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You are here: Home / Politics / An Unexamined Scandal / Snark Open Thread: The “President” Is Perfectly Fine!

Snark Open Thread: The “President” Is Perfectly Fine!

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… … and furthermore I think my relationship with her receptionist may be permanently strained.
“Could you see me sooner if I just did half of it and then the other half later?” I asked, and the scheduler patiently began to explain that unfortunately this was not and had never been how physicals worked.

But just because my primary care physician was unaware that this was how things worked, that does not mean that Donald Trump is not aware. He just wanted to see half of what was wrong (nothing), and he will go back later when he has a free moment. He did the important half of the physical — the doctor banged his knee with the tiny hammer but did not check to see whether it made his leg kick, took his systolic but not his diastolic blood pressure, measured half his height, and discovered that he weighs just slightly over 120 pounds! That all seems great. The results are back, and half of him is 100 percent fine!…

Although when Hillary Clinton coughed, ever, it meant that she was at the brink of death (this is medical science; her humors were out of balance, and her womb was roving through her body), Donald Trump’s sudden decision to just go to visit a doctor and do half his annual physical is not cause for concern. His word is good. He has as many white blood cells as he had people at his inauguration, and his blood pressure is as low as his poll numbers aren’t. He would never lie to us about something important…

I am only half concerned.

Reader Interactions

91Comments

  3. 3.

    Enhanced Voting Techniques

    The funny part of it is Trump is so paranoid about showing his age this concern over his health might be enough to give him a stroke.

     

    Still, it’s not funny mocking the health concerns of another person, even if the person in question is a narcissistic, racist, rapist, lying, bullying, cowardly, treacherous fraud of a buffoon who literally pimped children and tried robbing his own father on his father death bed.

     

    My thoughts and prayers are with him.

  4. 4.

    Lapassionara

    So if the issues were not urgent or acute, they must have been chronic.

  5. 5.

    trollhattan

    They should just nail a wax Trump to a Roomba and let that stand in for him. Who’d know the difference?

  6. 6.

    Zinsky

    Sorry, Enhanced Voting Techniques, I hope Trump has a major cerebral hemorrhage, incapacitating his fat ass permanently or ending his pathetic life.  It would be the best and highest good for the most people in the world.

  7. 7.

    MomSense

    I’ve seen some videos where it looked like he had foot drop and no movement of his arm while walking – both on his right side.

     

    It was a video where he was greeting people with Melania.  I think it was a group of White House visitors.  Not sure I could find the link now.  I saw it on twitter a few months ago when a doctor posted it with comments about possible post stroke symptoms.

  8. 8.

    Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony

    @trollhattan: Obviously, the wax Trump on the Roomba would be better at foreign policy.

  9. 9.

    Mary G

    …this is medical science; her humors were out of balance, and her womb was roving through her body.

    This would be hilarious if it wasn’t the actual level of knowledge of a majority of Republican men.

  10. 10.

    MattF

    I suppose Trump can get a physical exam on a Saturday afternoon… although most people would need to wait for more typical doctor’s office hours. In fact, I’m guessing that he felt a sudden need for a quick tour of downtown Bethesda, and figured that while he was there, he could also get some medical tests done, because, umm, why not?

  12. 12.

    Roger Moore

    “Specifically, he did not undergo any specialized cardiac or neurologic evaluations.”

    “Also, there was no procedure to remove anything lodged in his anus.”

  13. 13.

    Sister Machine Gun of Quiet Harmony

    @Zinsky: I can’t agree.  I don’t want Trump dead.  I want him in jail.  I want him to be a living, breathing example of where this kind of corruption lands you.

  14. 14.

    dr. bloor

    Wow, Obama’s former doctor is telling @ErinBurnett that Trump is having major neurological problems, especially with “word-finding,” and suggests he could be having small strokes.

    I’m glad that’s Obama’s former doctor, who’s coloring outside the lines here.  Trump might well have a massive stroke and drop dead tomorrow, but when your subject also has a history of behavioral and probable learning issues dating back to childhood, “word finding problems” is not what you want to base a diagnosis on, particularly when your talking into a microphone.

  18. 18.

    JPL

    @MattF: When he approached the car, it appeared that he didn’t have a tie on.  That would be unusual since he always wants to be tv ready.   We can deduce that it wasn’t chest related, but the doc didn’t rule out brain stuff as far as I know.

  19. 19.

    debbie

    Can’t imagine Adderall would be good for a stroke victim. They need to give him something like Valium to calm him down.

  22. 22.

    Roger Moore

    @MattF:

    I suppose Trump can get a physical exam on a Saturday afternoon… although most people would need to wait for more typical doctor’s office hours.

    I can and have had a physical on a Saturday.  Kaiser is good about that kind of thing.  They’re paying a lot of money for their facilities, so they figure they should be using them for more than 40 hours a week.

  23. 23.

    Chyron HR

    @dr. bloor:

    but when your subject also has a history of behavioral and probable learning issues dating back to childhood

    Ah-HA, Dr. Burnett, contrary to your wild speculation, the president of the United States is in fact just developmentally disabled!  Checkmate!

  24. 24.

    MomSense

    @dr. bloor: 

    I think examples like Nambia are because of ignorance, but there have been other examples of common words he just cannot find and sometimes substitutes common words that are phonetically similar but completely different in meaning. If there weren’t such a marked difference between trump’s speech patterns now and decades ago, I might agree with you.

  27. 27.

    Duane

    It would really be something if Trumpov died in office from natural causes. The Cletus Klan would claim the liberals killed their president. Oh the martyrdom! The rendering of MAGA garments!

  29. 29.

    dr. bloor

    @MomSense: He’s a narcissistic character under more pressure than he’s ever experienced, and he’s probably got a fuckton of meds on board.  I agree the really tight patter he once had is long gone, but trying to tease out developmental, personality, and more proximal issues on teevee is a fool’s errand.

     

    Also, too, “sometimes substitutes common words that are phonetically similar but completely different in meaning” is classic dyslexia.

     

    @Chyron HR: That’s not “developmentally disabled,” and he has company in Disney’s Hall of Presidents, or whatever the fuck they’re calling it these days.

  31. 31.

    germy

    It’s the way he ran to his waiting car, with no tie on.  It looked urgent, not the way he usually swaggers.

  36. 36.

    jl

    @Mary G: “her humors were out of balance, and her womb was roving through her body”

     

    I’m sure the analysis of Trumpster MAGA science would be:

     

    In Trump’s case, clearly excess of yellow bile, overactive gall bladder, leading to a choleric temper, and hot bodily winds. Except that usually happens in younger people during the summer. So, a strange case, but probably evidence of Trump’s youthful vigor and ability to endure the gelid infectious airs of late autumn as if it were a mild Spring day. Therefore, excellent news.

  39. 39.

    Kent

    It is of course, “irresponsible not to speculate.”  As we all know.

     

    If the White House chooses to be deliberatively secretive here about a topic of national interest and concern, they have only themselves to blame if the country engages in the Trump version of “Kremlinology” vis a vis his medical condition.

     

    The man is putting himself forward as the GOP standard bearer for 2020.  Which would make him 78 or 79 when he leaves office at the end of his second term.  We have the right to know whether he is up for the job.

  40. 40.

    RSA

    I love Alexandra Petri, mostly for her writing, but also because she’s a new talent, a recognizable voice who’s reached national prominence just within the past few years. It’s heartening to know that at least sometimes talent can lead to success.

  43. 43.

    Kent

    I figured the Walter Reed visit was for some kind of scan.

     

    That would make the most sense.  For an MRI or CAT scan for which they don’t have the equipment in the White House and can’t haul it there.  Labs, and all the other routine medical exam procedures they can most certainly handle in the White House medical office which is no doubt superbly equipped.   And any specialist they would want to see Trump can easily be called to the White House.  So it has to be for some scan or procedure that cannot be done in an ordinary setting.  Either an exam that requires general aesthetic or a scan that requires specialized equipment.

  45. 45.

    Ceci n est pas mon nym

    @Zinsky:

    Sorry, no. Before that happens I need him to be fully aware when he is removed from office, his tax returns released, he and his criminal family jailed, and his assets stripped in bankruptcy court.

     

    After he’s behind bars, ok.

  48. 48.

    mrmoshpotato

    @MomSense: I’m sorry, but I cannot believe even as a joke that the healthiest Commander in Chief this country has ever had, and who’s going to live to be 200 (lots of prison time ahead) doesn’t the bestliest teeth ever!  Period!

  50. 50.

    Jeffro

    @MomSense: ok, true

     

    I don’t care how old I am when the day finally comes or how many grandkids I have…this is staying on the bucket list near the top

  54. 54.

    Jay C

    @Ceci n est pas mon nym:

     

    I wouldn’t be dissatisfied (much) with an end to Trump’s saga resembling that of Empress Carlota of Mexico*. Sent out of Mexico when Maximilian got called to target practice, she supposedly broke down mentally, and was never told of her husband’s execution: and spent the rest of her life on a Belgian estate, waiting for him to return (and speaking Spanish to all her servants), while her brother, the King, diligently looted her accounts.

     

    Trump can live on as “President-in-Exile” at Mar-a-Lago (or any convenient prison): having everyone call him “Mr. President” and tweeting away on his (nonworking) phone, giving “news conferences” where he can curse at Democrats, etc: just so he’s out of the REAL WH as soon as possible….

     

    *almost certainly not an accurate story.

  55. 55.

    Dan B

    @dr. bloor:  I’ve heard about videis of Trump from the 80’s and into the early aughts where he spoke faster, had a noticeably larger vocabulary, and did not have regular trouble with words.  These videos should provude some baseline.  Age and lack of sleep or excessive use of sudafed or adderol could contribute but it seems reasonable to wonder if he is experiencing cognitive decline.  I wouldn’t call it any more than speculation.  And there has been reason to believe that something is suspect.

     

    And we may not know until something terrible happens.  We don’t often get perfect knowledge before it is too late to reverse course.  We all have experienced events that we came through but later see the warning signs clearly, you know, hindsight.

  56. 56.

    StringOnAStick

    I suspect he’s been having TIA’s (transient ischemic attacks), basically mini-strokes but he is so good at bullying and blustering that his staff didn’t react to the first bunch of them because of fear basically.  Aphasia (can’t find his words) is common in strokes as well.  His lifetime of bad dietary habits and extremely sedentary lifestyle are a perfect set up for a stroke, often preceded by a bunch of little strokes.

     

    I don’t want him to stroke out and die though.  I want him to rot in jail, penniless and with Jared in the next cell plus Barr for company.  He can stroke out there.

  57. 57.

    Mnemosyne

    @dr. bloor:

    I still find it quite likely that he has ADHD, speaking as someone who has it and recognizes it in others, but it’s pretty common for dyslexia and ADHD to be comorbid, so we could both be right.

  58. 58.

    Patricia Kayden

    Asking Zelensky to investigate the Bidens has nothing to do with the 2020 election? Really? How naive do defenders of Trump think we all are?— Michael McFaul (@McFaul) November 20, 2019

  59. 59.

    Jay

    Remote diagnosing Dolt 45 when you could be writing Postcards for Votes or 1001 other things isn’t just medical malpractice,…..

  61. 61.

    Anya

    OT: aren’t Giuliani and Perry in violation of

    The Foreign Corrupt Practices Act of 1977? Did the previous congress water it down?

  62. 62.

    Chetan Murthy

    @StringOnAStick:  I don’t want him to stroke out and die though. I want him to rot in jail, penniless and with Jared in the next cell plus Barr for company. He can stroke out there.

    Is it possible that enforced near-starvation could get him into better shape, maybe prolong his life IN PRISON?  If so, I’d really be up for that.  We could visit him while we eat ice cream, hot dogs, hamberders, filet-o-fish.

  64. 64.

    Gvg

    I would prefer that he go to jail after convincing and clear trial, however if he did have a stroke or otherwise fail, I do think it would trigger a power struggle, because he has such terrible people all around him who all want power and don’t like each other. It would be a shark pit, and all the evidence would come rolling out to double cross each other. His terrible people don’t all have the same terrible goals and they are all greedy.

  65. 65.

    Chetan Murthy

    @mrmoshpotato: I think having to rot in prison for decades would be a wonderful punishment for him.  And a reminder to every White Nationalist what lies in store for them.

  67. 67.

    Chetan Murthy

    @mrmoshpotato:  Can you pay for my share of that?

    We can easily afford it after we confiscate all the assets he laundered for Vladi and his buds.  Civil forfeiture, donchyano ?

  69. 69.

    Hkedi [Kang T. Q.]

    @Roger Moore:

    People would quickly notice the replacement was more coherent and had better diction.

    And you know what we would hear from the press about it?  “He’s finally grown into the office!”     *headdesk

  72. 72.

    Bill Arnold

    Trumps doctor says that “despite some of the speculation, the President has not had any chest pain, nor was he evaluated or treated for any urgent or acute issues.”
    “Specifically, he did not undergo any specialized cardiac or neurologic evaluations.”

    This is consistent with a hypertension crisis.
    That’s my tentative guess. (Not a MD, and weird reasons, but it is consistent.)
    Perhaps noticed because of tinnitus. (Which can also be aggravated by both hypertension and atherosclerosis).

  73. 73.

    Fair Economist

    “No *specialized* cardiac or neuro exam” is a weirdly specific denial and implies he *did* have a cardiac or neurological exam, just not “specialized”, which means it could hace been almost any exam.

     

    Is this the same doc who was lying about his weight?

  75. 75.

    chopper

    President Trump is healthy as a horse, or half a horse, a centaur.

    makes sense, since he stands has the posture of one.

  77. 77.

    FlyingToaster

    As someone who spent ‘way too much of her childhood in doctors’ offices, let me note:

     

    Trump could have said, “I had a weird-looking mole, but it turned out to be nothing”, and everyone over the age of 50 would have understood why he trucked out to Walter Reed.  And nobody would have thought a bit about it afterward.

     

    Physicals are annual snapshots.  You can’t split them up, it’s all or nothing.  So something was weird, and Trump got a scan or a needle biopsy, and he can’t be bothered to make up a believable lie.

     

    What a tool.

  82. 82.

    Geeno

    My thoughts were summed by a tweet in John’s twitter log. “Remember, Donald Trump has a family, so if anything really is wrong with him, let us hope and pray that it’s contagious.”

  84. 84.

    Ruckus

    @mrmoshpotato:

    Isn’t he the only one with the opinion that his brain is in any way satisfactory? OK other than people whose brains are obviously broken – they think he’s good as well and that’s obvious mental illness.

  85. 85.

    Ruckus

    @Kent:

    We have the right to know whether he is up for the job.

    He’s not.

    Of that there is no question. Even if his health was 100%, he’s not capable of doing the job. Bad health just makes the situation worse.

    He’s never been capable of doing the job at any age, he’s been a disaster of a human being his entire life.

  86. 86.

    jonas

    As numerous folks on Twitter have already observed, the Walter Reed visit was no doubt for an emergency procedure to remove an impaction of several dozen Republican representatives and senators from the president’s colon.

  87. 87.

    Mnemosyne

    @CliosFanBoy:

     

    One of the funniest chapters in Julia Sweeney’s autobiographical book “God Says Ha!” is when they misplace one of her ovaries after cancer surgery. They put it back in, but it wanders away now that it doesn’t have to deal with that whole Fallopian tube anymore. ?

  88. 88.

    Jay Noble

    Somewhere a I read a bit of snark that speculated that Trump had OD’d on some little blue pills, it was way past 4 hours and while the White House med center is good, they aren’t exactly “up” to treating that.

  89. 89.

    randy khan

    @RSA:

     

    I love Alexandra Petri, mostly for her writing, but also because she’s a new talent, a recognizable voice who’s reached national prominence just within the past few years. It’s heartening to know that at least sometimes talent can lead to success.

    You said it much better than I could have.

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