Happy Father’s Day

Once again, one of my favorite pictures, my sister Devon about to get in a lot of trouble with dad:

Not much happened this weekend. Was rainy and crappy so we didn’t get anything done on the pergola and I didn’t want to risk putting more coats of polyurethane on the shelves because it off and on rain, so I just puttered around and did a lot of nothing. I did go pick up Chinese takeout for mom and dad from the place they love, though, as I had to go return some curtains to Boscovs.

Hope you all had a good one. Also, Scotian, you are in our thoughts.

82 replies
  1. 1
    satby says:

    Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there.
    Happy memories to those of us missing our dads today.

  2. 2
    sukabi says:

    LOL, what a sweet little girl, helping daddy grow.

    How’s your dad recovering from his hip surgery?

  3. 3
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    I would really like to see the photo taken 30 seconds later.

    Is your dad doing better? I do hope so! I keep thinking of him and wishing him well.

  4. 4
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Three times a year — birthday, death day, Father’s Day — I post photos or photo montages of my dad on FB. (Same with my mother on the equivalent commemorative days.)

    Happy memories, for sure!

  5. 5
    JPL says:

    Definitely agree about thoughts for Scotian. This site has attracted such intelligent, kind souls that sometimes I wonder whether or not Cole is some type of magical magician.

  6. 6
    Suzanne says:

    Shitty Fathers’ Day weekend here. Spawn the Elder made a suicide attempt on Friday while at my ex’s house (ate a bottle of his sleeping pills). Then he instantly regretted it, texted a friend, the friend sent him the number for a crisis line, so he texted THAT, then the crisis line sent the police to his dad’s house. EMT’s took him to the hospital. He is now in a behavioral hospital again, apparently feeling better…..YET AGAIN he had stopped taking his meds. He told us and the doctors that the meds work, but he just forgets to take them at night. ARGH. On the one hand, I want him to take responsibility for his medications. OTOH, he obviously cannot be trusted to be responsible.

    I am tired.

  7. 7
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    I’m pretty sure he is.

    And I, too, am thinking often and warmly of Scotian, and wishing him well.

  8. 8
    JPL says:

    @satby: It was fun receiving my DIL’S texts about my sons first father’s day.

  9. 9

    @Suzanne: I’m sorry. That’s hard. Best to him and to you.

  10. 10
    sukabi says:

    @Suzanne: {{{{{{{{sending positive vibes to you and your son.}}}}}}}}

  11. 11
    zhena gogolia says:


    Oh, God, I’m sorry.

  12. 12
    Baud says:


    Very sorry. Glad the EMTs showed up in time.

  13. 13
    JPL says:

    @Suzanne: Since the spawn is in a safe place take time to care for yourself. It’s a long narrow road filled with lots of potholes but you will get through this. I’m so sorry

  14. 14
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Oh, Suz 😢. How unbelievably distressing and worrying for you. I have nothing to offer but long-distance virtual {{{{{hugs}}}}} and kind thoughts. As inadequate as they are, I hope they help a little. And of course I hope that Spawn the First can, with appropriate pharmacological and therapeutic assistance, find the sweet spot he needs to balance out his life.

    Damn it.

    You must be very close to welcoming Spawn the Third. Is there a date notional? (You’ve probably said; I’ve probably forgotten.)

  15. 15
    gbbalto says:

    @Suzanne: Very sorry. I have a brilliant nephew who suddenly developed bipolar disorder and took a few years to fully recognize that he could not stop taking his meds no matter how great he felt. Never got violent but got dispatched to psych wards in various cities across Canada (sister had grabbed his passport, fortunately) and had to be bailed out. Shrink told sister and BIL that he had to learn on his own. Fortunately he is now aware, takes meds, and is in a support group. I do hope that your kid will learn and thrive. All my best wishes!
    ETA typos

  16. 16
    Suzanne says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Prolly going to schedule an induction for Spawn the Youngest next weekend.

    The good wishes help. Spawn the Elder is a great kid, but he is soooo precarious. All teens are mood-swing-y, but bipolar/ADHD teens are even mood-swingier than most. He also thinks that we are trying to stall his gender transition, which isn’t true…..we have just been advised that his mental health needs to be consistently well-controlled before starting hormone therapy, since that can be a bit destabilizing.

    Parenting: not for the weak.

  17. 17
    Baud says:


    Parenting: not for the weak.

    It’s why I am childless. I saw what my parents went through.

  18. 18
    Aleta says:

    @Baud: same

  19. 19
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Parenting: not for the weak.

    In five words, you have explained why I deliberately chose not to have children, like those many fertile years ago.

  20. 20
    JPL says:

    @Baud: @Aleta: Choice.

  21. 21
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Parenting: not for the weak.

    It’s why I am childless. I saw what my parents went through.

    Oh, Baud. I want to marry you and have your chi….


  22. 22
    seefleur says:

    @Suzanne: From one mom to another, I can only offer my heartfelt support through the intertubz. I am so sorry to hear about your Younger. It’s tough being a parent no doubt. Sending you a huge hug, fwiw…

  23. 23
    Another Scott says:

    @Suzanne: Wow. :-(

    I’m glad your elder spawn got help and understands better what he’s going through. A friend’s youngest son transitioned a few years ago. She seems pretty happy now.

    Fingers crossed and good luck with everything going forward!

    Best wishes,

  24. 24
    Ohio Mom says:

    And just who was holding the camera — and didn’t stop Devon? Mom Cole? Hmmm…

    @Suzanne: Well, we all know what Ex needs for Father’s Day: a lockable medicine box.

    Sorry that Spawn the Elder is still struggling, remaining hopeful he will find his peace. And on another note, how many more days until we get to meet the newest spawn?

    Around these parts, we are coming up on week eight of Ohio Dad’s unemployment — he was one of twenty or so “right-sized” out on their rears. It’s exhausting, keeping hopeful. But we are managing.

  25. 25
    ruemara says:

    @Suzanne: I’m so sorry. Glad he failed and sought help.I am also so sorry about his failure to take his meds. Can he put it on his calendar and let the machine handle it?

  26. 26
    SiubhanDuinne says:



    Here’s what pisses me off. All these “pro-life,” forced birth women meeping about how they “made the choice” to have their babies.

    Yes, you imbeciles. YOU MADE THE FUCKING CHOICE! That’s the entire point! CHOICE!!!

  27. 27
    JPL says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Same. I’ve never been a fan of forced pregnancy.

  28. 28
    Baud says:


    If I had a baby mama, I’d want her to be as cool as you.


    Yeah, I always thought those “Choose Life” bumper stickers were kind of dumb.

  29. 29
    Suzanne says:

    @Ohio Mom:

    Well, we all know what Ex needs for Father’s Day: a lockable medicine box.

    Ordered on Friday, arrived yesterday.
    This is the third time that Spawn has had a mental health crisis while at my ex’s house. I have objected in the past to the amount of time Spawn spends alone at my ex’s house. He finally agreed with me this time.

  30. 30
    gbbalto says:

    @Ohio Mom: Sorry to hear that. Why don’t the brilliant MBAs get asked why the firm was so wrong sized before – shouldn’t that be on them? Wasted breath, though, I understand. Hope that he finds something good, soon.

  31. 31
    Suzanne says:

    @ruemara: StE takes an ADHD med in the morning, and is supposed to take Cymbalta and Abilify at night. When the ADHD med wears off, it wears off really quickly and he falls asleep almost immediately. Apparently this is why he has been missing the Cymbalta/Abilify combo. We really wanted him to take responsibility for the meds, since he wants to be more of an adult, but it’s clear that he can’t manage it. Ughhhhhhh.

  32. 32
    Barbara says:

    @Suzanne: I am so sorry. Sending as many good wishes for you and your family as I can.

  33. 33
    Baud says:


    Aren’t there reminder apps for those types of medical situations? I assume kids are tied to their phones these days.

  34. 34
    Suzanne says:

    @Baud: Oh, there are. He has reminders in his phone and his smart speaker. He’s just been falling asleep beforehand.

  35. 35
    MomSense says:


    Oh Suzanne, I’m so sorry. For right now he is safe and supervised. Please try to at least lie down and breathe. We are all rooting for you and spawn the elder.
    @Ohio Mom:

    Rooting for you and Ohio Dad, too.

  36. 36
    Suzanne says:

    @Ohio Mom: Hugs to you and OhioDad. I have zero words of wisdom but I have a listening ear.

  37. 37
    ruemara says:

    Some people are really salty about who gets to be honored as a Dad. No one here (so far), just observing the Twitter susurrus.

  38. 38
    debbie says:


    I am so sorry to read of this. What a tough situation for all of you.

  39. 39
    geg6 says:

    Happy Father’s Day to Dad Cole! Hope he is healing well and that your mom survives it.

  40. 40
    geg6 says:


    Oh man. I feel for you and Spawn the Elder. My oldest brother was bipolar. He was horrible with his meds. Partly because he thought he was an expert. He had left college in his third year of a five-year pharmacy program to join the Navy, where he ended up a medic. So he did have knowledge, which made him overconfident in diagnosing and prescribing for himself, especially when in a manic phase. I don’t think he ever took his meds correctly. He passed away two years ago from cancer. The sad truth is he suffered less from his cancer than he did from his mental illness.

  41. 41
    Aleta says:

    @Suzanne: Very sorry. My family went through this. Like what gbbalto and many say, there were repeated times of going off meds. Very painful and maybe an unavoidable part of figuring it out. A hard thing for anyone to figure out, for the family and esp the person. How do you trust yourself or what’s best, when mood affects thinking, and many things affect mood, and growing while young is about becoming independent.

    Good part: Many times, going off the med and to the hospital brought about a reevaluation and change in the prescribed meds +/or a change in therapy, which ended up with them taking goods steps toward more education, work, love, etc. Maybe they had needed the extra help/different meds before, but didn’t realize it. Then received it. Experience helped earlier recognition of when to get help. (This is my interpretation, awkwardly.)

  42. 42
    Another Scott says:


    Donald Trump earns the all-time record for starving workers of raises

    by LOLGOP

    From swiping overtime pay from 8 million to hiring foreign workers over Americans, Trump has always fought for your right to earn less.

    June 16, 2019 marks one of the darkest days for workers since the New Deal. We are now living in the longest period without a minimum wage increase in the history of the minimum wage.

    “This sad record can be fully laid at the door of the Republican Party,” Helaine Olen notes.

    Republicans’ opposition to growing minimum wage continues to metastasize. In 2018, for instance, Michigan Republicans gutted a minimum wage increase that was heading to the ballot, where it would have easily passed, starving workers of millions, if not billions, in raises. Meanwhile, blues states keep raising wages and their residents enjoy the economic benefits.

    When it comes to not paying workers what they deserve, the GOP’s worst instincts are personified by Donald Trump.


    (Emphasis added.)

    We have to keep fighting them every single day. Eyes on the prize.


  43. 43
    Mary G says:

    @Suzanne: Oh, poor Suzanne family. I can’t even imagine how awful that would be just in regular life, but also about to give birth? In Phoenix? I am so glad he called for help in time and is in a safe place.

    And have I ever mentioned that your ex is a human tapeworm? What an unbelievable asshole. Visitation is for visiting, not parking a troubled child alone with unsecured meds.

  44. 44
    Aleta says:

    @geg6: My sympathy.

  45. 45
    Ohio Mom says:

    @Suzanne: I’m wondering why the schedule for the evening meds can’t be moved up, maybe to just before supper? Check with the doctor of course but that might be a more workable schedule.

    I don’t know anything about Cymbalta but Ohio Son takes Abilify (for anxiety/OCD/tics) and it seems to have a rather long half-life. He ran out once and didn’t think to tell us, and it was a couple of weeks before its absence was noticeable. Then it took a while more to get enough built up to start working again. Though as his old psychiatrist sometimes pointed out, he’s a slow metabolizer.

    Thanks everyone for the good wishes for Ohio Dad. I told myself I wasn’t going to panic until tne end of tne summer, but it is a rollercoaster.

    When college-age fellows (it’s always guys) tell me they want to be engineers, I always suggest they might want to consider something less cyclical, like becoming a physical therapist or other allied health professional. I haven’t convinced anyone yet.

  46. 46
    Gin & Tonic says:

    In two years I’ll be the age my father was when he passed away, these many years ago. Makes me stop and think. But I’ve been very, very fortunate with my children – got through adolescence and young adulthood without any major physical or psychic trauma, all successful, all have found wonderful mates. Couldn’t really ask for more.

  47. 47
    Mike R says:

    If anybody can help this is a question about electricity. I am trying to run a European akai reel to reel tape deck on standard 110 voltage, using step up step down 500 watt converter, that changes 220 to 110 or 110 to 220v. The seller of said tape deck told me that it wouldn’t work properly and would burn up the motor and gauges. This seems incorrect, if the motor demands 100 watts isn’t that all that is received. Seems that the extra wattage would allow one to run another device if desired. Didn’t think that wattage capacity was all sent into plugged in device. Sorry this is so long and convoluted.

  48. 48
    Scotian says:

    Thank you Johm Cole, it is really appreciated. It is hard missing him so soon while also trying to cope with what my own cancer is putting me through already. His wake is Thursday afternoon and I hope I can manage it, I need to be able to grieve and it is so hard, as I am still in shock about me, still trying to get things set up for my wife while I still retain my mental capacity to do so. You and your site and your wonderful community is being a BIG emotional help and support and I cannot thank you all enough for it, as I have next to no social support network locally, spending my last 2 years living totally as a caregiver sadly reduced what little social circle I had.

    So this willingness of so many here to be so helpful from the top on down, well it literally brings tears to my eyes, it is that touching for me.

  49. 49
    Another Scott says:

    Kellen Squire: My failure as a father.

    I was born and raised a dumb ‘ole Iowa farmboy. It seems like an era so long ago we need carbon dating to measure it accurately, even though I remember it like it was friggin’ yesterday. My youth involved running all over Creation with my dog, through hay and corn fields, getting into as much trouble as I could. I got kicked out of my house and told not to come back until it was dark, and if I didn’t come back head-to-toe dirty, I sure wasn’t trying very hard. After a bath and before bed I might- might- get the chance to watch “Cheers” or “Murphy Brown” with my parents on the off chance it was a clear day for the TV signal to come in.

    For better or worse, that’s what I compare when I look at my own kids upbringing. And my boys have been able to do that, for the most part- aside from being spoiled rotten from the Internet and cool toys I never had and get right off my lawn you dang whippersnapper. It’s not farmland they explore, it’s the holler we live in; stomping through the crick, up and down the hills, getting dirty from playing in the clay soil, chasing our chickens around with the dogs, laughing and squealing with joy all the while.

    But my daughter? Well.

    Not so much.

    This isn’t fair at all, because I owe my daughter an awful lot. She’s what turned my life around. She was the sobering example of why I needed to man up. Stop wallowing in self-pity. Start living to my full potential. It was because of her I took a stab at a long-shot application to the University of Virginia. She was the reason I worked so hard to make it through nursing school- not just to survive it, but to thrive, to do the best I could.


    A good piece. (He ran for the Virginia House of Delegates in 2017.)


  50. 50
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Mike R:

    Didn’t think that wattage capacity was all sent into plugged in device.

    It isn’t.

  51. 51
    Gin & Tonic says:


    still trying to get things set up for my wife

    Cold comfort, I know, but your efforts will be appreciated. My father went through what you are going through. He had 8 weeks from diagnosis, so he made sure to take care of matters legal and financial (he was in a partnership, business-wise, and my mother wasn’t employed.) Most everything got taken care of, and my mother lived on for almost 30 years, fairly comfortably, and without having to worry about stuff that she didn’t know about.

  52. 52
    Bill Arnold says:

    I spent part of Father’s Day placing a ton of flagstone by hand. Rolling large square and triangular pieces around, my mind very much wanted to break off the corners so that they were rounder; can better understand now the invention of the wheel.

    Golan Heights: Israel unveils ‘Trump Heights’ settlement (BBC, no byline, 2019/06/16)[1]
    Note: “Trump Heights” is, at the moment, a big blue sign with gold lettering. With US and Israeli flags.
    May it become like Donald J. Trump State Park – This apocalyptic closed parkland is the result of one of Trump’s failed investments.

    Signs on the nearby highway emblazoned with Donald J. Trump’s name still lead drivers to the closed park. Should you actually try and find out what is inside of Donald J. Trump State Park, you will only find an empty, unloved ruin with a famous name.

    (A recent bloomberg piece has more details: A Failed Trump Golf Course Turned Into a Dilapidated New York State Park (Lynnley Browning, June 14, 2019))

    [1] Also, Israel’s Netanyahu Names Golan Heights Settlement After Trump (But It’s Really Just a Sign) (Daniel Politi, June 16, 2019)

  53. 53
    Another Scott says:

    @Mike R: It might be a 60Hz vs 50Hz issue, not a voltage issue.

    See, e.g., the discussion here.

    There are frequency converters, but you might get lucky if you look inside and are able to change a belt over a pulley or something.

    HTH a little. Good luck!


  54. 54
    J R in WV says:


    So sorry you ex- has been so irresponsible, and that you older spawn is having so much trouble with their meds.

    Best of luck with all the spawn, including not quite spawned yet. Keep us posted!

    Scotian, much sympathy for your loss, your illness, your assicuated problems. Take care, keep in touch.

  55. 55
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Gin & Tonic:

    In two years I’ll be the age my father was when he passed away, these many years ago.

    Boy howdy, do I ever know that feeling. My mom died when she was 58 years, 2 months, and 1 day old. So of course I was apprehensive about reaching the same milestone.

    I hit 58/2/1 on October 4, 2000. Got through the day unscathed. Breathed huge sigh of relief. A mere five months later, was undergoing quadruple bypass surgery. But here we are, nearly two decades on, as right as rain.

    Anyhow, G&T, didn’t mean to wander off like that, but I do know the weirdness of approaching or passing a parent’s landmark dates, especially the death date. It seems a bit impertinent.

  56. 56
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Nothing to say right now but ❤️💔❤️💔💕❤️💔💕💔

  57. 57
    MomSense says:



  58. 58
    Jay says:



  59. 59
    Suzanne says:

    @Mary G:

    And have I ever mentioned that your ex is a human tapeworm? What an unbelievable asshole.

    Why yes. He has always enjoyed all of the fun parts of parenting, and is terrible at the, you know, PARENTING parts of parenting.

    @Ohio Mom: That may be what happens. Since being at the hospital, he’s been taking it in the morning. He seems to remember the morning pill for ADHD okay, so maybe we’ll stick with that if it doesn’t make him too tired throughout the day.

  60. 60
    Barbara says:

    @Scotian: Gentle hugs.

  61. 61
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Jeez, you’re *old.*

    Oh, that wasn’t your point, was it?

  62. 62
    Jay says:


    {{{{{ as well }}}}}

  63. 63
    Suzanne says:

    @Scotian: Hugs to you. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. It is just so hard sometimes, when sadness comes on top of sadness.

    Again, I have no words of wisdom, not on anything ever, but I—and I know that I speak for this community here—are always ready to listen.

  64. 64
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Gin & Tonic:

    Jeez, you’re *old.*

    Oh, that wasn’t your point, was it?

    It is always my point. Even if I don’t intend it to be my point, it ends up being my point, no matter what I think my point is.

    And — SPOILER ALERT! — it’s just going to get worse from now on.

  65. 65
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @Suzanne: I wish I had words of comfort. I will think good thoughts of health for your son, and for you., along with the younger and the youngest.
    I hope your son’s doctors consider moving the evening meds schedule. I can’t recall if Cymbalta is one that is sedating, but if he’s falling asleep before taking it, it’s worth a discussion.

    @Ohio Mom: Damn, that’s rough. Good thoughts for Ohio family from down the road.

  66. 66
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @Scotian: Thinking of you, and wishing I could say something that might make the horror of your situation less awful. I have greatly enjoyed your insight and wit. I imagine that I speak for many who aren’t on tonight.

  67. 67
    prostratedragon says:

    Great picture of young Miss Cole finding her destiny. We have a family favorite which was snapped just as my brother was realizing that Dad was about to.

    Happy Fathers’ Day

  68. 68
    satby says:

    @Scotian: adding more hugs {{{ }}}
    If the jackal diaspora can help, you need only let us know.
    I’ll light a candle on Thursday and keep you and your dad in my thoughts, hoping your knowledge of the invisible support helps you get through the day. Wish it could be more.

  69. 69
    satby says:

    @Suzanne: sending thoughts of strength and support to you, StE, and all your family too.

  70. 70
    opiejeanne says:

    @Scotian: Just checking in for a little while this evening, thinking about you today, and here you are.

    Sending you kind wishes in the hope that they will comfort you.

  71. 71
    opiejeanne says:

    @Suzanne: And hugs to you and Ohio Mom. I can’t imagine your stress, but I understand exactly Ohio Mom’s. My husband is a civil Engineer. Laid off five days before Christmas once, which is just… MMMPH!

    You both have my sympathy.

  72. 72
    Ohio Mom says:

    @opiejeanne: Five says before Christmas! That could not have been necessary.

    I just imagine you two wrapping presents, regretting every purchase as you tie the bows. And you can’t channel all your anxiety into job hunting for weeks, the work world is shut down, then catching up from being shutdown, until mid-January.

  73. 73
    dnfree says:

    @Ohio Mom: I was a programmer/systems analyst etc. for 45 years, give or take, starting in the mid-1960s. I had five major jobs, and I never once left one voluntarily. Every time either they downsized or the contract for a job was lost or the company closed. It’s not engineering, but for sure tech fields seem to be rockier than they should be. I was just lucky that the last layoff came with warning and coincided with retirement age.

    Good luck to your husband and your family, because it is stressful when you don’t know what the next job will be or when.

  74. 74
    Mary G says:

    @Scotian: Adding to all the hugs and good wishes in such a terrible time for you.

  75. 75
  76. 76
    CatFacts says:

    Supportive thoughts to all who need them right now…

  77. 77
    prostratedragon says:

    @prostratedragon: by Horace Silver

  78. 78
    Steeplejack says:

    @Ohio Mom:

    I got fired once a few weeks before Christmas. I had been hired as the managing editor of a group of medical publications that were running way late and hemorrhaging money. The big problem was that the publisher—an “I know more than God” doctor, of course—managed his writers by the “I just don’t like this, but keep trying” method. I got things turned around and everything back on schedule—a lot of it was educating him about objective standards and expectations and not expecting people to write the story exactly the way he would—plus there was a big bump in employee morale.

    So then he decided he didn’t need me anymore and fired me out of the blue right before Christmas. I agree with you—don’t know why it couldn’t have waited a few weeks until after the holiday. Incredible levels of needless stress.

    The big thing I remember is going to Christmas parties where the first thing strangers always ask is, “And what do you do?” I ended up with: “I do whatever needs to be done,” which either led to interesting conversations or people mumbling something and legging it to the bar for another drink.

  79. 79
    Steeplejack says:


    Great song.

  80. 80
    Gretchen says:

    Suzanne: I’m sorry this happened, and glad that he called for help in time. My son had many rough years with ADHD, depression, drug abuse, anxiety, and spent a couple of years not functioning at all, not even leaving his room (except to somehow get drugs). Then a friend got him a restaurant job, and he started to find his feet and do well. He still works there, and is doing fine. We all agreed we’re sort of surprised he lived through his hard times, but he came out on the other side. I can’t tell you what turned it around, because I don’t know. I just kept trying everything I could think of and being supportive and he came through it. I hope the same is true of your son. Hugs.

  81. 81
    rikyrah says:

    Happy Father’s Day to all those taking care of business.
    And, happy to hear that Papa Cole 🤗 is on the mend.

  82. 82
    rikyrah says:

    Sending you positive thoughts 🙏

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