Floriduh! Man & Woman: Easily Triggered and Not Very Bright Edition

Oy vey…

From NBC News:

A Florida man called police to report a comedian of Middle Eastern descent who he believed had told a joke that showed support for terrorism.

Standup comic Ahmed Ahmed, who is of Egyptian descent, poked fun at negative stereotypes of Muslims during a set at Off The Hook Comedy Club in Naples, Florida, on Saturday night.

“Clap if you’re from the Middle East,” Ahmed said, according to a clip posted on the club’s Facebook page.

After a smattering of cheers, Ahmed slyly responded: “All right. We got a handful of us in in here, nice. But, hey, it only takes one of us … to tell a joke.”

At least one member of the audience didn’t get the punchline.

The man called the Collier County Sheriff’s Department and told a deputy that Ahmed was organizing people of Middle Eastern descent to possibly commit terrorism.

“He said, `That’s great.’ He said, `We can organize our own little terrorist organization,’ and I don’t think that was right. I mean it really bothered me,” the caller said, according to audio of the call released by the sheriff’s department. “And I yelled out, `And the paddy wagon is going to be outside to get all of you.’ “

The man added: “My wife and I looked at each other and we felt very uncomfortable.”

The caller told authorities he was only at the club because he was given free tickets.

Ahmed told NBC News on Wednesday that the “it only takes one of us” line is in his regular act and it’s never sparked any blowback.

“I’ve told that joke about 1,000 times around the world,” Ahmed said. “Whatever he heard and what I said are two different things.”

The comic said he stuck around after Saturday’s show to meet with any fans who wanted to speak with him or snap pictures.

“Terrorists don’t do meet-and-greets,” the comic said. “We don’t say, `Death to America!’ and then, `But wait, let’s do selfies first.’ “

Deputies showed up to the club Sunday before Ahmed’s set that night, briefly interviewed him and left without incident.

“They couldn’t have been nicer,” Ahmed said of the responding deputies. “One of them said, `Don’t change anything, keep doing what you’re doing.’ That was refreshing to hear.”

Club owner Brien Spina said he’s been booking Ahmed to his club for more than a decade, and won’t stop now.

“For me it was a great joke. I stand behind him,” said Spina, who booked Ahmed for another gig, on Wednesday of next week. “His show is great.”

The comic said he has no ill will toward the caller. If anything, he wants to shake his hand.

“I want to say, `Thank you,’ to him,” Ahmed said. “He got more publicity for me in that one phone call than ever. You want to talk about a blessing in disguise.”

Given that this took place in one of the more reactionary portions of the Gunshine State, Ahmed is lucky that this guy just called the cops.

You just gotta laugh. At the morons.

Open thread!

79 replies
  1. 1
    Patricia Kayden says:

    You’ve got to be kidding me!

  2. 2
    David 🎅🎄Merry Christmas🎄🎅 Koch says:

    I always call the Bomb Squad when I come across an Adam Sandler movie.

  3. 3
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @David 🎅🎄Merry Christmas🎄🎅 Koch: That’s just SCIENCE!

  4. 4
    germy says:

    I guess we’re making progress. Bill Hicks used to get beaten up in the parking lot after a show if the real muricans didn’t like what he had to say.

  5. 5
    Brachiator says:

    @David 🎅🎄Merry Christmas🎄🎅 Koch:

    I always call the Bomb Squad when I come across an Adam Sandler movie

    You win the Internets.

  6. 6
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    5 gets you 10 that this asshole and his wife are MAGAts.

  7. 7
    germy says:

    The Trump Administration is fighting for free speech online.
    No matter your views, if you suspect political bias has caused you to be censored or silenced online, we want to hear about it! https://t.co/9lc0cqUhuf pic.twitter.com/J8ICbx42dz— The White House (@WhiteHouse) May 15, 2019

  8. 8
    Baud says:


    Should we report Balloon Juice?

  9. 9
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Villago Delenda Est: Ya think?

  10. 10
    germy says:

    @Baud: I’ve never been censored or silenced here. Not even disenvoweled, which is the least I deserve.

  11. 11
    Baud says:


    Maybe you’re the one doing the silencing. :-P

  12. 12
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    @germy: Snowflake brigade is on the watch!

  13. 13
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Baud: Just the site redesign posts and comment threads.

  14. 14
    NobodySpecial says:

    Iranian-American comic Maz Jabrani used to joke on the Axis of Evil comedy tour that he always made sure to go through security after Ahmed Ahmed. Hilarious.

  15. 15
    Steeplejack says:

    @David 🎅🎄Merry Christmas🎄🎅 Koch, @Adam L Silverman:

    The Waterboy was pretty good. Sandler maintained his weird accent through the whole movie—a titanic feat of acting—and, c’mon, Fairuza Balk.

  16. 16
    Adam L Silverman says:

    Holy crap!

  17. 17
    zhena gogolia says:


    OMG, no, just think of that dinner scene in the trailer park or whatever it was. OMG, no.

    I think his peak is “and may God have mercy on your soul.”

  18. 18
  19. 19
  20. 20
  21. 21

    @germy: I’ve been sent into moderation hell, I felt uncomfortable.

  22. 22
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @Rob: Yep. I’d seen some reporting that there were complaints, but this reporitng indicates that the problem, as in criminal sexual assault and rape of minors, is institution wide. Doesn’t surprise me. The leadership of the organization affiliated itself with ever more revanchist and reactionary religious organizations over the years. And while the Catholic Church’s problems are well reported on and well known, those of the evangelical community – across all sects (Evangelicals, Charismatics, and Fundamentalists) and all denominations – is far less well known because it is underreported on.

  23. 23
  24. 24
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: You know what you did!

  25. 25
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @🐾BillinGlendaleCA: I’m guessing this is the tip of the iceberg.

  26. 26
    J R in WV says:

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Holy crap!

    Sex abuse scandal may drive Boy Scouts of America to bankruptcy https://t.co/3hQmn7zxZT

    — FORTUNE (@FortuneMagazine) May 15, 2019

    You’re surprised? The BSA is a cult, with leaders who have as much power as a priest in confession, in their own way.

    My brother is a member of the cult. He told me a story once, he (along with other leadership guys) took the Troop on a camping trip into the West Texas wilderness. One of the “leaders” got a cell phone call late one night – one of the camper’s fathers had died, heart attack. They needed to bring the Troop home, and to not put the suddenly orphaned scout in shock.

    The funeral was a BSA ritual, and the deceased guy was buried in his BSA Leader Uniform, with full BSA rites! Who knew??????

    I’m so not surprised that this organization, located in Texas, is full of predators… I can’t describe how not surprised I am !!!

  27. 27
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @J R in WV: I’m not surprised. I’m surprised at the currently reported scope. And that cracks are now showing within the cult.

  28. 28
    J R in WV says:

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Tip of the iceberg…. heh!

  29. 29
    Bill Arnold says:


    No matter your views, if you suspect political bias has caused you to be censored or silenced online,

    I certainly self-censor a lot when talking about politics online. (Nym is real name, though common, and the internet is forever.) And definitely would get banned from many social media platforms if saying uncensored opinions about the D.J. Trump administration and their core supporters.

    But this is a weird path for them to be taking. Without (neutral) rules, it is trivial for the motivated and technically sophisticated to generally destroy the utility of a platform. If they’re saying that it’s bias against right wing culture to ban things like making death threats against lefties and other opponents, well, then, fuck ’em.

  30. 30

    @J R in WV:

    The BSA is a cult, with leaders who have as much power as a priest in confession, in their own way.

    That certainly wasn’t the case when I was in scouting 45 years ago.

  31. 31
    Rob says:

    @Adam L Silverman: Geez. Heavy sigh. (and I was never a boy scout)

  32. 32
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    Just read that Trump has issued Conrad Black a full pardon.

    Conrad Black is a Canadian citizen.

    I’m not sure how this works.

  33. 33
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    (Answering my own question):

    I guess it’s legit since Black was convicted in the US. Still seems very odd to me.

  34. 34
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: He was convicted of fraud in the US and did some time in prison.

    @SiubhanDuinne: Why would it be odd (except for the fact that everything he does is odd)?

  35. 35
    chris says:


    Conrad Black is a Canadian citizen.

    No he isn’t, he gave it up to become Lord Dipshit in the UK. Not sure but I think he was deported from the US after he served his time.

    ETA: And we took him back for reasons I’ve forgotten.

  36. 36
    Jay says:


    British Criminal, American Crimes, residing on an annual residency visa in Canada.

  37. 37
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    You’re right. I only remembered that he was born and educated in Canada. Was working from memory.

  38. 38
    Jay says:


    Canadian wife, lifetime trading ban.

  39. 39
    chris says:

    Black has been a vocal supporter of Trump and often writes op-eds in support of the president. Last year, Black published a flattering biography of Trump, “Donald J. Trump: A President Like No Other,” in which he highlighted what he considers the president’s biggest successes.


  40. 40
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Why would it be odd (except for the fact that everything he does is odd)?

    I was not previously aware that a POTUS could issue pardons to non-US citizens. I know better now.

    But why Conrad Black?

  41. 41


    in which he highlighted what he considers the president’s biggest successes

    That must be a very shot book.

  42. 42
    chris says:

    @Jay: Don’t remind me. I used to subscribe to the Sunday toronto Sun because Barbara Amiel’s columns could cut through the worst hangovers. I despise her to this day.

  43. 43
    SiubhanDuinne says:


    Black has been a vocal supporter of Trump and often writes op-eds in support of the president. Last year, Black published a flattering biography of Trump, “Donald J. Trump: A President Like No Other,” in which he highlighted what he considers the president’s biggest successes.


  44. 44
    J R in WV says:

    @Adam L Silverman:

    Yes, and I also see cracks in the fundamentalist xtianist “churches” !!

    See The Wartburg Watch for details and links on that… not a bit different from the Catholic Church’s problems! The NeoCalvinists and SBC are as rigid as the old style Catholics were.

  45. 45
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: If we can federally convict them, a president can pardon them. The pardoning power is one of the few powers that a president has that is virtually unlimited.

    Why Black? To show that he isn’t racist after all.

  46. 46
    Jay says:


    Conrad Black’s rise is another, smaller example, of how the MSM went to shit!

  47. 47

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Why Black? To show that he isn’t racist after all.

    Trump did say “The Blacks love me”, guess that’s who he was talking about.

  48. 48
    chris says:

    @Jay: Heh, I remember how excited I was to get my first National Post. Finally, I thought, something better than the Mop ‘n’ Pail. Then I read it… It was printed on some kind of paper that didn’t absorb well so it wasn’t even good to go under the litter box.

  49. 49
    chris says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: Birds of a feather etc.

  50. 50
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @SiubhanDuinne: @Omnes Omnibus: He was sentenced for a Federal crime, obstructing justice, in the US. The only reason he wasn’t convicted of more crimes is his defense was able to nullify one juror who refused to vote to convict on the underlying crimes without a clear evidentiary paper trail. So the President has pardoned someone convicted of obstructing justice who wasn’t convicted of underlying crimes. The other pardon, of the former California state legislator, is of someone who was convicted of public corruption while in office. Notice the pattern?

  51. 51
    Jay says:


    Grope and Flail?

    Conrad Black singlehandedly killed small town journalism and regional papers in Canada.

  52. 52
    encephalopath says:

    “…made him and his wife feel uncomfortable.”

    I’m just impressed by the correct use of the objective pronoun in the NBC tweet. Such a rarity.

  53. 53
    Adam L Silverman says:

    @J R in WV: The estimate is that all religions, across all denominations, across all sects, have, approximately 10% of their clergy committing some form of sexual violation. Ranging from just consensual affairs with congregants all the way to rape of both adults and children. The problem, however, is that within the highly authoritarian and/or hierarchical religions, sects, and denominations, like the Catholic Church, or among various evangelical sects and denominations, or among the various sects within orthodox and ultra-orthodox Judaism, it is hard to get a handle on whether reality is close to the estimate because of the closed nature of the groups created by the authoritarianism and/or hierarchies.

  54. 54
    Bill Arnold says:


    But why Conrad Black?

    Solidarity among white white-collar criminals. (And for Trump-praising, if it needs to be said.)

  55. 55
    SiubhanDuinne says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Why Black? To show that he isn’t racist after all.


  56. 56
    dm says:

    A guy saying “paddy wagon” would be made pretty uncomfortable in certain parts of Boston.

  57. 57
    Ladyraxterinok says:

    @J R in WV: That blog is very good. Add the blog of Bruce Gerencser, an ex-christianad ex-preacher in the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist denomination. I believe that’s the group that runs BobJones University.

  58. 58
    Ladyraxterinok says:

    @encephalopath: Amen and amen!

  59. 59
    Viva BrisVegas says:


    But why Conrad Black?

    Conrad Black is Trump, but without the acute financial acumen and Get Out of Jail Free cards.

  60. 60

    Yeah, but Hillary made speeches, remember?

    Trump administration opens up Minnesota wilderness area to copper mining

    WASHINGTON (Reuters) – The U.S. Interior Department on Wednesday renewed two long-mothballed leases near the Boundary Waters Wilderness area in Minnesota, a key step in opening up the popular wilderness and recreation area to copper mining despite heavy opposition from local and national conservation groups.

  61. 61

    @John Revolta: You forgot about her emails.

  62. 62
    sralloway says:

    I must be missing something in the report. This maggat and his wife were fearful because of a comic’s jokes? And he is of that group which will take to the streets and reclaim the country by civil insurrection? Against libtards who can’t fight? As in, guns and all? Okay. They are such a sad collection of semi-sentient beings.

  63. 63
    Jay says:

    @Viva BrisVegas:

    Conrad Black is estimated to be worth at least $100 million still, maybe much more.

    He’s still the RH The Lord Black of Crossharbour, KCSG,

    And he didn’t get his start with a fortune from his Dad.

  64. 64
    Jay says:


    He took the joke, “It only takes one of us,………

    To tell a joke.”

    As a Lone Wolf ISIL plot.

  65. 65
    Steeplejack says:


    And, like Joe Arpaio, he’s touting it as vindication of his innocence. Words fail.

  66. 66
    JaySinWA says:

    Okay, am I the only one that doesn’t quite get the joke? I think I need someone to break it down for me. I could see it as misdirection, expecting him to say something else, but I’m not sure why hilarity ensued.

  67. 67
    Jay says:

    He asked if there were any Muslim’s in the audience,

    There’s a few claps,

    He say’s, “That’s okay, it only takes one of us,

    To tell a joke”.

    The humour is that when you think it’s going right, it goes left.

    It’s akin to:

    “I’ve got the greatest job in the world”

    “For 30 year’s I’ve gotten to see all of this country and tell jokes.”

    “How many of you think this is the most beautiful country in the world?”

    ( wild applause)

    “we’ll that’s because you haven’t seen all of it!”

  68. 68
    Steeplejack says:


    You and I both!

  69. 69
    Pete Downunder says:

    @Jay: For the master of this try Jimmy Carr. NSFW but usually pretty funny.

  70. 70
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: bien joué.

    Steve à CDG

  71. 71
    Steeplejack says:

    @Steve in the ATL:

    You’ve got to be getting some good house wine there!

  72. 72
    Steve in the ATL says:

    Oui, c’est magnifique!

  73. 73
    Steeplejack says:

    @Steve in the ATL:

    Are you flying Delta? One of the (many) former future Mrs. Steeps is a Delta flight attendant who married a frog and does the ATL-CDG run.

    / End pointless anecdote.

  74. 74
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Steeplejack: yes, though operated by Air France so the food will be better and the wine more plentiful. I will find her by asking each FA whether she was once romantically linked to a bourgeois reprobate.

  75. 75
    NotMax says:

    @Steve in the ATL

    yes, though operated by Air France

    “Bone ju-er, y’all.”

  76. 76
    Steeplejack says:

    @Steve in the ATL:

    Narrow it down by mentioning “memorable night in Fairhope.”

  77. 77
    Steve in the ATL says:

    @Steeplejack: that may be the greatest narrowing in the long history of narrowing!

  78. 78
    Steeplejack says:

    I feel like this is a “Phrasing!” situation, but not quite.

  79. 79
    Silver Wolf says:

    He said he was only there because he received free tickets. It’s obvious that one of his acquaintances felt he needed to lighten up.

    I feel that there is an actual, quantifiable defect in some people who are genuinely “humorless” by most peoples’ standards. Otherwise cognitively normal people who are completely incapable of detecting obvious sarcasm or tell jokes that make everyone else in the room side-eye each other. What a dour life some people must live.

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