Dear FSM make it stop…
It’s a measure of my bewilderment and, perhaps, the effects of having spent the last four days with my head under a blanket, sucking down pureed suppers through a straw insinuated into the bedclothes, that it took me a very long time to realize this was parody:
Woman stranded at MAGA rally in Omaha says Trump wanted to teach them a lesson pic.twitter.com/SvqYw5MnOZ
— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) October 28, 2020
I think it was Carl Hiassen whom I once heard in an interview saying that the hardest thing about writing fiction about Florida was how the reality kept exceeding his imagination.
That’s where I am with Trumpistan.
Anyway, enjoy the above in all its grotesque glory. And, because I am not wholly a monster, here’s a bonus kitten pic to make amends.
And heck, a wistful Tikka, in glorious black and white, represents!
ETA: Commenter Wormtown believes Tikka above is pissed. Nope.
This is Tikka pissed:
This thread, it is open.
jl
Blaire Erskine is brilliant. Would be nice if she got together with Cooper to do some pieces to celebrate the end of this mess
Edit: Erskine’s body is Trump’s body, and they are suffering vicariously for him, so he does not have to suffer in the cold. It is beautiful! The sacrifice they make for the Body of Trump.
Wormtown
Wistful? Looks kinda annoyed to me ?
jl
Also, I’ve been looking for the quotes by the founders that said all the votes had to be counted by the end of the election day, and that TV anchors were the official people to call the elections and that had to be the night of the election. I remember one on a fortune cookie fortune a long time ago. Is the Deep State hiding them?
FlyingToaster
Chin up, dude!
And, honestly, you should consider basking in the praise of your book*, and stop letting Donald Fucking Trump take up residence in your head.
*That’s where I bought it…
A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan)
Champ looks great :-)
Geoboy
Please tell me that woman is a professionally trained actress yanking our collective chains.
A Ghost to Most
You think this is crazy? Wait until he actually loses.
jl
@A woman from anywhere (formerly Mohagan): Thanks for reminding me. Thnx for cute petpix.
jl
@Geoboy: Erskine has been doing brilliant satires of Trump’s base for some time now. I don’t know when she started. This is one of her lower key subtler pieces. I think some are on twitter, some on youtube. Edit: IIRC she has stuff on twitter.
Here you go
https://twitter.com/blaireerskine
She has collaborators and there are some nice skits as well as monologues.
Tom Levenson
@FlyingToaster: Thanks!
Yeah. Chin up; upper lip stiff; phasers set to maul.
Today is better than yesterday. I’m trying to channel my inner Conan (the “what is best in life” riff).
Tom Levenson
@Wormtown: As wistful as he gets?
Sister Golden Bear
Obligatory: Dear Leader cannot fail, he can only be failed
ETA: OK, so it’s satire. But Poe’s Law….
CaseyL
You could make some serious $$ renting that kitten out for snuggles. I mean, I *have* two very snuggly cats, with longer hair, even; and *I* want to cradle Champ, bury my face in her tummy, kiss her little paddy paws.
Tikka looks like he’s thinking, wistfully, of the time not too long ago when he was an Only Cat. (At least he’s not looking conspiratorially of how he could be so again.)
Ohio Mom
Yes, this is satire, the “I would walk 750 miles…” was the tip-off (the magic number, as in the amount in taxes Trump paid to our great country).
Though what this comic said isn’t all that different than what I hear from real Trumpers.
If it’s true Tom that you have been in bed four days, welcome me back to health and the world. If you are hiding in anxiety about next Tuesday, scoot over, I’ll be joining you.
Nelle
I’m getting weirded out today. I get about ten to twelve calls a day from numbers I don’t recognize. I don’t answer them. If it is someone I know, they can leave a message. However, today, they are coming from small towns known for Mennonites. I am a Fallen Away Mennonite. I’m tempted to answer because who would be calling from Fairview, Oklahoma or Lititz, Pennsylvania except some long ago friend or relative. I answered one but didn’t say anything. Just silence. So I figure it is another marketing or campaign strategy. If so, they figured something out about me. Very hard not to answer from a small Mennonite community….
Patricia Kayden
Yutsano
The Lincoln Project aims both barrels at Steve Daines while touting Bullock. It’s really well done and worth the watch for the scenery alone.
EDIT: Champ is totes adorbs. Tikka is in an every so slightly less disdainful mood. Hey, one quadrillionth of a micron is still an improvement.
ewrunning
The least he could have done would have been to left them some hot Kool-aid to drink!
Geoboy
@jl: Dear God in heaven she’s wonderful! That monologue as the daughter of Jerry and Becky Falwell, explaining that it’s no big deal that her father watched her mother having sex with the pool boy because God always watches us when we have sex, is freaking brilliant in multiple dimensions.
James E Powell
@Patricia Kayden:
Breaking? Like it wasn’t obvious at the time?
Miss Bianca
Just finshed Hiassen’s Squeeze Me, and I have to say that I am tempted to consider his tale of mayhem at Mar-a-Lago – sorry, “Casa Bellicosa” – to be more in the line of documentary than satire. Howsoever, it gave me some good laffs at the Trumps’ expense, which were sorely needed.
Also, too, Tom, am reading Newton and the Counterfeiters, and wondering why the *hell* no one has optioned it yet for a mini-series?!
There go two miscreants
I didn’t know who Blaire Erskine was, so although I saw this tweeted by several folks, I never bothered to view it. Honestly, the concept was all too believable and I wasn’t interested in seeing it if it was real! Poe’s law indeed!
SiubhanDuinne
That last picture of Tikka is positively baleful. Full of bale, is Tikka.
(Scamp is growing too fast!)
ETA: Woops, CHAMP! Sorry.
Ohio Mom
Nellie, do you have a call back number — very easy to do if they are calling you on a cell.
If I miss a call that I think might be a real one and I call back and get “this number is not in service” I know it was a robocall.
Sometimes though it is a doctor’s office or one of my kid’s service providers. Then I am glad I tried calling back.
At any rate, being the caller puts you in the driver’s seat — after all you can always play dumb (Did you call this number? Who are you looking for? Can I take a message?) or even hang up.
The Other Bob
I wasn’t following the GA race and Matt Lieberman. Wholly crap.
The apple doesn’t fall from the tree with that pompous jackass.
Ohio Mom
Since this is an open thread, I’ll report that my recovery from yesterday’s gum surgery is proceeding apace.
Was actually able to sip puréed minestrone soup for lunch. That’s almost real food!
Tom Levenson
@Miss Bianca: Working on that, as it happens…
(It’s been optioned a couple of times so far, but has not yet made it close to production.)
ETA: and thanks! I’m glad you like it.
Martin
So, in relation to previous threads, PA dems are segregating ballots that arrive after election day. Presumably this is being done to thread a needle between PA leg, USSC, and the next Congress. The scenario goes like this – with ballots postmarked by election day but arriving after tipping the election for Biden, and the PA leg winning with USSC to not count those ballots, the PA leg declares Trump the winner and chooses electors. PA gov/SOS count those ballot regardless and convince Congress that the electors are incorrectly chosen, and PAs delegation should not be seated and their electors not honored.
That said, my guess is that Trump will have to argue that late arriving ballots in states like PA be counted as Dem returns so far have been high.
Martin
Returns so far in FL show 29% turnout so far by 18-23 year olds. That’s pretty high for them. We’ll see if that holds up over the next week.
Omnes Omnibus
@Tom Levenson: I bought your latest book when it first came out. It has now come up in the rotation, and I am enjoying it immensely. Consider your shoulder chucked and do on. We got this.
gene108
@Nelle:
Area codes are not as reliable an indication of where people are calling from, as they used to be.
People move, and keep the same cell phone number or use Google Voice for cold calls, so their actual number is not identified.
Tom Levenson
@Omnes Omnibus: Thank you!
jl
@Martin: some data show mail in votes tapering off. Will be interesting if D’s GOTV really worked and got their mail in votes early and votes before election day go their way. Then we get to watch GOP and corrupt SCOTUS justices flip their position. Probably will say they overlooked some text in founding documents that say that Fox News isn’t actually the official org that calls the election.
Zelma
This is an open thread but can we still talk politics? Does anybody have any insight into what the disturbances in Philly might mean for the election in PA? Another Black man with psychological issues shot (12 times!) and killed by the police when his parents had called for an ambulance to deal with his psychotic break. Yes he had a knife, but please! The cops were ten feet away and his mother was trying to de-escalate the situation.
There was the unsurprising demonstrations which led to rioting and looting and the governor called out the Guard. I just don’t know how this will play and what it will mean for the election. This has got to stop.
Patricia Kayden
debbie
@Martin:
Has Trump said anything about military ballots arriving after Election Day, or has he stopped being the best president the military has ever had?
Steeplejack
@Ohio Mom:
Congrats! Hopes for a speedy recovery.
debbie
@Zelma:
I guarantee you that Trump is hoping it will bring him more votes.
Steeplejack
Worth reposting. Blaire tags in with Brent Terhune (another satirist often taken literally).
“Right Twix and alt-right Twix.”
jl
@debbie: IIRC, GOP has demonstrated a willingness to find excuses to throw them out if they threaten to overturn election results that they like.
Steeplejack
@Zelma:
I thought that’s what tasers are for?! I’ve given up screaming about this. I can’t remember the last time the cops actually successfully subdued someone with a taser (as opposed to zapping them multiple times for the sadistic hell of it).
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@debbie: if he wasn’t planning a rally in PA before this, he is now
jl
@Jim, Foolish Literalist: Depends on how mad voters are that President Biden-Obama-Clinton hasn’t stopped the anarchy after 30 years in power.
LongHairedWeirdo
From the tweet-video, I’m *sure* that was parody – the “if the media didn’t keep counting those on the ground, there wouldn’t be that many” *has* to be a giveaway (“we only have cases because of all the testing”).
Okay, I’m
99.9%… uh…99%… uh… well *85%* sure it’s a parody.jackmac
Carl Hiassen somehow never disappoints. The man is a genius.
Archon
Political satire in Trump’s America has become exceedingly difficult. She pulled it off brilliantly.
LongHairedWeirdo
@Zelma: I know of gun trainers who lecture that a man within 20 feet of you, armed with a knife, can kill you before you can react.
That might well be true *IF* the man with the gun *wants* to kill you, and is skilled enough to do so. Try to stab someone with a knife that doesn’t have a guard, and your hand is likely to slide forward onto the blade. Try to stab someone with a non-locking folding knife, and you might cut your own fingers when the blade folds back. Slice with a knife, and you’ll probably piss the target off, while presenting a clear case of self defense (and remember, this is during *gun* combat training). Try to stab someone in the heart, and you’ve got a decent chance of hitting the rib cage, and now there’s a guy with a gun who knows it’s him or you.
This is why cops should be forced to learn more about situational awareness, deescalation, and post-tactical analysis. (“If you’d done X instead of Y, you *both* would have survived….”)
Cops are sometimes trained that their biggest job is going home that night. I’m sorry, but it’s not. You’re not some grand guardian of the public if you’ll gladly kill a maybe-threat that, if you had some tactical sense, and/or courage, you could have taken down less lethally.
You see what I’m saying? You can’t brag that you put your life on the line every day, if you won’t accept a tiny risk to avoid killing someone needlessly.
JustRuss
@Nelle: I’m getting some calls like that. If I don’t ignore, I put it on speaker, pause 5 seconds, then say “hello?” they almost always hang up. Weird.
Wistful Tikka looks like my dad. Who I would not call wistful.
Brachiator
@jl:
Wasn’t Ben Franklin the host of “Poor Richard’s Entertainment Report” on the Patriots News Channel in 1797?
But yeah, Trump and his GOP minions are making shit up. It’s also typical that Trump wants to elevate TV to an official government propaganda tool.
Tom Levenson
@JustRuss: Your dad must be a formidable figure.
Brachiator
@Steeplejack:
The cops were ten feet away [. . .].
A news report this morning claimed that these cops did not have tasers.
WaterGirl
@Yutsano: Great ad!
geg6
@Nelle:
If it makes you feel better, I get robocalls from many different places and I have had several from Lititz. And I am not and have never been Mennonite. I am a very hostile ex-Catholic atheist. Who has lived in Beaver County, PA most of my life. Also not known for Mennonites.
WaterGirl
@Martin: Maybe all this stress is making me stupid, but I am not tracking.
The part in bold is confusing. How do ballots arrive after tipping the election to Joe Biden?
Are you saying that you think Trump will win if the ballots that arrive after Nov 3 are NOT counted?
Brachiator
@Ohio Mom:
Good news. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. I admit that I ate baby food for a while after a dental procedure. Fruits and vegetables mixed with fruit, in squeeze containers were great. Some meat dishes were incredibly bland, lacking any seasoning at all.
Ohio Mom
Brachiator:
I ate baby food yesterday and this morning. That stuff is weird. I almost feel I should apologize to Ohio Son for ever feeding him that stuff.
LongHairedWeirdo
@WaterGirl: The punctuation could be clearer, I bet (editing punctuation below):
…with ballots, postmarked by election day, but arriving after, tipping the election for Biden…
There, it’s a bit clearer that the ballots, that arrived after election day, were the ones that tipped the election.
Frank Wilhoit
@WaterGirl: comma after “day”, comma after “after”.
Ohio Mom
As I have said before, half of all people killed by the police have a mental disability:
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/half-people-killed-police-suffer-mental-disability-report-n538371
It’s a long-standing issue for law enforcement and the field has made no progress in addressing it. They obviously don’t care.
I saw a tweet today from an ER nurse today who says she has a one-inch scar on her arm from tackling, along with two other nurses, an agitated patient wielding a knife. Maybe they should train the police.
trollhattan
@jl:
My first encounter. She’s really, really funny. Appreciate the recommendation!
trollhattan
@Steeplejack:
One kid is named Fraxen, another is Tyranny. They’re too convincing.
WaterGirl
@LongHairedWeirdo: @Frank Wilhoit:
Thank you!!!
KenK
@Nelle: when I get a call from a number not in my address book, I let it go to voicemail. If caller doesn’t leave a V/M, I block the caller.
Uncle Cosmo
@Nelle: Everyone should be aware that Caller ID is readily and regularly spoofed these days with a false incoming number.** One tactic that seems particularly popular with these bastards is to send a fake number with the same area code and first 3 digits as your own, in hopes you’ll think one of your neighbors is calling with important news (“your car windows are open,” “someone just stole your Biden-Harris sign,” etc.) and pick up.
I let all calls (except, usually, from numbers I recognize) go through to voice mail, where I have a longish outgoing message. Most of these jokers call dozens of numbers at once and once someone answers, drop the rest; most of the robocalls will be dropped before a longish outgoing message ends. (Or the incoming recorded message will start as soon as your phone picked up, which leaves a truncated message and you can ignore those.)
** I have direct knowledge of this – over a period of ~48 hours a couple of months ago I regularly got phone calls that Caller ID said were coming from my own phone! Showing my name! Bastards.
Richard
What the fukk you doing sister? Standing out there in the cold and sleet? Trying to tell us that your trump loves us?
Are you on drugs?
Don’t you have any home? Don’t you have any people to help you?
That trump guy aint gonna help you.
If i was you, I’d call 911 and say HELP. There are people can help you. They helped me a little.