Gerald’s mother has been in an out of the hospital for the past week, and she was readmitted Thursday night and had a major cardiac event and has been there ever since. To help take the load off him and his wife, the kids have been staying with me so he can stay at the hospital. It’s been fine, but they can be a touch exhausting at the time. I think what I notice the most is the constant incessant chatter. It’s just nonstop. It’s not that it is irritating, it’s just that I am not used to it. No opportunity to vocalize is left unused. If they were dogs, they would be Thurston.
Also, I have had more discussions about farts in the last 48 hours than in the previous ten years.
At any rate, last night we had burgers, beans and franks, and fries with milkshakes for dessert, and this morning we got up and took care of their dogs and mine, and then drove up to the seasonal opening of the apple orchard. They had never been, and I was excited about getting some apples, so it was a fun time. We even got to do a fun rendition of “he’s touching me he won’t stop touching me DOMINIC GOD DAMNIT STOP TOUCHING HER OR I WILL TIE YOU TO THE ROOF LIKE AUNT EDNA.” Picked up apples for my parents, my brother, and me- they had ginger gold, zestar, and one other whose name I forget.
Tonight for dinner we are doing fajitas, rice and beans, and street corn with grilled peaches and ice cream for dessert. I’m afraid to even think about what godawful movie they are going to make me watch.
***
I have seen a couple questions about the new website in the comments of other posts. It is still underway, just currently working on the database to deal with the 85 billion comments and images that need to be recombobulated or whatever the technical term is. It won’t be long. Watergirl will update some time soon.
Josie
Thanks for the chuckles, John. You take me back to my own childhood and that of my grown boys. Kids are so maddening and so much fun.
ETA: Now I’m getting to do it a third time with my precious granddaughters.
Skepticat
You. Are. A. Very. Brave. Man. (And a good one, which goes without saying after all this time.)
Catherine D.
Fewer beans might mean fewer fart jokes ?
Spanky
I think you need to feed them moar beans. That’ll get things cranked up, in a manner of speaking.
FlyingToaster
I only have the one kid (generally quiet), but there are times that she drives me wild. Like right this minute when she’s pulling out all the stops trying to avoid violin practice.
You’re doing fine. At least they won’t eat your shoes.
ET
Your parents are reading this post and laughing. At you.
James E Powell
More beans, Mr Cole?
JPL
Thinking good thoughts for Gerald’s mom.
Baud
If you want to cut that number in half, feel to delete mine.
James E Powell
@Baud:
Same with anything I ever wrote here. I can’t think of anything I ever said that merits a retrievable archive.
hells littlest angel
It’s a mystery.
SiubhanDuinne
I see from other comments that I am not the first to make this connection.
ETA, should have put this first, before the fart comment: All best wishes and thoughts for Gerald’s mother. Speedy and comfortable recovery to her.
jeffreyw
NotMax
Heck, why not top everything off with bean ice cream?
;)
dmsilev
Fixed.
trollhattan
The Magical Fruit will not be denied.
Ah, boys.
trollhattan
@jeffreyw:
Sigh. Again?
Sirhan Sirhan was stabbed in prison, but not dead. I’m unmoved. Fucker changed history, and not in a good way.
Keith P.
This post reads like the beginning of a Greater Tuna novel.
Mary G
I am happy to report that my in June my teen housemate finished all his requirements for being reinstated at school – therapy sessions, 40 hours of community service that he had to do twice because he lost the signed form when he was almost done, and passed the drug/alcohol tests along the way.
Then three days later he went AWOL and came home and blew a 0.08 on the breathalyzer. His mother banished him to Palm Springs to stay with his great aunt and great grandfather all summer. They have AC but don’t like to run it.
He has been back for three weeks having developed an appreciation for the weather and the beach here. He’s doing well at school, passed all the daily breath tests and is teaching himself to play the guitar. Next month he turns 16 and can get a part time job. It’s great to see because all his friends have been expelled and in and out of juvie jail. Hopefully he can get some better ones.
SiubhanDuinne
@jeffreyw:
Ah crap.
JPL
@jeffreyw: Shit! They want everyone to stay off the road and shelter in place, but I’m not sure how they notify everyone.
rikyrah
Kids are a handful.
You are good people, Cole.??
rikyrah
@jeffreyw:
Da phuq????
NotMax
@JPL
Frggiin’ bluebonics. When did we give up saying remain indoors?
JPL
@NotMax: No worries, the president has been notified. We are saved!
hells littlest angel
@jeffreyw: The New York Times has a story about this if you just scroll past all the stories about Donald Trump’s moronic antics.
JPL
NYTimes is saying two dead and twenty injured.
JPL
Suspect in custody
I guess one suspect in custody and they are still telling people to stay inside.
CBS7 https://www.cbs7.com/livestream
trollhattan
@JPL:
Thoughts ‘n prayers for Trump’s phone.
RAVEN
THE NEW YORK TIMES!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE????????
J R in WV
Beans, beans, the magical fruit…
The more you eat, the more you toot!
The more you toot, the better you feel!!
So Beans! Beans! with every meal!
My dad, who was by turns a dapper turned out gentleman, and a pretty funny dad, taught us that when I was really young. We laughed our young asses off, and Mom turned red, trying NOT to laugh, but it was homeless.
More importantly, best wishes to Gerald’s Mom. Being in the hospital is no fun under any circumstances, and when it’s actually serious, even less so.
You are pretty close to a saint helping out your friends all over the continent!
I’m trying to learn MS Windoz 10, after 11 years away from the MS environment. I remembered that one of the recently retired laptops came with Windows, and we pulled the original harddrive, put in a new empty one, and installed a fresh copy of Ubuntu Linux. So I replaced that HD, and a neighborhood shop installed an upgrade to Win 10.
Now I’m waiting, waiting while MS updates that version… OMG it is SLOW. I’m doing all this for two reasons… one is to test BJ Version New on more platforms with Watergurl, and the other is to use the laptop with a Canon scanner to image old family photos I’ve borrowed from my cousin, who was in town when they closed up Grandma’s farmhouse. So he got a lot of the best loot. But there are hundreds of documents, a diary, letters, photos… I’ll be a busy boy for a while.
ETA fix poem…
Mike in DC
Must be a day ending in y in the US. It’s too bad that the most powerful, prosperous and technologically advanced civilization in the history of the planet is completely powerless to even reduce the incidence of this by, say, 5% or more. If only there were something that could be done…
zhena gogolia
@Catherine D.:
My thoughts exactly. And the absence of the Oxford comma (if that’s what it is, anyway, some kind of comma) gives me visions of fries smothered in milkshakes and street corn drenched in grilled peaches and ice cream.
zhena gogolia
@Baud:
I would LOVE it if all my comments were deleted! I don’t want Bret Stephens writing to my provost!
Jay
Steve in the ATL
@RAVEN: indeed. We should be focused in Georgia State possibly taking down Tennessee today!
Steve in the ATL
@Jay: Memphis Magazine has always been liberal, unless it’s changed very recently. Who else is running that they might not like her?
Raven
@Steve in the ATL: I am
sukabi
@Catherine D.: not even remotely true. Kids, boys especially, will ALWAYS find a way to incorporate farts into a conversation.
tomtofa
Incessant chatter, yes. How about the repetition of playtime activities? Our almost 4 yo granddaughter loves (for instance) to receive a mystery package at the door to her room, open it and find it’s full of beautiful jewelry. Take it all out piece by piece, admire it, and put it back. Then, receive a mystery package at the door to her room, open it, admire it, and put it back. Then again, then again, . . . “OK, one more time”, I finally say. “No – again, and again and again and again.” I suppose there’s some cognitive building going on here, but . . .
Steve in the ATL
@Raven: fumble!!!
Raven
@Steve in the ATL: this is no longer a football blog
RAVEN
@Steve in the ATL: hahahahahahah Go Panthers
Dorothy A. Winsor
@Mary G: When our sons were teens, a friend and I used to tell one another not to sweat the small stuff. We defined “small stuff” as anything short of jail. You seem to be handling this with aplomb.
As an aside, I see your comments on twitter sometimes, and there are days when Trump is clearly on you last nerve. Courage!
Steve in the ATL
@Raven: people were posting about soccer all morning so we can post about God’s favorite sport too!
Omg another touchdown.
Overall, SEC has looked rather bad so far. Still better than the Big whatever and the PAC-12, of course.
JPL
Active the shooter shot and killed.
Poor trump he’s probably upset that people are going to demand gun control again.
evodevo
The Lemony Snicket series is not too bad – even an old fart like me can sit through it without too much trouble…..had to watch numerous episodes when visiting the kids at Xmas…
Raven
@Steve in the ATL: We can but it’s going to draw the anti—football people and It’s just not fun anymore. You know Cole/s mom is a Dawg?
zhena gogolia
@tomtofa:
I know, it’s tiring, but you’ll miss it some day!
(Childless person, but that sounds so cute.)
laura
@Keith P.: the guacamole was a little brown…..
Cole, you are so very kind and uncle-y, and it must take a tremendous load off of Gerald and allow him to focus on his mother.
If you’re not watching Sharknado tonight, might I suggest Moonlight Kingdom?
It is “all the summer feels” in one perfectly cast movie.
Steve in the ATL
@Raven: I did not know that. No wonder he turned out so well.
Loved that one announcer tried to say “Georgia State is obviously better than anyone thought” and the other one corrected him with “No, Tennessee is just that bad!”
RAVEN
@Steve in the ATL: I have the sound on the Hokie game.
Drunkenhausfrau
Godspeed, John Cole. (Laughing into my drink).
SWMBO
@tomtofa: If she hasn’t taken every stitch of clothes off every hanger in the closet to decide which one makes her most beautifulest and emptied every drawer in the house “just because “ then I wouldn’t worry about one surprise box. Sounds like a lot of fun. Ask her to tell you which piece belonged to a princess. Or which piece was taken from a dragon. See what she comes up with.
trollhattan
@tomtofa:
That’s adorable!
Girls seem to like sorting and organizing things, and the more colorful and/or shiny the better. Ours had a serious thing for plastic food a good long while. And all those colorful bath toys, they’ll turn into little prunes fiddling with those.
tomtofa
@zhena gogolia:
I already do. We were giving daily care for a few months while they lived with us; now they have their own place and we take care of her only a couple days a week.
@SWMBO:
Oh, that’s part of it for sure. Leads into the “I’m the princess and you’re the king” game, where I ride off on my horse through the kingdom and return with many subjects.
Sab
@Mary G: I remember you mentioning this.
Good for him. It may take a few tries, but having the other friends gone should help.
Jay
@Steve in the ATL:
https://memphismagazine.com/the-memo/regarding-our-september-cover/
Their non-apology is getting called out. There are no full time POC at the magazine, just one part time photographer.
Jay
Also:
https://mlk50.com/when-they-dont-see-us-146046dc4ce6
trollhattan
@Steve in the ATL:
If y’all want some football content we could discuss the ongoing idiocy that is the Houston Texans. NFC West prognosticators are busy ripping up their prediction sheets.
Gravenstone
You post those menus then complain about excessive fart discussions? Gee, I wonder how those things might be connected?
Steve in the ATL
@trollhattan: team owned by rabidly racist trump supporter does stupid things? Color me shocked.
trollhattan
@Steve in the ATL:
Assuming everybody passes their physicals Seattle just snagged Clowney for a can of tuna and an ’89 Escort. JJ Watt must be thrilled.
Raven
OK, GO DAWGS!
NotMax
@J R in WV
Couple of pages you might care to peruse. They’re from 2015, so things have improved somewhat since then, but still valuable info on tamping down Win 10.
What Windows 10’s “Privacy Nightmare” Settings Actually Do
Microsoft’s Windows 10 is a privacy nightmare. Here’s how to protect yourself.
Most important takeaway – turn off Cortana.
RepubAnon
From this week’s Wired Magazine:
Sounds as though Mystery Men’s “The Spleen” has some competition…
NotMax
@NotMax
One more thing which just remembered.
If prompted to set up a Microsoft account, just say no. Emphatically.
kindness
No one sells Macintosh apples out here in CA. It was common in the NE growing up. Not out here.