I don’t know how many of you remembered, but tonight is the contest for:
Best Haikus
Best Limericks
Best Dirty Limericks
Best One-Act Plays, 10-minute variety
Best Six-Word Memoirs
But before we get to the main event, I have to share this. If I didn’t grow up with this guy, I could have.
I can’t get enough of this guy!
Posted by Julie Viernow Siebel on Friday, March 27, 2020
Entries already submitted are in the comments under Anonymous to keep things anonymous until voting is complete. If there are further submissions in the comments, then I will change the nyms on the existing entries so we have a level playing field. You may vote in the comments, by text (if you have my number) or email.
*If someone submitted an entry and I missed it somehow, please let me know.
Edit: You’ll see that we have gotten started on the links in the sidebar that we talked about last weekend. I have not yet incorporated everything that was sent to me – but I will continue to fill out the list and the items on the list for anything that is still of interest. It’s been quite a week for all of us, so speak up if you think that was a good idea at the time, but there is no interest. Or if you are still interested!
Anonymous Jackal
Clouds hang low and cold
The soft warm bed calls to me
I must write my will
thedeadcanary
Six Word Memoir:
I got apprehended going INTO Mexico.
JanieM
Balloon-Juice
There once was a blog full of jackals
Who often raised each other’s hackles
They argued and fought
Over topics so fraught
That sometimes the air would just crackle.
JanieM
John Cole
There once was a blogger named John,
Who never inspired a yawn.
His posts were outrageous,
And often courageous.
His pet pics could not be foregone.
JanieM
Adam Silverman
There once was a blogger named Adam
Whose brilliance we barely could fathom.
His cogent analysis
Cured our paralysis,
Earning the status of mathom.
JanieM
Betty Cracker
There once was a blogger named Betty
Who lived near a Florida jetty.
Her posts were hilarious,
And sometimes nefarious,
But never was Betty too petty.
JanieM
Anne Laurie
There once was a blogger named Anne,
Who said “Cover COVID I can.”
She kept us informed
As the pandemic warmed
And the shortage of TP began.
JanieM
WaterGirl
There once was a blogger named Water-,
who came when the blogmaster sought her
to help redesign
the blog’s visage online.
And the –Girl made us glad that he got her.
Avalune
There once was a West Virginian named Cole
Who thought the president a giant butthole
He gnashed his teeth
And begged relief
But the president continued to troll
Baud
I believe “Anonymous” is actually the nym used by a juicer.
WaterGirl
@Baud: rut roh. what should i change it too?
WaterGirl
@Baud: Where are your entries, Mr. Clever Man?
piratedan
box of chocolates
sitting in the windowsill
cats napping on them
Baud
@WaterGirl:
I don’t think we have a “Pseudonymous.”
Or “Jackal.”
WaterGirl
Exciting news! I am getting huge grant to fight against COVID-19!
Baud
@WaterGirl:
I’m more of a long form writer. Like Dostoyevsky.
WaterGirl
@Baud: Changed to Anonymous Jackal. Thanks!
NotMax
There once was a monk from Siberia
Whose morals were somewhat inferior
He done to a nun
What he shouldn’t have done
And now she’s a Mother Superior
piratedan
there was an old man in a boat
his arse kept barely afloat
his skiff full of gear
and three twelve packs of beer
that you hardly noticed his goat
Amir Khalid
@WaterGirl:
That is the most creative submission so far.
WaterGirl
@Amir Khalid: Who know you could get a grant for over half a million dollars without even applying?! I sent the email right away. :-)
WaterGirl
Does no one love bloody mary guy? I thought he was spectacular!
M31
There once was a POTUS named Trump
Whose face looked a lot like his rump.
Whose mushroom-shaped weiner,
And repellant demeanor,
Belong in the farthest of dumps.
M31
social distancing
20 second hand washing
new words for our time
tomtofa
Rough night – the rain blew
honeysuckle all to bits;
now we’re sweet and wet.
Baud
I’m too sexy for this blog.
realbtl
Well it was the 60s. see.
NotMax
There was a blogmaster named Cole
Whose mustard went out for a stroll
Alas and alack
It never came back
Cole’s cussing heard at the North Pole
.
Subaru in field
Sun glinting bright off windshield
To all things a time
.
M31
6-word memoir of the late American Experiment:
Shithead Douchebag President? Sure why not?
CaseyL
@WaterGirl: He’s great. I’ll go to any bar he’s bar-tending at :)
Stuck here at home, my
cats are delighted
Work? What’s that? they ask
(…may not be the formal haiku form)
WaterGirl
@Amir Khalid: No entries from you, the writer?
NotMax
@WaterGirl
You do that voodoo that you do so well.
;)
JanieM
Six-word memoir:
Math nerd from away came out.
*****
P.S. What’s going on with the nyms?
tomtofa
Foolish butterfly
crawling the log – she thinks she’s
a caterpillar
WaterGirl
@JanieM: Not sure I understand your question. I had them in as anonymous and then when other people started posting, i changed the ones that were sent by email to add the person’s nym.
Wileybud
Mikey’s worth two cigs
Bill Barr will go for a pack
Donny? A carton!
(Updated from a Bush Admin vintage haiku from an unknown author)
NotMax
The was a young man from Bel Air
Who was screwing a lass on the stair
The banister broke
He quickened his stroke
And finished the act in midair
NotMax
Microwave memoir in six words:
I came, I saw, I perished.
NotMax
Subaru in field
Sun glinting bright off windshield
To all things a time
Amir Khalid
@WaterGirl:
Alas, my comedic-verse muse is self-isolating right now.
WaterGirl
@Amir Khalid: Speed up clock change time 14.
WaterGirl
@realbtl: And that was sure to be the winner!
oatler.
A mathematician called Klein
Thought the Moebius strip was divine
He said “if you glue
The edges of two
You’ll get a weird bottle like mine!”
The Thin Black Duke
Plague behind me
Open road ahead, dark and narrow
No brakes
NotMax
Shortest one act play.
“Hi, guys, I’m here! Thanks for waiting. Boy, that traffic was murder.”
“Hi, Godot!”
realbtl
@WaterGirl: Showed up at #27, thanks.
Morzer
A festering swamp
The fat orange frog jumps in
Crime waves ripple out
JanieM
@WaterGirl: I missed the changeover. So that confused me (inattention, sorry). But then some of them had links attached to the nyms, so that confused me doubly.
It’s all okay.
TJ (a long-time lurker)
The following is an acrostic limerick. The first letter of each of the five lines, taken together, spell out something about the subject of the limerick.
It’s becoming increasingly plain:
Donald Trump’s so-called “very good brain”
Isn’t all it should be.
On the contrary, he
Tweets and rants like a man gone insane.
Betty
@WaterGirl: He’s cute as can be!
Hummus Where The Heart Is
Got it from Cole. Jenny, right? 8675 … ah, shit.
How about a category for best Knock Knock joke? Winner gets the No Bell award.
ETA: No Bell Prize. PRIZE. damn it all.
JanieM
@WaterGirl: I laughed out loud through the whole thing. I lived in the Milwaukee area for four years long ago, and the accent really took me back.
WaterGirl
@JanieM: Me, too, on the accent. Chicago girl.
edit: I also loved his sense of style. Too funny.
WaterGirl
@Hummus Where The Heart Is: We can do knock-knock jokes! (Originals only.)
WaterGirl
So how do we want to vote? Entries today, vote tomorrow? Vote tonight?
Choose the 5 best in each category, with ranked choice voting?
??
suezboo
@NotMax:
Brilliant, NotMax. We can all appreciate intellectualism because this blog is part of the East Coast Elite (that includes WV, right?
Similarly, Hamlet : That’s my Dad’s ghost? Aaargh. Falls dead with a heart attack.
NotMax
Was under the impression we’d be getting individual limited in scope or genre “things to do” (i.e., idle worship) threads on a regular basis (daily? weekly?) until the suggestions for topics you received ran out.
realbtl
@NotMax: Agree, one thread for each category maybe Saturday nights?
WaterGirl
@realbtl: @NotMax: I can get back to that. This has been a week. My fridge is wanting to fail so I had to scramble to do some research and get something ordered.
HinTN
Going broke taught me to think
Mustang Bobby
A lady from Arlington Heights
Shoved a rattlesnake up twixt her tights.
Although it’s not chic
Her twat is unique:
It’s the only one that rattles and bites.
Firebert
Self isolation
Computer glow boredom cure
Although mostly porn
HinTN
And we thought you would be good for us a one act play,
@Mustang Bobby:
NotMax
@realbtl
Maybe two different dedicated threads on the same night? List was fairly long, might take six months to run through all of them if one a week.
WaterGirl
@Mustang Bobby: @HinTN:
Mustang Bobby, the big money was on you to win the 10-minute one-act play contest. No entry? :-(
Joseph A Miller
Three Haikus (Ichi)
Rippled mountains stand
reflecting January’s light.
We watch, mesmerized.
Agonized thoughts fly.
I wrestle with cruel doubts.
Victory is mine.
Memory rises.
Ancient scenes encroach on me.
I plunge in darkness.
Three Haikus (Ni)
A chance seeks me out,
failure’s prospect frightens me.
I sit paralyzed.
Baby wakes, crying.
She runs to my waiting arms.
My role is sacred.
I gaze back often,
what could have been calls to me.
I can’t bear to look.
Three Haikus (San)
Cacophonous songs,
Sea and sky harmonious,
A tender morning.
Two young strong lovers,
Private longings now unleashed,
Fierce passion entwined.
Lost in reverie,
A chiaroscuro day,
Night slips in softly.
Three Haikus (Shi)
Little girl, unwell,
pulls herself onto my chest.
My love enfolds her.
Sunlight paints our house,
we exult in our blessing;
winter means nothing.
A storm-wracked planet,
ancient sins predominate;
there is still faint hope.
Three Haikus (Go)
I drift without aim;
confused impulses take arms;
I amuse myself.
Old ties rekindled,
I revel in happy times.
Memory is kind.
Restless spirits walk;
I look at them absently.
Their faces are mine.
Three Haikus (Roku)
Pictures of old days
wrap their fingers around me.
I hear faint echoes.
A darting gecko
seeks protection in our home;
Kane shelters it.
We bid fond goodnight;
we embrace with practiced love;
we are one spirit.
Three Haikus (Shichi)
Motionless I sit
contemplating unreal dreams;
the wan future shrugs.
Swirling ghosts grimace;
I laugh at their countenance.
Their faces dissolve.
Blessings fall quickly,
the waiting land shares their joy;
verdant smiles respond.
Hummus Where The Heart Is
Anyone collect really good fortune cookies? I have a collection in my wallet. Hey, I like Chinese food.
Winner has to text picture of the FC, of course. Trust but verify, dammit. Important for FC’s and ICBMs.
WaterGirl
@Joseph A Miller: Wow!
For the uninitiated, can you explain all the different kinds?
WaterGirl
@Hummus Where The Heart Is: We are flexible here. Fortune Cookies can be added as a category.
eachother
The bee is so big
It bends the flower over
Now both are happy
HinTN
@Baud:
That being the case
The rest being too base
You should just be more forward
And get on toward
The end where you just fuck yourself
Avalune
@Hummus Where The Heart Is: While Leto was in the hospital, I’d sometimes order chinese and share the fortune cookies with my dog Bella.
I have a picture of her with her fortune which read:
If you chase two rabbits, both will escape
(Terrier Breed. Loves chasing rabbits).
NotMax
@WaterGirl
Mentioned some time back there’s a village here named Haiku.
Their telephone exchange? 575.
JanieM
@Hummus Where The Heart Is:
@WaterGirl:
OMG fortune cookies, I got one once that was the story of my life. And I kept it, but the FSM only knows where it is now. I will start searching! It could have been the absolutely perfect found six-word memoir, except, alas, it had seven words.
Mohagan
@WaterGirl: He was fabulous! Many thanks for posting it.
Mohagan
@NotMax: I live outside of Ukiah, CA (Mendocino County), and as you may have noticed, the name is haiku backwards. The town has an annual haiku contest inspired by that fact.
mrmoshpotato
Oh shit! Don’t want to get a zero for the assignment!
Umm……Six Word Memoir
My bones, they dance no more!
WaterGirl
@NotMax: Ha! had not seen that.
WaterGirl
@Mohagan: I just watched it again. Love him.
WaterGirl
@mrmoshpotato: This is going on your permanent record.
NotMax
@JanieM
Don’t have it but never forgot it. Must have been nigh onto 60 years ago.
“Fu Manchu but many man smoke.”
Atticus Dogsbody
There was a young man from Nantucket
Who stored all his jizz in a bucket
When it went brown
He swallowed it down
Then went off to church to upchuck it.
Luciamia
Definitely subscribed to Bloody Mary guy. “Keep’er going.”
Hummus Where The Heart Is
@JanieM:
As self appointed Commissioner of the Fortune Cookie Alliance League Limited (FC ALL, which seems somehow fitting), we grant waivers easily. Unless you are bored and want to search.
NotMax
@Mohagan
Come for the poetry, stay for the wine.
;)
The Dangerman
@Mohagan:
Ukiah. I know it well. My Uncle and Japanese Aunt lived just south of town. Top of a hill. Beautiful home. Where I was introduced to Ofuros (Japanese soaking tub) and Sukiyaki.
You have to be really old to remember Mrs. Densons. That was a bakery on north end, just after the Casino that’s there now. Best cookies ever. She may have loaded them with some special local ingredients.
HumboldtBlue
Keep ‘er movin’.
Argiope
Dog ran off in rain
Found some cat poo to roll in
”Sorry, not sorry”
Gin & Tonic
@mrmoshpotato: Wonder what ever happened to commenter Dance around in your bones?
Jim Bales
A well-formed Haiku
Has Seventeen Syllables
Unlike this one
JanieM
@Hummus Where The Heart Is: Well, since other people have quoted theirs, I’ll add mine, and maybe search later:
“The whole story is long and complicated.”
On reflection, I can make it a 6-word memoir by adding a contraction, but that takes away a bit from the fortune cookie tone:
“The whole story’s long and complicated.”
Omnes Omnibus
@WaterGirl: Those are my people. Although I am not sure why he bothered to check the expiration date on the V8. Either you bought it yesterday or it’s been in the ‘fridge long enough that it has to be expired. No one has it for an intermediate time.
Mo Salad
“Put your hands away,
You fucking idiots” – Klopp
Is my President.
randy khan
Oh, nuts, I forgot. Not enough time to write that all-haiku one-act, I guess, so just some haiku:
Social distancing:
A chance to watch spring blossom.
Corona-bonus!
From six feet away
You can see smiles, hear laughter,
Make a connection.
Anthony Fauci,
The smartest guy in the room.
How can he stand it?
BruceFromOhio
Former employers didn’t understand me either.
piratedan
hold my beer, you said, asshole
BruceFromOhio
@Joseph A Miller: This is excellent, thank you for sharing.
Mustang Bobby
@HinTN: How do I attach a PDF?
The Dangerman
I think we can close THAT contest.
pat
Six word biography: ( I heard this on NPR many years ago and came up with this:)
I have always been very lucky.
WaterGirl
@Omnes Omnibus: It’s true. He reminds me so much of people I grew up around in Chicago.
p.a.
@Gin & Tonic: oh yeah I remember him/her.
There was a (IIRC woman) commenter from Maine who disappeared almost immediately on trump’s election. Redshirt?
3/25 was efg’s 1 year anniversary.
Adam Lang
Mustang Bobby
@WaterGirl: Done.
Fair Economist
Discolored face spews
Words from a foul withered soul
Bury the nation
Alison Rose
Six-word memoir:
I coughed on Trump. You’re welcome.
(Cheating with the contraction, I know, but whatever.)
WaterGirl
There’s a lot of talent here!
So no one responded to my question about voting at #55. Does that mean we want T-ball rules here, everybody’s a winner? Participation trophies for everyone?
I really don’t care either way – it’s been fun reading all of them. What do you guys want?
JanieM
@p.a.:
Yes indeed. S/he was one of the first people I interacted with when I started reading/commenting here, and I paid particular attention because I too live in Maine. Redshirt said bye bye either the night of the election or the next day, and hasn’t been seen since (at least by me).
p.a.
Yard corner wet leaves
hands move to sweep the debris
spots salamander
chris
somehow I landed on my feet
JanieM
@WaterGirl: I would be hard put to it to choose, there are so many good ones. Ranked choice would help somewhat, but isn’t that a lot of work for you?
As for me, I’d be happy just to enjoy them all.
Yutsano
@WaterGirl: He’s a cheesehead all right. I admit to minor feelings of…mushiness. :P
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@p.a.: as I recall DAIYB was a self-described old hippie chick
Mustang Bobby
Contact:
Philip Middleton Williams
A Moment of Clarity
A Play by
Philip Middleton Williams
CHARACTERS:
CLYDE: A man in his eighties. Dressed casually in slacks and a sweater, wearing a light winter coat.
DAN: His son, in his sixties. Similarly dressed.
SCENE:
The waiting area at a pharmacy inside a supermarket. Two chairs. TIME:
The present.
A Moment of Clarity was first produced by Still Got It Players South at Magic Curtain Productions in Orlando, Florida, as a part of the Short Attention Span Play Festival on December 7, 2016. It was directed by Debbie DeCeco Lannen:
Copyright © 2016 by Philip Middleton Williams
2
A Moment of Clarity
By
Philip Middleton Williams
The setting is the waiting area at a pharmacy inside a supermarket. There are two chairs center stage. At rise, CLYDE is sitting in one of the chairs. A cane rests on his lap. After a moment, DAN enters. He sits next to CLYDE.
DAN: The pharmacist says it’ll take about ten minutes. She’ll let us know when it’s ready.
CLYDE: Good. (Reaches for his wallet.)
DAN: It’s okay, Dad, I got this. The insurance will cover the rest of it. CLYDE: You sure?
DAN: Yes.
CLYDE: Okay. Where’s your mother?
DAN: She’s down there in the produce section looking over the honeydews. CLYDE: The honeydews?
DAN: Yeah, Dad, you like those.
CLYDE: What about the cantaloupes?
DAN: They’re not very good this time of year.
CLYDE: Oh. What day is today?
DAN: It’s Monday.
CLYDE: July?
3
DAN: No, it’s December, Dad. Christmas was three days ago.
CLYDE: Oh, that’s right. (Pause.) Thank you for coming.
DAN: Forget it. Happy to do it. I like driving Mom’s car. Not too many people in their eighties have a Mustang GT convertible.
CLYDE: No, I mean coming here for Christmas. It’s a long way from… Where are you now?
DAN: Miami.
CLYDE: That’s right. How do you like it there?
DAN: Oh, it’s okay. Weather’s nice. Gets a little humid in the summer, kinda like here.
CLYDE: And your job? What are you doing now?
DAN: Still doing financial work. You know; numbers and all that.
CLYDE: Good, good. (Pause, then looks off to the pharmacy counter.) Wonder what’s taking so long?
DAN: Well, they probably have to check to make sure the new meds don’t mess up what you’re taking now.
CLYDE: I take so many now it’s hard to keep up. Blood thinner, pain, cholesterol. Kind of a miracle I don’t rattle when I walk. When I can walk at all.
DAN: I’m sure they’re checking. CLYDE: All right.
(Beat.)
DAN: You know what this reminds me of? Sitting here next to you, waiting.
CLYDE: What does it remind you of?
4
DAN: Erie Marsh. Duck blind number seven. Early morning in October, the first day of duck season, just as the sun’s coming up, putting out the decoys, shivering, waiting for the ducks to come in. I was twelve. You showed me how to shoot a four-ten single shot. It wasn’t much next to your twelve-gauge, but…
CLYDE: I remember.
DAN: And you with your silly duck call.
(Mimes holding a duck call to his mouth, imitates the call.) CLYDE: But it worked.
DAN: Yes, it did. (Takes the cane, shoulders it like a shotgun.): Look, here come some now! Pow! Pow! Look, I got one!
CLYDE: Great shot, Dan. Go on, Tuffy! Fetch! Good dog! (They both chuckle at the memory.)
DAN: Those were good times.
CLYDE: They were, weren’t they?
DAN: Hard to believe that was fifty years ago.
CLYDE: I guess so. I’m glad you were there.
DAN: Me too.
CLYDE: You don’t do that anymore, do you?
DAN: Hunting? No. I only did it with you.
CLYDE: How come?
DAN: Well, I’m not much for that kind of thing. I don’t own a gun.
5
CLYDE: You were good at it. You knocked down two teal on your first time out. DAN: Beginner’s luck.
CLYDE: Whatever happened to your four-ten?
DAN: That was yours. You sold it. You remember. When you moved here. CLYDE: I guess.
DAN: You did. Along with… a lot of other things. CLYDE: All right.
(Beat. DAN looks at his watch.) CLYDE: I know what’s happening to me. DAN: What?
CLYDE: I know what’s happening. I know I’m losing my memory, that I’m starting to slip away. But every now and then, I have these moments where the fog lifts and I can remember where I am and what’s going on and I can see…. I’m having one now. We’re sitting in the pharmacy section of the Kroger in Cincinnati, a mile or so from the place where your mother and I now live and we’re all settled in to that “life-enriching community.”
DAN: Dad, that’s…
CLYDE: I want to tell you something. DAN: What?
CLYDE: There were times when I didn’t understand you. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with you, with your…what do you call it… coming out… And your moving around the country, trying to “find yourself,” whatever that meant.
DAN: Well, Dad, it was…
6
CLYDE: I was worried you would never settle down. Find a place. Find someone.
DAN: Sometimes it takes a while. I was in my own fog for a while. But I did. And now I’m…
CLYDE (cutting him off): Where’s Adam?
DAN: Adam?
CLYDE: Your … partner. Boyfriend. Where is he? DAN: Dad, we broke up years ago.
CLYDE: I know. I remember. But where is he? DAN: In Chicago. He works for an ad agency. CLYDE: Do you keep in touch with him?
DAN: Sure, every now and then we talk on the phone. CLYDE: How’s he doing?
DAN: Good.
CLYDE: What happened?
DAN: What do you mean?
CLYDE: Between you and Adam.
DAN: We just… It didn’t work out.
CLYDE: But you were together for…
DAN: Twenty years.
CLYDE: Twenty years. You know how long your mother and I have been married?
7
DAN: Sixty-five years next June.
CLYDE: That’s right. Sixty-five years.
DAN: Some people are lucky like that, Dad.
CLYDE: It wasn’t luck. I don’t know what it was, but…Any chance you and he will get back together?
DAN: No, Dad. He’s met someone. They’re getting married soon. CLYDE: Oh. Well, good. (Beat.) Are you seeing anyone?
DAN: Well, no.
CLYDE: I hope you find someone. I want to know that you’re happy. DAN: I am, Dad.
CLYDE: That’s what I wanted to tell you. I love you, I’m proud of you, and all I ever wanted for you was to be happy. You know that, don’t you?
DAN: Yes, Dad. I’m happy.
CLYDE: You’re sure?
DAN: Yes. Very sure. I’m fine. Dad, it’s time for me to tell you something. CLYDE: What? I already know you’re gay. What else is there?
DAN: You know all those mornings we got up in the dark and drove out to Erie Marsh and sat in that damned Number 7 duck blind and drank that horrible coffee and waited for those stupid ducks to come in?
CLYDE: Yes, I do remember that. DAN: Well, Dad, I hated it. CYLDE: You hated it?
8
DAN: Every damn minute of it. I hated being out in the cold, I hated the smell of the marsh, I hated shooting a duck, seeing it explode in midair and fall into the water. I even hated eating them just to prove that it wasn’t for the sick sport of shooting a bird.
CLYDE: Then why the hell did you go? I could have taken your brother. Steve would have at least enjoyed it. Why didn’t you say something back then?
DAN: Because I saw how much it meant to you. It was also the one chance I had to do something with you that didn’t require natural athletic ability like Steve. And…I loved being with you. That meant more to me than anything.
CLYDE (pats DAN on the shoulder): Thank you for telling me. I will try to remember that.
DAN: I hope you do, too.
CLYDE: Good. As long as you’re … happy. (Beat.) I’m afraid.
DAN: It’s all right, Dad.
CLYDE: No, it’s not. I know what I’m putting you through… what I’m putting your mother through. It’s only going to get worse.
DAN: She can handle it.
CLYDE: But when she can’t?
DAN: Then we’ll be here for you. CLYDE: You know what the worst part is? DAN: What, Dad.
CLYDE: The worst part is that I won’t even know it. The fog will roll in and the moments of clarity will be gone and someday they may never come back and I’ll be… and I won’t even know what I’m putting you through, what I’m putting your mother through. That is the cruelest thing.
9
DAN (trying hard to maintain control): It’ll be okay, Dad. CLYDE: If you say so.
(Off stage a small bell rings.)
DAN: Your prescription’s ready. I’ll be right back. CLYDE: Thank you.
(DAN exits. CLYDE settles in the chair, cane in his lap. A moment later DAN re-enters carrying a small paper bag.)
DAN: We’re all set, Dad. Why don’t we just wait here for Mom to come back, okay?
CLYDE: Okay. Where is she?
DAN: Oh, she’s probably moved on to the meat department by now, getting some of those chops you like.
CLYDE: Good. (Beat.) What day is today?
DAN: It’s Monday.
CLYDE: Oh. It’s July, right?
DAN: No, Dad. It’s December. Christmas was three days ago. CLYDE: Oh. (Beat.) Thank you for coming.
DAN: Happy to do it, Dad. Happy to do it.
END OF PLAY.
10
The Playwright
Philip Middleton Williams received a Bachelor of Fine Arts in drama from the University of Miami, a Master of Fine Arts in playwriting from the University of Minnesota, and a Ph.D. in theatre from the University of Colorado. His first play, The Hunter, was produced at the University of Minnesota in April 1977 as a part of his master’s degree requirements. Dark Twist was staged by the Actors Ensemble Theatre of Boulder, Colorado, in 1986. The Purer, Brighter Years premiered at the Old Town Playhouse in Traverse City, Michigan in 1992. Here’s Hoping, commissioned by Northern Michigan Planned Parenthood for the Troupe Teen Theatre Company, was presented in Petoskey, Michigan in 1994. Other works include All Together Now, winner of The Playgroup LLC New Play Contest in 2016; Ask Me Anything and Other Short Plays, a collection of ten- minute plays that include Ask Me Anything directed by William Roudebush, A Moment of Clarity directed by Debbie DeCeco Lannen, Last Exit and A Life Enriching Community directed by Jerry Jensen, and Which Way To The Beach directed by Steven A. Chambers, at the New Theatre’s Miami 1-Acts Festivals. His work has also been seen in the South Florida One-Minute Play Festivals.
Can’t Live Without You was his first play to receive a New York production, at the Manhattan Repertory Theatre in January 2008.
He has written numerous articles on the works of Inge and Lanford Wilson and contributed to The Facts on File Companion to American Drama edited by Jackson R. Bryer and Mary C. Hartig. His doctoral thesis, A Comfortable House – Lanford Wilson, Marshall W. Mason and the Circle Repertory Theatre, was published by McFarland and Company in 1993.
He has been a member of The Dramatists Guild since 1984. He presently lives in Miami, Florida.
11
WaterGirl
@Yutsano: hahahahaha. I love him!
GaryK
I combined housecleaning with personal hygiene.
(submitting for a friend)
Gin & Tonic
In the every cloud has a silver lining department, I’ve seen a report that James Dolan has tested positive for COVID-19.
MomSense
I dream longingly
Of warm days in the garden
dirt under my nails
mle
Dirty limerick (can insert name for “He”)
He is to the hilt Captain Cool
He shits ice cream as a rule
Though he’s a bit frosty
He’s no Mister Softee
With his jewel of a Popsicle tool
Gin & Tonic
@Mustang Bobby: That some guy you know?
Anyway, thanks for sharing that, I really enjoyed it.
Jerzy Russian
@Gin & Tonic: Don’t know that person, why is this a silver lining?
WaterGirl
@JanieM: I don’t know how I could even pick the top 5. :-)
Gin & Tonic
@Jerzy Russian: He is the owner of the NY Knicks basketball team, universally reviled by fans of that team.
mrmoshpotato
@Baud: Baud! 2020! Too sexy for Balloon Juice!
Renie
We interrupt your regular programming here:
Judge Jeanine was on air completely hammered tonight. So funny.
Back to your regular programming.
mrmoshpotato
@M31: Easy for you to say, you distant galaxy! :)
(Good to see you. Hope you’ve been well.)
WaterGirl
@Renie: Someone could turn that into a haiku or a limerick.
Mustang Bobby
@Gin & Tonic: Thanks.
Fair Economist
@WaterGirl: Ask for votes through your email or other private channel and act based on what you get. Give a couple days and drop a reminder into respite threads now and again.
WaterGirl
@mrmoshpotato: Come on, bet you could turn that into a limerick or a haiku in less than 5 minutes.
edit: double-dare you
WaterGirl
@mrmoshpotato: @M31:
#23 and #29 made me laugh out loud.
Poe Larity
‘Murica so proud
headlong to the depths of the
wingularity
Tom54
formerly livinginexile There once was a network called Fox that infected the country with Pox if one lie would do they made sure to tell two, while strutting and crowing like cocks.
WaterGirl
@Tom54: Progress! You were in SPAM, not deleted this time. Is this a new IP address?
edit: looks like the same IP. Try posting another comment to see if the 2nd will go through?
Tom54
I tried a new nym and new e-mail. I’m a computer idiot so don’t know about IP address. It worked!!!!!
randy khan
@WaterGirl:
Watching Judge Jeanine
Completely hammered on air:
What an improvement!
Duane
Six word memoir: He thinks his life too short.
Suzanne
Important question:
Where the fuck is the mustard?
We will never know
Suzanne
Covid obsession
Convinced I’m sick and dying
All I did was sneeze
Suzanne
On Andrew Cuomo
Competence is arousing
Im so desperate
WaterGirl
@randy khan: He rises to the challenge. Most excellent!
WaterGirl
@Suzanne: Oh my god, that one is perfect for all of us.
WaterGirl
@Tom54: Yay! While we’re both here, you could try your old nym with the new email. I would have to approve the first one, but we could see if the second one will go through without problem.
smike
My brain, too precious
to be occupied by such
trivial matters.
glc
@NotMax: Microsoft memoir in six words (courtesy xkcd):
fifteen minutes … three days … six seconds
Viva BrisVegas
There once was a POTUS called Trump
Who would only sit on his rump
While the nation bore pandemics
He demanded panegyrics
From governors who couldn’t give a hump
LivinginExile
Here is the first one.
WaterGirl
@LivinginExile: First one approved. Let’s go for the second one. Fingers crossed.
LivinginExile
Here’s the second. It worked!!!! Thanks Watergirl.
WaterGirl
@LivinginExile:
?????????⭐️?✨
edit: I couldn’t find the fireworks emojis.
edit 2: welcome back! :-)
WaterGirl
I have added this thread to the new No Cabin Fever For Us! section in the sidebar, for easy access so everyone who is interested can check out all the great entries in this thread.
Heading for bed.
Eric NNY
@WaterGirl: big fan of his.
WaterGirl
@Eric NNY: Me, too, obviously! Does he do other stuff, as well? I should look.
WaterGirl
I stole this from John Revolta on the other thread. Not exactly a haiku or limerick, but I thought it was fun and it fits well enough.
To the tune of Guantanamera, of course.
One ton o’mayo
With a big hunk o’tomato
Give me one ton o’mayo
On my bacon, lettuce and tomato