Late Night Horrorshow Open Thread: Snippets for Insomniacs

“Becaue universal background checks would be… intrusive… “

Somebody watched one too many Cold War thrillers…

Finally… minor, but still irksome:


74 replies
  1. 1
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:

    What happens if the red states stop shipping food to the blue states?

    California would like a word. But give us a moment – we know it’s not polite to talk with our mouths full.

  2. 2
    Chetan Murthy says:

    What happens if the red states stop shipping food to the blue states?

    Ooh, I know the answer to this one! We buy from Brazil and Canada and Argentina and …..

  3. 3
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:

    @Chetan Murthy: and Mexico. Avocados, mmmm.

    ETA: Actually, I can’t remember the last time I had a meal that didn’t include produce from Mexico, except for the ones that were all homegrown.

  4. 4
    Chetan Murthy says:

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:

    and Mexico.

    Put the Mexican corn farmers back in business! Win-win!

  5. 5
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:

    @Chetan Murthy: Well, you can’t rely on those damned Greenland corn farmers. Takers, every one of ’em.

  6. 6
    BlueDWarrior says:

    This is one the more especially dumb takes. I guess rural conservatives assume all liberals live in cities and wouldn’t know how to go to a farmer’s market, or that franchise market owners wouldn’t know how to reconfigure thier ordering patterns.

    I guess beef would take awhile to get reorganized, but most meat and common vegetables and fruits can be had without buying from a red state.

    Now the red state farmers would likely be crippled even further, if not dealt a death blow by this.

    Nope, seriously do not understand this thought experiment.

  7. 7
    Juice Box says:

    I’m always super-amused by the idea that only the red states grow food. Guess which state is the number one ag producers by a factor of more than two vs. the second largest producer? Hint: it has a really long coastline on the Pacific Ocean and shares a border with Mexico.

    I type too slow. Also too, guess where the country’s tofu is made?

  8. 8
    jl says:

    Whose feeding you the most? California, baby! And nut just fruits, nuts and wine. IIRC been number one in dairy for a while (not necessarily a good thing, though, for California environment and sustainability). Looking at the top ten, looks like a pretty good mix or blue, purple and red states.
    Though on the other hand, these numbers must include export crops.

    Home / Data Products / Farm Income and Wealth Statistics / Cash receipts by commodity State ranking

  9. 9
    Ladyraxterinok says:

    Ex CEO of Overstock: MA from U of Cambridge, PhD from Stanford. Even smartest (supposedly) people can be awfully dumb.

  10. 10
    Chetan Murthy says:


    Nope, seriously do not understand this thought experiment.

    Back in the 90s, I remember yokels complaining about Japanese companies buying bits of America; these same yokels drove around in Nissan/Toyota cars, listened to music on Sony Walkmans, and …. etc, etc. They simply couldn’t understand the connection between these two things.

    They’re not known for their ability to add one and one and get two, these common clay of the New West.

    In this particular instance, they don’t quite get, that they’ll have to sell their grain and meat someplace, and that someplace will need to go thru a port, onto a ship. And at that point, it’s pretty irrelevant where the destination is. Sure, load it up in New Orleans, but on its way to Europe if a New York company buys it and it lands in NYC, there’s not much Cletus can do about it.

    The Free Market! Who knew?

  11. 11
    SectionH says:

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: ‘scuse me I’m choking on my avocado. Grown in (SD county).

    Um, we actually have the most independent farms [eta: in any] county in the entire US. 4000+ We grow a lot of stuff.

  12. 12
    Elizabelle says:

    @Ladyraxterinok: Are we sure Byrne has those credentials?

  13. 13
    Ruckus says:

    What happens if the red states stop shipping food to the blue states?

    The heath of the nation might just improve if we take all the corn and corn products (HFCS) off the market. Also the red states would become even poorer than most of them are now. Difficult to earn a living if you refuse to sell your largest product line.

    What happens if the food producers in the red states have to hire people that are eligible to legally work in the United States?

    And they won’t send food to blue states?
    Yeah I don’t see either of these things happening. Of course now that someone mentioned it I’d bet trumpy has a fit and demands that the states that voted for him can not sell farm products to blue states.
    Can someone running for president get only negative votes? And how well will this work for anyone trying to run as a republican, say Bill Weld, or any of the other, 1% less crazy than trumpy morons?

  14. 14
    Mart says:

    They need to bring “Bullwinkle” back with the awesome Natasha Fatale replaced by the old man fetching, gun humping, Maria Butina. Boris will never be able to keep her in line. Hello Dollink. “”Biography: Natasha was a former Miss Transylvania. She is believed to be the love child of Axis Sally and Count Dracula, although nothing has been proven (blood work, yum).
    When she moved to the “New World” at age 19, she had a part time modeling job with Charles Addams and another popping out of cakes at stag parties. Although Boris has asked for her hand many times, she refuses to part with it. “Its my hand dollink, he can get his own,” said Ms. Fatale.”

    They are practically doppelgängers. Holy smokes!

  15. 15
    Chetan Murthy says:


    What happens if the food producers in the red states have to hire people that are eligible to legally work in the United States?

    Ain’t no way they’d put up with it, is what. The kind of ag work done by undocumented workers is backbreaking work. To get native-born to do it, would incur massive increases in labor cost. I can’t imagine our non-mechanized ag sector would be even remotely competitive with imports at that point. It -would- be an enormous spur to roboticization of that part of agriculture, and that wouldn’t be a bad thing.

  16. 16
    laura says:

    John Delaney is just asking for another brutal death at the hands of Elizabeth Warren. Must make popcorn.

  17. 17
    Duane says:

    @Chetan Murthy: Why would red state farmers throw away their livelihoods because someone can’t buy an AR-15? Good luck collecting the farmer’s welfare without the blue states. These petty bullies never think anything through.

  18. 18
    jl says:

    @laura: Delaney needs to get going on qualifying for the September debate if he wants to get beat up again.

  19. 19
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: “Do you boys like Mexico?!” – Super Troopers

  20. 20
    smike says:

    I remember visiting someone in southern California with an avocado tree so prolific that fruit was rotting on the ground – not much, but some – even though they freely offered access to the tree.

  21. 21
    Ruckus says:

    @Chetan Murthy:
    Yes. Point of my question. I’ve actually picked cotton. I was a kid, 6 or 7, we were on vacation, dad saw a field of cotton being picked and stopped and asked if the kids could pick some to see how tough it was. It is work, real work, back breaking work if you do it all day, every day. We managed about 15 minutes in the field, about half of which was being taught how to do it. I’ve been a blue collar worker most of my life, still am at 70. Nothing I do, moving metal, machining, welding was as hard as those few minutes. My desire to be a farmer lasted less than 30 seconds.

  22. 22
    mrmoshpotato says:


    John, stop trying to bankrupt your family. Seriously.

  23. 23
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @smike: Sounds like the toast tree wasn’t as prolific.

  24. 24
    BR says:


    Our avocado tree has that problem. Probably produced 1000 fruits this season and we’ve been picking them for 8 months now. The last of the crop is 30 feet up in the tree.

  25. 25
    Ruckus says:

    We had such a tree in our front yard. We gave away shopping bags full of much better avocados than you can buy in the supermarkets. The ones in WholePaycheck or Sprouts aren’t bad, but no where near as big. And yes fruit would fall if not picked regularly. And you did not want to be hit by one of those monsters falling. I never walked under the tree in season.

  26. 26
    Ruckus says:

    We had a 20 foot poll with cutter head and bag for ours. But we also had a second floor balcony to get to the top of the tree, with the pole of course.

  27. 27
    Amir Khalid says:

    What happens if the red states stop shipping food to the blue states?

    The red states run out of money, and storage capacity, real quick? This petulant outburst reminds me of “I’ll hold my breath till I turn blue!” I’m surprised anyone thought it would sound like a threat.

  28. 28
    Ruckus says:

    @Amir Khalid:
    More importantly, would it surprise you if the brain trust that occupies the WH will most likely think this is an absolutely great idea?
    We may not have to do anything to kill the republican party, they seem intent on committing suicide by stupidity.

  29. 29
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Amir Khalid: Everyone knows blue states have no farms. Illinois is all Chicago. We might as well rename the state Chicago. /s

  30. 30
    jl says:

    @mrmoshpotato: ” Sounds like the toast tree wasn’t as prolific. ”

    I bought my first avocado toast in millennial hipster food joint last week. I got that off my bucket list.
    Probably last one. More fun to make at home, since can fiddle with it to make just what you want right then and there.

  31. 31
    Comrade Colette Collaboratrice says:


    fruit would fall if not picked regularly

    I only have that problem with Meyer and Eureka lemons. Avocados do grow in a few select, sheltered locations in San Francisco, but I’m not in one of those. I wish I could set up a lemon/avocado exchange with someone nearby. Maybe eventually I could grow even more lemons, and they could grow lots of avocados, and we could get other people who want to trade tasty produce for homegrown ameros involved, and a whole trading system would evolve and scurvy would recede and vitamin C would be abundant across the land … nah, crazy thought.

  32. 32
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Ruckus: Balloon Juice After Dark’s resident comedian! Ruckus!

    You said “brain trust” while talking about this bastard administration.

  33. 33
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @jl: Or you could make guacamole and have something avocado-based that has flavor. 😁

  34. 34
    Gemina13 says:

    Washington . . . geez, wonder what would happen if red states stopped shipping to blue coastal states. Like my home state of WA.

    Which has a ton of farmers’ markets up and down Puget Sound, and local meat markets – as in, raised, slaughtered, dressed, and shipped local.

    And great fish markets with shellfish harvested right off our coastline.

    I dunno. We might actually keep our tax dollars and use them to alleviate homelessness, transportation snarls, and healthcare, and still be able to feed our citizens, maybe?

    Something tells me that Home Skillet has not thought this through.

  35. 35
    Ruckus says:

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:
    You are going to hate me now.
    We also had a lemon tree. We also couldn’t give enough of them away. Huge suckers. And a sapota tree, the fruit of which is uneatable, at least to this palate. I’ve been told it has to be extremely ripe to eat, I’ve never been able to eat any.

  36. 36
    Ruckus says:

    That is what is known as irony.
    Often rare these days or at least used extremely improperly. I get it right maybe 1 out of 30 times. OK, let’s be honest, 1 out of 100.

  37. 37
    Amir Khalid says:

    I like to translate English song lyrics into German for practising my language skills:
    Warum gibt es so viele Lieder über Regenbogen
    Und was ist auf der anderer Seite?
    Regenbogen sind Visionen, doch nur Illusionen
    Und Regenbogen haben nichts zu verbergen
    So hat man uns gesagt, und manche wählen, es zu glauben
    Ich weiß, sie haben Falsch, warten und sehen
    Eines Tages werden wir es finden, die Regenbogenverbindung
    Die Liebhaber, die Träumer und ich

    Almost certainly unsingable, alas.

  38. 38
    smike says:

    By the time the toast was ripe it was soggy. Damned humidity! Mexican toast is the only way to go.

  39. 39
    SRW1 says:

    What happens if the red states stop shipping food to the blue states?

    Isn’t Trump kind of running an experiment with the Chinese along those lines? There probably are guys in Iowa and such who could answer that question.

  40. 40
    SectionH says:

    @smike: They were lucky. Up in North County San Diego, where there used to be more avocado and orange groves, well let’s put it this way: if you knew legit merchants at the Tuesday Market in Escodido, you could buy amazing avocados. I also got taught about avocados there, as in Yes, you can keep them from ripening by putting them in the fridge. You can get them perfectly ripe by keeping them warm, house-warm. They are just Amazing.

    Totally not saying this would work for grocery store avocados in the rest of the country, but yeah.

  41. 41
    SectonH says:

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice: I’ve actually had a Meyer lemon long enough to have had some of its lemons. And I think it’s worth the hassle.

  42. 42
    BR says:

    @Comrade Colette Collaboratrice:

    You can grow avocados in basically every microclimate in the bay area. It’s just about which variety. If you are frost free, get a Lamb Hass tree or a Reed tree. If you get a little frost and are inland where it’s warm in the summer, get a Fuerte tree. If you get a lot of frost get a Mexicola tree.

  43. 43
    SRW1 says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    Pretty good. Two corrections:

    Ich weiß, sie haben Falsch Unrecht, warten und sehen
    Eines Tages werden wir es sie finden, die Regenbogenverbindung

    – ‘haben falsch’ is not used in German, the construct with ‘haben’ is Recht/Unrecht; alternative ‘sie irren sich’

    – the article for Verbindung is ‘die’ – as you chose correctly – but ‘Verbindung’ as the last noun in ‘Regenbogenverbindung’ also determines the gender of the pronoun, which therefore is the female form

  44. 44
    Tony Jay says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    This petulant outburst reminds me of “I’ll hold my breath till I turn blue!” I’m surprised anyone thought it would sound like a threat.

    It’s not, really, because if the red states ever tried it they’d turn dark blue within a couple of election cycles.

    It is, however, nutritious food for the average RWNJ’s second stomach, an evolutionary adaptation that allows the sub-species to top up their calorie count with fine whine and the bulbous fruit of victimitude. Num Num Num, they cannot get enough of it.

  45. 45
    Amir Khalid says:

    Thanks. I knew someone would help me out. Google Translate isn’t always reliable at catching errors in German idiom, which is one of my weaknesses.

  46. 46
    SectonH says:

    @Amir Khalid: Aww.

    Of course I cheated, for all that, but my granddaughter is seriously in bilingual school (English and German). I’m trying to ramp up my actually not much more than a year of college German to kinda keep up. I’m still ahead of my son with the language thing. He’s doubling down on actually learning some German – because he’s techie enough, they’re looking at moving to Germany “for a couple of years.”

  47. 47
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Amir Khalid:
    Also, “Eines Tages werden wir es finden” was intentional on my part; GT would have translated the correct German into English as “Someday we’ll find her”.

  48. 48
    Chetan Murthy says:

    @SectonH: I saw a previous version of your post, where you intimated that perhaps your son was somewhat testing Germany — getting out while the getting’s good. And I thought to myself: “oh no”. I can’t believe that if your son’s techie enough to get a good job in Germany, he can’t find one in California. And CA isn’t going to buckle under to the Reichwing. We have too many people of color for that to happen. And we’re the future. So maybe move here, instead of Germany?

  49. 49
    SRW1 says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    The correct gender is indeed a question of what ‘es/sie’ is supposed refer to, ‘sie’ would only be correct if it referred to ‘Regenbogenverbindung’ (as I assumed). If what is to be found is still unknown/undetermined, ‘es’ is the correct form to use.

  50. 50
    David Koch says:

    feds told him he should sleep with Maria Butina

    I blame Scully (video) (maybe not safe for work)

  51. 51
    Chetan Murthy says:

    @David Koch: He’s 57. The only way he’d be in with a chance, would be if she was doing it in the line of duty. I mean …. the mind boggles that he thought he could get in her pants any other way.

  52. 52
    SRW1 says:

    How much longer is Mike Pompeo for this administration, now that North Korea has called him ‘poisonous to diplomacy’?

  53. 53
    opiejeanne says:

    @Amir Khalid: Why are there so many songs about rainbows? Heh. My German is so rusty, and we never learned the word for rainbows, I just guessed.

  54. 54
    opiejeanne says:

    @Mart: I think you mean “Hokey Smokes!”

  55. 55
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Chetan Murthy:
    So he was screwing her for America, and she was screwing him for Russia? How … patriotic.

  56. 56
    Amir Khalid says:

    Bingo. That is of course the first verse of The Rainbow Connection, or Die Regenbogenverbindung, one of the classic more-than-a-kids’ songs.

  57. 57
    Chetan Murthy says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    she was screwing him for Russia

    What could Byrne possibly have, that Russia would want? A rug that really pulled the room together? [h/t the Dude]

  58. 58
    SRW1 says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    To my shame I have to admit that I don’t know that song. But a quick search tells me that there is a German translation. Now, poems and songs are notoriously difficult to translate – ahem, poetic licence and such, ahem – but if you want to compare, here’s the link.

  59. 59
    prostratedragon says:

    Soundtrack music for the looney tunes generation: When #5 doesn’t quite capture it, e.g. when you unexpectedly plant your foot on a piece of flypaper, and then have to try to get it off.

    And you’re a cat.

    Brahms Hungarian Dance #6

  60. 60
    Amir Khalid says:

    You don’t? It’s the song Kermit sings at the start of The Muppet Movie, and it’s a classic. Here is Willie Nelson’s achingly beautiful version.

  61. 61
    satby says:

    Good (whatever time it is where you are) latenighters! It’s 4:30 am here, perfect sleeping weather at 57°, 14°C for Amir, and of course I’m wide awake. Woke up at 1:30 though I dozed off again until 3:30 but then I was wide awake. The dogs have been out, the outdoor semi feral cats fed, and I have the first coffee of the day.

    The idiocy of red staters thinking that they would cause more than a slight inconvenience to blue states by withholding their massive crops of genetically modified soybeans and corn is due to the endless mythologizing of farmers as the REAL AMERICANS ©. I would love a reshuffling that would put most of them back into their proper place as just one set of citizens in this country. Because they are the minority.

  62. 62
    SRW1 says:

    @Amir Khalid:

    Thanks. My kids are in their late twenties now and never were Muppets fans. And I’m still waiting for grandkids.

  63. 63
    opiejeanne says:

    @satby: The Twitter thread discussing what the outcome of that scenario would be was sometimes hilarious. Also, almost everyone yelled CALIFORNIA! at the bozo. A lot of other blue states that produce large quantities of food were named as well, and when he started babbling about how money would become meaningless (which he thought was a good thing) they finished him off with a couple of swift kicks. .

  64. 64
    Ascap_scab says:

    I guess beef would take awhile to get reorganized, but most meat and common vegetables and fruits can be had without buying from a red state.

    Impossible burgers for everyone (except the red states)!

  65. 65
    SectonH says:

    @Chetan Murthy: No worries. My kid and his wife both have excellent jobs here. She’s at UCSD, she’s also somebody, but that’s all I’m saying about that. He generally gets paid just fine to mostly telecommute from SD to SFO. And then they pay his flights and hotel rooms to check in occasionally.

    All that, because they can’t pay him enough to live up there, never mind her salary…

    We’re definitely cheap living down here…

    for certain definitions of cheap…

  66. 66
    Amir Khalid says:

    I have noticed a considerable difference between the English and German lyrics for the Les Miserables musical.

  67. 67
    Ken says:

    @Amir Khalid: I could swear I once saw a parody of “Rainbow Connection” where Kermit starts singing, there’s a gunshot, and it suddenly morphs into a crime movie with high-speed chases and Muppet gun battles. Meanwhile an announcer intones, “From the producers of The French Connection…”

  68. 68
    Enhanced Voting Techniques says:

    @Ken: Speaking of Kermit, there is also Post Nuclear Apocalypse Kermit …

  69. 69
    Enhanced Voting Techniques says:

    As far as “Red States not selling food”, isn’t that what’s effectively going on with the Upper Midwest because of the flooding and China refusing American food? As this years flooding shows, it would be good news for growers not effected, devastating to the growers involved and the rest of the country wouldn’t give a shit, even though they really should.

  70. 70
    Matt says:

    @Amir Khalid: The red states are well along the process of reverting to toddlerhood, from their Dear Leader on down.

  71. 71
    Wapiti says:

    What fraction of the Red State ‘food’ is wheat, corn, and soybeans grown for export or industrial feedstock? All the corn grown for ethanol (40% of the total), for example, is a waste of subsidy money. We could turn that spigot off and just give the farmers food stamps instead.

  72. 72
    Miss Bianca says:

    @Amir Khalid: I’m trying to sing it. “Regenbogen” certainly does not roll off the tongue like “Rainbow”, that’s for sure! : )

  73. 73
    Origuy says:

    @opiejeanne: I looked at the guy’s profile; he calls himself an “anarco-capitalist”, some flavor of libertarian, I guess. Meaning someone who started with Heinlein before discovering Ayn Rand.

  74. 74
    Ascap_scab says:

    Just for the record:
    Overstock CEO resigns after bizarre “deep state” outburst, vows move to South America.

    Anybody wanna guess how much of the corporate money has already fled to foreign shores?

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