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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Excellent Links / Cheap Snark Open Thread: Being Mean to MAGAt Morons

Cheap Snark Open Thread: Being Mean to MAGAt Morons

by Anne Laurie|  February 12, 20201:18 am| 46 Comments

This post is in: Excellent Links, Immigration, Open Threads, Republican Stupidity, Right to Vote, Your Place Is In The Resistance

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I actually love the idea of a mandatory citizenship test for everyone. Birth rights are dumb. It’s not an achievement to be born and nobody should be rewarded for it.
I also find it hilarious that Republicans think this will play to THEIR advantage. https://t.co/PDhvKKPzKj

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) February 4, 2020

Citizenship tests, @benshapiro? Citizenship tests for everyone? Bring them the fuck on, Benny boy! The GOP will have zero seats in the Senate. None! Fucking Montana will be stone cold blue as the only people with voting rights will be university students.
Bring. Them. On!

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) February 5, 2020

I try not to encourage being mean to people (yeah, you should read me when the filters are *off*), but when people waltz into someone else’s online conversation attempting to ‘slay’ them, well — don’t start none, won’t *be* none, fellas. Since Ben Shapiro is well-compensated for being a professional Guy Who Never Learns, only fitting he lead this clown parade…

It’s like they live in their own reality. The US Constitution is completely invalid there, save for the 2nd Amendment, and facts are literally anything they like them to be.
It’s not even a cult. It’s an asylum. https://t.co/295bS4rSm1

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) February 5, 2020

The bio says “American through and through.”
I mean, not enough to read the Constitution, but definitely enough to show immigrants what’s what.
Sad, sad dumbasses. https://t.co/3T7PfwTSB2

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) February 5, 2020

English is hard, too. https://t.co/2g8wDXjIug

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) February 5, 2020

And now I have to explain to them that Mitt won’t need to face the voters until 2024… It’s almost like being born here doesn’t ACTUALLY make you a real American or something. https://t.co/X76T5oX45j

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) February 5, 2020

A supporter of Trump is telling me that my party is perfectly illustrated by bashing people who disagree with me on the internet.
Someone, please, check 5th Avenue for a body of a shooting victim named “Irony.” https://t.co/fiIA8qE7lG

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) February 5, 2020

When you are a Trump cultist, reading the US Constitution is extremely hard. Reading newspaper articles is no easier. Hell, even reading the entire headline of the very article you try to shame me with is too damn exhausting. pic.twitter.com/Q57VUbtpSK

— Slava Malamud (@SlavaMalamud) February 6, 2020

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Reader Interactions

46Comments

  1. 1.

    The Dangerman

    February 12, 2020 at 1:28 am

    I was listening to CA Central Valley radio (San Joaquin Valley is quite Red) and the host was going on about how you shouldn’t be able to vote if you can’t speak English. He wanted an English test to vote.

    To which, I said fine (not really, but roll with me here), I want a test on basic mathematics before you can vote, too. If you really believe that a tax cut can be revenue neutral through growth, let’s have a numbers test.

  2. 2.

    billcinsd

    February 12, 2020 at 1:34 am

    The problem with having a test to determine the right to vote is who writes and grades the test. Southern States used this to not allow African-Americans to vote

  3. 3.

    tomtofa

    February 12, 2020 at 1:38 am

    Romney, 2024. Voter: “Oh, come on now. That was then, this is now.”

    Barr, 2021. Fuck, yeah.

    Vote.

  4. 4.

    Anne Laurie

    February 12, 2020 at 1:39 am

    @billcinsd: Of course there are predictable ‘who sets the standards’ issues — that’s why these idiots have been taught to parrot ‘English only’ or ‘citizenship test’ when the subject is voting rights.  But while they’re immune to reason, they’re obviously *not* immune to mockery!

  5. 5.

    JWR

    February 12, 2020 at 1:48 am

    @The Dangerman: I was in my polling place one time, and an older white lady was scanning all the Spanish-language voting material available when she suddenly said, “I don’t understand this at all”, pointing to a Spanish-language sign. I tried to find out what it was that so confused her, but before long her implication became quite clear: Can’t speak English?, you shouldn’t be allowed to vote!, at which point I gave up. Can’t fix (or reason with) stupid.

  6. 6.

    sanjeevs

    February 12, 2020 at 2:07 am

    My take from the 2 primaries:

    1. Sanders is not very popular amongst Democrats
    2.  Sanders biggest threat before Iowa was Biden, then it became Biden or Warren. His social media machine has the capacity to seriously damage any candidate that stands in his way
  7. 7.

    Kent

    February 12, 2020 at 2:09 am

    @JWR: Teacher here.  I once had a kid carefully make flashcard biology definitions from the glossary at the back of the textbook.  Except that he accidentally used the Spanish glossary and didn’t notice.  All his definitions were perfectly written in Spanish.

    “Teacher…I don’t understand any of these definitions”  I walk over to look “Um..Tyler, that’s because you did them all in Spanish”

    Tyler responds – “Really?!  Cool.  I didn’t know that I knew Spanish”

    Sigh.  Sometimes there is no fixing stupid.

  8. 8.

    Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ

    February 12, 2020 at 2:15 am

    @Kent: Wow, that’s “cork on a fork” dumb

  9. 9.

    Kent

    February 12, 2020 at 2:23 am

    @Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ: True story.

    I was teaching in “Baptist-land” Waco Texas at the time.

  10. 10.

    MisterForkbeard

    February 12, 2020 at 2:26 am

    @sanjeevs: I think this is basically right. We saw this happen to Harris too – leftbros everywhere went from thinking she was fine (though not good) to thinking she was the antichrist.

     

    They managed to do a lot of damage. Sanders strategy has always been to hold his base and fragment the rest of the party, and that might actually work for the primary.

    But it’s going to have terrible effects in the general, even if he loses the primary

  11. 11.

    David 🎅🎄Merry Christmas🎄🎅 Koch

    February 12, 2020 at 2:28 am

    @sanjeevs: Sanders is not very popular amongst Democrats

     

    He scratched out a 1 point win in an all white, neighboring state, where exit polls showed 11% of republicans voted to fuck up the results. This was his best state. Which bodes poorly when facing a closed primary or diverse state.

  12. 12.

    Martin

    February 12, 2020 at 2:32 am

    @The Dangerman: I think the only test should be that you have to calculate your own tax rate and bill, list your top marginal rate and your effective rate, and list the total federal tax subsidy that you received.

  13. 13.

    Duane

    February 12, 2020 at 2:32 am

    If Ben Shapiro is concerned about what’s beneficial to a democracy he could STFU. That would help.

  14. 14.

    Martin

    February 12, 2020 at 2:32 am

    @Kent: Bet he was amazing at football.

  15. 15.

    Kent

    February 12, 2020 at 2:43 am

    @Martin: Yep.  They went to the state championship that year and lost to a team from Austin quarterbacked by a future Heisman Trophy winner named Baker Mayfield.

  16. 16.

    Martin

    February 12, 2020 at 2:52 am

    @Kent: Waco does love its football.

  17. 17.

    sukabi

    February 12, 2020 at 2:52 am

    Slava Slays. 😂😂😂

  18. 18.

    Kent

    February 12, 2020 at 2:58 am

    @Martin: The high school built an indoor practice facility and weight room that is nicer than the one at the University of Washington.  I know, I’ve been in both.  I kid you not:

    http://www.pci-gc.com/portfolio/midway-student-activities-center/

    http://www.rbdrarchitects.com/projects/educational-midway-independent-school-district-student-activity-center.htm

    https://twitter.com/bestweightroom/status/846893171414122500?lang=en

  19. 19.

    hitchhiker

    February 12, 2020 at 3:03 am

    Back when I was teaching high school I once signed up to take the SAT, because I realized I was standing up there quacking about it & hadn’t laid eyes on it since like 1969, which was 25 yrs ago at the time.

    What a revelation! I’d forgotten what it’s like to be treated like shit. Sit here. No talking. One restroom break. We’ll let you know when. No, I don’t know where the restrooms are. No talking. Etc.

    And then the test, which lasts for hours and is of course designed with answers that look right but aren’t. Every time they give it, they have one section with questions that won’t be part of the score, but will be used in future tests once it’s determined how frequently each possible answer appears in the batches. Students, in other words, are building future test questions unwittingly, which will be chosen and tweaked so that the results, year after year, will form a lovely bell curve, which “proves” that the test is valid because it matches the IQ distribution.

    Anyway … after that experience I decided that it would make sense to have every politician, teacher, and admissions officer take the SAT every few years and be required to publicly post their scores. If it matters that 17-yr-olds be good at this, it must matter even more that adults are.

  20. 20.

    SectionH

    February 12, 2020 at 3:10 am

    @Kent: Ouch. It’s the “can’t fix stupid” level.

    I come from a long line of women who were teachers. I most vididly* remember the answers to my mom’s “general knowledge” handout she’d do at the beginning of the semester for her courses at [regional state u]. Basic answer: that course was remedial high school. And on happy note, some of them learned and liked it. Not many, but hey…

    Still, it’s no wonder Media totally rules.
    *BJ spellchecker didn’t know the word… srsly. That’s wft territory to me.

  21. 21.

    Kent

    February 12, 2020 at 3:16 am

    @SectionH: There is stupid, and then there is redneck Texas stupid.

  22. 22.

    moops

    February 12, 2020 at 3:16 am

    A citizens test would have some history and the constitution?  Would anyone dare put current events on it?  A lack of basic numeracy might help, but to understand things like national debt requires pretty advanced reasoning.  I think most Americans actually understand gerrymandering.  It is just that many Americans have been surprised by how many of their fellow Americans are cool with it.   Maybe to vote you should espouse at least lip service to the ideals of our own elections.

  23. 23.

    moops

    February 12, 2020 at 3:19 am

    Talking nonsense about how democracy works is Shapiro’s job description. His dumby-dumb-dumb clatter about testing voters is right on target for him.

  24. 24.

    Hob

    February 12, 2020 at 3:39 am

    I gotta say I am not at all down with “only people who can do X should be citizens” arguments, even as hyperbole. Birthright citizenship is really fucking important and if you need to throw it in the garbage rhetorically in order to make your joke work, it’s not a good joke. Any step toward allowing people who are born here, and have nowhere else to go, to become a permanent underclass because they don’t meet some standard – whether it’s a malicious standard or a well-meaning one – would be really bad news; the only reason a knowledge-based test for naturalized citizens is at all OK is that those people already have citizenship somewhere else, so not passing doesn’t mean becoming a stateless person.

    Short version: if nations are to be a thing at all, it’s necessary for everyone to get at least one for free.

  25. 25.

    opiejeanne

    February 12, 2020 at 3:52 am

    @hitchhiker: I was in band in HS, and when I was a junior we came back from a parade one Saturday and took the NMSQT*. We had been at the school at 6am to be bused to a parade that started at 10, back by 12:30 with no time for lunch. And then the five hour test. I remember part of one question: Compare the economy of Bulgaria to one of the following: Priming the Pump…

    I don’t remember the three other options, nor which one I chose because I didn’t know squat about Bulgaria’s economy.

    160 was a perfect score. The board didn’t like giving more than 2 scholarships to a school of our size, and the qualifying score was usually 150, unless there were more than 2 students, in which case they bumped it up to 155. We had 4 students who scored at least that high. I did pretty well but didn’t realize it because it was only 135. Then I noticed all the A students staring at me because they’d gotten lower scores and they thought I was a dummy. I was an A- student because I was immature and lazy.

    By the time my own kids were in HS the National Merit Scholarship Qualifying Test was no longer a 5 hour test, I think it became part of the SAT.

  26. 26.

    opiejeanne

    February 12, 2020 at 3:54 am

    @moops: I don’t understand why he has a job. Don’t his employers feel embarrassed that he’s this dumb?

  27. 27.

    moops

    February 12, 2020 at 4:09 am

    @opiejeanne: His rhetoric, such as it is poorly practiced, provides comfort to the comfortable.  His comfortable bosses and oddly invisible funding sources like him telling the commoners these things.  They know it makes him look stupid but is not their concern.

  28. 28.

    OzarkHillbilly

    February 12, 2020 at 4:09 am

    I love Slava. I think it was you that turned me onto him Anne, for which I need to thank you.

  29. 29.

    JAFD

    February 12, 2020 at 4:27 am

    I’ve spent a good many Election Days working the polls for several Boards of Elections.  The only time I’ve ever seen someone who wasn’t ‘qualified’…

    A couple in their ’80’s.  Wife ‘leading around’ husband, who was suffering from advanced Alzheimers, or similar illness.  He was closest thing to a zombie I ever hope to see…

    Thought of making objection, decided that poor lady had enough hassle in her life…

    So a senior citizen effectively got two votes that November.  Probably not the next year.  And may the Lord have mercy on our souls.

    Happy Lincoln’s Birthday, everyone !  And Presidents’ Day !  And a joyful Valentine’s Day to all the young ladies* of Balloon Juice !

     

    *When you reach age 69, you find that the world is full of young people.

  30. 30.

    BethanyAnne

    February 12, 2020 at 4:50 am

    Vividly?

  31. 31.

    Patricia Kayden

    February 12, 2020 at 4:54 am

    @sukabi: Yes, I love his tweets.  Republicans who think their side would do great on citizenship tests are beyond delusional.

  32. 32.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    February 12, 2020 at 5:08 am

    @SectionH:

    BJ spellchecker didn’t know the word [. . .].

    Maybe it was hoping for vividly instead.

    @BethanyAnne: What you said.

  33. 33.

    Betty Cracker

    February 12, 2020 at 5:20 am

    @Steeplejack (phone): My main complaint about the BJ spellchecker is that it seems to lag behind others in recognizing closed compound words, e.g., whistleblower. (Fuck yo red line!)

  34. 34.

    Arclite

    February 12, 2020 at 5:21 am

    @billcinsd: “The problem with having a test to determine the right to vote is who writes and grades the test. Southern States used this to not allow African-Americans to vote”

    Not surprising at all that Republicans want to return to this well.

  35. 35.

    CarolDuhart2

    February 12, 2020 at 5:29 am

    https://www.carolduhart.com/whitehouse/presidents-and-the-constitution-slideshow/

    My basic governmental slideshow…/

  36. 36.

    What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us?

    February 12, 2020 at 6:58 am

    Speaking of morons…if you thought Amy Klobuchar has a chance, well so does one Megan McCardle, which means of course that she’s toast.

  37. 37.

    JPL

    February 12, 2020 at 7:06 am

    Sanders recently had a heart attack and is older than Biden, but MSM pretends otherwise.   Why?

  38. 38.

    Steeplejack (phone)

    February 12, 2020 at 7:07 am

    @Betty Cracker:

    Is there a BJ-specific spell-checker or is it just your browser spell-checker? Whatever it is, apparently I have it turned off. I rely on the blessing/​curse of copyediting for 50 years.

  39. 39.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    February 12, 2020 at 8:00 am

    First problem for the MAGA hats is the Mormons wanting to recall Mitt, they think the guy is the Savior of the US.

  40. 40.

    Percysowner

    February 12, 2020 at 8:03 am

    The “they’d never pass the test” is sadly, not true. We have had literacy tests for voting before. “Good” i.e. white voters got questions like what are 2+2. “Bad” i.e. voters of color got questions like, explain Einsteins theory of relativity.

    Here is an example. The whole point is to rig the system and yes, the people demanding the tests would make sure that “their people” passed and “those people” didn’t.

  41. 41.

    Kosh III

    February 12, 2020 at 8:39 am

    @Arclite:
    I suspect many white Southern GOP’ers want to turn the clock back to 1950 or better yet 1850.  I grew up in rural Tennessee and live in a blue enclave surrounded by idiots like Sen. Marshamarshamarsha.

  42. 42.

    mrmoshpotato

    February 12, 2020 at 9:07 am

    The Internet is forever?  Ok!  Just let me say…

    You sad dumbasses. Sad, sad dumbasses.

    …BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (cough, wheez, falls over)

    I’m ok. -Tina Belcher.

  43. 43.

    Ruckus

    February 12, 2020 at 10:11 am

    @Hob:

    As I understand it, most countries do not have geographic citizenship or just born within it’s borders as we do. There are several concepts of citizenship, ours is rather easy to work with, as long as you can prove you were born here. A registered birth certificate is usually all that takes and is rather normal today. It wasn’t always and within the lifetimes of people alive today.

  44. 44.

    Ruckus

    February 12, 2020 at 10:15 am

    @Steeplejack (phone):

    I leave it on but without allowing auto correct. Sometimes it identifies a word that is spelled correctly and wants to insert a nonsensical word.

  45. 45.

    ziggy

    February 12, 2020 at 10:57 am

    Anne Laurie, do you ever sleep?

  46. 46.

    PenAndKey

    February 12, 2020 at 10:59 am

    @Ruckus: Unless we’re going to join most of Europe and go to a jus sanguinis policy, where the status of the parents comes into play, birthright is about the best we’ve got. No child born in the US should ever have to worry about being stateless.

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