Take a break from fuckery all day, every day. It’ll still be there when you’re ready to deal with it.
Go breathe. Go create something.
The feeling I have is that the constant crap we have to deal with is to prevent us from saying, “hey, we can make the world a bit better”. When we have room to breathe, time to focus on breathing, we have ideas. We gain strength, release anger and tension. We think clearer and for those of us with souls, we feel human and humanity towards others. So stop for a while tonight. Enjoy something. Write a few lines. Laugh at something. Feel unabashedly in love with a person, a story, a piece of music. Forget the bullshit of adulthood and expectations. Be intensely you – and enjoy how great you are.
You earned it. Obligatory cat pic from my library of shots during my tenure in animal behaviour.
NotMax
You had me right up until cat.
Major Major Major Major
Well put.
I for one am off to dreamland.
NotMax
@Major Major Major Major
Cue Judy G.
;)
ruemara
@NotMax: Did you want a dog? Honestly, I was going to embed a video of a cozy marsupial having noms.
Felanius Kootea
I’m having hot cocoa after a bad day. A friend’s nephew had a mental break at college. Apparently college is the age where bipolar disorder and some forms of schizophrenia manifest but I can’t stop thinking that there’s something just not right with the country right now that kids are picking up on. USC has had 9 student deaths this semester. One of our students snapped and the arrival of the student’s parents made the student act out even worse. No one wants to be the one to authorize a 5150 hold but how do you help someone who’s a danger to themselves and doesn’t even see it?
Sigh.
Mnemosyne
I won a NaNoWriMo mug full of Halloween candy at tonight’s write-in, so that was nice.
I kept getting beaten in the last few word sprints I participated in, so I was starting to worry that I was losing my touch.
prostratedragon
I like kitty. And on this 32in monitor I have, the image is far, far larger than life (but also with great definition). Some evocative music and video:
Comrade Colette Collaboratrice
Our 16-year-old son appears to be having a nervous breakdown. He’s asleep now, but we’re taking him to the hospital tomorrow.
prostratedragon
@Felanius Kootea: My goodness, I just realized that this is only November. Nine would be cause for extra concern even over the whole year I would think. With all that’s going on not just to hand, but at the distant horizon, I wonder how young people are perceiving their future.
MomSense
Sending you all big hugs. FYWP doesn’t show this as a reply to Comrade Collaboratrice.
Yutsano
I’m trying to figure out how to get AsianGRRLMN, Valdivam or RedKitten back around these parts. I know why they left but still…I miss their voices.
ruemara
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: I am so sorry. Sending love and support.
Ruckus
@Felanius Kootea:
There is really no good way out. A 5150 is just sometimes necessary. What makes this seem worse now is that, first there are just more people so even if the % hasn’t gone anywhere it will be more noticeable. Also we have rapid, wide spread communications, so you will hear about more, because the news is IMPORTANT and has to be shouted from the roof tops. It’s what makes lower crime seem worse. And of course the conservative assholes have to use that to belittle anyone in any way, how ever slight, different from their ideal. Which they of course never get even close to, which makes them think that everyone is like them.
In case you are wondering I worked as a mental health counselor in the mid to late 70s. It was the same then.
Felanius Kootea
@Yutsano:Why did AsianGRRLMN and RedKitten leave? I think I remember that AsianGRRLMN had her own blog but I’m not 100% sure. I remember some cute baby pics from RedKitten.
Is hovercraft still on BJ (maybe using a new nym)?
Felanius Kootea
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: Sorry to hear this. Hope things get better.
Ruckus
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:
Hope everything is better tomorrow.
@Felanius Kootea:
Wasn’t trying to trivialize your day, just that this stuff happens and has been happening for a long time. It’s nature, it’s actually rather often unpredictable as hell.
Felanius Kootea
@Ruckus:
Oh I didn’t take it that way at all. It’s just frustrating not knowing how to help (I teach students but I don’t have any mental health training) or what the right thing to say is. We do have a clinical psychologist and LCSW but not every student wants to go that route.
Mnemosyne
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:
I’m sorry. I hope all goes as smoothly as possible.
There’s a YA novel called “Challenger Deep” that author Neal Shusterman wrote as a fictionalized version of his teenaged son’s breakdown (with his son’s permission and consultation once it was all over). IIRC, they went through several diagnoses because he had a psychotic break but treating him for bipolar disorder turned out to be best solution and he is still doing well today.
Betty Cracker
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: I hope he gets the help he needs and feels better soon.
Martin
@Felanius Kootea: Sometimes you have to help them down that path. Referring students usually doesn’t work. Taking them by the hand and telling them you’ll walk them through and help with the intake almost always works. Takes time, but it works. I’ve done that with hundreds of students. Only ever lost one, which I’ll never get over.
5150 is tricky. My daughter has been through that twice. One was warranted, the other I disagreed with. Part of the issue is that the behavioral health units are stressful places, so for students struggling with anxiety (which is by far the biggest problem we see in our students) then it can be aggravating rather than helpful. The best thing about her 2nd visit was that she had just turned 18 and checked herself out AMA, which was very empowering for her – something she needed.
I wish there were units that were better suited for anxious/depressive students, many of whom may feel anxious due to a loss of control (this test/project is due and I’m not ready and I can’t do anything about it). My daughter had a roommate that was clearly delusional that she was afraid of. Didn’t help her sense of loss of control.
Debbie(Aussie)
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: I’m so sorry! I hope he and you get all the help you need and your son recovers. My daughter went through a very rough time at the same. ???
sfinny
Colette: Hoping for the best tomorrow. My niece went through some very hard times from age 12 to 20, but is doing so well now (she is 23).
Felanius Kootea
@Martin: Thanks for this – I really appreciate it. How do you help them with the intake – do you speak to the psychologist first or just walk the student over and wait/be available if they still want you to be there?
Sorry to hear about your daughter’s experience with 5150.
Amir Khalid
@MomSense:
You need to double-click on the Reply button. Which does feel a little strange, but apparently the site rebuild has not hindered FYWP’s ability to F with us.
opiejeanne
@ruemara: Thanks for posting a photo of a darling kitty. Is that a standard housecat kitten? Or is that something that grows up to be somewhat larger than a housecat?
opiejeanne
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: I am so sorry, but glad you’re taking care of him. Good luck to you all and I’ll be thinking of you.
opiejeanne
@Yutsano: Did they get bullied? I miss them too. Isn’t your wife on twitter?
And I’m glad you are out of the hospital now. Take care of yourself.
Betty Cracker
My husband lost a brother this week — a sudden thing. We had no idea he was sick, but he had cancer and didn’t tell anyone. He was admitted to the hospital for pneumonia and listed my husband as next-of-kin on his admission papers, but he didn’t call us or anyone else in the family. When he took a turn for the worse and lost consciousness, the hospital called my husband to make medical decisions, which was the first we knew about it. Within a week, he was gone. Everyone is still in shock over it.
BIL lived fairly close by, but we didn’t see him all that often since he was a workaholic. Mostly we saw each other at holidays. The last time I saw him was several weeks ago when we were both visiting their mom in the hospital after she had minor surgery. He looked a bit thinner than usual, but he seemed fine. We took a walk around the hospital grounds when the nurses kicked us out of Mom’s room temporarily during our visit, and if he was in pain, he certainly hid it well. He was in his mid-50s. Gone way too soon.
My mother-in-law is one of the kindest people I know. I hate it that she has to deal with such an awful thing, but despite her gentleness, she’s tough as nails, and she’s getting through it as well as anyone could. My husband is mostly angry about it, which is how he copes. I’m running interference so he doesn’t snap at his siblings, who are irritating him by focusing on minutiae, as he sees it. That’s how they cope.
I cope by cooking and making sure everyone stays fed and hydrated. And getting up in the middle of the night to listen to the rain and read blogs. We all have our mechanisms, I suppose.
Sab
I am so sorry for you and your family.
This is a sad object lesson for some of us. I am, in meatspace, intensely private, although I am married. Health issues have an impact not only on the patient, but also on the family.
I try to keep my health issues to myself. That is probably a bad choice.
eclare
My deepest condolences, Betty.
Chris T.
@Betty Cracker:
That’s a pretty good way to cope.
Maybe less good…
Indeed…
opiejeanne
@Betty Cracker: I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m glad you understand that the various people are coping each in their own way, and I wish you all comfort and peace.
satby
Ruemara, this is so true:
satby
@Felanius Kootea: So sorry, that’s tough.
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: I know this is late, but I hope for the best outcome for you all. It’s such a scary thing.
satby
@Betty Cracker: Condolences to all your family Betty. A sudden death is always hard, then to know that the person held back the terminal news adds pain to the survivors. May he rest in and your family gain peace.
Felanius Kootea
@Betty Cracker: My condolences on your loss. Cooking is good – everyone forgets that they need to stay nourished in stressful times (at least in my family).
@satby: Thank you.
Can’t seem to get to sleep tonight (well, now early morning LA time).
I’m going to try again.
O. Felix Culpa
@Yutsano: I miss their contributions and would love to have them back too. Also glad that you’re out of the hospital. Sending best wishes for strength and health.
O. Felix Culpa
@Betty Cracker: What a grievous shock and loss for all of you. Sending love and virtual hugs to you and your husband’s family.
WaterGirl
@Yutsano: I miss so many of the peeps who are no longer here. It’s my hope that people might hear on some other blog that Balloon Juice has a new site, stop by to see what it looks like, and then by some miracle will end up staying!
@ruemara up top: I can’t wait to read your first few posts and all the comments. Maybe next week.. I was able to take a quick look at your first post, and I was so happy to see that it’s a classic.
As I was doing the little bios for the individual author pages, I clicked on each author, went to the bottom of the page, clicked on the last page, then looked at the last post on that page to find the date of their first post. It was so great to read those first posts – I was so struck by the way each person revealed themselves, in a single first post. Classic Betty, classic Tom, etc. So great. Your first post did that, too, Rue. So happy you are on the front page.
ThresherK
Condolences from our hearts to yours.
WaterGirl
@MomSense: My theory is that sometimes you don’t get the @person for your first reply, but that subsequent replies on a thread work just fine. Can you drop me a line and let me know whether that seems true for you? Or not!
P.S. Did you ever get my last email message a month or two ago? Hoping you are not mad at me! :-)
WaterGirl
@Yutsano: I miss those voices, too. Maybe you can convince them that second chances are good. :-)
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: I am so sorry you and your family are going through that. Big hugs.
WaterGirl
@Betty Cracker: So sad. You are so wise, and I feel certain that you are helping everyone. :: tears ::
Elizabelle
Gorgeous photos, ruemara. Did you take them? And wise words on stepping away to regroup.
@ Betty Cracker: my condolences. What a shock for your family. You’re all in my thoughts.
@ Felanius and Comrade Collette: Plz keep us posted. Hoping for good outcomes for the young people in trauma.
J R in WV
@Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:
So sorry for your family troubles. I hope you find great support and treatment for not only your 16-y-o son for for everyone distraught over the circumstances!
Best of luck…
J R in WV
@Betty Cracker:
Sorry for your loss, Betty.
I lost a dear friend I was quite fond of that way. She was an RN who worked ICU, and when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, she just had a lumpectomy and declined chemo or radiation. So it came back a couple of times as minor tumors, which she had removed with (in retrospect) pretty silly excuses to her family and friends.
So when I heard she was ill, she was at home with Hospice care and died a couple of days later, it was a shock to her community of friends. Still miss her. But to be the medical contact for your brother, and to have that unexpected call from the hospital to make decisions for your brother, that’s an amazing shocking blow…
Take care!
Mel
@Felanius Kootea: So sorry about your friend’s nephew.
I do think there’s something about the hormonal downshift in the two or three years at the end of puberty, added to the big life change of leaving home and familiar sleep, diet, and socialization patterns that puts first year college kids under quite a lot of both biologic and situational stress.
Quite a few of students I worked with who had well-managed mental illness prior to the transition found that they required pretty significant changes or dosage adjustments to their meds, as well as much more intensive / frequent talk therapy in order to stay stable during their freshman year.
In the three months after 9/11, our offices were flooded daily with kids for whom we managed intervention plans, but also with kiddos who had been adapting well to college life, for whom the grief and deep sense of uncertainty acted as a catalyst. We saw kids who had no prior indicators of any mental health concerns just reach a sudden crisis point.
So, I think you’re absolutely right.
Add social unrest and a visibly uncertain future to the mix, and it can quickly become an overwhelming combination.
Mel
@Betty Cracker: Betty, I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family.
StringOnAStick
@Betty Cracker: So sorry for your loss. You are wise to note how each person copes; your husband and his siblings are too emotionally jagged right now to see this in each other as they deal with their pain.
We had a close friend take the same approach; I think he couldn’t bear having people be emotional about his diagnosis so he swore one friend to secrecy and put her in charge of telling people once he was gone.