actually started getting at them quickly down the left (Hi Jack) their defensive frailties showed.
Sweden or Ukraine next. Bloody hell.
HumboldtBlue
Ya think the Engerlanders have waited a while for a win like this?
burnspbesq
This will likely be Kane’s last hurrah. At the World Cup it will be Calvert-Lewin or they’ll go with Foden as a false nine and swarm the opposition with young fast guys, of which there is no shortage.
Leto
@HumboldtBlue: Per the ESPN person this is first time the Brits have knocked out Germany, in a major tournament, since that 1966 WC.
LeftCoastYankee
Joy in England tonight.
Tomorrow they can get back to making themselves miserable about Sweden or Ukraine!
Tony Jay
@Leto:
Haaa! Look, given the alternative I’d definitely take him. A half fit KANE is a massive improvement on a fully shit Flobalob.
@VeniceRiley:
His face will be everywhere. KING HARRY CHEWS UP SOUR KRAUTS. Flobalob will order schools to sing songs to his pale-faced glory. Bleaugh.
TomatoQueen
Football coming home?
England England Football Football
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEb1Zh8eptg
burnspbesq
@Leto:
You would have bet serious money on Muller in that situation.
Pickford played it correctly: cut down the angle, make yourself big, and hope the moment is too big for the opposing forward. And it was.
burnspbesq
And now, it’s blue and yellow vs. yellow and blue. I have no dog in this fight, hoping that both teams throw caution to the winds and f***ing GO FOR IT.
Sloane Ranger
Wow! I can’t believe it. 2-0! Sterling worked his socks off all match but Pickworth was my Man of the Match, calm, collected, wonderful hands.
I think playing Grealish as a substitute may actually be a deliberate strategy. Let the opposition get settled, then introduce him to switch things up.
Uncle Cosmo
@burnspbesq: Noted and agreed.
I have a pair of small books I copped in a UK airport bookstore a few years back: Bluff Your Way In Rugby and Bluff Your Way In Cricket. Never had the courage to open either…
Barney
No one from the ‘Group of Death’ has made it into the quarter-finals. Not, I would say, because they were knackered after hard games in the group; just that they didn’t have much ambition in the round of 16, and the standard of pretty much everyone who made it that far is good.
Geminid
@randy khan: And baseball is pretty nice on the radio. Laid back and calming.
James E Powell
@randy khan:
Agree. All taste is taste. I love baseball, others don’t. I’m not going to try to convince them.
As I tell my students, boredom happens in the mind. You may be bored, and that’s okay, but that doesn’t mean the thing – book, movie, sport, whatever – is boring.
WaterGirl
New soccer post is open for business.
jeffreyw
@Geminid:
My grandpa always watched the Cards on TV but refused to listen to their game callers, he listened to the game on the radio. I remember Harry Caray was involved, somehow.
TomatoQueen
My auntie, at age 90, is still following the Dodgers on the radio.
columbusqueen
Wow. Late to the thread, & blown away by the news. Am I right in assuming that most English adults will be soaked to the gills tonight?