Open Thread: Failures in Corporate Branding

(I think the homemade version of this mixture is what my local sub shop uses for its delicious potato salad, but still… ‘Mayomust’ sounds like a translation error!)






214 replies
  1. 1
    Baud says:

    Mustaise would have been better.

    ReplyReply
  2. 2
    A Ghost To Most says:

    Mayotard already exists. It’s in the WH.

    ReplyReply
  3. 3
    The Midnight Lurker says:

    Ketchup or catsup?

    ReplyReply
  4. 4
    raven says:

    @The Midnight Lurker: Kepitch around here.

    ReplyReply
  5. 5
    Peale says:

    Two grating tastes that grate taste together.

    ReplyReply
  6. 6
    Keith P. says:

    At least they didn’t go with “Mustmayorstadainnaise”….that one has already been done.

    ReplyReply
  7. 7
    JGabriel says:

    I guess “Mustonaisse” really isn’t any better.

    ReplyReply
  8. 8
    NotMax says:

    Isn’t mayomust what McDonald’s squirts onto Big Macs?

    ReplyReply
  9. 9
    mrmoshpotato says:

    Ugh. More of this crap. Reminds me of Smuckers striped peanut butter and jelly in one jar. What’s so hard about mixing the two parts if that’s what you want?

    ReplyReply
  10. 10

    @A Ghost To Most: I thought it was marmalade.

    ReplyReply
  11. 11
    Baud says:

    I think they should.have gone the way and made it a Mayomastburger.

    ReplyReply
  12. 12
    LeftCoastYankee says:

    Mayotard is the official condiment of the Space Force!

    ReplyReply
  13. 13
  14. 14
    Matt McIrvin says:

    @Keith P.: Warning: Mayonnaise will spoil before mustard.

    ReplyReply
  15. 15
    HeleninEire says:

    That already exists. It’s called Dijonaise and it’s made by Hellmans.

    ReplyReply
  16. 16
    A Ghost To Most says:

    @schrodingers_cat: Would that be Greg Marmalade, who was fragged by his own troops in Vietnam?

    ReplyReply
  17. 17

    Gaia, 15 comments in and this thread is officially toxic.

    Be laughing about this for hours….

    ReplyReply
  18. 18

    @A Ghost To Most: Orange Marmalade who occupies the most powerful position in the land.

    ReplyReply
  19. 19
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @mrmoshpotato: Ugh. More of this crap. Reminds me of Smuckers striped peanut butter and jelly in one jar.

    Ugh, indeed. I think it was in a squeeze bottle at one point

    ReplyReply
  20. 20

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Peanut butter and jelly is a combination, I don’t understand or enjoy eating.

    ReplyReply
  21. 21
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    also, Schakowsky 2020

    @ jdawsey1
    At one point, Rep. Jan Schakowsky (D-Ill.), a close Pelosi ally, pleaded with Democrats: “Everyone stop tweeting!”

    @schrodingers_cat: it was a favorite when I was a kid, now I kind of wonder how anyone ever thought of it, and why. Also, fluffernutters. And peanut butter and brown sugar. I’m lucky to have teeth, I guess.

    ReplyReply
  22. 22
    Baud says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Yeah, smartest thing a Democrat has said since John Dingell told the caucus to stop twerking.

    ReplyReply
  23. 23
    Steeplejack says:

    @Baud:

    I think I spent way too much money on a stripper with that stage name back in the day.

    ReplyReply
  24. 24
    A Ghost To Most says:

    @A Ghost To Most: correction.

    Correction: Greg Marmalade became a WH aide, and went to prison for Watergate. Even better

    ReplyReply
  25. 25
    Steeplejack says:

    @NotMax:

    Phrasing!

    ReplyReply
  26. 26
    Johnny Gentle (famous crooner) says:

    @Keith P.: I’m glad someone else remembers that bit because it’s all I can think of literally every time this product is mentioned.

    ReplyReply
  27. 27
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @A Ghost To Most: Correction: Greg Marmalade became a WH aide, and went to prison for Watergate. Even better

    You wonder if he was interrogated in hearings by Senator Blutarski

    it was Niedermeyer who got fragged, there was a call back to that in a Vietnam scene in…. I wanna say the Twilight Zone movie?
    ETA: Guess I should have made a Spoiler Alert, that movie’s only 35 years old

    ReplyReply
  28. 28
    Shana says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: My brother used to eat peanut butter and butter sandwiches. On purpose.

    ReplyReply
  29. 29
    Sab says:

    @schrodingers_cat: Was discussing this very topic with the cashier and the bagger at the grocery last night. I said I don’t like peanut butter with sweets. She was horrified that I don’t like reeces cups. I said my husband likes peanut butter and mayo sandwiches. She thought that sounded delicious. The bagger said it made him gag.

    The guy in line behind us said the whole conversation put him off food.

    Oh yeah. Forgot: cashier’s favorite is peanut butter, syrup and cheese. That just boggles my mind.

    ReplyReply
  30. 30
    plato says:

    white sauce was already taken?

    ReplyReply
  31. 31
    A Ghost To Most says:

    @Sab:
    Ilke peanuts and peanut butter, but despise it cooked in anything. The fork marks on pb cookies are appreciated.

    ReplyReply
  32. 32
    Aleta says:

    Does it come from expressing the glands of a rabbity goat-like forest creature? (Not harmed in the process of course.)

    ReplyReply
  33. 33
    Jeffro says:

    Sriracha mayo’s pretty good but I don’t buy it that way – just buy sriracha, buy mayo, and mix a tablespoon of each when needed; otherwise, just keep you options open.

    Flexibility – ESPECIALLY condiment flexibility – it’s the key to a good life

    ReplyReply
  34. 34
    Gravenstone says:

    @Shana: peanut butter on well buttered toast? Why yes, thank you! Good stuff, Maynard. Of course, I also like peanut butter and mayo sandwiches. Except I put lettuce on mine. Maybe it’s just an Ohio thing.

    ReplyReply
  35. 35
    Jim, Foolish Literalist says:

    @Aleta: Does it come from expressing the glands of a rabbity goat-like forest creature?

    Rabbity goat-like…? Reince Priebus? I don’t want anything from his glands

    ReplyReply
  36. 36
    Sab says:

    @Shana: I had two last night. They were both delicious. It’s why I take statins, so I can eat stuff like that.

    ReplyReply
  37. 37
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist:

    I think it was in a squeeze bottle at one point

    Combined pbj in an unbreakable tube actually makes some sense, if you live with small children who want to “help” make their own sammiches.

    ReplyReply
  38. 38
    Gloomyjim says:

    @mrmoshpotato: GooberGrape! I grew up on that stuff. Might have had something to do with the family working for/selling to the processing plant here in OR. Fond memories of only having to open one jar!

    ReplyReply
  39. 39
    MomSense says:

    @Jeffro:

    I like sriracha ketchup. Mostly sriracha with a bit of ketchup is delicious.

    ReplyReply
  40. 40
    Anne Laurie says:

    @schrodingers_cat: Be appalled: I finished off the last of the delicious mango chutney from my latest Indian-restaurant takeout with peanut butter, on an English muffin. Agree that the peanut-and-sweet combo is something that usually has to be introduced to someone at a young age… but then, that’s how I feel about fish sauce on anything, and plenty of people give me the side-eye for politely rejecting *that*…

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  41. 41
    A Ghost To Most says:

    @Shana: So did I. Then I got a job.

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  42. 42
    plato says:

    Scared that very slow moving caravans are going to get past border patrol & show up in your neighborhood?Worried about an invasion of children?Concerned you won't be able to play golf?You might be suffering from National Emergency Anxiety. IT'S DAY 19. Can you feel it?— Ted Lieu (@tedlieu) March 6, 2019

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  43. 43
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Are you sure she’s not too old and female? /s

    We’ll be sad in IL-09 that we won’t be able to re-elect her with 70% of the vote.

    ReplyReply
  44. 44
    BellyCat says:

    @Gravenstone: Peanut butter and Lettuce sandwiches (gots to be Iceberg) indeed! Also popular in the house when growing up was celery with peanut butter on it. Lays nicely in the groove. Both taste far better than they sound…

    (Why, yes—my mother is from Ohio.)

    ReplyReply
  45. 45
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @BellyCat: PB and celery – yes. Also PB on red apple slices.

    ReplyReply
  46. 46
    Sab says:

    @mrmoshpotato: Peanut butter on celery with raisins: aka ants on a log!

    ETA: Ohio Girl Scout appetizer.

    ReplyReply
  47. 47
    Gvg says:

    That’s not a branding failure. It’s a product failure. As in why? Just don’t.

    ReplyReply
  48. 48
    Formerly disgruntled in Oregon says:

    @BellyCat: Ants on a log are good too!

    ReplyReply
  49. 49
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @NotMax: That’s a poor imitation of thousand island.

    ReplyReply
  50. 50
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Sab: Never had it with raisins.

    ReplyReply
  51. 51
    satby says:

    For the rest of my life when my dieting resolve is weakening, I’m going to be able to refer back to this thread and completely lose my appetite for food. Any food.
    Possibly even living.
    Blech!

    ReplyReply
  52. 52
    BellyCat says:

    @Formerly disgruntled in Oregon: @Sab:

    You *sure* that’s not ‘rabbit poop’ on that there log?

    ReplyReply
  53. 53
    Another Scott says:

    In other news, Kim Zetter:

    Kim Zetter Verified account @KimZetter

    House Oversight is investigating Georgia Gov Brian Kemp on voter suppression that occurred in GA under his watch. They want him to hand over communications and docs relating to voter roll purges, polling place closures, voter reg and voting machine probs.

    11:10 AM – 6 Mar 2019

    Good, good.

    (via LOLGOP)

    Cheers,
    Scott.

    ReplyReply
  54. 54
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Formerly disgruntled in Oregon: Made me think of the Sichuan “ants on a tree.” No peanut butter involved.

    ReplyReply
  55. 55
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    Mayonnaise is evil. It is like Trump; it ruins everything it touches.

    ReplyReply
  56. 56
    Sab says:

    @mrmoshpotato: It goes against my own personal prejudice about peanuts with sweets, but it’ s pretty popular around here.

    Cleveland Orchestra included it about 50 years ago in their summer home (Blossom Music Center) picnic cookbook “Bach’s Lunch.” And yes, that was the Girl Scouts recipe.

    ReplyReply
  57. 57
    Sab says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: The whole point of a sandwich is to have multiple layers on which to spread mayonnaise, in between the other stuff.

    ReplyReply
  58. 58
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Sab: You are dead to me.

    ReplyReply
  59. 59
    judyinsd says:

    When younger didn’t care for tomatoes so my mom would make BLTs and replace the T with peanut butter. It was delicious!

    ReplyReply
  60. 60
    Amir Khalid says:

    @The Midnight Lurker:
    Ahem. The word comes from my native land, where it is currently spelled kicap (before 1972, kichap) and means soy sauce. It baffles me that you Americans can confuse tomato sauce with soy sauce. The two look and taste markedly different.

    ReplyReply
  61. 61
  62. 62
    Sab says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: So how do you feel about Miracle Whip?

    ReplyReply
  63. 63
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Sab: Wow, you’re really going for it.

    ReplyReply
  64. 64
    Sab says:

    @Amir Khalid: That is beyond hilarious. Thank you. Made my night.

    ReplyReply
  65. 65
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Sab: I said you were de… Hey! Damn it.

    ReplyReply
  66. 66
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @Sab: Something I’d gleefully force feed to people who’ve crossed me.*

    Oops, you didn’t ask me. I’ll show myself out.

    *Full disclosure: I am not a nice person, and a few people believe I’m dangerous. Oddly, some of them LEOs. Musicians don’t seem to find me scary. Artists and lawyers seem to have mixed views.

    ReplyReply
  67. 67
    Mary G says:

    Chuck Wendig is always pushing a sandwich on Twitter that has mayo, bacon, peanut butter, and pickles. People are always saying eww, then trying it and loving it. I have never felt the call to try it. Scalzi makes burritos with all kinds of horrible-sounding food combinations.

    ReplyReply
  68. 68
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho: You don’t scare me. Mayo, however, does.

    ReplyReply
  69. 69
    Keith P. says:

    @Jerzy: Finally, someone who has some culture! (I’m a Vaughnies person myself)

    ReplyReply
  70. 70
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @Amir Khalid: I imagine that a great deal baffles you about us Americans. It sure as hell does me. Though I am clear about the difference between tomato sauce and soy sauce at least.

    ReplyReply
  71. 71
    PJ says:

    @Sab: Mayonnaise is an abomination, an offense to the tongue, a degradation of sliced bread and lunch meat.

    That is all.

    ReplyReply
  72. 72
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @PJ: Hey, we agree on something!

    ReplyReply
  73. 73
    Captain C says:

    @Baud: And if the Megadeth frontman had a line of condiments, we could have Mustaine Mustaise.

    ReplyReply
  74. 74
    Captain C says:

    @NotMax: That’s thousand island dressing.

    ReplyReply
  75. 75
    Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    You don’t scare me.

    Good to hear. The views of others in our field here on the topic are unknown to me, but it’s unimportant.

    I found a very funny line in an email that you might enjoy and will even know what it was autocorrected from. You can email Adam if you’re interested as I sent to him.

    Tomorrow Townes would be 75 if he’d lived. I have a plan to honor him that I hope succeeds.

    ReplyReply
  76. 76
    RobertDSC-Mac Mini says:

    @Amir Khalid:
    We’re Americans. We fuck up everything. It’s in our nature.

    ReplyReply
  77. 77
    Jeffro says:

    @Sab:

    The whole point of a sandwich is to have multiple layers on which to spread mayonnaise, in between the other stuff.

    That’s how I feel about french fries, aka “ketchup delivery devices” ;)

    ReplyReply
  78. 78
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Alternative Fax, a hip hop artist from Idaho: Today would have been my paternal grandfather’s 101st. I’ll reach out to Adam.

    ReplyReply
  79. 79
    Sab says:

    @Sab: Wikipedia says it goes back to Chinese Amoy (is that Fujian?) dialect, but I am going with your version.

    ReplyReply
  80. 80
    Old Dan and Little Ann says:

    I was just going to make a peanut butter and fluff sandwich. Now I need to throw some mayo and lettuce on it.

    ReplyReply
  81. 81
    Jeffro says:

    Hey I see Twitler never saw a food fight he couldn’t start/get in the middle of/throw more ‘mustaise’ around…he’s now thinking he’s going to ban the ‘fake news’ from carrying any RNC debates.

    I thought no one was going to challenge His Orange Eminence anyway – what RNC debates?

    The guy only knows one thing, and it is to provoke, then turn things to shit.

    ReplyReply
  82. 82
    Jerzy says:

    @Keith P.: I used to buy it at Gibbons’ Markets until they were driven out of business by Fairsley Foods!

    ReplyReply
  83. 83
    Sab says:

    @Jeffro: The Dutch use them for mayo delivery.

    ReplyReply
  84. 84
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Old Dan and Little Ann: Don’t you start.

    ReplyReply
  85. 85
    Peale says:

    @Sab: my favorite is Penut butter and fried summer sausage on toast. Mmmm.

    ReplyReply
  86. 86
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Sab: One of the strikes against Benelux as a European pied-à-terre location.

    ReplyReply
  87. 87
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Omnes Omnibus: @Sab: FOOD FIGHT!

    (Couldn’t resist)

    ReplyReply
  88. 88
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Peale: Fried summer sausage? Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

    ReplyReply
  89. 89
    Sab says:

    @Jeffro: The Dutch use them for mayo delivery.@Sab: @Peale: Definitely need statins for that.

    ReplyReply
  90. 90
    Steeplejack says:

    House Hunters International has got to be the most maddening of the HGTV shelter shows. Currently watching two Los Angeles real-estate people trying to find an apartment in Florence, Italy, for $950,000. At least it looks like their marriage will survive this adventure, which is not my impression in most episodes.

    ReplyReply
  91. 91
    Redshift says:

    @Sab: When I was a teenager, I considered mayo to be sandwich glue. I also made sandwiches with more layers then. These days, not so much.

    ReplyReply
  92. 92
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Sab:
    Over here we trace the word to the Hokkien dialect spoken in Penang. Most Penangites know at least a few words of Hokkien.

    ReplyReply
  93. 93
    Anne Laurie says:

    Consumer report: I’ve always been meh about mayo in general, but Japanese Kewpie mayo is worth the premium. (I think it’s the vinegar more than the egg yolks, but it makes bland sandwiches *sing*.)

    ReplyReply
  94. 94
    Steeplejack says:

    @plato:

    Okay, that’s funny. Keep on mocking, Rep. Lieu.

    ReplyReply
  95. 95
    sukabi says:

    @NotMax: no, that’s thousand island dressing.

    ReplyReply
  96. 96
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Sab:
    As John Travolta famously explained to Samuel Jackson in Pulp Fiction.

    ReplyReply
  97. 97
    Jay says:

    “Customs and Border Protection has compiled a list of 59 mostly American reporters, attorneys and activists for border agents to stop for questioning when crossing the U.S-Mexican border at San Diego-area checkpoints, and agents have questioned or arrested at least 21 of them, according to documents obtained by NBC station KNSD-TV and interviews with people on the list.”

    https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/immigration/u-s-officials-made-list-reporters-lawyers-activists-question-border-n980301

    ReplyReply
  98. 98
    NotMax says:

    @Sab

    Will do in a pinch as a stopgap if one is temporarily out of spackling paste. Or wood putty.

    ReplyReply
  99. 99
    Achrachno says:

    @Amir Khalid: “It baffles me that you Americans can confuse tomato sauce with soy sauce.”

    You seem very familiar with us, you must have noticed we’re an easily confused people.

    ReplyReply
  100. 100
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steeplejack: “I want a home with everything I had in Dallas. But it has to be in Belgavia and I won’t go higher than $250,000. And I need green space for my cats.”

    ReplyReply
  101. 101
    Sab says:

    @Amir Khalid: How many languages do you speak? How far down the list is English as far as languages you feel fluent or competent using.

    You are our resident polite pedant for English. Humbling for us monolinguals.

    ReplyReply
  102. 102
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Anne Laurie: Oh, high quality evil. That makes it soooooo much better.

    ReplyReply
  103. 103
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Steeplejack: A single unit, or do they want to buy the whole apartment building for 950000 bucks?

    ReplyReply
  104. 104
    NotMax says:

    @Amir Khalid

    By any chance is HP Sauce a popular item in Malaysia?

    ReplyReply
  105. 105
    Amir Khalid says:

    @Sab:
    It is typical for a Malaysian to be fluent in three languages — Malay and English, plus your own mother tongue — and have at least a smattering of one or two more.

    ReplyReply
  106. 106
    Amir Khalid says:

    @NotMax:
    It’s sold in the supermarkets here, and I think not just to white expatriates. As a tech journalist I would sometimes ask Hewlett-Packard employees about the staff discount they got on it.

    ReplyReply
  107. 107
    Steeplejack says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Exactly. “And why are the people here so weird? What’s up with that?”

    This couple spent the whole episode rhapsodizing about the classical beauty of Florence and wanting to own a little piece of the dream, and then at the very end, in the very short “four months later” snippet, it seemed to become clear that they’re going to set up an Airbnb that they will use occasionally. Womp womp.

    Also, their “budget” was $950,000, but the Italian real-estate guy showed them nothing under $1.1 million. WTF? Seems like they had some expensive requirements, like “must be within spitting distance of the Ponte Vecchio.” Would like those made more explicit for my predictions on which choice they will go for.

    ReplyReply
  108. 108
    NotMax says:

    @Amir Khalid

    It’s now made exclusively in Belgium, which is just … wrong.

    ReplyReply
  109. 109
    Sandia Blanca says:

    How is it possible that we are 106 comments in and not one person has mentioned John Cole’s MISSING JAR OF MUSTARD???

    ReplyReply
  110. 110
    Aleta says:

    Don Tower and daughter pretending the family is completely legitimate.
    https://twitter.com/sokane1/status/1103421841505505280

    ReplyReply
  111. 111
    B.B.A. says:

    @NotMax: This is why Brexit won.

    ReplyReply
  112. 112
    Jay says:

    The history of ketchup is interesting,

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketchup

    The squeeze bottles of Baconnaise, Sausageaise and Gravyaise showing up in the local grocery store’s condiment aisles,

    Not so much.

    ReplyReply
  113. 113
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @Steeplejack: I almost never pick the one that the yuppies choose.

    ReplyReply
  114. 114
    NotMax says:

    @NotMax

    Come to think of it, if there are shortages or steep price hikes in the U.K. post-Brexit, there will be rioting in the streets.

    ReplyReply
  115. 115
    Steeplejack says:

    @mrmoshpotato:

    They were shopping for a single unit.

    ReplyReply
  116. 116
    Jay says:

    @NotMax: @B.B.A.:

    It’s also made in North York, Ontario, Canada.

    ReplyReply
  117. 117
    Aleta says:

    @Anne Laurie: It’s great with shredded cabbage or on cukes. There used to be a movie theater ad for it that was just a giant head of cabbage that slowly filled the screen. No image of the mayo. Its name spoken once at the tail end of the ad.

    ReplyReply
  118. 118
    debbie says:

    @Sab:

    And again, awesome with peanut butter.

    ReplyReply
  119. 119
    NotMax says:

    @Jay

    I sit corrected.

    “Now with added moose.”

    ;)

    ReplyReply
  120. 120
    Origuy says:

    @Anne Laurie: Chutney and peanut butter on an English muffin sounds delicious. I just had tile put on my kitchen floor and I can’t go in there for three days. That will be one of the first things I make.

    ReplyReply
  121. 121
    Jay says:

    @NotMax:

    Nope, Regular and 20% Less Moose.

    ReplyReply
  122. 122
    Steeplejack says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    I know the shows are rigged and the producers try to heighten the drama, but I can’t resist trying to figure out the relationship dynamics. And I do like seeing the houses and what people respond to.

    ETA: The three Florence places sucked. Maybe the only thing they had going for them was spitting distance to the Ponte Vecchio.

    ReplyReply
  123. 123
    NotMax says:

    @Jay

    Hmmmm. Moosennaise™…

    ReplyReply
  124. 124
    Yutsano says:

    @Amir Khalid: Because language is weird like that. It’s entirely possible to borrow a word like ketchup but have it mean something else. And in this case it’s all on us. Ketchup did in fact mean originally a type of fish sauce but in the 19th century we changed the primary preparation ingredient to tomatoes. So it’s because we just kept the name instead of calling it something else. Who knew?

    Also: the original tomato ketchup recipe called for anchovies. That sounds…even more brilliant.

    ReplyReply
  125. 125
    suzanne says:

    Mayonnaise plus yellow mustard is somehow, like, logarithmically bad. Two gross things that, when added together, are more bad than the two individual condiments would indicate.

    ReplyReply
  126. 126
    suzanne says:

    Oh, and the dream condiment is harissa plus rice vinegar,

    ReplyReply
  127. 127
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @NotMax: Let’s not be silly. Everyone knows it would be Mooseonnaise™

    ReplyReply
  128. 128
    Jay says:

    @NotMax:

    For people who want a gleuten free vegan MLT sandwich.

    ReplyReply
  129. 129
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @suzanne: Are you saying you hate mayo and mustard?

    ReplyReply
  130. 130
    Yutsano says:

    @Jay: You laugh but…a friend of mine said she wanted something like that the other day. I never understand humans sometimes…

    ReplyReply
  131. 131
    Jay says:

    Could be worse, castoreium is a beaver anal gland extract used as a substitute for vanilla in ice cream.

    ReplyReply
  132. 132
    Barbara says:

    @Sab: I worked for a summer for someone who ate pb and bacon sandwiches for breakfast, along with scotch whiskey.

    My favorite pb sandwich combination is with strawberries, agave and flax seed. No alcohol is involved. When I run low on proper desserts I make an impromptu Reeses by pressing bittersweet chips into a spoonful of peanut butter. I would not have survived childhood without peanut butter.

    ReplyReply
  133. 133
    suzanne says:

    @mrmoshpotato: Yes. Mayo is slimy and yellow mustard is like good food that was left out to spoil.

    Dijon mustard is delicious. That shit in a squeeze bottle is like licking a dog’s ass.

    ReplyReply
  134. 134
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @Jay: Anyone else going to start reading supermarket ice cream cartons now?

    Eeeewww.

    ReplyReply
  135. 135
    Luthe says:

    @Jay: Mutton, lettuce, and tomato?

    @suzanne: A woman after my own heart! What are your thoughts on bacon?

    ReplyReply
  136. 136
    mrmoshpotato says:

    @suzanne: A BLT with Dijon mustard could be interesting.

    ReplyReply
  137. 137
    Jay says:

    @Yutsano:

    People have spent masses of time and money, trying to come up with a meatless meat substitute that captures all the complexity of meat.

    Dated a Vegan for a while who was trying to launch an array of vegan pates. Tasted like baby food, not pate. Didn’t have the fats, mouth feel, flavour or serving texture.

    Money’s Mushrooms came up with a mushroom burger that came close, but in the end, you had to accept that you were eating mostly a Portabello mushroom.

    A&W has come closest so far with their Meatless Burger, but unless you eat your burgers “factory loaded”, it’s close, but no cigar.

    ReplyReply
  138. 138
    Jay says:

    @Luthe:

    Moosinnaise, lettuce and tomatoe on gluey not-bread.

    ReplyReply
  139. 139
    suzanne says:

    @Luthe: I like the smell of bacon more than the taste. I can take or leave bacon. Absolutely do not like ham. Food should not be that color.

    ReplyReply
  140. 140
    Jay says:

    @mrmoshpotato:

    The only BLT is Heritage Thick Cut smoked bacon,

    Sourdough, toasted

    Hellmans,

    Romaine,

    Heritage Krim tomatoes,

    Black pepper.

    ReplyReply
  141. 141
    Jay says:

    @suzanne:

    Canned ham, cured ham, country ham, Black Forest Ham, prosciutto or prosecco?

    ReplyReply
  142. 142
  143. 143
    Yutsano says:

    @Anne Laurie: If you find it in an Asian grocery store it tends to be not as expensive,

    ReplyReply
  144. 144
    scav says:

    @Yutsano: Anchovies might just possibly make tomato catchup edible. I’ve been wondering about attempting some mushroom catchup for a while though.

    ReplyReply
  145. 145
    Omnes Omnibus says:

    @suzanne:

    That shit in a squeeze bottle is like licking a dog’s ass.

    And you would know this how?

    ReplyReply
  146. 146
    NotMax says:

    Speaking of eating moose –

    A military chaplain (Rev. Joshua Fraser) writing of a dinner in an Indian camp on the upper Ottawa thus describes a dish of muffle ‘The crowning dish was that grandest of all dishes moose mouffle. This is the immense upper lip and nostrils of the animal, and I have no hesitation in pronouncing it one of the most toothsome and savoury of all the dishes within the range of the gastronomic art. It is white and tender as spring chicken, yet firm and substantial as fresh beef, with a flavor combining the excellencies of both. I eat to repletion, yet was not sensible of any of that uneasy heaviness which generally follows a too hearty meal.’ Source

    ReplyReply
  147. 147
    Jay says:

    @NotMax:

    Back around 1974, on a wet, cold winters day, in Fundy National Park, Tar, a blab/x, running off leash, found and rolled in ambergris. Funny thing is, ambergris is used in perfumery, for it’s ability to capture and hold any scent, but first it has to be “stripped” of it’s previous scent, captured in a Sperm Whales stomach.

    They don’t tell you about that part.

    A 60 mile drive in a station wagon with all the windows rolled down, in the February rain, to a groomers, will burn that fact deep into your soul, and the dog, when wet for the next 6 months, will remind you.

    ReplyReply
  148. 148
    Jacel says:

    These products are a surprising misstep from Heinz, after they introduced a good non-crap-ingredients mustard as a companion to their incumbent ketchup brand a few years ago.

    ReplyReply
  149. 149
    Barbara says:

    @Jay: the only way to make vegan pate palatable is to incorporate some kind of nuts, like cashew cream. This is also true for vegan pumpkin pie.

    ReplyReply
  150. 150
    Amir Khalid says:

    In my view, The One True Mustard is Colman’s. Just don’t try swallowing it by the jar, as some weird people on YouTube have tried. It’s not meant to be taken that way, it’s too strong for that, and any such attempt will not end well.

    ReplyReply
  151. 151
    Sab says:

    @Amir Khalid: Just spent an hour babbling with my sister who speaks Mandarin, Shanghainese, French, as well as her native English and a bit of Japanese and Korean. She was fascinated about ketchup, and also the Fujian and Hokkainese connection. She also has a very impressive US Southern acent in English, which drives the rest of her family crazy.

    I only speak English, read French , and understand a smattering of Spanish, Hebrew and Gaelic ( who knows any of that?) I think her language fluency is very weird, but I live in America.

    ReplyReply
  152. 152
    NotMax says:

    @Amir Khalid

    Then there’s the famous mustard yellow belt.

    ;)

    ReplyReply
  153. 153
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    OT: This is going to sound really stupid, but dust mites freak me out. The very thought that these things are crawling around in my bedding, the carpets I walk on, the sofas and chairs I sit on, my clothing; floating in the very air I breathe is very disquieting. It’s true I can’t see them or feel them. They don’t cause me any harm. The “not seeing them” doesn’t really help. I think I have a problem with dust mites and not other microbes simply because I don’t like insects in general.

    They’re even in our cars so that’s not an escape either. Probably not going to get much sleep tonight after reading about them.

    ReplyReply
  154. 154
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    Chill. Between mites of assorted types and bacteria, each one of us is a walking, talking Amazon forest. When the ecosystem is healthy, all is well. When you futz with the ecosystem, the consequences can be severe.

    Think of the dust mites like little WallE’s carefully recycling all the dead cells that fall off you, with out whom, you would have to wade through the castoff cells like deep snow.

    ReplyReply
  155. 155
    Wapiti says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷: Maybe this will help: they aren’t insects. They’re arachnids.

    ReplyReply
  156. 156
    Wapiti says:

    @Jay: I sometimes use “my 300 million closest friends” when talking about my gut bacteria. I guess that number is actually low; we’ve got something like 10-30 trillion microbes of all sorts, along for the ride. (So at least as many microbe cells as human cells.)

    ReplyReply
  157. 157
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Jay:
    I’d rather have to clean up my excess dead skin myself than have those eldritch abominations exist. I’m well aware there’s lots of microbes on my body, as well as inside me. But they don’t bother me as much. They’re tiny blobs that move around. Not as scary as creatures with eight legs that scurry around, unseen, in the millions in our bedsheets.

    ReplyReply
  158. 158
  159. 159
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    You would be cleaning up your body weight 16 times a year.

    You would have to vacume 8 times a day to prevent your dead cells from becoming a neucleus for deadly virii and bacteria.

    A lot easier to have the bioorgasims that live with us as almost pets, do the job.

    ReplyReply
  160. 160
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Jay:
    Source? Besides, I’m sure in a world without dust mites, somebody would have have made a Roomba-esque vacuum cleaner capable of holding the typical amounts of dirt manual vacuum cleaners do. I’d prefer the peace of mind

    ReplyReply
  161. 161
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:
    You bet your sweet bippy, I am. Death to all dust mites.

    ReplyReply
  162. 162
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    Follicle motes are the either the pregener or postgener of dust mites. They live in the follocles of your hair, ( body, head, face, ears, nose),

    Suck it up butter cup.

    With out follicle mites, you would be bald, hairless, suffer from a broad array of skin diseases and infections, and have a higly compromised immune system.

    The Roomba came out in 2002. The vacume, 1860’s.

    With out dust mites colonizing our debris, we would have never made it out of Africa.

    ReplyReply
  163. 163
  164. 164
    Yutsano says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷: Take microbiology. Nothing will make you chill more.

    ReplyReply
  165. 165
    Fair Economist says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷: Ooh, do you know about the mites that live in our eyelash follicles? One to a follicle. They come out at night to mate.

    Sweet dreams!

    ReplyReply
  166. 166
    Jay says:

    @Fair Economist:

    Nice!

    Sweet Dreams is lovely shade.

    ReplyReply
  167. 167
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Jay: @Fair Economist:

    They don’t like the light apparently. Would sleeping with the lights on help? I’m going to bathe myself in tea tree oil one of these days. Also, the younger you are, the less likely you are to have Demodex.

    ReplyReply
  168. 168
    Jay says:

    Dermodex spiders,

    3 differnt kinds of lice,

    Mites,

    http://www.bbc.com/future/stor.....than-human

    The Balloon Juice Body After Dark.

    ReplyReply
  169. 169
    sukabi says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷: they aren’t just in your bed, they are in your body scavenging every minute of every day without fail.
    http://www.bbc.com/earth/story.....-your-face

    ReplyReply
  170. 170
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    Why bother?

    Our bodies are an ecosystem, inside and out. As long as that ecosystem is healthy, we are healthy.

    The less you screw with it, the less likely you will need a fecal transplant.

    ReplyReply
  171. 171
    sukabi says:

    @Jay: lololol

    More areas of investigation. 😂😂😂😂😂

    ReplyReply
  172. 172
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Jay:
    Like I said, I couldn’t care less about the bacteria on my skin and in my body, such as my gut. I hate bugs. They give me the creeps.

    ReplyReply
  173. 173
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    With out the bugs, inside and out, you would be dead.

    And yes, it ain’t just bacteria inside, there’s “bugs” too.

    ReplyReply
  174. 174
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Jay:
    Tell you what. Every six weeks for the next year, I’m going to wash with tea tree oil. We’ll see if I end up “bald, with a highly compromised immune system, and skin infections”.

    ReplyReply
  175. 175

    Well this has been a helluva day. First Betty C. gets bit on the face by a wolf spider and now it’s billions and billions of creepy fuckers living on my nose hairs. I can’t wait to see what’s waiting for me in Slumberland.

    ReplyReply
  176. 176
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    Tea tree oil won’t effect demodex and other species.

    For that you need a DDT bath.

    You should stay away from the “woo” .

    ReplyReply
  177. 177
    Fair Economist says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷: Dunno how follicke mites would respond to indefinite light. They would still be happy chewing inside your follicles. I’m sure they would manage to get it on eventually, they would probably just not get to have as much fun.

    ReplyReply
  178. 178
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    “Although there is little evidence of efficacy, it is typically used as a topical medication in low concentrations by folk medicine for attempted treatments of skin conditions.[2][3][4] Tea tree oil is claimed as useful for treating dandruff, acne, lice, herpes, insect bites, scabies, and skin fungal or bacterial infections.[3][4][5] However, the quality of the evidence for efficacy in these conditions is minimal.[3][6] Tea tree oil is neither a patented product nor an approved drug,[4] and is poisonous if consumed by mouth.[7]”

    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tea_tree_oil

    ReplyReply
  179. 179
    NotMax says:

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    Think how they feel. Never, never get a place – or even acknowledgement – on the B-J pets calendar. Relish the fact that you provide nourishment to millions.

    ReplyReply
  180. 180
  181. 181
    Jay says:

    @Fair Economist:

    All species have lights on sex, some of that winds up being the best.

    ReplyReply
  182. 182
    Fair Economist says:

    @John Revolta: It’s billions of germs. There’s probably only a few million creepy spider relatives living on you.

    (As pointed out above they are probably good for you, not really creepy. I wouldn’t be surprised if skin oils had stuff in them specifically to help feed them.)

    ReplyReply
  183. 183
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Jay:

    Tea tree oil won’t effect demodex and other species.

    Remember, it’s not a lie if you believe it //

    TBH, I remember reading about those mites in the past. I was freaked out at the time, but I eventually forgot. I guess it’s best if I just don’t think about it.

    @Fair Economist:

    It stands to reason that if they couldn’t leave the follicles, they would eventually die out, not being able to mate.

    ReplyReply
  184. 184
    Jay says:

    @NotMax:

    Get to know them by nym.

    Give them treats.

    Accept their different personalities.

    Teach them tricks.

    ReplyReply
  185. 185
    sukabi says:

    @Jay: they might adjust, but constant exposure to light will have an adverse effect on the human body…sleep cycles screwed up, hormones messed up…

    ReplyReply
  186. 186
    Fair Economist says:

    @NotMax: Just tell them they *are* in the BJ calendar. They don’t have the visual apparatus to see for themselves. You could make millions happy!

    ReplyReply
  187. 187
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @sukabi:
    Actually, I slept just fine for years with a window candle on in my room. My house has them in all the street facing windows and I never bothered to turn the one in my room off. It’s bright enough to read by and lights up the room.

    ReplyReply
  188. 188
    NotMax says:

    @Jay

    Squeeze them and hug them and call them George.

    :)

    ReplyReply
  189. 189
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    They can leave the follicles in light, they just prefer the dark.

    Remember those sci-fi plots where our universe is just a molecule or atom in another universe?

    So we are a planet, cononized by millions of species, mostly living in harmony. A walking ecosystem. Some of the colonists that live inside are inside our very cells. All of them help keep this walking planet healthy.

    ReplyReply
  190. 190
    Jay says:

    @sukabi:

    Nope. It’s the sleep cycles getting futzed up that has the impact. Even the 2 week shift wasn’t enough to not damage the sleep cycle.

    It’s not the light.

    ReplyReply
  191. 191
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Jay:
    I understand what you’re saying. As I said, I think it’s best to try to just not think about it.

    ReplyReply
  192. 192
    Jay says:

    @NotMax:

    That’s what Goku want’s to do with Tea Tree oil,

    Neither story ends well.

    ReplyReply
  193. 193
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Jay:
    I admit I didn’t research the tea tree oil much. I’m very much against woo of any kind.

    ReplyReply
  194. 194
    smike says:

    This thread mite be getting a bit cilia than most.

    ReplyReply
  195. 195
    Jay says:

    @🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    I think it’s actually important to think about.

    For example, for medical reasons, you do a course of antibiotics.

    For every bad guy they kill, there’s 1,000, 10,000 good guys dead as collateral damage.

    Antibacterial soap for example.

    There’s shit loads of “woo” out there that if you buy into it, has severe consequences for your ecosystem.

    We should remember that from time to time.

    ReplyReply
  196. 196
    Jay says:

    @smike:

    Cillia

    ReplyReply
  197. 197
    🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷 says:

    @Jay:
    I meant not think about the mites because I find them disturbing. I was referring to myself. I’m a nursing student so of course I think about the body’s microbiota when it comes to antibiotics.

    ReplyReply
  198. 198
    NotMax says:

    @smike

    Well played.

    @Goku (aka Amerikan Baka)

    Beware the rods.

    :)

    ReplyReply
  199. 199
    smike says:

    @Jay:
    I found:
    cil·i·a
    Dictionary result for cilia
    /ˈsilēə/

    plural form of cilium.

    Dunno. Been wrong before.

    ReplyReply
  200. 200
    Jay says:

    @smike:

    Cool@🇺🇸🌎 Goku (aka Amerikan Baka) 🗳🌷:

    The mites, lice and spiders are also part of the ecosystem, along with the ecosystem that used to live in the furs we used to sleep in, but has now migrated to sheets.

    Anybody know at what temps bedbugs go dormant?

    I’m thinking of taking a White House tour with a fake insulin pump.

    ReplyReply
  201. 201
    different-church-lady says:

    DEAR HEINZ:

    IF I WANT TWO OF MY CONDIMENTS MIXED TOGETHER I CAN DO IT MY FUCKIN’ SELF.

    SIGNED,
    SHOUTY-CHURCH-LADY

    ReplyReply
  202. 202
    NotMax says:

    @different-church-lady

    Dear Heinz,

    Mayojuana.

    ’nuff said.

    ;)

    ReplyReply
  203. 203
    Jay says:

    @different-church-lady:

    Some people don’t have the time to use two different squeeze bottles.

    Remember the old daze when ketchup required a knife, or the deadly, inaccurate tap, tap, tap, splooge?

    ReplyReply
  204. 204
    Anne Laurie says:

    @Omnes Omnibus:

    Oh, high quality evil. That makes it soooooo much better.

    I’ll take your share of the Kewpie mayo, and you can have my share of the Wisconsin lutefisk cheddar. Fair?

    ReplyReply
  205. 205
    different-church-lady says:

    @Jay:

    Some people don’t have the time to use two different squeeze bottles.

    SOME PEOPLE CAN KISS MY ASS.

    I’M NOT SHOUTING AT YOU. I’M JUST SAYIN’.

    ReplyReply
  206. 206
    NotMax says:

    @Jay

    The tapping was a selling point at one time in ads. Although most everyone was tapping in the wrong place.

    ReplyReply
  207. 207
    Amir Khalid says:

    @different-church-lady:
    I AGREE.

    ReplyReply
  208. 208
    Jay says:

    @different-church-lady:

    Seems a little shouty.

    You should calm down and have a gluten free BLT.

    Baconaisse, Lettuce and Tomato on gooey non-bread.

    ReplyReply
  209. 209
    different-church-lady says:

    @Jay: YOU SHOULD CALM DOWN AND KISS MY ASS!

    Okay, that was a little shouty…

    ReplyReply
  210. 210
    Jay says:

    @NotMax:

    I remember the anticipation ads,…..

    ReplyReply
  211. 211
    Jay says:

    @different-church-lady:

    And it’s supposed to be ARSE!!!!!

    What ever happened to the classics?

    Have we no TRADITION anymore?

    ReplyReply
  212. 212
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    @Sab: Mayo is good for meat & fish salads, & turkey sammiches after the Great American Pig-Out (bka Thanksgiving). Miracle Whip (“Murkle Whup” sayowth of the Potomac) is however both vile & evil. (NB I believe “Miracle Whip” was Mr Kraft’s nom de gloom in Tampa.)

    ReplyReply
  213. 213
    Uncle Cosmo says:

    @suzanne: Disgustibus non est disputandum.

    ReplyReply
  214. 214

    @Jim, Foolish Literalist: Have you had peanut butter and bacon? OMG – it is the best thing ever. On toasted white bread. Like you’ve died and gone to heaven.

    Also too, I don’t know if anyone mentioned it (I am on my way out the door, don’t have time to read 200 comments) but DIY mayo is THE BEST! It is so easy. You make it with a whole egg, oil, lemon juice or vinegar, salt, a clove of diced garlic, and a slap of dijon mustard, in a jar, with a stick blender. It’s not stick-to-the-ceiling thick like store bought but 10,000,000 times more delicious. And if you want “mayomust,” sub your mustard of choice for the dijon, and add more at the end to get it the way you want it. Ditto, mayocue.

    ReplyReply

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