Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Call the National Guard if your insurrection lasts more than four hours.

This fight is for everything.

All your base are belong to Tunch.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Verified, but limited!

This blog goes to 11…

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

This is all too absurd to be reality, right?

I’m going back to the respite thread.

We need fewer warriors in public service and more gardeners.

Too inconsequential to be sued

The math demands it!

What fresh hell is this?

I can’t take this shit today. I just can’t.

A sufficient plurality of insane, greedy people can tank any democratic system ever devised, apparently.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

Fuck if i know. i just get yelled at when i try it.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if I ever tried to have some of you killed.

This blog will pay for itself.

… makes me wish i had hoarded more linguine

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

I’m only here for the duck photos.

How does anyone do Gilligan’s Island as trump world and not cast Jared as Gilligan?

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69Comments

  3. 3.

    Matt McIrvin

    I was worried that Mike Pence might actually try some shit but the scuttlebutt coming out of DC is that he probably won’t. As long as he doesn’t, the members of Congress objecting to the electoral count are just making noise; they can’t stop anything.

  4. 4.

    SiubhanDuinne

    It’s been a long time — too long! — since we’ve had a picture of the lovely Lily. Thank you.

  6. 6.

    Frankensteinbeck

    unless we get to watch the police use batons and a water cannon on them.

    Then strap yourselves in, because last night suggests the DC police have no more fucks to give and are not taking the Proud Boys bullshit.

  8. 8.

    zhena gogolia

    Sweet, sweet Lily. I too have been wondering when we’d get a picture of her.

  13. 13.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    Nicolle Wallace said on her show the other day that she throws up in her mouth every time she hears someone say Josh Hawley is smart. I’ll admit, I’ve been one of those people. Maybe I’ve been wrong.

    Armando @ArmandoNDK 33m

    Hawley joins the SURRENDER CAUCUS!!!!

    Ryan Struyk @ryanstruyk· 35m
    HAWLEY: “The vice president opens the certificates and then he hands them over to the clerk of the Senate and the House, and they count the votes. I don’t think the vice president actually counts under the law. I mean, he’s sort of just there.”

    Boy done heard the ice cracking around him, I guess. “Just sort of there”. There is a Chauncey Gardner quality to Pence.

  14. 14.

    Betty Cracker

    @different-church-lady: MSNBC says “soon.” I heard the orange fart cloud is scheduled to drift over the tens of gathered fascists in DC at around 10:30. It looks like a sad and pathetically small crowd.

  17. 17.

    ewrunning

    Good to see the President’s Daily Schedule announcements are now being written by a 2nd grader. Now on to the putsch led by Flynn, Stone and the My Pillow guy!

  22. 22.

    burnspbesq

    CNN is reporting that LeBron is exploring putting together an ownership group to buy the Atlanta Dream, the WNBA team part owned by Loeffler.

    Oh, please …

  29. 29.

    Roger Moore

    @Punchy:

    Con Don is going to claim victory and 4 more years regardless.

    I don’t think that really matters.  There may be a few reporters on the Trump beat, but he just isn’t going to get the level of attention he desires, and he’s certain to get a lot of attention he doesn’t desire, i.e. lawsuits and possibly criminal charges.  One reason I’m hoping for the criminal charges is it would provide a way of taking whatever money he tries to shield using Florida’s homestead protection.  If his property is shown to be part of a criminal enterprise, it can be seized even if it’s his homestead.

  30. 30.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Edmund Dantes: it is interesting, somebody thought he could out-douchebag Ted Cruz… not that I think Hawley’s done, I think he just talked himself out on a limb here.

  31. 31.

    Ruckus

    @Punchy:

    He can claim all he wants, till his face turns actual blue and all his fake hair falls out and he’ll still be nothing but a shitty footnote in history.

  32. 32.

    burnspbesq

    @SFAW:

    Loeffler was vehemently opposed to the “politicization” of the WNBA  bubble. Which led to the Dream players’ strong support for the Rev.

  34. 34.

    Betty Cracker

    Poor Kornacki is still at the board. Looking good for Ossoff! Hope he beats the automatic recount margin.

  35. 35.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Roger Moore: I don’t think Laetitia James is bluffing, and I don’t know what the evidence rules are in NYS, but I think the reporters on the trump beat are gonna be busy talking to accountants. Who will be the CPA equivalents of MSNBC’s stable of Former Federal Prosecutors

  38. 38.

    Ruckus

    @Roger Moore:

    I don’t think he can claim it as a homestead. Local law forbids someone/anyone from living there. They can visit for 7 days but no longer. And they seem to mean it. So with no home, he can’t homestead. He’s going to end up wanting to move to Scotland, who wants him even less. And there it’s not just the locals, it’s the national government.

  40. 40.

    Jim, Foolish Literalist

    @Betty Cracker: Rick Wilson– who I think overestimates his connectedness and his powers of prediction, so FWIW– says Ivanka is definitely running for that Senate seat.
    I am almost always wrong in my predictions, especially about the future Republican politics, but I really feel like Marco’s done. CNN takes a lot of flack for keeping Rick Santorum on, and I’ve read that can be a very lucrative job. So maybe Marco will git while his hairline is still manageable for the cameras.

  43. 43.

    Elizabelle

    Lily.  In her little dog bed.

    It’s a good Wednesday.  Oh, and that Warnock and Ossoff (come on Jon!) stuff too.

  45. 45.

    RedDirtGirl

    Thanks for the pic. I have to admit, in my current search for a first dog, I have Lily in my mind as a sort of ur-doggle.

  46. 46.

    SFAW

    OMFG!!! Cosmo tells me that Kim and Kanye “are reportedly ending their marriage”!! OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!

    So all you jackals who are whining about Ivanka or Dense or the Murderer-in-Chief need to get some perspective, and think about what’s REALLY important.

     

    I have no idea why I get a news feed from Cosmo — one of you jokers probably signed me up — but I have been for the last week or so. So I’m more than happy to share the wealth (as it were)

    ETA: Sorry for going OT.

  47. 47.

    Waldo

    Former Defense Sec. Wm. Cohen, a Repub, is destroying Trump and his enablers on NPR’s On Point. Not mincing any words about the danger we are facing with Trumpolini refusing to go quietly.

  49. 49.

    NotMax

    Much as there is to laud about Maui, it is not devoid of idiots. Idiots who document their status as such on Facebook, no less.

    The state has temporarily closed a beach at Makena State Park following several large parties there that included hundreds of mask-less revelers.

    The state Department of Land and Natural Resources said the parties at Puu Olai beach, the smaller of two beaches at the park, have included nude people dancing in drum circles and illicit substances.

    Social media posts from Sunday showed an estimated 400 people at the beach.
    [snip]
    “For everyone’s health and safety we cannot continue to tolerate the lack of personal responsibility hundreds of people are demonstrating every Sunday at Puu Olai,” said DLNR Chair Suzanne Case. Source

  52. 52.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    @John Cole: the fascists throwing a tantrum in DC unless we get to watch the police use batons and a water cannon on them.

    Does that include the Senate Sedition Caucus? I’d be ok with their shenanigans if it ended up with batons and water cannons.

  53. 53.

    Betty Cracker

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: It could make things interesting if Ivanker throws her tatty knock-off Chanel chapeau in the ring! Second Fredo is issuing threats on Twitter that the Trumps will back primary opponents for any senator who doesn’t jump on the Hawley-Cruz grenade today. Lil’ Marco must be in an agony of invertebrate indecision, hairline receding faster than a Trump accountant from a subpoena.

  54. 54.

    Ken

    @Punchy: Con Don is going to claim victory and 4 more years regardless.

    I feel there is a niche market for a comedian with a Pat-Paulsen-like act, claiming that he (or she) won the presidency and parodying the arguments of Trump and his supporters.

    And by “parodying” I mean “quoting”.

  55. 55.

    Redshift

    Apparently the fascist would-be coup plotters were complaining about how terrible traffic was in DC. At 6am. During a pandemic that reduced it to maybe a quarter of normal. In part because they’ve decided public transportation “isn’t safe” (i.e., probably, it might have Black people on it.) And asking each other for parking suggestions.

     

    The fascists totally are going to take over DC but first they need to find parking. (3 hours is enough to execute a coup, right?) pic.twitter.com/1QmCKHONcG
    — Faine Greenwood (@faineg) January 6, 2021

    I didn’t expect much from their planning skills, but I honestly thought they could at least manage figuring out in advance “where will I park when I get there?”

  56. 56.

    ET

    I am in DC and someone told me that the fascists may be gathering in Lincoln Park (Lincoln Park of all places!!). I am a few block from there and am not going outside.

    And of course there are suspicious package messages going out from the USCP.

  57. 57.

    jlowe

    Despite the ominous overtones associated with it, the scrimmage with the police videoed in DC yesterday had its amusing moments when watched from a safe distance – lot of seeming “nying-nying” shoving back-and-forth, until the pepper-spray canisters came out and cleared the street within seconds. Perhaps the Proud Boys et al. are going to have to up their game a bit if they’re interested in having a respectable civil war. The guns make them locally lethal nuisances but scarcely a non-state-actor military capability. Here’s a fervent hope that they don’t learn about methods of personal protection. Or logistics. Or concept of operations. Or unit cohesion. Or how to formulate meaningful strategic objectives.

  58. 58.

    Barbara

    @Redshift: A lot of streets are blocked off, including selected blocks on some major thoroughfares like 14th Street and Pennsylvania Avenue.  This is pretty normal when a large crowd of protesters is expected and it’s one reason why everyone takes mass transit during those days, even if they don’t normally.  For instance, Inauguration Day.  But if you don’t know your way around the city, it can be real hell to drive through the city.  A fair number of parking garages are also closed to non-monthly parking because they are concerned about drawing potentially violent protesters.

    I did see a bunch of protesters (10-20) getting on the Metro in Rosslyn when I went out for my daily caffeine fix this morning.

  59. 59.

    Barbara

    @Redshift: I was going to add that the normal practice for big protests is to hire buses to bring people to places like the Pentagon or other major metro stations.  Or, you can park at the metro station in a place like Franconia-Springield, Vienna or Dunn Loring, and get yourself in.  It’s what people do for large sporting events as well.  Our traffic is horrible, and it would vie with NY and SF to be worst were it  not for Metro.

  60. 60.

    prostratedragon

    @Barbara: Only flight I ever missed was stuck in traffic trying to get to Dulles.

    On the subject, I’m with Lily, who I much add is looking very soignee these days. However I will catch some of the wailing and the gnashing of teeth later.

  61. 61.

    randy khan

    @Betty Cracker:

    That’s excellent.

    Knowing that she’s that kind of nerd (which makes me like her even more), I’m sure that Ms. Abrams would point out that, unlike in GoT, she gets to live to see his reaction.

  62. 62.

    Mary G

    @Betty Cracker: The R election official Gabriel Sterling who was begging them to vote says Ossoff is probably over the automatic recount limit based on where the remaining votes are from.

  63. 63.

    randy khan

    @Barbara:

    I was going to add that the normal practice for big protests is to hire buses to bring people to places like the Pentagon or other major metro stations.  Or, you can park at the metro station in a place like Franconia-Springield, Vienna or Dunn Loring, and get yourself in.  It’s what people do for large sporting events as well.  Our traffic is horrible, and it would vie with NY and SF to be worst were it  not for Metro.

    The Proud Boys and the other hangers-on are not nearly that organized.  As a veteran of lots of protests, I do have to say it’s kind of amusing how bad the Trumpists are at this.

  64. 64.

    Redshift

    @Barbara: I’m aware of all that, I live here. But I’ve seen the size of the “crowd” on local news, and it’s not much by DC standards. Their problems in getting to it mostly show the lack of even a minimal amount of planning by the organizers, and scaring themselves with fantasies about how “dangerous” it is here.

  65. 65.

    laura

    @Ken: I feel there is a niche market for a comedian with a Pat-Paulsen-like act
    Fun fact – Pat Paulsen’s brother Fred makes and distributes a horseradish that is so fresh and so hot it’ll make your face sweat and your sinus’ clear in a blink. It’s called Fred’s. We had it on French Dip sammiches for dinner last night along with a scrape of Philippe’s mustard we ordered for Christmas gifts. Those Paulsen brothers, like the Smothers’ are good fellas.

  67. 67.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @SFAW: I have no idea why I get a news feed from Cosmo –

    You sure as fuck didn’t fed it by this Cosmo. :^p

    My only interest in things K&K-ish pertains to things like worm food and dirt naps.

  68. 68.

    Uncle Cosmo

    @Barbara: I did see a bunch of protesters (10-20) getting on the Metro in Rosslyn when I went out for my daily caffeine fix this morning.

    Wait till they return and have to go back up the escalators. I did the public-transportation commute between Baltimore and Rosslyn for the better part of a year & learned the hard way that those 4-storey monstrosities only have two gears, reverse and inchworm-forward (in case they’re attacked from the rear). If they don’t start climbing, they’ll have to sack out on the (barely) moving steps because it’ll be tomorrow morning before they reach the top.

  69. 69.

    Geeno

    Way late – needing Lily’s reassurance after this afternoon.
    She is such a love-puppy. I just want to scritch her ears and canoodle with her.
    That would help bring me some peace.

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