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My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

Peak wingnut was a lie.

How does anyone do Gilligan’s Island as trump world and not cast Jared as Gilligan?

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You are here: Home / Guest Posts / Guest Post: I Believe In My Fellow Americans

Guest Post: I Believe In My Fellow Americans

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Nicole:

I was diagnosed with breast cancer on Halloween before the 2016 election.  It wasn’t the most surprising diagnosis; my mother had breast cancer, but it was terrifying, because my mother died at 35, barely 2 years after her diagnosis.  I had no idea how far the cancer had progressed, or how aggressive it was, or how much time I still had left.

On the bright side, I thought on the day I was diagnosed, no matter how bad this turns out to be, at least I lived to see the first woman President.

Yeah.  About that…

The day after the election, someone posted online from Germaine Greer’s The Female Eunuch, “Women have very little idea of how much men hate them.”  On November 9, 2016, I started to get an idea.  And I realized how very naïve I had been until this point, believing in the lie we are told that America is a land of equality (people who aren’t white could have told me this was a lie long ago- heck, they probably tried; I just wasn’t able to hear them, caught up as I was in my faith in the ideal of what I had been taught my whole life America is).  I’m not going to be so naïve ever again.

I also have naively believed in the concept of fairness.  I mean, I know life isn’t fair, but the past four years really showed me how effortlessly the powerful avoid consequences for terrible, cruel, immoral actions- tearing apart families, causing unnecessary deaths, destroying the future of the planet and lying and lying and lying and getting away with it all.

And yet… and yet…

Four years (and one cancer recurrence) later, I was one of over 81 million Americans who said, this isn’t what we want. I wasn’t voting for the candidate I had wanted; I was voting for yet another old white guy, but, as bad as the past 4 years have been for me, they have been far worse for people who don’t have my privilege, bad in an immediate way I didn’t experience, and if I have learned anything else from the past 4 years, it’s that it’s not all about me. It’s not about me getting to see a woman in the White House; it’s about taking action to be a better citizen for all of us.  Every person who showed up to vote Trump out of the White House was taking action to be a better citizen.  And my fellow Democratic voters showed how smart they were in the primaries, much smarter than me.  And I trusted their judgment and I’m glad.

And then the Georgia Senate runoffs happened and I saw the effect of all the work so many activists in the state put into getting people to the polls.  I saw the voice of the powerless is so much louder than that of the powerful, when we all speak together.

I’m very hopeful about the next four years.  I know it won’t be everything I want, and there are days I’m going to be furious, but it won’t be every day.  That will be a great change from the past four years.   As to what I hope to see, beyond the immediate solution to the Covid-19 crisis, more than anything, I hope to see the Biden-Harris Administration and Congress expand voting rights, and protect them.  I want to see more economic and racial and gender justice, too, but most of all, I want to see those without power be given access to the power of the ballot box.  Someone said that 2020 showed that Georgia isn’t a red state; it’s a voter suppressed state, and I want to live in a country where that won’t ever be said about another state in the Union.  Trump lost the popular vote twice.  He was never what the majority of America wanted; just what the ones with power wanted.  That, we can change.

On a personal level, it’s my job to keep dialoguing with the people I meet and know; to call out racism and sexism when I hear it; to listen without defensiveness when my own biases are shown to me.  I will keep writing postcards to fellow voters, and try to overcome my shyness and maybe even try phone banking for the next elections (and there are always next elections).   I’ll let my elected politicians know what I think.  I’ll see what’s happening in my local area, and how I can help.

Even as late as November of 2020, I thought I’d never get over my bitterness about 2016.  But now, I’m less certain.  Not because it wasn’t unfair; it was, as we once again saw a brilliantly capable woman get passed over for a promotion by a mediocre white man.  But because bitterness can lead to despair, and despair leads to inaction.   And because, even though I feel like I’ve been lied to about what America stands for, it doesn’t change the fact that those ideals of equality and justice for all should be what America stands for.  It’s on me, on all of us, to get us a little closer.  Will I live to see a woman President? I don’t know.

I’m cancer-free again as of this writing, but who know what the future holds.  If I’m honest with myself, I’m doubtful I will; not because I fear dying soon but because I fear it’s farther away than I’d like it to be.  But I still have a responsibility to work for a future where it will be, even if I’m not around for it.  And the next four years are as good a place to start as any.  There’s so much to do, but I believe in the new Administration, and, for the first time in a while, I also believe in my fellow Americans.  It’s a good place to be.

Nicole, thank you so much for sending this in!  (WG)

Reader Interactions

81Comments

  3. 3.

    Baud

    I’ll always retain a little bit of bitterness about 2016 because I don’t want to forget.
    Congrats on being cancer free.

  4. 4.

    Raoul Paste

    Bravo, Nicole

  6. 6.

    feebog

    Wow, just wow.  Thank you Nicole.  I hope you don’t mind if I share an excerpt with some friends at a virtual cocktail party tonight.  Bravo.

  7. 7.

    Nicole

    I’m so glad you all enjoyed it.  I told WaterGirl I’ve been having terrible writers’ block for, oh maybe the past 4 years? (laughs. weeps) and Cole’s extra credit assignment was a wonderfully inspiring way to push through the block.

  8. 8.

    Nicole

    @feebog: Of course; share whatever you’d like.

  11. 11.

    lamh36

    Hey,  Do yourselves a favor and ask Alexa or Siri…who’s the Vice President of the United States! I swear hearing the answer will give you the biggest smile!!!

  14. 14.

    leeleeFL

    In spite of all the dreck of the last 5 years, I still believe we can be better. Much of my Family here have lost all faith in the idea of good governance.  I am so hopeful that the Biden-Harris Administration can accomplish what I haven’t been able to. Convince 3 out of 4 of my Girls that this Country isn’t really run by the powerful and there’s no point to politics.

    Tall order, I know. A Girl can dream…. can’t she?

  15. 15.

    JanieM

    Thanks, Nicole. It’s inspiring — including your comment about pushing through writer’s block.

  17. 17.

    UncleEbeneezer

    Lovely statement Nicole (just shared it on FB :)) and I wish you the best of health.

    I don’t own a US flag, or any apparel that is overtly patriotic.  Probably never will.  But I just wrote on a FB friend’s page:

    The good parts/people in this country are legit awesome and worthy of celebration/pride. Unfortunately they have to drag along and actively fight a near-equal amount of Deplorable/Fascist Confederates who resist every tiny step of progress.  But that makes me appreciate the former, all-the-more.

  19. 19.

    Patricia Kayden

    So true!

    On call w/ SC reporters, @WhipClyburn says George W. Bush told him at the inauguration ceremony that he's "the savior" because they wouldn't be having a transfer of power today if Dems hadn't nominated Biden following his endorsement. #scpol— Jamie Lovegrove (@jslovegrove) January 20, 2021

  20. 20.

    Nicole

    @Patricia Kayden: 
    I think so, too. As I said in the piece, I was NOT Ridin’ with Biden in early 2020, but boy oh boy, I’m glad and grateful other, smarter Democrats were. I was afraid, after 2016, I’d be seeing VP as a consolation prize, but I cried all through Harris’ oath of office, and so no, it’s pretty freaking great. And Biden gave a great speech. I think he probably is what is needed right now.

  24. 24.

    What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us?

    That was great. Couple things that would be real helpful going forward: 1) a counter-psyops operation that will de-program at least a sliver of the GOP base. 2) Some strategy to get the media to play fair.

    Some doof on NPR this morning asked Governor Whitmer how Joe could unify the country…they never, ever, ever ask that question of Republicans! Ever. The implication of the question is it’ll be Biden’s fault if we don’t unify. There is only so much our side can do. We can’t work magic. Start blaming them a little too. We’re not wholly responsible for the fact that they are terrible people.

  30. 30.

    Nicole

    @What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us?:

    Yeah, I think so much about how much damage FOX News has done (and I guess they’re now chucking even more actual news in favor of more opinion).  People I’ve known for 20 years have literally changed in that time, going from reasonable to absolute conspiracy nuts and I swear it’s FOX News (with a big dose of Limbaugh).  I don’t know the solution.  People do love having their biases reinforced.

  31. 31.

    Alison Rose

    This is just lovely, Nicole. Thank you.

    And one little nice sign of the new times: on VP Harris’ page on the WH website, one of the pics they chose was of her and her husband at SF Pride. My queer Jewish heart is so happy!

    Also the baby Kamala pic is so stinking cute :)

  33. 33.

    Cacti

    The past 4 years have had the opposite effect on me.

    The fact that Trump increased his vote share by 13 million over 2016, despite all the harm he’d done, led me to conclude that I’d gravely overestimated the basic human decency of Americans as a whole.

  36. 36.

    D Gardner

    @Just Some Fuckhead: I agree with your sentiment, but it takes so much more effort to debunk the nonsense that has been spread that I have little doubt this will improve. Even if the Dems flood the zone with honest information, there have to be eyes/ears that are receptive to that content and a mind that is willing to analyze. For 74M people at least, those conditions are not present.

  37. 37.

    Benw

    Thanks Nicole.

    Even with Trump gone, the Republican party remains an existential threat to American democracy. We need to stay 81 million strong

  40. 40.

    Jay

    @Cacti:

    the Jackaltariate stood up, especially after 2016.

    not just pet blegs, rehoming, but for Jackals in need too, not just   Money, but help and support.

    Y’all organized, donated, volunteered, joined,

    and y’all made a big fucking Blue wave in 2018.

    2020 has shown that there is more good than evil, because that’s what the choices are, these days.

  41. 41.

    C Stars

    Thank you for sharing such an intimate account of your journey over these last four years. I feel the same way that you do…not overly optimistic about having a woman president in the near future, but, as of today, not pessimistic either. Which is an improvement.

    I have had a bit of a medical scare this week, in the sense that my doctor decided that additional investigation was needed for an issue I’ve been trying to ignore for a while. Early this morning I went in for some diagnostic imaging of the poke and prod variety, not too pleasant, tbh, but when I got back into the car after my appointment, President Biden was giving his inaugural speech and it was a deeply comforting, powerful balm for my frayed nerves. I felt like I could have the strength to face whatever came next, just knowing that caring, hardworking adults are in charge of the country now.

    And I thought of the immense number of people, such as yourself, who had to confront terrifying challenges without that simple comfort of knowing that their survival and existence as citizens was in good, well-intentioned hands.

    Epilogue: the radiologist just sent me a bunch of gobbledegook–I won’t really know until my doc calls but it looks to me like I’ve got some treatable issues that are non life threatening.🤞

    Today keeps getting better!

  43. 43.

    Nelle

    @JPL: I was thinking the same thing.  My husband marched in the inaugural parade in Jan of 65 (Naval Academy) – LBJ.  All the firing pins were out of weapons.

  44. 44.

    BC in Illinois

    From Justin Stapeley (someone on Twitter):

    The fawning over Harris is a bit much. I mean, Sarah Palin would have been the first woman VP if McCain had been elected well over a decade ago.

    From The Hoarse Whisperer:

    And if I had fins, I’d be a dolphin.

    [And also, Geraldine Ferraro would like a word . . .]

  46. 46.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Patricia Kayden:  We are very fortunate that Northam is a fairly recent Republican because that is very likely what has made him completely fearless. He just doesn’t give a shit and refuses to live in a world of Republican hegemony.

  48. 48.

    What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us?

    @D Gardner: I get what you’re saying, but we have to find a way to make the truth crack through…this country can only go so far in 45ish percent is completely delusional.

    Another way, maybe, is the Dominion voting machine approach – set up a fund to pursue every plausible libel and slander case against Fox News and AM talk radio. Bankrupt them with legal fees and settlements. At least that would decrease the volume at which the crazy is broadcast.

  50. 50.

    Nelle

    @C Stars: I’m glad you didn’t put off getting it checked off anymore.  Sometimes, it feels like we are between the devil and the deep blue sea.

    A week ago, a friend died.  She had been putting off seeing a doctor about some symptoms.  Two months from diagnosis to death.  I’d been avoided the colonoscopy that I was supposed to have.  When I heard about my friend, I thought I better get on it.  A doctor friend suggested doing the Cologard test as a check and my doc agreed.  So there may be options for some situations.

    And I am tired of Zoom memorial services.

  54. 54.

    cmorenc

    Among the many benefits of the Ga Senate race results is that otherwise, at least two R-chaired  Senate committees would be announcing the beginning of splashy investigations into Hunter Biden that would have, like Benghazi shit-show, dragged on for the next couple of years, at least.

  55. 55.

    Baud

    When I’m president, I’m going to have a military band following me playing patriotic music while I walk.

  56. 56.

    Mike in NC

    Today brought us such a sense of relief. The past four miserable years felt like being forced to watch the most horrible reality TV show anybody ever dreamed up. Chilled a bottle of bubbly for this day.

  57. 57.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    @Cacti: The fact that Trump increased his vote share by 13 million over 2016, despite all the harm he’d done, led me to conclude that I’d gravely overestimated the basic human decency of Americans as a whole.

    Same for me. If Trump wouldn’t have handled the pandemic so hideously, he’d likely have been reelected.

  58. 58.

    Tee

    Nicole,

    As a lurker I don’t often comment but when something moves me so powerfully, profoundly I have to say something.  Thank you, I was weeping as I read parts of your account because of your courage and faith.  I wept bitter tears in 2016 and even did the unthinkable of joining facebook in order to participate in the Women’s March.  You eloquently expressed so much of the emotional journey that has happened I think for many of us.  I am grateful that you were able to work through your writers  block because I will hold your account close to my heart and add you to my prayers because your “voice” is beautiful and needful. Thank you again.

  61. 61.

    misterpuff

    Well at least the FNYT reporters get to visit a better grade of restaurant when they try to find Biden supporters.

     

    Out with the Cletus Hunt and diners and in with the Elitus Hunt in five star bistros.

     

    Nah, they will stick with Cletus and his new mantra, Unity, to trash the new admin.

  62. 62.

    Nicole

    @Just Some Fuckhead:

    Same for me. If Trump wouldn’t have handled the pandemic so hideously, he’d likely have been reelected.

    As much as I’m feeling more positive about America today, I agree with you.  And if Clinton had been in office, we’d have lost maybe 40,000 and she’d have been impeached over it.  I hate that literally hundreds of thousands of people are dead today who would not be if three states hadn’t fucked the country for the next 4 years.  But there are still more of us than there are of them- Trump lost both popular votes.  We have to focus on getting access to the ballot box.

  64. 64.

    Jay

    If you aren't extremely relieved, you don't understand what the threat was.If you think it's over, you also don't understand what the threat was.— Gwen Snyder is uncivil (@gwensnyderPHL) January 20, 2021

    Let’s take today, go back to working on society tomorrow.

    Stifle the innate need to Eeore?

  65. 65.

    Gin & Tonic

    WaPo reporting another last-minute bullshit move – Trump extended Secret Service protection for his (grown) children and their families for six more months. Normally, they’d be off it as of noon today.

  66. 66.

    Nicole

    @Tee: That means a lot to me.  Thank you.

    The writing I was struggling with up until today is for the podcast I work on (although we are waaaaay behind on Season 3.  The pandemic put everything on hold).  The episode I’ve been trying to write, partly inspired by watching Hillary Clinton tell us the truth we didn’t want to hear, has been really stumping me, but after this essay, I churned out 14 pages of new material yesterday and today and revised 18 older pages.  It’s a good day.   And I’m glad this piece here is bringing joy.

  67. 67.

    Nicole

    @MJS: Yay Central PA!  I frequently mock my state of birth, but I do love it dearly.  I went actively searching for Gritty memes all week long in November while the votes were being counted.

  68. 68.

    Jay

    @Nicole:

    Daves Niece Claire, the bonded 4 cats needing rehoming, instead, the Juicers rehomed the pet parent. Countless blegs and fosters and forever homes.

    Ppl who needed a few bucks, some advice, some support, or just a place to vent and be heard.

    And there is more of us than them.

  69. 69.

    Baud

    @Gin & Tonic:

    I don’t mind that so much.  They are (deservedly) targets of retaliation, and their security becomes one less thing that the media will ask Biden about.

  70. 70.

    mali muso

    Nicole, what a lovely and moving piece of writing. I’m so glad that you are with us to see this day.

  71. 71.

    J R in WV

    Haven’t been able to comment, too focused on the TV coverage of everything.

    So relieved this is behind us now!!!

    Hoping Trump is indicted in multiple states right away, as well as impeach-convicted and barred from holding federal office.

    Tears of Joy off and on. Arlington does that to me, as Loomis says, the former estate of the traitor Lee. Now a majestic monument to those lost defending our democracy.

    But feeling better now about everything. Will do a second bottle of bubbly with dinner, had one with soup for lunch. If ever a time for day drinking, right? Right!! Old friend called an hour or so ago, was working, said she had to take breaks for happy tears between calls. Me too, I said.

  73. 73.

    PaulWartenberg

    Nicole, so glad you are cancer-free and that you lived long enough to at least see a woman Vice President make it that far.

    Can you imagine the picture of Biden’s first joint address to Congress? Pelosi in one seat behind him, Harris in the other?

  76. 76.

    C Stars

    @Nicole: Thank you!

    @Nelle: It is a really weird time to have to go see the doctor. I’ve been to the grocery store about twice since March, so it felt very counterintuitive. I had originally scheduled a video appointment but that was switched to an in person appointment at the Dr. office, which then was followed up by the test I had today, in a busy, busy hospital complex. But yes, some things must be attended to, virus or no.

  78. 78.

    Nicole

    Thanks again for all the nice feedback, everyone.

    I actually stood up and recited the Pledge of Allegiance during the ceremony today.  I can’t remember the last time I did that.

  81. 81.

    WayneL140

    Writing MAGAstan to describe the nation within a nation is absolutely on the money, and I can’t understand why it hasn’t caught on. It perfectly describes the one-third of the country that does not live in the US. They don’t understand the Constitution, don’t live by the law. Since they overwhelmingly approve of taking the capitol by armed insurgents what laws do they follow? And they simply refuse to change their minds on anything.

    Wait, they say, we change our minds all the time! Yes, but, you only get worse. You changed your mind on destroying the whole country.

    If the armed insurgents had succeeded, and taken hostage all the Democrats–Mitt Romney and Mike Pence, too–what would have been the outcome? What if they had hanged Mike Pence? What if the numerous police and military had supported them, and they had taken state capitals? What if they had managed to put Donald Trump back into office? What if this wasn’t a movie? What if you were the bad guys?

    This would no longer be America. Think about this phrase: You have broken all laws. Every single law we have is now wiped out. How could you possibly think we could go back to the way we were, at any point?

    Spend five minutes thinking about what the US would look like. What happens next? The Trump Administration could not get the vaccines delivered at all. There was no plan. Imagine these clowns–along with the leaders of the mob, who now think they have a right to a seat at the table–imagine for five seconds this group organizing a country of 300 million people. If this does not blow your mind, Welcome to MAGAstan. Good luck.

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