Cold Grey Pre-Dawn Open Thread: The GOP Table-Thumpers

You know the old lawyer joke: When the law is on your side, pound the law. When the facts are on your side, pound the facts. When you’ve got neither — pound the table.

Highlighting some side-show artistes from yesterday’s circus…
Mark ‘FREEDUMB CARCASS’ Meadows!


Jim “GYM” Jordan!

Paul ‘THE DENTIST’ Gosar!

But very, very BUSY!

21 replies
  1. 1
    Jersey Tomato says:

    Shamelessly stealing this from a comment I saw posted elsewhere: There are 8,000 nerve endings in the clitoris, and not one of them is as sensitive as a white man accused of racism.

  2. 2
  3. 3
    Jay says:

    Mike Drucker

    @MikeDrucker
    Shoutout to Jim Jordan on being shitty enough to make Donald Trump’s ambulance chasing lawyer look like Jimmy Stewart.

    4,008
    8:35 AM – Feb 27, 2019
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  4. 4
    Jay says:

    Ky Krebs 🎤🏳️‍🌈
    @kykrebs
    Guys, don’t get freaked out over the mention of a Trump love child in the Cohen hearing. Everyone know it’s not true. Trump isn’t capable of love.

    12
    10:48 AM – Feb 27, 2019
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  5. 5
    Jay says:

    Kashana

    @kashanacauley
    “Some of my best friends who attend hearings just to prove I’m not racist are black.”

    3,422
    8:40 AM – Feb 27, 2019
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  6. 6
    plato says:

    Michael Cohen is a barely functional third-rate fixer for a reality-show goon and he’s making these GOP congressmen look duuuumb

    Yup. And what a whiny pieces of white trash.

  7. 7
    plato says:

    @Jersey Tomato: zing. mic drop.

  8. 8
  9. 9
    Melusine says:

    @Jersey Tomato: 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  10. 10
    Melusine says:

    Listening to Cohen’s repeated description of himself as the “3 am” guy for friends and family, it makes a lot of sense that he wouldn’t want a position in the WH counsel’s office, where he wouldn’t have attorney-client privilege or the same degree of access. He valued seeing himself as the President’s 3 am guy, the one behind the scenes that the President can call when he can’t call anyone else. His own greed and ambition played a big part, definitely, but I think what kept him so loyal to the shitgoblin was that sense of specialness he got from being The Donald’s fixer, the one he depended on. How much did trump make him feel that way, and how much did he delude himself into thinking the orange menace depended on him? That question has to be eating at Cohen.

    Too bad DeNiro’s too old to play him now. Who would make the perfect choice for Cohen in the inevitable film version of this shitshow?

  11. 11
    Ian R says:

    I think what struck me most in the couple hours of the testimony that I watched is that Cohen actually answered questions. Contrast with every GOP appointee whose testimony we’ve seen in the last couple of years, who each absolutely refused to answer yes or no questions with either “yes” or “no”.

  12. 12
    CliosFanboy says:

    @Jersey Tomato: you won the thread on the first comment….

  13. 13
    Princess says:

    @Jay: So they paid off a woman with a “lovechild” and yet there is no child. That’s called paying for her to have an abortion. Did anyone follow up with that question?

  14. 14
    What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us? says:

    @Melusine: Ben Stiller has been doing him on SNL, can be hilarious, and is the right age. Also doesn’t seem to be working all that much these days so should be available.

  15. 15
    Melusine says:

    @What Have The Romans Ever Done for Us?: Shocked to find myself saying this, but Cohen may actually have a hair to much sincerity for Stiller. If it’s a drama.

    I don’t know how they’re ever going to make coherent screenplays out this. You can’t cut from “All the President’s Men” style drama to five minutes of an orangutan and his Large Adult Sons whacking themselves in the nuts with a baseball bat without giving audiences tonal whiplash. No one will believe it actually happened. But it does, every day.

  16. 16
    low-tech cyclist says:

    Michael Cohen is a barely functional third-rate fixer for a reality-show goon and he’s making these GOP congressmen look duuuumb

    tbf, they’re mostly doing it to themselves

  17. 17

    @Melusine: Henry Winkler. (He’s very good.) Though Stiller is also a great choice.

  18. 18
    Luthe says:

    @Aleta: And here I thought yesterday’s faux-biblical sign was me making my bed for the first time in *years* (I am not exaggerating, I never make my bed).

  19. 19
    Boris, Rasputin's Evil Twin says:

    Regarding Cohen working for and being loyal to a very bad man for many years, I wonder if he identifies with Albert Speer at all?

  20. 20
    Spinoza Is My Co-Pilot says:

    @Melusine:

    Who would make the perfect choice for Cohen in the inevitable film version of this shitshow?

    As What Have The Romans… mentioned, Ben Stiller would be a good choice, but I’d go with Ray Abruzzo (played “Little” Carmine Lupertazzi on “The Sopranos”) myself.

  21. 21
    Groucho48 says:

    Now they want to have Cohen charged with perjury for his testimony yesterday.

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