Open Thread: Failures in Corporate Branding

(I think the homemade version of this mixture is what my local sub shop uses for its delicious potato salad, but still… ‘Mayomust’ sounds like a translation error!)

214 replies
  1. 1
    Baud says:

    Mustaise would have been better.

  2. 2
    A Ghost To Most says:

    Mayotard already exists. It’s in the WH.

  3. 3
    The Midnight Lurker says:

    Ketchup or catsup?

  4. 4
    raven says:

    @The Midnight Lurker: Kepitch around here.

  5. 5
    Peale says:

    Two grating tastes that grate taste together.

  6. 6
    Keith P. says:

    At least they didn’t go with “Mustmayorstadainnaise”….that one has already been done.

  7. 7
    JGabriel says:

    I guess “Mustonaisse” really isn’t any better.

  8. 8
    NotMax says:

    Isn’t mayomust what McDonald’s squirts onto Big Macs?

  9. 9
    mrmoshpotato says:

    Ugh. More of this crap. Reminds me of Smuckers striped peanut butter and jelly in one jar. What’s so hard about mixing the two parts if that’s what you want?

  10. 10

    @A Ghost To Most: I thought it was marmalade.

  11. 11
    Baud says:

    I think they should.have gone the way and made it a Mayomastburger.

  12. 12
    LeftCoastYankee says:

    Mayotard is the official condiment of the Space Force!

  13. 13
  14. 14
    Matt McIrvin says:

    @Keith P.: Warning: Mayonnaise will spoil before mustard.

  15. 15
    HeleninEire says:

    That already exists. It’s called Dijonaise and it’s made by Hellmans.

  16. 16
    A Ghost To Most says:

    @schrodingers_cat: Would that be Greg Marmalade, who was fragged by his own troops in Vietnam?

  17. 17

    Gaia, 15 comments in and this thread is officially toxic.

    Be laughing about this for hours….

  18. 18

    @A Ghost To Most: Orange Marmalade who occupies the most powerful position in the land.

  19. 19
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @mrmoshpotato: Ugh. More of this crap. Reminds me of Smuckers striped peanut butter and jelly in one jar.

    Ugh, indeed. I think it was in a squeeze bottle at one point

  20. 20

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Peanut butter and jelly is a combination, I don’t understand or enjoy eating.

  21. 21
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    also, Schakowsky 2020

    @ jdawsey1
    At one point, Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-Ill.), a close Pelosi ally, pleaded with Democrats: “Everyone stop tweeting!”

    @schrodingers_cat: it was a favorite when I was a kid, now I kind of wonder how anyone ever thought of it, and why. Also, fluffernutters. And peanut butter and brown sugar. I’m lucky to have teeth, I guess.

  22. 22
    Baud says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Yeah, smartest thing a Democrat has said since John Dingell told the caucus to stop twerking.

  23. 23
    Steeplejack says:


    I think I spent way too much money on a stripper with that stage name back in the day.

  24. 24
    A Ghost To Most says:

    @A Ghost To Most: correction.

    Correction: Greg Marmalade became a WH aide, and went to prison for Watergate. Even better

  25. 25
    Steeplejack says:



  26. 26
    Johnny Gentle (famous crooner) says:

    @Keith P.: I’m glad someone else remembers that bit because it’s all I can think of literally every time this product is mentioned.

  27. 27
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @A Ghost To Most: Correction: Greg Marmalade became a WH aide, and went to prison for Watergate. Even better

    You wonder if he was interrogated in hearings by Senator Blutarski

    it was Niedermeyer who got fragged, there was a call back to that in a Vietnam scene in…. I wanna say the Twilight Zone movie?
    ETA: Guess I should have made a Spoiler Alert, that movie’s only 35 years old

  28. 28
    Shana says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: My brother used to eat peanut butter and butter sandwiches. On purpose.

  29. 29
    Sab says:

    @schrodingers_cat: Was discussing this very topic with the cashier and the bagger at the grocery last night. I said I don’t like peanut butter with sweets. She was horrified that I don’t like reeces cups. I said my husband likes peanut butter and mayo sandwiches. She thought that sounded delicious. The bagger said it made him gag.

    The guy in line behind us said the whole conversation put him off food.

    Oh yeah. Forgot: cashier’s favorite is peanut butter, syrup and cheese. That just boggles my mind.

  30. 30
    plato says:

    white sauce was already taken?

  31. 31
    A Ghost To Most says:

    Ilke peanuts and peanut butter, but despise it cooked in anything. The fork marks on pb cookies are appreciated.

  32. 32
    Aleta says:

    Does it come from expressing the glands of a rabbity goat-like forest creature? (Not harmed in the process of course.)

  33. 33
    Jeffro says:

    Sriracha mayo’s pretty good but I don’t buy it that way – just buy sriracha, buy mayo, and mix a tablespoon of each when needed; otherwise, just keep you options open.

    Flexibility – ESPECIALLY condiment flexibility – it’s the key to a good life

  34. 34
    Gravenstone says:

    @Shana: peanut butter on well buttered toast? Why yes, thank you! Good stuff, Maynard. Of course, I also like peanut butter and mayo sandwiches. Except I put lettuce on mine. Maybe it’s just an Ohio thing.

  35. 35
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Aleta: Does it come from expressing the glands of a rabbity goat-like forest creature?

    Rabbity goat-like…? Reince Priebus? I don’t want anything from his glands

  36. 36
    Sab says:

    @Shana: I had two last night. They were both delicious. It’s why I take statins, so I can eat stuff like that.

  37. 37
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I think it was in a squeeze bottle at one point

    Combined pbj in an unbreakable tube actually makes some sense, if you live with small children who want to “help” make their own sammiches.

  38. 38
    Gloomyjim says:

    @mrmoshpotato: GooberGrape! I grew up on that stuff. Might have had something to do with the family working for/selling to the processing plant here in OR. Fond memories of only having to open one jar!

  39. 39
    MomSense says:


    I like sriracha ketchup. Mostly sriracha with a bit of ketchup is delicious.

  40. 40
    Anne Laurie says:

    @schrodingers_cat: Be appalled: I finished off the last of the delicious mango chutney from my latest Indian-restaurant takeout with peanut butter, on an English muffin. Agree that the peanut-and-sweet combo is something that usually has to be introduced to someone at a young age… but then, that’s how I feel about fish sauce on anything, and plenty of people give me the side-eye for politely rejecting *that*…

  41. 41
    A Ghost To Most says:

    @Shana: So did I. Then I got a job.

  42. 42
    plato says:

    Scared that very slow moving caravans are going to get past border patrol & show up in your neighborhood?Worried about an invasion of children?Concerned you won't be able to play golf?You might be suffering from National Emergency Anxiety. IT'S DAY 19. Can you feel it?— Ted Lieu (@tedlieu) March 6, 2019

  43. 43
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Are you sure she’s not too old and female? /s

    We’ll be sad in IL-09 that we won’t be able to re-elect her with 70% of the vote.

  44. 44
    BellyCat says:

    @Gravenstone: Peanut butter and Lettuce sandwiches (gots to be Iceberg) indeed! Also popular in the house when growing up was celery with peanut butter on it. Lays nicely in the groove. Both taste far better than they sound…

    (Why, yes—my mother is from Ohio.)

  45. 45
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @BellyCat: PB and celery – yes. Also PB on red apple slices.

  46. 46
    Sab says:

    @mrmoshpotato: Peanut butter on celery with raisins: aka ants on a log!

    ETA: Ohio Girl Scout appetizer.

  47. 47
    Gvg says:

    That’s not a branding failure. It’s a product failure. As in why? Just don’t.

  48. 48
    Formerly disgruntled in Oregon says:

    @BellyCat: Ants on a log are good too!

  49. 49
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @NotMax: That’s a poor imitation of thousand island.

  50. 50
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Sab: Never had it with raisins.

  51. 51
    satby says:

    For the rest of my life when my dieting resolve is weakening, I’m going to be able to refer back to this thread and completely lose my appetite for food. Any food.
    Possibly even living.

  52. 52
    BellyCat says:

    @Formerly disgruntled in Oregon: @Sab:

    You *sure* that’s not ‘rabbit poop’ on that there log?

  53. 53
    Another Scott says:

    In other news, Kim Zetter:

    Kim Zetter Verified account @KimZetter

    House Oversight is investigating Georgia Gov Brian Kemp on voter suppression that occurred in GA under his watch. They want him to hand over communications and docs relating to voter roll purges, polling place closures, voter reg and voting machine probs.

    11:10 AM – 6 Mar 2019

    Good, good.

    (via LOLGOP)


  54. 54
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Formerly disgruntled in Oregon: Made me think of the Sichuan “ants on a tree.” No peanut butter involved.

  55. 55
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Mayonnaise is evil. It is like Trump; it ruins everything it touches.

  56. 56
    Sab says:

    @mrmoshpotato: It goes against my own personal prejudice about peanuts with sweets, but it’ s pretty popular around here.

    Cleveland Orchestra included it about 50 years ago in their summer home (Blossom Music Center) picnic cookbook “Bach’s Lunch.” And yes, that was the Girl Scouts recipe.

  57. 57
    Sab says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: The whole point of a sandwich is to have multiple layers on which to spread mayonnaise, in between the other stuff.

  58. 58
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Sab: You are dead to me.

  59. 59
    judyinsd says:

    When younger didn’t care for tomatoes so my mom would make BLTs and replace the T with peanut butter. It was delicious!

  60. 60
    Amir Khalid says:

    @The Midnight Lurker:
    Ahem. The word comes from my native land, where it is currently spelled kicap (before 1972, kichap) and means soy sauce. It baffles me that you Americans can confuse tomato sauce with soy sauce. The two look and taste markedly different.

  61. 61
  62. 62
    Sab says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: So how do you feel about Miracle Whip?

  63. 63
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Sab: Wow, you’re really going for it.

  64. 64
    Sab says:

    @Amir Khalid: That is beyond hilarious. Thank you. Made my night.

  65. 65
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Sab: I said you were de… Hey! Damn it.

  66. 66
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @Sab: Something I’d gleefully force feed to people who’ve crossed me.*

    Oops, you didn’t ask me. I’ll show myself out.

    *Full disclosure: I am not a nice person, and a few people believe I’m dangerous. Oddly, some of them LEOs. Musicians don’t seem to find me scary. Artists and lawyers seem to have mixed views.

  67. 67
    Mary G says:

    Chuck Wendig is always pushing a sandwich on Twitter that has mayo, bacon, peanut butter, and pickles. People are always saying eww, then trying it and loving it. I have never felt the call to try it. Scalzi makes burritos with all kinds of horrible-sounding food combinations.

  68. 68
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho: You don’t scare me. Mayo, however, does.

  69. 69
    Keith P. says:

    @Jerzy: Finally, someone who has some culture! (I’m a Vaughnies person myself)

  70. 70
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @Amir Khalid: I imagine that a great deal baffles you about us Americans. It sure as hell does me. Though I am clear about the difference between tomato sauce and soy sauce at least.

  71. 71
    PJ says:

    @Sab: Mayonnaise is an abomination, an offense to the tongue, a degradation of sliced bread and lunch meat.

    That is all.

  72. 72
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @PJ: Hey, we agree on something!

  73. 73
    Captain C says:

    @Baud: And if the Megadeth frontman had a line of condiments, we could have Mustaine Mustaise.

  74. 74
    Captain C says:

    @NotMax: That’s thousand island dressing.

  75. 75
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    You don’t scare me.

    Good to hear. The views of others in our field here on the topic are unknown to me, but it’s unimportant.

    I found a very funny line in an email that you might enjoy and will even know what it was autocorrected from. You can email Adam if you’re interested as I sent to him.

    Tomorrow Townes would be 75 if he’d lived. I have a plan to honor him that I hope succeeds.

  76. 76
    RobertDSC-Mac Mini says:

    @Amir Khalid:
    We’re Americans. We fuck up everything. It’s in our nature.

  77. 77
    Jeffro says:


    The whole point of a sandwich is to have multiple layers on which to spread mayonnaise, in between the other stuff.

    That’s how I feel about french fries, aka “ketchup delivery devices” ;)

  78. 78
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho: Today would have been my paternal grandfather’s 101st. I’ll reach out to Adam.

  79. 79
    Sab says:

    @Sab: Wikipedia says it goes back to Chinese Amoy (is that Fujian?) dialect, but I am going with your version.

  80. 80
    Old Dan and Little Ann says:

    I was just going to make a peanut butter and fluff sandwich. Now I need to throw some mayo and lettuce on it.

  81. 81
    Jeffro says:

    Hey I see Twitler never saw a food fight he couldn’t start/get in the middle of/throw more ‘mustaise’ around…he’s now thinking he’s going to ban the ‘fake news’ from carrying any RNC debates.

    I thought no one was going to challenge His Orange Eminence anyway – what RNC debates?

    The guy only knows one thing, and it is to provoke, then turn things to shit.

  82. 82
    Jerzy says:

    @Keith P.: I used to buy it at Gibbons’ Markets until they were driven out of business by Fairsley Foods!

  83. 83
    Sab says:

    @Jeffro: The Dutch use them for mayo delivery.

  84. 84
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Old Dan and Little Ann: Don’t you start.

  85. 85
    Peale says:

    @Sab: my favorite is Penut butter and fried summer sausage on toast. Mmmm.

  86. 86
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Sab: One of the strikes against Benelux as a European pied-à-terre location.

  87. 87
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: @Sab: FOOD FIGHT!

    (Couldn’t resist)

  88. 88
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Peale: Fried summer sausage? Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

  89. 89
    Sab says:

    @Jeffro: The Dutch use them for mayo delivery.@Sab: @Peale: Definitely need statins for that.

  90. 90
    Steeplejack says:

    House Hunters International has got to be the most maddening of the HGTV shelter shows. Currently watching two Los Angeles real-estate people trying to find an apartment in Florence, Italy, for $950,000. At least it looks like their marriage will survive this adventure, which is not my impression in most episodes.

  91. 91
    Redshift says:

    @Sab: When I was a teenager, I considered mayo to be sandwich glue. I also made sandwiches with more layers then. These days, not so much.

  92. 92
    Amir Khalid says:

    Over here we trace the word to the Hokkien dialect spoken in Penang. Most Penangites know at least a few words of Hokkien.

  93. 93
    Anne Laurie says:

    Consumer report: I’ve always been meh about mayo in general, but Japanese Kewpie mayo is worth the premium. (I think it’s the vinegar more than the egg yolks, but it makes bland sandwiches *sing*.)

  94. 94
    Steeplejack says:


    Okay, that’s funny. Keep on mocking, Rep. Lieu.

  95. 95
    sukabi says:

    @NotMax: no, that’s thousand island dressing.

  96. 96
    Amir Khalid says:

    As John Travolta famously explained to Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction.

  97. 97
    Jay says:

    “Customs and Border Protection has compiled a list of 59 mostly American reporters, attorneys and activists for border agents to stop for questioning when crossing the U.S-Mexican border at San Diego-area checkpoints, and agents have questioned or arrested at least 21 of them, according to documents obtained by NBC station KNSD-TV and interviews with people on the list.”

  98. 98
    NotMax says:


    Will do in a pinch as a stopgap if one is temporarily out of spackling paste. Or wood putty.

  99. 99
    Achrachno says:

    @Amir Khalid: “It baffles me that you Americans can confuse tomato sauce with soy sauce.”

    You seem very familiar with us, you must have noticed we’re an easily confused people.

  100. 100
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steeplejack: “I want a home with everything I had in Dallas. But it has to be in Belgavia and I won’t go higher than $250,000. And I need green space for my cats.”

  101. 101
    Sab says:

    @Amir Khalid: How many languages do you speak? How far down the list is English as far as languages you feel fluent or competent using.

    You are our resident polite pedant for English. Humbling for us monolinguals.

  102. 102
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Anne Laurie: Oh, high quality evil. That makes it soooooo much better.

  103. 103
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Steeplejack: A single unit, or do they want to buy the whole apartment building for 950000 bucks?

  104. 104
    NotMax says:

    @Amir Khalid

    By any chance is HP Sauce a popular item in Malaysia?

  105. 105
    Amir Khalid says:

    It is typical for a Malaysian to be fluent in three languages — Malay and English, plus your own mother tongue — and have at least a smattering of one or two more.

  106. 106
    Amir Khalid says:

    It’s sold in the supermarkets here, and I think not just to white expatriates. As a tech journalist I would sometimes ask Hewlett-Packard employees about the staff discount they got on it.

  107. 107
    Steeplejack says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Exactly. “And why are the people here so weird? What’s up with that?”

    This couple spent the whole episode rhapsodizing about the classical beauty of Florence and wanting to own a little piece of the dream, and then at the very end, in the very short “four months later” snippet, it seemed to become clear that they’re going to set up an Airbnb that they will use occasionally. Womp womp.

    Also, their “budget” was $950,000, but the Italian real-estate guy showed them nothing under $1.1 million. WTF? Seems like they had some expensive requirements, like “must be within spitting distance of the Ponte Vecchio.” Would like those made more explicit for my predictions on which choice they will go for.

  108. 108
    NotMax says:

    @Amir Khalid

    It’s now made exclusively in Belgium, which is just … wrong.

  109. 109
    Sandia Blanca says:

    How is it possible that we are 106 comments in and not one person has mentioned John Cole’s MISSING JAR OF MUSTARD???

  110. 110
    Aleta says:

    Don Tower and daughter pretending the family is completely legitimate.

  111. 111
    B.B.A. says:

    @NotMax: This is why Brexit won.

  112. 112
    Jay says:

    The history of ketchup is interesting,

    The squeeze bottles of Baconnaise, Sausageaise and Gravyaise showing up in the local grocery store’s condiment aisles,

    Not so much.

  113. 113
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steeplejack: I almost never pick the one that the yuppies choose.

  114. 114
    NotMax says:


    Come to think of it, if there are shortages or steep price hikes in the U.K. post-Brexit, there will be rioting in the streets.

  115. 115
    Steeplejack says:


    They were shopping for a single unit.

  116. 116
    Jay says:

    @NotMax: @B.B.A.:

    It’s also made in North York, Ontario, Canada.

  117. 117
    Aleta says:

    @Anne Laurie: It’s great with shredded cabbage or on cukes. There used to be a movie theater ad for it that was just a giant head of cabbage that slowly filled the screen. No image of the mayo. Its name spoken once at the tail end of the ad.

  118. 118
    debbie says:


    And again, awesome with peanut butter.

  119. 119
    NotMax says:


    I sit corrected.

    “Now with added moose.”


  120. 120
    Origuy says:

    @Anne Laurie: Chutney and peanut butter on an English muffin sounds delicious. I just had tile put on my kitchen floor and I can’t go in there for three days. That will be one of the first things I make.

  121. 121
    Jay says:


    Nope, Regular and 20% Less Moose.

  122. 122
    Steeplejack says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I know the shows are rigged and the producers try to heighten the drama, but I can’t resist trying to figure out the relationship dynamics. And I do like seeing the houses and what people respond to.

    ETA: The three Florence places sucked. Maybe the only thing they had going for them was spitting distance to the Ponte Vecchio.

  123. 123
    NotMax says:


    Hmmmm. Moosennaise™…

  124. 124
    Yutsano says:

    @Amir Khalid: Because language is weird like that. It’s entirely possible to borrow a word like ketchup but have it mean something else. And in this case it’s all on us. Ketchup did in fact mean originally a type of fish sauce but in the 19th century we changed the primary preparation ingredient to tomatoes. So it’s because we just kept the name instead of calling it something else. Who knew?

    Also: the original tomato ketchup recipe called for anchovies. That sounds…even more brilliant.

  125. 125
    suzanne says:

    Mayonnaise plus yellow mustard is somehow, like, logarithmically bad. Two gross things that, when added together, are more bad than the two individual condiments would indicate.

  126. 126
    suzanne says:

    Oh, and the dream condiment is harissa plus rice vinegar,

  127. 127
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @NotMax: Let’s not be silly. Everyone knows it would be Mooseonnaise™

  128. 128
    Jay says:


    For people who want a gleuten free vegan MLT sandwich.

  129. 129
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @suzanne: Are you saying you hate mayo and mustard?

  130. 130
    Yutsano says:

    @Jay: You laugh but…a friend of mine said she wanted something like that the other day. I never understand humans sometimes…

  131. 131
    Jay says:

    Could be worse, castoreium is a beaver anal gland extract used as a substitute for vanilla in ice cream.

  132. 132
    Barbara says:

    @Sab: I worked for a summer for someone who ate pb and bacon sandwiches for breakfast, along with scotch whiskey.

    My favorite pb sandwich combination is with strawberries, agave and flax seed. No alcohol is involved. When I run low on proper desserts I make an impromptu Reeses by pressing bittersweet chips into a spoonful of peanut butter. I would not have survived childhood without peanut butter.

  133. 133
    suzanne says:

    @mrmoshpotato: Yes. Mayo is slimy and yellow mustard is like good food that was left out to spoil.

    Dijon mustard is delicious. That shit in a squeeze bottle is like licking a dog’s ass.

  134. 134
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Jay: Anyone else going to start reading supermarket ice cream cartons now?


  135. 135
    Luthe says:

    @Jay: Mutton, lettuce, and tomato?

    @suzanne: A woman after my own heart! What are your thoughts on bacon?

  136. 136
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @suzanne: A BLT with Dijon mustard could be interesting.

  137. 137
    Jay says:


    People have spent masses of time and money, trying to come up with a meatless meat substitute that captures all the complexity of meat.

    Dated a Vegan for a while who was trying to launch an array of vegan pates. Tasted like baby food, not pate. Didn’t have the fats, mouth feel, flavour or serving texture.

    Money’s Mushrooms came up with a mushroom burger that came close, but in the end, you had to accept that you were eating mostly a Portabello mushroom.

    A&W has come closest so far with their Meatless Burger, but unless you eat your burgers “factory loaded”, it’s close, but no cigar.

  138. 138
    Jay says:


    Moosinnaise, lettuce and tomatoe on gluey not-bread.

  139. 139
    suzanne says:

    @Luthe: I like the smell of bacon more than the taste. I can take or leave bacon. Absolutely do not like ham. Food should not be that color.

  140. 140
    Jay says:


    The only BLT is Heritage Thick Cut smoked bacon,

    Sourdough, toasted



    Heritage Krim tomatoes,

    Black pepper.

  141. 141
    Jay says:


    Canned ham, cured ham, country ham, Black Forest Ham, prosciutto or prosecco?

  142. 142
  143. 143
    Yutsano says:

    @Anne Laurie: If you find it in an Asian grocery store it tends to be not as expensive,

  144. 144
    scav says:

    @Yutsano: Anchovies might just possibly make tomato catchup edible. I’ve been wondering about attempting some mushroom catchup for a while though.

  145. 145
    Omnes Omnibus says:


    That shit in a squeeze bottle is like licking a dog’s ass.

    And you would know this how?

  146. 146
    NotMax says:

    Speaking of eating moose –

    A military chaplain (Rev. Joshua Fraser) writing of a dinner in an Indian camp on the upper Ottawa thus describes a dish of muffle ‘The crowning dish was that grandest of all dishes moose mouffle. This is the immense upper lip and nostrils of the animal, and I have no hesitation in pronouncing it one of the most toothsome and savoury of all the dishes within the range of the gastronomic art. It is white and tender as spring chicken, yet firm and substantial as fresh beef, with a flavor combining the excellencies of both. I eat to repletion, yet was not sensible of any of that uneasy heaviness which generally follows a too hearty meal.’ Source

  147. 147
    Jay says:


    Back around 1974, on a wet, cold winters day, in Fundy National Park, Tar, a blab/x, running off leash, found and rolled in ambergris. Funny thing is, ambergris is used in perfumery, for it’s ability to capture and hold any scent, but first it has to be “stripped” of it’s previous scent, captured in a Sperm Whales stomach.

    They don’t tell you about that part.

    A 60 mile drive in a station wagon with all the windows rolled down, in the February rain, to a groomers, will burn that fact deep into your soul, and the dog, when wet for the next 6 months, will remind you.

  148. 148
    Jacel says:

    These products are a surprising misstep from Heinz, after they introduced a good non-crap-ingredients mustard as a companion to their incumbent ketchup brand a few years ago.

  149. 149
    Barbara says:

    @Jay: the only way to make vegan pate palatable is to incorporate some kind of nuts, like cashew cream. This is also true for vegan pumpkin pie.

  150. 150
    Amir Khalid says:

    In my view, The One True Mustard is Colman’s. Just don’t try swallowing it by the jar, as some weird people on YouTube have tried. It’s not meant to be taken that way, it’s too strong for that, and any such attempt will not end well.

  151. 151
    Sab says:

    @Amir Khalid: Just spent an hour babbling with my sister who speaks Mandarin, Shanghainese, French, as well as her native English and a bit of Japanese and Korean. She was fascinated about ketchup, and also the Fujian and Hokkainese connection. She also has a very impressive US Southern acent in English, which drives the rest of her family crazy.

    I only speak English, read French , and understand a smattering of Spanish, Hebrew and Gaelic ( who knows any of that?) I think her language fluency is very weird, but I live in America.

  152. 152
    NotMax says:

    @Amir Khalid

    Then there’s the famous mustard yellow belt.


  153. 153
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    OT: This is going to sound really stupid, but dust mites freak me out. The very thought that these things are crawling around in my bedding, the carpets I walk on, the sofas and chairs I sit on, my clothing; floating in the very air I breathe is very disquieting. It’s true I can’t see them or feel them. They don’t cause me any harm. The “not seeing them” doesn’t really help. I think I have a problem with dust mites and not other microbes simply because I don’t like insects in general.

    They’re even in our cars so that’s not an escape either. Probably not going to get much sleep tonight after reading about them.

  154. 154
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    Chill. Between mites of assorted types and bacteria, each one of us is a walking, talking Amazon forest. When the ecosystem is healthy, all is well. When you futz with the ecosystem, the consequences can be severe.

    Think of the dust mites like little WallE’s carefully recycling all the dead cells that fall off you, with out whom, you would have to wade through the castoff cells like deep snow.

  155. 155
    Wapiti says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷: Maybe this will help: they aren’t insects. They’re arachnids.

  156. 156
    Wapiti says:

    @Jay: I sometimes use “my 300 million closest friends” when talking about my gut bacteria. I guess that number is actually low; we’ve got something like 10-30 trillion microbes of all sorts, along for the ride. (So at least as many microbe cells as human cells.)

  157. 157
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    I’d rather have to clean up my excess dead skin myself than have those eldritch abominations exist. I’m well aware there’s lots of microbes on my body, as well as inside me. But they don’t bother me as much. They’re tiny blobs that move around. Not as scary as creatures with eight legs that scurry around, unseen, in the millions in our bedsheets.

  158. 158
  159. 159
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    You would be cleaning up your body weight 16 times a year.

    You would have to vacume 8 times a day to prevent your dead cells from becoming a neucleus for deadly virii and bacteria.

    A lot easier to have the bioorgasims that live with us as almost pets, do the job.

  160. 160
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    Source? Besides, I’m sure in a world without dust mites, somebody would have have made a Roomba-esque vacuum cleaner capable of holding the typical amounts of dirt manual vacuum cleaners do. I’d prefer the peace of mind

  161. 161
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    You bet your sweet bippy, I am. Death to all dust mites.

  162. 162
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    Follicle motes are the either the pregener or postgener of dust mites. They live in the follocles of your hair, ( body, head, face, ears, nose),

    Suck it up butter cup.

    With out follicle mites, you would be bald, hairless, suffer from a broad array of skin diseases and infections, and have a higly compromised immune system.

    The Roomba came out in 2002. The vacume, 1860’s.

    With out dust mites colonizing our debris, we would have never made it out of Africa.

  163. 163
  164. 164
    Yutsano says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷: Take microbiology. Nothing will make you chill more.

  165. 165
    Fair Economist says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷: Ooh, do you know about the mites that live in our eyelash follicles? One to a follicle. They come out at night to mate.

    Sweet dreams!

  166. 166
    Jay says:

    @Fair Economist:


    Sweet Dreams is lovely shade.

  167. 167
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Jay: @Fair Economist:

    They don’t like the light apparently. Would sleeping with the lights on help? I’m going to bathe myself in tea tree oil one of these days. Also, the younger you are, the less likely you are to have Demodex.

  168. 168
    Jay says:

    Dermodex spiders,

    3 differnt kinds of lice,


    The Balloon Juice Body After Dark.

  169. 169
    sukabi says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷: they aren’t just in your bed, they are in your body scavenging every minute of every day without fail.

  170. 170
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    Why bother?

    Our bodies are an ecosystem, inside and out. As long as that ecosystem is healthy, we are healthy.

    The less you screw with it, the less likely you will need a fecal transplant.

  171. 171
    sukabi says:

    @Jay: lololol

    More areas of investigation. 😂😂😂😂😂

  172. 172
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    Like I said, I couldn’t care less about the bacteria on my skin and in my body, such as my gut. I hate bugs. They give me the creeps.

  173. 173
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    With out the bugs, inside and out, you would be dead.

    And yes, it ain’t just bacteria inside, there’s “bugs” too.

  174. 174
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    Tell you what. Every six weeks for the next year, I’m going to wash with tea tree oil. We’ll see if I end up “bald, with a highly compromised immune system, and skin infections”.

  175. 175

    Well this has been a helluva day. First Betty C. gets bit on the face by a wolf spider and now it’s billions and billions of creepy fuckers living on my nose hairs. I can’t wait to see what’s waiting for me in Slumberland.

  176. 176
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    Tea tree oil won’t effect demodex and other species.

    For that you need a DDT bath.

    You should stay away from the “woo” .

  177. 177
    Fair Economist says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷: Dunno how follicke mites would respond to indefinite light. They would still be happy chewing inside your follicles. I’m sure they would manage to get it on eventually, they would probably just not get to have as much fun.

  178. 178
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    “Although there is little evidence of efficacy, it is typically used as a topical medication in low concentrations by folk medicine for attempted treatments of skin conditions.[2][3][4] Tea tree oil is claimed as useful for treating dandruff, acne, lice, herpes, insect bites, scabies, and skin fungal or bacterial infections.[3][4][5] However, the quality of the evidence for efficacy in these conditions is minimal.[3][6] Tea tree oil is neither a patented product nor an approved drug,[4] and is poisonous if consumed by mouth.[7]”

  179. 179
    NotMax says:

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    Think how they feel. Never, never get a place – or even acknowledgement – on the B-J pets calendar. Relish the fact that you provide nourishment to millions.

  180. 180
  181. 181
    Jay says:

    @Fair Economist:

    All species have lights on sex, some of that winds up being the best.

  182. 182
    Fair Economist says:

    @John Revolta: It’s billions of germs. There’s probably only a few million creepy spider relatives living on you.

    (As pointed out above they are probably good for you, not really creepy. I wouldn’t be surprised if skin oils had stuff in them specifically to help feed them.)

  183. 183
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:


    Tea tree oil won’t effect demodex and other species.

    Remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it //

    TBH, I remember reading about those mites in the past. I was freaked out at the time, but I eventually forgot. I guess it’s best if I just don’t think about it.

    @Fair Economist:

    It stands to reason that if they couldn’t leave the follicles, they would eventually die out, not being able to mate.

  184. 184
    Jay says:


    Get to know them by nym.

    Give them treats.

    Accept their different personalities.

    Teach them tricks.

  185. 185
    sukabi says:

    @Jay: they might adjust, but constant exposure to light will have an adverse effect on the human body…sleep cycles screwed up, hormones messed up…

  186. 186
    Fair Economist says:

    @NotMax: Just tell them they *are* in the BJ calendar. They don’t have the visual apparatus to see for themselves. You could make millions happy!

  187. 187
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    Actually, I slept just fine for years with a window candle on in my room. My house has them in all the street facing windows and I never bothered to turn the one in my room off. It’s bright enough to read by and lights up the room.

  188. 188
    NotMax says:


    Squeeze them and hug them and call them George.


  189. 189
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    They can leave the follicles in light, they just prefer the dark.

    Remember those sci-fi plots where our universe is just a molecule or atom in another universe?

    So we are a planet, cononized by millions of species, mostly living in harmony. A walking ecosystem. Some of the colonists that live inside are inside our very cells. All of them help keep this walking planet healthy.

  190. 190
    Jay says:


    Nope. It’s the sleep cycles getting futzed up that has the impact. Even the 2 week shift wasn’t enough to not damage the sleep cycle.

    It’s not the light.

  191. 191
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    I understand what you’re saying. As I said, I think it’s best to try to just not think about it.

  192. 192
    Jay says:


    That’s what Goku want’s to do with Tea Tree oil,

    Neither story ends well.

  193. 193
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    I admit I didn’t research the tea tree oil much. I’m very much against woo of any kind.

  194. 194
    smike says:

    This thread mite be getting a bit cilia than most.

  195. 195
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    I think it’s actually important to think about.

    For example, for medical reasons, you do a course of antibiotics.

    For every bad guy they kill, there’s 1,000, 10,000 good guys dead as collateral damage.

    Antibacterial soap for example.

    There’s shit loads of “woo” out there that if you buy into it, has severe consequences for your ecosystem.

    We should remember that from time to time.

  196. 196
  197. 197
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    I meant not think about the mites because I find them disturbing. I was referring to myself. I’m a nursing student so of course I think about the body’s microbiota when it comes to antibiotics.

  198. 198
    NotMax says:


    Well played.

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    Beware the rods.


  199. 199
    smike says:

    I found:
    Dictionary result for cilia

    plural form of cilium.

    Dunno. Been wrong before.

  200. 200
    Jay says:


    Cool@🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    The mites, lice and spiders are also part of the ecosystem, along with the ecosystem that used to live in the furs we used to sleep in, but has now migrated to sheets.

    Anybody know at what temps bedbugs go dormant?

    I’m thinking of taking a White House tour with a fake insulin pump.

  201. 201
    different-church-lady says:




  202. 202
    NotMax says:


    Dear Heinz,


    ’nuff said.


  203. 203
    Jay says:


    Some people don’t have the time to use two different squeeze bottles.

    Remember the old daze when ketchup required a knife, or the deadly, inaccurate tap, tap, tap, splooge?

  204. 204
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Oh, high quality evil. That makes it soooooo much better.

    I’ll take your share of the Kewpie mayo, and you can have my share of the Wisconsin lutefisk cheddar. Fair?

  205. 205
    different-church-lady says:


    Some people don’t have the time to use two different squeeze bottles.



  206. 206
    NotMax says:


    The tapping was a selling point at one time in ads. Although most everyone was tapping in the wrong place.

  207. 207
  208. 208
    Jay says:


    Seems a little shouty.

    You should calm down and have a gluten free BLT.

    Baconaisse, Lettuce and Tomato on gooey non-bread.

  209. 209
    different-church-lady says:


    Okay, that was a little shouty…

  210. 210
    Jay says:


    I remember the anticipation ads,…..

  211. 211
    Jay says:


    And it’s supposed to be ARSE!!!!!

    What ever happened to the classics?

    Have we no TRADITION anymore?

  212. 212
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    @Sab: Mayo is good for meat & fish salads, & turkey sammiches after the Great American Pig-Out (bka Thanksgiving). Miracle Whip (“Murkle Whup” sayowth of the Potomac) is however both vile & evil. (NB I believe “Miracle Whip” was Mr Kraft’s nom de gloom in Tampa.)

  213. 213
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    @suzanne: Disgustibus non est disputandum.

  214. 214

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Have you had peanut butter and bacon? OMG – it is the best thing ever. On toasted white bread. Like you’ve died and gone to heaven.

    Also too, I don’t know if anyone mentioned it (I am on my way out the door, don’t have time to read 200 comments) but DIY mayo is THE BEST! It is so easy. You make it with a whole egg, oil, lemon juice or vinegar, salt, a clove of diced garlic, and a slap of dijon mustard, in a jar, with a stick blender. It’s not stick-to-the-ceiling thick like store bought but 10,000,000 times more delicious. And if you want “mayomust,” sub your mustard of choice for the dijon, and add more at the end to get it the way you want it. Ditto, mayocue.

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