Gerald and his wife are at a work Christmas party, so I got to play Uncle Buck tonight and I took to this dive spaghetti bar in Steubenville called Naples. They all got hoagies that were the largest most ridiculous things I have ever seen:
Her order was the “half” hoagie- what she is holding is a quarter. It’s just absurd. I got physically ill watching the boys eat their entire dinner. I would be full for two days and I am a fatbody.
***
At any rate, if you haven’t been able to tell by my lack of posting and my diminished wit, I have been in a funk the last few months. I get depressed in the winter every year, but this year has been particularly bad. It’s just so harsh- you go from everything being green and lush to just damp, dark, and depressing. Even my house plants look like shit. Then you add in the rest of the usual shit we go through, work, worrying about money, the health of your parents, etc., and I just go into a funk. And then there is the website.
On top of all this is just the never-ending barrage of shit in the political sector. It’s just overfuckingwhelming. Every god damned day it’s something new and worse than the day before. It just never fucking ends. It wears you down.
I’ll be fine, of course. But I do worry about some of you out there who may be going through the same thing but aren’t willing or able to get help. Please do so. Talk to someone- talk to a professional. I don’t have anything else more helpful than that other than to stay hydrated and get some exercise, but definitely talk to someone.
Harumph.
David ??Booooooo?? Koch
Robby-D
1-800-273-8255
For all the readership here, this is for ANYONE who needs help. You do not need to wait until it’s bad. You aren’t taking resources from anyone else. They are professionals, they will help, and yes, you deserve it.
Write it down. Carry it with you. Program it into your phone. Give it to your friends and relatives.
More info: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
trnc
Thanks, JC. I’ve gone through some of that the last few days, but feeling a little better now.
Maybe more of your NMFTG posts will help. Vent! We can take it.
Formerly disgruntled in Oregon
Thank you for everything, John. We just gotta keep on keeping on.
raven
Now maybe some day (mmm-hmm)
I’ll reach that higher goal
I know I can make it
With just a little bit of soul
‘Cause I’ve got my strength
And it don’t make sense
Not to keep on pushing
Jim, Foolish Literalist
I was listening to Michelle Goldberg on Brian Beutler’s podcast, talking about her piece on “Democracy grief”, the feeling she and I and others have watching what the world’s democracies are going through. And when I stop and think that the American project is going to be deeply damaged, if not brought down, by a fucking third rate racist trust-fund baby gameshow host…
raven
I got back from the beach and had a lump on a really really bad place. I messed with it a couple of days and then hauled my ass into the dermatologist knowing a biopsy was the best I was going to do. Now I have to wait a week to see what’s up so I just have to drive on. Stay up ya’ll.
chopper
yeah the constant barrage of trump for three fucking years has an effect.
Laura Too
Love you John Cole.
Sab
Walk a couple of your dogs every day. They need the exercise and you need the vitamin D from the sun.
Digging my way out of shock of my mom dying at home, and having to put my dad in a nursing home a few years later. She wanted to die at home ( she did), and the male/female ratio in his nursing home is shockingly amazing for him. I never expected to worry about sexual harrassment of the elderly by the elderly, and I still cannot figure if he even feels harrassed. He seems cheerful. They never trained us to deal with this in sex ed in high school.
artem1s
I was just thinking I am going to have to be even more aware of SAD this winter. The endless months of grey are upon us, I thought I was going to get out of a pretty stressful job and moving into a position with a saner boss, but that doesn’t look like it’s coming thru now. So yea, kind of depressed for the last few days.
Then this morning I woke up and remembered it’s only a few more days until the Solstice and then the days start getting longer again. I give myself little milestones to look forward to during the winter months. Holidays will be over soon with the usual family related stress. If we get some snow, I can go cross country skiing. January usually has some wonderful arctic highs that mean bright sunshine. February will have it’s usual false spring and I will be able to get out more.
But March is the worst for me. You are just about out of it and then you get a whole month of leaden skies. Luckily pitchers and catchers report to spring training in about 60 days and baseball season starts at the end of March. If someone somewhere is playing baseball, it’s easier to imagine spring being right around the corner. Then gardening and a whole host of spring and summer related events start up.
Little milestones get me thru.
PaulWartenberg
As a chronic depressive meself, I empathize John.
I hope your pets are giving you love and warmth
mrmoshpotato
Obligatory – Binging with Babish: Pancakes from Uncle Buck
That “half” order is a beast. I hope it was good (and twice as good for next day’s lunch). I hesitate to ask if the boys ordered “half” or “full.”
Now I want to go to the store to get sammich fixins for dinner.
ETA – give all the doggos and Steve a hug for yourself (and us).
Josie
Bless you, John, for worrying about others in the middle of your own concerns. I’m glad you have the pets to keep you company (even Thurston), and I hope you will take your own advice and seek someone out to talk to if you think you need it. Complain to us anytime you want. We will listen and maybe have some sarcastic things to say, just to show we love and understand you. Spend time with kids. That is what works for me.
Virginia
Jackal love is real and true. We care deeply for you.
CaseyL
I honestly don’t know if we’re just more aware of depression (in all its varieties) as a disease rather than a “mood thing,” or if there really are more people with depression than the whole of previous human history combined. All I know is, just about EVERYONE I know is subject to depression of some sort. Including me. And nearly everyone I know is on meds for it, of some sort; also including me.
The political shitshow is horrifying. US, UK and Australia are run by actively regressive, reactionary, and fascistic economic and political entities. Each country is to varying degrees intent on rolling back all progress made in the last 50 years (or in the last 100 years, in the case of the GOP).
Plus, I just got laid off from a job I loved, for a college I loved, working with people I loved. Quite aside from the gut-punch of losing a job that made a positive difference in peoples’ lives, and made me happy, I now have to look for work again – at my age, that’s going to be a real trick.
I’m not remotely suicidal; I’m too stubborn and persistent for that. But it would be nice to get some affirmation that the struggle is worth making for a reason other than for its own sake.
[sigh]
zhena gogolia
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
It’s all the Repubs who have me down. They are just impervious to reason or decency. It reminds me of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (Kevin McCarthy version).
zhena gogolia
@raven:
Oh, I hope it is nothing serious.
raven
@zhena gogolia: Me too but I’ve known too many people who were to afraid of the procedures to get a proper diagnoses and I ain’t playing that shit.
germy
I tend to fall into helpless depression, so taking action of some kind usually improves my mood. My wife has seasonal depression, but the lights she’s installed for growing vegetables (callaloo, wiri wiri pepper, tomato) in our house help her in the morning.
zhena gogolia
@CaseyL:
Oh, I am sorry! I hope you find the right place for you.
danielx
Yes to all the above, John. Plus feeling totally dragged out and exhausted from coming down with a bad head cold and (relatively) minor kidney infection. Feel like hammered shit, energy at negative levels, and haven’t seen blue sky for more than an hour at a time in weeks, or so it seems.
Blech, if I can borrow the expression.
CaseyL
@zhena gogolia: Thank you! I’m a few years from optimal retirement age, and it’s tempting to look for something that pays well and just mark time. But I know I go crazy in a job that doesn’t have any merit beyond a paycheck :)
Old Dan and Little Ann
Almost to the Winter Solstice. Then the amount of daylight begins ticking back in the right direction. Every second of sunshine helps.
germy
@Old Dan and Little Ann:
Here’s my problem: I get depressed with the extra sunlight. Something about it being daylight 8:30 at night feels oppressive to me. I’m probably in a tiny minority of people with that issue.
spudgun
I’m so sorry you’re having a bad time right now…I can relate. I used to get really bad SAD when I lived in Chicago.
I know you’re specifically talking about the season, but 2019 has been a shite year for me. Got laid off in March, still jobless right now, had to leave my lovely blue county in the Bay Area for a horrible 100% red county further north…and all this on top of all my already wonderfully fabulous neuroses, introversion, etc. ;-) Plus I have a family who, while they try their best, don’t understand why I can’t simply “cheer up” or “GET OVER IT.”
Sometimes hearing about what other folks are going through makes me feel less alone, so thanks for saying it “out loud.”
thalarctosMaritimus
@CaseyL: oh, no! I’m so sorry to hear that!
Mary G
Same here. Also will be by myself for the holidays this year since everyone that invites me is going out of town to see sick or elderly relatives. I give myself little chores and rewards and just hope to get through each day.
feebog
Lost my younger brother to liver cancer in October and my Mom last month, basically to old age (96). But the good news is that it drew the rest of us closer together. We are now planning a memorial for my Mom, Dad and bro on March 15. Their ashes will be interred (not spread) off the beach south of Santa Barbara. We have chartered a whale watching boat to take us out, extended family and friends for the burial at sea. So yeah, kind of depressing this year, but looking forward to a new year and new challenges.
Jager
We moved out of the “fucking old house” into a new house. Mrs. J is a Christmas decorating fanatic, we have 3 trees, 4 Santas, etc, etc inside the house. She wants lights outside to go along with the outside trees and wreaths and garlands. Okay, got it. I look at the house, I look at my stepladder. “Honey, I can do everything except the peak in front. Ger one of the guys from your warehouse to bring over an extension ladder.” Fucking Carlos didn’t show up on Sunday because his 300,000 mile Toyota pickup lost its transmission. This morning I call old Stu, a handyman recommended by my ancient, dope-smoking, hot rodder and retired aircraft designer neighbor. Stu sez “I’m too damn old for tall ladders anymore.” Fuck it, I guess I’ll crawl on the roof and finish the job when the wind drops under 40mph. It aint easy being retired.
The Golux
The hoagies bring to mind an old fave, Franklin Giant Grinder shop in Hartford (though with a much higher meat-to-bread ratio than those pictured). Roast beef with provolone or sausage with provolone; rarely equaled, never surpassed.
spudgun
@raven: You taught me FIDO, for which I will always be grateful.
:-)
I hope you get a clean bill of health!
mrmoshpotato
@artem1s: First pitches of spring training are February 22nd according to ESPN. :)
Chris T.
Consider getting a “SAD light”: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder/in-depth/seasonal-affective-disorder-treatment/art-20048298
(disclaimer, dat-claimer, de-other-claimer: I’m still “considering” this myself)
japa21
@raven: Best wishes for you. Sometimes it is the waiting period that is the worse part of the whole process. Make sure you let us know when you get results.
And you are absolutely correct, many people delay having the testing done, mostly out of fear of what will be discovered, and then they find out later that if they had checked it out at the beginning it would have been much better.
Jim, Foolish Literalist
@germy: do you have the other half of this amulet? I hate heat, and the long days play holy hell with my sleep patterns. June and July are the worst months for me.
Chris T.
Perhaps you need a SAD closet? <quirked eyebrow>
Sab
@feebog: I had no idea. Did you tell us, and I missed it, or did you just suffer in silence. I am so sorry.
spudgun
@artem1s: I’m sorry about the job sitch – honestly, the only upside to my layoff was that it got me out of a very toxic work environment that wasn’t going to get any better. (Although, I’d rather have left on my own than be asked to leave, which was a special kick in the gut.)
But little milestones is a very good idea – thank you for mentioning it.
germy
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
You’re the first person I’ve ever encountered that shared my affliction.
spudgun
@CaseyL: Oof, I’m so sorry about your job too…
zhena gogolia
@Mary G:
Oh, I’d invite you if you lived here!
Sab
@feebog: Can we send flowers?
White & Gold Purgatorian
Not a doctor, but my personal go to for that feeling of “the whole world is against me” is to take some B-12. The seasonal aspect is a definite contributor for me too, and in this, most wonderful time of year, I just pop a B-12 tablet 2 or 3 times a week on principle.
Love the garden and pet posts here. Much of the time politics is just too stressful to watch, but a little political info seeps in around the edges while perusing the non political threads, which is good.
spudgun
@feebog: My heart goes out to you.
Barbara
@CaseyL: I am sorry. That’s rotten news and I hope you find something you like as much soon.
Brianna (I think that is her name) is just so cute. She looks like she has a real zest for living.
But yeah, I definitely have felt more down this year than in the past.
Mary G
@zhena gogolia: ????
spudgun
@Mary G: So sorry to hear this, Mary G. If I weren’t constrained financially, I would drive down there to hang out with you!
Barbara
@feebog: Condolences to you. I lost my mother last year and then not 6 months later, my brother died. It takes a toll.
Lord Fartdaddy (Formerly, Mumphrey, Smedley Darlington Mingobat, et al.)
See, shit like this here is what makes this the best website–not just the best blog, but the best website–on the whole world wide web.
I know I’ve said this before, but this place is a treasure. I feel lucky to have found it. It’s the first place I check into every morning, and the last one I check into at night.
This is far, far more than a blog. I don’t know altogether just what it is, but it’s vital.
Bonus points for calling that hoagie by its right name, rather than some evil name like sub or hero or grinder.
germy
@White & Gold Purgatorian:
I don’t really trust over the counter vitamin supplements. They’re unregulated and often don’t contain what they advertise, or else contain contaminants that can do more harm than good.
Many older folks have trouble absorbing B-12 in the gut. If a doctor finds a deficiency after a blood test, they’ll often give it as an injection.
Laura Too
@danielx: Hope you feel better soon, nothing worse than immune system out of whack and catching every damn thing that comes along.
Laura Too
@raven: Thinking good thoughts for you!
terben
A timely reminder for the holiday season. Many of us feel the stress of being expected to be cheerful and festive, and we haven’t just given birth to a shiny new version of a blog. Where I am, the weather this week will be horrendous, forecasts of 43, 45, 45 and 48°C for the next four days. Yes, that’s C not F!
CaseyL
@raven: Yikes! Fingers crossed that it’s nothing serious or, at worst, something readily treatable.
Thank you, artem1s and Old Dan and Little Ann, for noting that Solstice is coming, and the beginning of the end of the Dark. That is indeed something to hang onto!
Though I am also to some extent in sympathy with germy and Jim. Foolish Literalist: too much sunshine and warmth get on my nerves. I’m a true Seattleite, happy to see Autumn bring the overcast and cooler weather. I just don’t like it being dark until 8:00 am and getting dark again at 4:30 pm.
mrmoshpotato
@terben: Woah. Where are you?
wvng
@Lord Fartdaddy (Formerly, Mumphrey, Smedley Darlington Mingobat, et al.): As one who mostly lurks, I couldn’t agree more.
Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ
Anything having to do with depression, I can relate to. I’ve been seriously struggling for the last couple of years since the divorce. But my kid and I finally got the courage to report my ex to the police. He’s sitting in jail right now but could be released at any time pending arraignment. When he gets out I’m pretty certain he will be coming after me since I’m the one who helped the police record his confession (unbeknownst to him) and I’m the one that baited him into meeting me so they could arrest him. I’ve dusted off my revolver and got new grips for it. I’m carrying it with me everywhere now. But the stress on my kid and me isn’t helping my depression.
PS:. For those who will jump in and say I need to get an order of protection, I tried in two different courts and was denied. Welcome to AZ. Best I could make happen was that IF he gets bailed out of jail, he has to be put on ankle monitoring and I can exclude our dresses plus he’s been ordered to stay away from the victim which is my daughter and me as a witness and any and all kids. Also I can get free counseling for my daughter but she is already covered for that under her father’s insurance and we already have her in counseling. I however have no insurance and I’m not offered anything from the victim witness program because I am not the actual victim per se.
Chris T.
@germy: Technically, B-12 is tricky this way. The root of the problem is that the digestive system needs to use B-12 to extract B-12 from your food.
Once you get low enough, you need a shot of B-12 to bootstrap.
Elie
Dear John and all suffering through various forms and reasons for darkness. Thanks John for checking w people about getting help. So important!
I also think of this time as so important to rebirth to come. The seeds and roots need their rest to be able to go into active growth and “become”. It is important to honor that rest for all things to become and evolve for the work ahead to push through to the light,
I look forward to a lush, powerful spring and enjoy this needed physical and spiritual rest.
spudgun
@Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ: Please, please be safe – I know this goes without saying, but I don’t know what else to say and you’re in a very tough situation. I’m just so angry and sorry you’re going through this, and I hope it gets better.
Aleta
My brother died yesterday. Before this summer he’d been free of cancer for the last four years. We knew this would be his last encounter. His daughter died of cancer exactly a year ago + two days. I wonder if grief lowered his immune response. For the last 6 months I’ve been doing not-too-bad at getting out of depressions — from politics and what seems like increasing bad situations of those around, and crazy-meanness of relatives, and also house repair problems. My brother and niece were two of the gentlest people in my fam. Been extra down since yesterday in a worrisome way. thanks for listening.
spudgun
@Aleta: My condolences – I am so sorry.
Percysowner
Christmas is the worst time of year for me. It was always kind of odd, because my Dad’s parents would come to stay for Christmas and my Grandma did NOT like me or my Mom. Grandma was a daughter of the American Revolution and my Mom’s mom was an immigrant who came over when she was 9 from Hungary. So Xmas was never great. Then, the Christmas when I was 11, my mom had a heart attack and died before the ambulance got there.
Since then, I’ve had my first cat die a the week between Xmas and New Year’s. Pneumonia and a scratched cornea the week before Xmas. My appendix burst 2 weeks before Xmas. 14 years ago, my now Ex got mad at me on Xmas Eve and disappeared for the entire Xmas day. I few weeks later he admitted that he was seeing someone else, although he told me she was a good, respectable woman and that I should get over any idea that he was doing anything bad.
Basically, December 1 rolls around and I just white knuckle it until about mid-January. I mean, logically I know that other bad things have happened in months that aren’t December, but emotionally I think December is just cursed for me.
artem1s
@spudgun:
sorry to hear about your layoff. I went thru a pretty bad one myself back in 2006 – thanks W. I hope this propels you to a less toxic environment. It sucks having to look for a job when you are unemployed. I recommend getting in touch with a temp service while you still have unemployment. And it helps stretch it out. Kelly Services not only saved my finances, they saved my sanity and they ended up helping me find full time work again. Not everything about temp agencies is sucky.
I’ve been struggling with toxic workplace myself. It’s subtle in this case. So I try to remember I’m getting benefits and well paid even if I hate Mondays and can’t wait for Friday to roll around. Working with people who thrive on procrastination and chaos just wears me out. And there is no pleasure in completing a project knowing your supervisor has been busy setting fires the whole time you’ve been putting out the last one. It’s exhausting
I’ve been working on getting out for a little while now and had great interviews for an internal transfer to a position that is just right for me. That was right before Thanksgiving – and now silence. It may not be a Dead Parrot yet – so think good thoughts! Sending out good vibes for your search!
Laura Too
@Aleta: Oh my! So sorry,
Emma
@Aleta: Hang in there. Vent when you need to (everyone else does around here). Know that there are strangers out there who care for you.
Aleta
I’m so sorry you’re going through that. You’ve probably considered all options but I’ll mention this anyway: is there a women’s shelter that might give you access to counseling or other services?
Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ
@Aleta: I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you are here.
Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ
@spudgun: Thank you!
WaterGirl
@CaseyL: I think I remember the last time you were looking. Is that possible? That really sucks, it’s the money, the uncertainty, the loss of contact with the people you saw (the ones you liked!) every day. Hugs.
Aleta
@Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ: #68. was to you … stay safe and send news of how you’re doing, when you’re up for it.??
WaterGirl
@Jager: Just how many Mrs. Js do we have on this blog? Or are you guys all married to the same woman? :-)
If it’s the latter, I confess I will be a bit surprised. I wouldn’t have thought jackals would be good at that!
Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ
@Aleta: That’s a good idea actually, I will check it out. Thank you
frosty
@raven: Good luck to you!
WaterGirl
@Aleta: Oh, Aleta, I am so very sorry. Hugs and love.
Aleta
@spudgun:
@Laura Too:
@Emma:
@Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ:
Thanks for this. ?
NotMax
Appears to be mostly a surfeit of bread, skimpy on the fixins.
Is “spaghetti bar” local patois or just something you came up with?
raven
@spudgun: “Sometimes hearing about what other folks are going through makes me feel less alone, so thanks for saying it “out loud.”
Which is actually the only reason I posted my situation.
VOR
@Chris T.: Just do it, SAD lights are pretty cheap these days. They used to be big, bulky, expensive, needing special fluorescent tubes. Now they are thin LEDs with USB power. I bought a Verilux VT32 for $60 on Amazon.
danielx
Ever so sorry for the travails everyone seems to be going through – makes mine feel pretty minor.
A few years back I was seriously bummed about something, can’t remember what – spousal and daughter unit were out of town so I decided to stop in at a local establishment and have a couple of beers, just to be around people. There was some guy there playing guitar and singing and he was so bad I can’t describe it. He didn’t perform tunes, he desecrated them. I was so impressed by how awful he was that I was fascinated – I couldn’t leave. He finished his gig about a half hour after I got there and miraculously enough I felt ever so better when he quit. It’s the little things sometimes…
spudgun
@artem1s: I totally get it – I stayed at the toxic job because I was paid extremely well and the benefits were pretty good. Also, I was pretty goddam good at my job, despite having to work with some awful people. I wish you luck in your efforts to find a better situation!
And thanks so much for the encouragement! I’m definitely going to try agencies, and ziprecruiter seems to have jobs in my area of expertise – it’s just getting a handle on my anxiety long enough to start the search.
spudgun
@danielx: LOL!
Bluegirlfromwyo
Thankful for this group and the way we look out for each other. It’s so important this time of year and in this era.
zzyzx
Argh, just lost my post on depression due to a side link clicking instead.
I have two things that are keeping me going right now. One is intentionally using a stupid football team as a distraction. I spend my time thinking about the Seahawks, and by the time the season is over, it’s getting lighter again. That’s worked in the Russell Wilson era at least.
The other is that I’m a diabetic who controls it via exercise. My motivation to go to the gym every single damn day is to think about the new antisemitic movement. I’m not going to make their attempt to kill me any easier.
Cckids
@germy:
Me as well. It’s a major reason I moved from Vegas to the Seattle area; the unending sun was just oppressive. And we get sun at least part of lots of days here. Plus you don’t feel as though you live on the freaking surface of the sun eight months a year.
Much better.
spudgun
Oof, now I want to eat a hoagie…
Mary G
@Aleta: I am so sorry. My grandmother was 93 and in relatively good shape, still living alone, when my uncle died. He was her favorite kid and she just gave up and died about six months later. It just broke her heart. It was hard on my mother and uncle to lose both of them so close together. I’ll be holding you in the light.
Dev Null
fwiw there are lamps which provide “natural” sun spectrum radiation. The distaff side of ChezNull swear by them. Their lamp of preference is Philips’ goLite (which has been de-producted, but can be found on eBay). However their disdain for alternatives seems to be based on product aesthetics – the alternatives being “ugly”- so it’s likely that functional equivalents exist.
NotMax
@germy
Carpe noctem!
;)
zhena gogolia
Well Imma pray for everybody here. So many good people.
Dev Null
@VOR: again fwiw SAD lights work for the distaff units @ ChezNull. Recommended.
raven
@zhena gogolia: We’re in the middle of a refi and the guy I’m dealing with, a really nice dude, insists on “god bless you” at the end of every call. I don’t want to fuck this up but, when it’s done, I’m going to gently suggest he back off with that. Once in a while is ok but EVERY time!!!
LongHairedWeirdo
@VOR: Seconded.
I’ve seen people say they feel better with grow-lights. Grow-lights are not a good SAD treatment, because they have UV. You want to minimize UV exposure. Also, research suggests that *bright* light helps, but the spectrum isn’t as important.
I’ve also seen people say they feel better with “full spectrum” lights. Here, I have no cautions, but keep in mind that “full spectrum” doesn’t mean anything. Seriously. It’s not a federal regulation, nor is it considered a term of art in the industry. It means “we think you’ll like how colors look under this light.”
Thing is, if you say you do, honest-to-goodness, feel better, I’m not going to argue with you! Maybe bright, cheerful colors help, and maybe they’re all the help you need. If so, good for you!
But good, bright, UV-free light is the treatment of choice for SAD. Some lights have a more comfortable color “temperature” (that’s kind of what “full spectrum” describes), but while I heard that bluer light helps faster than redder light, both help, as long as you get enough.
Of course, also check the other, normal stuff. A person might not push themselves to go for a walk in the cold and gloom; a substitute exercise might help. A person might skip the after work coffee because it’s gloomy – maybe call a friend or write a letter. (Geez, I feel like I’m playing The Sims and looking for unmet needs – but, honestly, that *is* what I’m discussing, just in RL.)
frosty
I’m sending my best to everyone looking for work, living with a toxic job, toxic ex, toxic anything, those of you who’ve lost someone and anyone else facing difficulties and depression. I’ve been there but it was a long time ago; hang in there. The advice to look for small milestones is good. I’ve been celebrating the Solstice for almost a decade now/
MMM
Chris T.
@VOR:
Good grief, they’re down to the sub-$40 range. That particular model is about $35 now.
(Amazon have a Miroco brand one for $40 now that’s better rated, though.)
Kayla Rudbek
@Dev Null: Ott-Lite does natural spectrum lights, available at JoAnn’s and go on sale reasonably frequently there. I use them to tell the difference between navy blue and black yarn, so they can get quite bright.
lurker dean
@Aleta: oh geez, i’m so sorry.
and good thoughts for all who aren’t feeling well. i’m sure watching a third of our country destroy the rule of law doesn’t help.
Kayla Rudbek
And I just found out that my brother is having bad marital problems – sounds like he’s heading to a divorce.
Steeplejack (phone)
Guess I’ll gird my loins for the site going dark for a bit. I have updated all my open threads, so at least I can do some reading and catch up.
Citizen Alan
@Percysowner:
I’m oddly relieved that my family has given up even the vaguest pretense of “Christmas tradition.” We’re literally all getting gift cards for one another!
chopper
jesus this thread is a rough one. oy.
Ripley
Just before Thanksgiving – sorry, X-giving – I was feeling pretty low about some stuff and the situation of a work friend of mine, and just railing on myself with Budweiser and loud headphone music. I was texting some of my bandmates in our group text enough that my best friend started texting me solo.
I backed out a text of ‘I feel like my brain is cracking in half and my heart is cracking in half. WTF am I supposed to do?”
Not a minute later, I heard a FB message ding. It was a casual bar acquaintance, and genuinely nice guy, asking if I wanted him to plow my driveway after it stopped snowing. It was exactly what I needed to receive right then.
My angst was mostly of my own making. Sometimes we need to feel that angst and let our heart and soul get a little bit of a sunburn. But there are good people out there, thinking about us even when we don’t know it.
I don’t mean to trivialize anyone’s real problems, not at all. But don’t forget that perspective can create issues for us, and a tiny, tiny change in perspective can remind us that things are not so bad. And then we can take our turn helping the next person, and the next person…
opiejeanne
You’re a good egg, Mr John Cole. A very good egg.
Also, I’m still here.
debbie
The people I could talk to all voted for Trump, the assholes.
feebog
@Sab: Thanks. I did not share at the time, it all happened so fast, it was kind of overwhelming. We have a large extended family and we will be fine.
rikyrah
Sending you hugs, Cole ?
rikyrah
@feebog:
Sorry for your losses?????
dww44
@debbie:
LOL,That’s so perfect. It made my day.
feebog
@Aleta: as I shared upthread I lost my brother a couple months ago to liver cancer. We were all hoping he had months or even a year, turned out to be a few days. So sorry for your loss.
CapnMubbers
@germy:
@Jim, Foolish Literalist:
@Cckids: I’m another “hold the heat and the relentless sunshine” person. I look forward to the summer solstice every year, when the days start getting shorter even though there’re hot days and oppressive sunlight ahead. I’m dreading summers in southern Utah—I’m moving from NorCal to be close to my daughter. The last few days have been hard, visiting the vacant Paradise property and the very few friends I have left in the area, only one of whom still lives in Paradise. Seeing what the town is like now breaks my heart, a real physical pain. Too many years, too many memories, so much loss.
Jess
I hear ya, Cole. I’m feeling the same, but I did appreciate the post the other day about clearing the rubble and rebuilding. This is the first time in my life that I’ve felt that American democracy might be truly fucked, for realz. On the other hand, on a personal level, I’ve turned a corner with my fucked up disfunctional family. This summer I asked myself, what if I just let go? What if I just stop trying to save them or fix them, and just do what I need to do for myself? I’m now exploring that option to see how it plays out. I accept that I’ve reached my limit as to what I can do for them, and now I’m taking care of my own future. They can self-destruct without me. It breaks my heart, but I’m done fighting that particular battle.
Anyway, thanks for the opportunity to vent. You hang in there, buddy. We love you.
terben
@mrmoshpotato: Southern Australia, north of Adelaide.
Felanius Kootea
John, I agree with the suggestion upthread to get a lightbox. Moving to the US from a tropical country meant that I had no idea why I got really down in wintertime. More disturbing to me was that I’d always woken up with the sun and never needed an alarm clock and one day I slept until 11 a.m. and woke up thinking it was just 7 a.m. I finally went to see a campus doctor about it when I was in graduate school and she suggested using a lightbox for two weeks to see if that helped with symptoms. I bought a full spectrum one from Alaska Northern Lights and the first morning I turned it on and my roommate found an excuse to hang around the reading room where I was using it; she really liked the light. By the second day, I woke up at six a.m. with no alarm clock and had all kinds of energy. It was amazing! I had to be careful to stop using it at some point in mid-March because it made me really, really hyper when the days got longer. Best purchase I ever made.
Steeplejack (phone)
@Aleta:
I’m so sorry to hear this. You have my deepest sympathy and condolences. ?
Aleta
This thread … ?? a lot of perspective and positive steps from people like @zzyzx: @Bluegirlfromwyo: @danielx: @raven: @frosty, @Ripley, @spudgun
(+ thanks lurker dean?, Mary G ⭐️, Steeplejack ?+ WaterGirl ?)
@feebog So sorry for your losses. Also, thank you for bringing me in from the cold.
@Percysowner That’s truly rough. My sympathy.
Aleta
@Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ: This place, located in Arizona, looks well-connected and well-staffed and experienced enough to trust to get fast info by phone, or to get services (or to ask for referrals to anywhere in AZ or the US).
https://www.sojournercenter.org/support-services/
Their self-protection list is here :
https://www.sojournercenter.org/protect-yourself-your-children/
Besides safe housing their “MOBILE ADVOCACY” program serves
It offers
They also offer some shelter and trauma care for the pets in Maricopa Cty. (Some people stay in dangerous situations because they have nowhere to take animals to safety if they flee.)
Aleta
@Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ:
Sojourner Center is located in Arizona.
Aleta
@Mrs. D. Ranged in AZ:
About Sojourner Center:
Service area is the entire state of Arizona
Emergency Services (9)
Legal and Financial Assistance Services (10)
Housing Services (3)
Support Services (10)
Children’s Services (13)
Counseling Services (5)
Community Educational Services (2)
Populations Served :
Demographics (5)
Populations (10)
https://www.domesticshelters.org/help/az/phoenix/85006/sojourner-center
If you ever need to travel outside AZ, their staff would also be good at referrals to other reliable, safe organizations that could respond to your situation.
Aleta
@Aleta: From link at #120, for Sojourner Center
Included in Support Services are
(Nontraditional medical stuff, like holistic medicine, was also mentioned)
Counseling Services (5)