Tonight President-elect Biden announced that he would be announcing his vaccination plan tomorrow. For your convenience, we here at the Balloon Juice bunker have gotten a copy of the plan, codename Operation Lollipop, and it is our distinct honor and privilege to bring it to you now. Full disclosure: contrary to initial reports, Dave Anderson was not injured in obtaining these plans. Several Bothans, however…
- Roll up sleeve.
- Person administering the vaccine swabs your upper arm.
- Fill syringe with vaccine.
- Stick needle in arm. (Special sequel instructions for Governor Ron DeStupid in Florida: ensure that needle is attached to the syringe first!)
- Push the motherfucking plunger on that syringe! Do it for God, Mom, Apple Pie, the Bald Eagle, and Randolph Scott!
- Remove needle from arm!
- Apply Band-Aid.
- Roll down sleeve.
- Observe patient for 15 minutes to ensure no adverse effects. (Special sequel instructions for Governor Ron DeStupid in Florida: these adverse effects may be indistinguishable from the normal behavior of Floriduh! Man, please refer to a medical professional if necessary.)
- Provide vaccinated person with their proof of vaccination.
- Issue vaccinated person a lollipop.
- Repeat 350 million times.
- Declare victory, put on aviator sunglasses, peel out in corvette.
Just to be on the safe side, because it is American and it is 2021:
- Peter Hastings did not write this post, nor did he author President-elect Biden’s vaccination plan, he did write the episode of Mindy and Buttons for Animaniacs Season 1, Episode 6.
- This is SATIRE!!!!!