Preznit Babyfingers threw screaming tantrums till they let him play with the coronavirus task force, but (just as predicted) it was too haaaard, well beyond his limited capability, so he’s back to screaming and throwing things.
As a distraction, they pulled out a somewhat battered old favorite: SPACE FARCE!
Beam me up, Scotty…
Great. It's black. A literal black flag America's space warriors will navigate the space under. Under a black flag. They will shoot lasers at alien slugs while flying a black flag. https://t.co/eEOukHh3IZ
— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) May 15, 2020
Imagine explaining that this photo is real to the version of yourself who lived in 2000 pic.twitter.com/YirNR3owrN
— The Cyberpunk Landsknecht (@cakotz) May 15, 2020
Something went very wrong in this man’s childhood.
He acts like the Space Force is the best present he ever got at the birthday party he never had. pic.twitter.com/LAAkJVepIg
— The Hoarse Whisperer (@HoarseWisperer) May 15, 2020
GW Salesman: So these guys are Marines that are Ultra, which is why they are called the Ultramarines.
Trump, awed: Holy fucking shit.
— Starfish Who Had Fun For An Hour (@IRHotTakes) May 15, 2020
I'm all for a Space Force if we use it to launch every fucking member of this criminal administration straight the fuck into the sun
— Jeff Tiedrich (@itsJeffTiedrich) May 15, 2020
joel hanes
He acts like the Space Force is the best present he ever got
He acts.
That’s not a smile. It’s a rictus, and if you watch the video, he clearly puts it on for the camera and then immediately drops it when the shot is over.
Quinerly
@joel hanes: personally, I think it’s pure EVIL.
Sometimes I wonder if he’s possessed. And I don’t even believe in that kind of stuff. At least possession by evil would answer some questions, though.
Emma from FL
Árbol que nace torcido, jamás su tronco endereza.
LeftCoastYankee
And the launch code for the super duper missile is 1-2-3-4.
Just like his luggage.
encephalopath
Netflix is going to murder the real-life Space Force to death with fiction. In about 2 weeks, now.
NotMax
Takes a lo-o-ong time to get to Sol, especially if one tries to do so without using planetary slingshots to ramp up the speed.
;)
FelonyGovt
I hope Biden eliminates this stupidity within his first 100 days in office (knocking on wood)
different-church-lady
Today I discovered that you salt it and brush it with olive oil before you put it on the grill you could probably make even an old boot taste delicious.
(ETA: oops, sorry, assumed open thread.)
oatler.
By Grabthar’s Hammer, what a dipshit.
different-church-lady
@NotMax: I have all the patience it takes.
different-church-lady
So we can outstrip the speed of our current missile by a factor of 17, but we can’t have a fuckin’ vaccine?
Emma from FL
@different-church-lady: Vaccines are much harder. But you knew that.
joel hanes
@different-church-lady:
I’m guessing that the x17 velocity thing, if true, is not a thing he should have said out loud, because secret.
ziggy
Trump has some kind of neurodegenerative disorder. Notice how he hold his arms, probably to keep them from shaking or some other diskynesia. His facial gestures, including his smile, are much like my mother’s who had Parkinson’s disease. Smiling takes effort and it is overwrought looking, not natural. Walking is difficult, takes concentration.
LeftCoastYankee
@different-church-lady:
We can definitely have 17x faster imaginary vaccines, but only after we get our 17x faster imaginary missiles.
joel hanes
@Quinerly:
EVIL
This shot, taken at the dinner at which he humiliated Mitt Romney over scallops, certainly seems to fit with your hypothesis.
lumpkin
We have a logo, uniforms, challenge coins and now a lovely flag.
This is a Potemkin circle jerk.
joel hanes
@ziggy:
Back in 2017, there were a couple episodes in which Trump had to use two hands to manage a glass of water, and did so very awkwardly. Speculation at the time about neurodegeneration.
Shortly after his surprise trip to Walter Reed, in video of a public appearance, he couldn’t operate his legs correctly, and had to step, drag, step, drag.
joel hanes
@different-church-lady:
Coating with olive oil and sprinkling with coarse kosher salt is the secret to superb baked potatoes. Don’t wrap with foil.
LeftCoastYankee
I’m not sure who it was who tweeted it, but every one of his press conferences should start with the simplest, most basic question: “Why are you painted orange?”
Every day. Only question.
different-church-lady
@Emma from FL: Harder than the laws of physics?
different-church-lady
@joel hanes: “You’ve always been the caretaker, Mr. Torrance”
lumpkin
@joel hanes:
I’m fairly certain that at this point everyone is just feeding him nothing but misinformation. He wouldn’t know the difference, in fact is probably happier with all the smoke they blow up his ass than he would be with reality. He really does think they have entirely replaced every airplane, ship, tank, gun, etc with shiny new and improved stuff in the last 3 years because of his brilliant leadership.
Darkrose
@different-church-lady: That was one of the things we learned from Plated (meal kit service that Safeway pulled the plug on right before Coronavirus hit). We don’t have a grill, but tossing veggies and potatoes in olive oil, salt, and pepper and sticking them in a 450 oven is amazing. It’s especially good with flavored olive oil–roasted potatoes in rosemary olive oil is proof that there’s a goddess and she loves us and wants us to be happy.
HumboldtBlue
@LeftCoastYankee:
I expect they will be .., Super Dupers?
Emma from FL
@different-church-lady: Yep. The laws of human biological interactions with invasive organisms are not yet understood. Not even by half.
James E Powell
Susan Collins has tweeted her deep concerns about Trump firing the IG. This may be the beginning of the long-anticipated Maverick Phase of her re-election campaign. I expect the press/media will enthusiastically cooperate with the effort.
Krope, the Formerly Dope
She’s leading by example. If voters furrow their brows deeply enough when they look at the ballot, the R next to her name will look like a D. Brilliant reelection strategy.
Jackie
I’m still on a Graduation 2020 high. This was President Obama’s weekend! Trump is going to come unglued – we’ll hear all about it – but, thank goodness, President Obama has our kids back – and the kids know it.
Brachiator
I have been away from my computer and most media for most of the late afternoon and early evening. But I come home and see that The Farce Awakens.
West of the Rockies
@FelonyGovt:
It will be so damn sweet to watch sooo many of Clump’s “accomplishments” shit-canned.
Krope, the Formerly Dope
@West of the Rockies: Does Chump even have enough “accomplishments” to merit sarcasm quotes?
different-church-lady
@Emma from FL: You’re misunderstanding me: the laws of physics are understood.
West of the Rockies
@James E Powell:
Yes, but did she quiver her chin and furrow her brow?
Mnemosyne
@encephalopath:
Fun fact: chunks of it were shot at Cal State Dominguez Hills near Los Angeles. They have a nicely Brutalist campus that works well for science fiction.
Bill Arnold
@Quinerly:
Oh yeah. It’s a time-sharing arrangement. :-)
Here’s a possession riff for your amusement.[2]
You see it most often when “he’s” doing something that the host body/mind is afraid of, and the [dumbass redacted] riding him takes over motor control. Like when he was going down [stairs?] from an airplane and didn’t know what the umbrella in his hands was. Or the time when he held a cup of water like Baby Yoda. Or… (There’s a very long list of very weird gaffs.)
The good thing, for the rest of us, is that his feeble addled flabby older brain has been driven past its pathetic endurance limits for the past couple of years, and has been (is) burning out. Part of that is his rider’s fondness for a host brain amped up on equal parts racemic amphetamine and dextroamphetamine, (Not sure FYWP allows the drug to be Named.) The extremely large pupils that can be seen clearly in many stills are … related to this[1].
The main reason “he” sleeps in his own bedroom is to give his rider uninterrupted time to fully use the host brain for [redacted] activities. If a secret service person enters, “he” can revert to host control in a second or seven.
And don’t get me started on the DJT-as-SARS-CoV-2-Patient-Zero theory. (That trip on November 16 2019 to the hospital? Post SARS-CoV-2 infection ministroke or ischemic strokes, or heart arrhythmias or a blood pressure crisis. The disease didn’t work as intended. :-)
Seriously, though, check out the link. Interesting.
[1] What about Medications/Drugs as a Cause of Trump’s Large Pupils?
[2] A similar sci-fi treatment can be found in The Rise of IO or other books in Wesley Chu’s quasing series.
Brantl
@joel hanes: to be fair… If you want to humiliate Mittbot 3000, it should be over scallops. Neh? Also, I want a T-shirt that says ‘Space Farts!’, and shows Trump, with a black hole each, where his head & ass should be, sucking wind.
Omnes Omnibus
At least the flag doesn’t have a skull on it.
trnc
@different-church-lady:
He says we can “in the pretty near future”. Both ideas are bullshit.
different-church-lady
@Omnes Omnibus: …yet.
NotMax
@Omnes Omnibus
Unexpected. Thought you might be going for a Captain Harlock motif.
;)
Bill Arnold
Wrong. The aliens are post-biology intelligences/the alien is a post-biology intelligence. And if we shoot at them(it) with lasers, they (it) might get annoyed and spank us, e.g. do some showy stunt engineering to make a Earth-directed larger-than-Carrington Event solar flare and crash our technological civilization. Or something rather more subtle; our global civilization is so naively fragile.
Well, right about the black flag with the WTF giant (60K+ kilometers) space spermatozoon.
LeftCoastYankee
@HumboldtBlue:
I keep hearing the old Steve Martin gag about googlophonic sound (1 speaker less than infinite) in my head…
Captain C
@Krope, the Formerly Dope: Bankrupting multiple casinos and running an entire football league into the ground are definitely accomplishments, albeit of the Hall of Shame variety.
SWMBO
Does the Space Farce get a seat at the Joint Chiefs of Staff table?
oclib
@SWMBO:
yes
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_W._Raymond
David Evans
@trnc: He may be thinking of hypersonic boost-glide vehicles which can reach such speeds. Russia already has one, the Avangard. I wonder if he’s confused about which side he’s on.
David ? ☘The Establishment☘? Koch
Jay
I have nothing brilliant to say,
I have no “tweets to give”,
I love y’all.
6 feet,
Wash your hands, ( happy birthdays )
You filthy animals,
Wear a mask, gloves if needed,
Stay safe.
Keith P.
We also have lasers, which are, like, a gazillion times faster than a regular missile
Brantl
It seems we need Mel Brooks to do A comedy about Trump, to really mark his place in history, doesn’t it?
oclib
@Keith P.:
if lasers can’t go faster than the speed of light, then….pffff….:)
Ruckus
@LeftCoastYankee:
I thought it was 666.
TS (the original)
@joel hanes:
So I had to look that up & watch the video (no sound) and that is a perfect description. I don’t think I have ever seen a world leader put on & take off a look in such a fashion
GregMulka
@NotMax: Ramp down the speed. Use lots of energy to get into space. Lots of energy to reach escape velocity. Lots more energy to slow down so you can point the payload at Sol and not miss. Orbital mechanics are fun!
SFAW
@West of the Rockies:
I don’t “do” emojis, so asking from a point of ignorance (so what else is new?), but maybe she used a furrowed-brow emoji? [If one exists.]
SFAW
@LeftCoastYankee:
Too complex. Maybe 1-1-1-1. [Because “2 is for losers, I’m, # 1 !!!”] If he doesn’t have Jared do it for him in the first place.
SFAW
@Krope, the Formerly Dope:
In his own “mind,” and those of his supporters and sycophants, he does: all the things he’s done aimed at destroying the rule of law, destroying a functioning government, harming Blue States/blacks/browns/Demon-rats, grifting the country — these fall under the “it’s all good” classification, as far as his supporters are concerned.
Barney
@David Evans: “It would be a hypersonic missile, sir.”
“Hype? Sonic? You mean like a radio ad for me that’s full of bullshit?”
“No, sir,* hypersonic means faster than supersonic.”
“Well, why didn’t you say so? Better than ‘super’. ‘Super duper’. That’s it. The base will get that. It’s normal talk. Use that. Jeez, do I have to do all the work round here?”
*The sarcastic ‘sir’ is used by people whose jobs officially require them to call idiots ‘sir’, but have to keep their self-respect by telling everyone else listening that it’s obvious who’s the dolt here – practitioners are Jeeves, Cambridge college porters, or head waiters in posh restaurants: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiRffPdJ1p4&t=365s
EmbraceYourInnerCrone
@TS (the original): because most actual politicians learned to emulate the appropriate emotion believably, but he apparently never did, but his base doesn’t care. Many politicians seem to have the charisma to make people feel they are the only person in the room, that doesn’t make them better people, but does make them more likely to get elected. Trump seems to have anti-charisma.
EthylEster
@Darkrose: Mix the roasted veggies with orzo…yummy pasta dish.
LeftCoastYankee
@Ruckus:
@SFAW:
Both work. I was making a rather obscure reference to the movie Space Balls.
Ruckus
@EmbraceYourInnerCrone:
Not seems, is.
That’s probably why he was chosen for his reality show – “It’s All Bullshit, All The Time.”
He’s mad at the world because the world didn’t make him the richest and greatest man and he’s never been all that successful at stealing it. He doesn’t think he deserves it, he thinks he’s owed it, that it’s his destiny. He’s just a bit full of himself, with zero reason to be.