Ted Cruz's mouth is writing checks that Jim Jordan's body can't cash. https://t.co/tTxsMrYmEl
— Daily Trix (@DailyTrix) June 15, 2020
Poor Zodiac reduced from taunting the police with coded messages to shitposting celebrities on Twitter. https://t.co/jLs1G6ph1m
— Rhino's Revenge (@PopsScorn) June 15, 2020
Ted Cruz: "I need you to fight Hellboy for me!"
Jim Jordan: "I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear you say that."
— Rhino's Revenge (@PopsScorn) June 15, 2020
Used to be, a Canadian-born striver with a thirst for legitimacy had no trouble making a name for themselves as an “intellectual” alternative to the sweaty mouthbreathers yawping about ‘mah granpappy’ and ‘Heritage Not Hate’. But there’s so many Repubs scrabbling for a share of the ever-diminishing Open Racist voting demographic, even the high-profile bigots have to commit themselves to weird celebrity stunts.
Backstory: Ron Perlman has been taunting Matt ‘Floriduh Rep’ Gaetz, after Gaetz got a little too publicly assertive about his fealty to the Squatter-in-Chief’s latest sportsball grievance. Cruz was impelled to jump into the argument, presumably because his earlier ‘challenges to the conventional orthodoxy’ weren’t getting much traction:
Cruz opposes removing statues of racist Democrats from the Capitol. https://t.co/eIdIvukiR6
— Jeff Fecke (@jkfecke) June 13, 2020
how is ted gonna keep up on his civil war history when a premium cable channel removed what is apparently the only civil war movie ted has ever watched
— kilgore trout, potato thief (@KT_So_It_Goes) June 15, 2020
“Let’s you and him fight!!!”
Let. Us. Savor.
laura
Alexa – order All the popcorn!
Omnes Omnibus
Huh?
SiubhanDuinne
Per Charles P. Pierce, this was Perlman’s response to Cruz’ “let’s you and him fight” challenge.
Baud
This reminds me of the time when Andy Kaufman wrestled women.
WaterGirl
Anne Laurie, if I’m reading it right, David Anderson has a post scheduled in 8 minutes.
JPL
Ted’s wife must be so proud that he finally stood up to someone, sorta.
RSA
So this is a thing?
Listen, Zodiac Killer. You talk good game when you’re in the Senate. But I’ll bet $10k—to the nonpolitical charity of your choice—that you’d go down in a duel w/ Matt Damon. Pistols. 20 paces. You up for it? Or does your publicist say too risky?
JaneE
Has Jim Johnson said anything about this “wrestling match”? Did they not grow out of “my brother can beat your brother”?
Omnes Omnibus
@RSA: Consider replacing Matt Damon with Ann Hathaway.
Miss Bianca
I didn’t think it was possible to think Ted Cruz was any *more* of a wimp and a wanker than I already did, but oh, Lord…”let’s you and *Gym Jordan* fight”?!
kindness
All good Texans should be embarrassed by Ted Cruz.
Omnes Omnibus
@kindness: The bad ones should as well.
Baud
@JPL: Heh.
Roger Moore
@kindness:
Even the bad ones should be embarrassed; they’re the ones who voted for him.
Yutsano
@Omnes Omnibus: Natalie Portman. Ted would be down before he could turn.
Omnes Omnibus
@Yutsano: I wanted a challenge he might accept. I mean, she’s a girl and she does musicals and princess movies.
dmsilev
I’m not entirely sure Gym Jordan wants more attention paid to his wrestling career right now.
Ergo, one has to admire Ted’s relentless crusade to be hated by everybody on all sides of all issues.
Just One More Canuck
“Canadian”? I don’t think so. You broke him, you bought him
Mike in NC
Rafael Cruz has such a punchable face — with or without the scruffy beard — just imagine the money that could be raised for worthy charities.
Roger Moore
@Yutsano:
Cruz might be willing to engage in a duel with her if she were naked, petrified, and covered with hot grits.
Hungry Joe
Cruz brings to mind a line about another execrable GOP (but I repeat myself) Texas senator, Phil Gramm: “Even his friends don’t like him.”
WaterGirl
@dmsilev: hey, can we talk chocolate cake for a minute? I made King Arthur Flour’s Favorite Fudge Cake recipe this week, using their Double Dutch Dark Cocoa. It was really good. I didn’t do icing/frosting because I am not really a frosting person. I love love ganache, though!
But for this I just ate it with vanilla ice cream. Not sure I will ever make a different chocolate cake again.
Fine print: I measured the cocoa according to their recipe, but the weight was way off from the suggested weight, which assumes you are using their Triple Cocoa Blend, so I split the difference between the weight in their recipe and the weight of the Double Dutch Cocoa.
Also they give you the choice of buttermilk or yogurt. I used buttermilk.
Did I say how good it was???
PsiFighter37
Two grown men fighting on Twitter…what a time to be alive.
Ted Cruz is getting roasted alive on Twitter, and I am loving it. Fucker won’t stand up for his own family, but he’ll throw out a wrestling coach better known (but not known more widespread) for ignoring molestation happening right under his nose. What a moron.
WaterGirl
@Hungry Joe:
I don’t remember that one. That’s a good one!
FelonyGovt
And this is what Ted Cruz thinks is important to pursue during a pandemic and a crisis of social justice. Grow the fuck up.
Kent
@Roger Moore: I voted for Ted Cruz in the GOP primary. Back in 2012. Doing my best to ratfuck the GOP by pushing the least electable alternative because there were no Dem races to vote for. Of course Texas voted for him anyway.
LuciaMia
Doesn’t Cruz have a job…you know, something that he’s supposed to be doing during the day?
Gin & Tonic
Isn’t this the guy who’s too busy to familiarize himself with the Twitter ranting of the head of his own political party? Sure seems to spend a lot of time on Twitter.
Roger Moore
@LuciaMia:
Working is for the plebs.
NotMax
What’s the matter with Kansas, part [insert very large number here].
The Moar You Know
More than a thousand people dying a day in this country from a disease that never should have touched these shores if these fuckers had done their goddamn jobs. Twenty percent of America unemployed. And this is the best our government can do?
Fuck I wish I could leave (about five years too old to emigrate anywhere sane). I’d do it tomorrow.
Gravenstone
So, did Cruz clear his offer with Jordan first? Or does Jordan routinely run around spouting off how he could “kick so and so’s ass in the ring” so often that Cruz felt safe just extending the challenge?
NotMax
FYI. Continuing the dogged quest to turn the U.S. into a pariah nation (emphasis added).
Scott Alloway
@SiubhanDuinne: Yes!!
laura
@WaterGirl: Not gonna lie, I thought about that cake last night. Will have to make and compare with the Hershey’ cocoa cake.
Scott Alloway
@Mike in NC: Imitation beard. Grow a real one.
trollhattan
Ron Perlman has gone from guy I never think about to new favorite celebrity on Twitter in what, half a day? He’s toying with Cruz like a Gumby doll.
Rafael’s status: unchanged.
Delk
@Omnes Omnibus: Miss Jane Hathaway.
Amir Khalid
@LuciaMia:
Maybe he’s following his President’s exemplary work ethic.
tokyokie
I think Kilgore Trout is being entirely unfair when he suggests that Gone With the Wind is the only Civil War movie that Ted Cruz enjoys. I imagine he’s fond of Birth of a Nation as well. (He liked The Good, the Bad and the Ugly initially, until he figured out that Lee Van Cleef wasn’t the Good.)
Kent
So today we had the biggest single day outbreak yet in Oregon. Let by 100 new cases in Union County…tiny county of 25,000 in Eastern Oregon. Must be a meat packing plant you’d think? Nope. Pentecostal church did this last week while still under quarantine order. Not a single mask in sight: https://m.facebook.com/watch/?v=709162316511740&_rdr
Now they have 100 new cases and rising. Could be double that by the time they are done testing. The fundies are intent on killing us all.
NotMax
@trolhattan
Linked it previously but fits in again. Snapped from Perlman.
:)
Geminid
Texas will be a real battlefield this election. The Democratic Congressional Campaign Commitee is targeting six Republican congressional districts to flip. And political analyst Rachel Bitecofer says three more are within reach. She was considered an outlier in 2018 when she predicted the Democrats would pick up 42 seats, but they picked up 41. Control if the state House of representatives and John Cornyn’s Senate seat are in play as well. I wonder if republican candidates will ask Ted Cruz to campaign with them.
trnc
I like Swalwell’s response.
https://twitter.com/RepSwalwell/status/1271629665015402497
trollhattan
@NotMax:
Heh. Says it all, it does.
I am so smart, S,M,R,T.
sdhays
@trnc: Ouch. So true.
PsiFighter37
@The Moar You Know: I have told my wife I am going to look very closely at Canadian immigration laws if Trump steals the election in 2020. Toronto is pretty solid for a big city, and I absolutely love Vancouver (although it’s a fairly small city when one actually thinks about it). She thinks I am not that serious about it, but this country will disintegrate if we go through another 4 years of this garbage.
lumpkin
Besides all the openly criminal behavior, trump has also normalized republicans publicly beclowning themselves. I guess they no longer care how stupid and cowardly they present themselves.
WaterGirl
@laura: I am guessing it’s all about what cocoa you use. But I say that without ever having had the Hershey’s cake, so I shouldn’t even guess!
I always use really dark Dutch cocoa (Droste brand) but the local store has been out of it since February, so I tried the King Arthur Flour Double Dutch cocoa and it was excellent
Let me know how it goes if you try it!
WaterGirl
@Kent: Holy shit, that’s terrible.
WaterGirl
@trnc: Ouch! That one is gonna hurt. Wife is not going to be happy, either. The truth hurts.
cain
@NotMax:
Huh.. I wonder what this guy thinks about Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis [Hogg]??? Do they deserve the same fate??
cain
@Gravenstone:
Perhaps we need to get Don King involved and see if he can get a pay per view thing going? Watching Gym Jordan get his ass trampled would be cathartic.
MisterForkbeard
@PsiFighter37: Look into New Zealand. We’re actively considering it as a new sane homeland it Trump wins again, and it welcomes immigration and diversity.
A trans filipina friend of mine got a Visa there without a job lined up. She loves it there and has had no issues at all aside from some paperwork hassles when she changed from her birth name.
Gin & Tonic
@PsiFighter37: You can’t afford Vancouver.
artem1s
I’ve been following Perlman on Twitter for a while now. nice dry wit. very smart. I’ve liked him as an actor since The City of Lost Children.
PsiFighter37
@Gin & Tonic: I most certainly can right now. The question is if I can get a job that makes it such that I can continue to afford living there.
grumbles
@Mike in NC: Jesus Haploid Christ, the beard.
I have to disagree, a little. Still punchable, yes, but that beard just makes him look like the doofy teen-werewolf on a Buffy-wannabe-show.
laura
@WaterGirl: I’ve got a can of Hershey’s and a container of Valrhona and so it’s “go time.”
Yutsano
@PsiFighter37: Check who your company has international affiliates with. Then if shit goes down the tube request a transfer. If there’s a network there they’ll do the work for you.
Jay Noble
Anne Hathaway = Catwoman :-)
AnnaN
Best response I saw to this: “Ted Cruz wants to pay two men to wrestle in front of him.”
Boris Rasputin (the evil twin)
@Roger Moore: There is no enough alcohol in this world to make me want to make sense of that.
WaterGirl
@laura: Oooh, the good stuff. I will be waiting to hear the results.
I didn’t even use a mixer, just used a spoon or a whisk, I can’t recall which. (Very sad, since it was just a week ago!)