Presidential Physical Open Thread: To Infinity, and Beyond!

Not-Ronny Jackson: “I am happy to announce the President… is in very good health and I anticipate he will remain so for the duration of his Presidency, and beyond.” (A panel of “eleven different board-certified specialists” is now massaging the data.)

What’s the difference between Buzz Lightyear and the Oval Office Occupant? One is a deluded, narcissistic puppet — and the other one’s made a lot of money for Pixar.

26 replies
  1. 1
    Jerzy Russian says:

    Semi-serious question. Did these medical reports for any other presidents attempt to forecast future health? Last year we had “good genes” and now we have good health into the distant future.

  2. 2
    Arclite says:

    How can someone who is clinically obese be considered to be in “very good health?”

  3. 3
    Amir Khalid says:

    I wonder how these very senior military physicians can tell the world that Donald Trump is in good health when his infamously bad habits and his fat, unhealthy carcass show otherwise.

  4. 4
    Arclite says:

    Also, goddammit Anne Laurie, you should not be awake yet. It’s not even midnight in Hawaii yet.

  5. 5
    Raven says:

    I’m 6’0 195, 69 years old and the BMI chart has me as overweight.

  6. 6
    Aleta says:

    His mental health is the problem.

  7. 7
    Sloane Ranger says:

    How long have Presidents been subject to these annual physicals and, separate question, how long have the results been made public? Has any report ever raised serious concerns?

    I ask because I suspect that whatever the physical condition of the President, the public position will be that they are fine because saying otherwise may give aid and comfort to the enemy or instability in the markets etc.

  8. 8
    Frank McCormick says:

    Looks like the hostage takes dictation real good!

  9. 9
    Gin & Tonic says:

    @Sloane Ranger: Here’s an example of what was a typical report of a Presidential physical prior to Fatso assuming office. Note that it reads just like you would expect (and recall that W, the subject, was actually in good physical shape and exercised regularly.) Just like with everything else in the last two years, this was a “norm” which has been ignored.

  10. 10
    The Midnight Lurker says:

    Donald Trump is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.

  11. 11
    trnc says:


    How can someone who is clinically obese be considered to be in “very good health?”

    Maybe the same way a raging pill popping alcoholic can be considered a very good physician, or a good physician, or a practicing physician at all.

    ETA: Wait a minute – who is Conley? I thought Pres Ind 1 had chosen Jackson again. He has actually corrupted another career?

  12. 12
    Aleta says:

    @The Midnight Lurker: He enjoys ice cream, violence and making people suffer. I anticipate he will pretend to be president for the duration of his life.

  13. 13
    Ken says:

    @Arclite: He’s not obese, he just has big bones.

    Wait, that was Eric Cartman. Easy to confuse the two.

  14. 14
    Bobby Thomson says:

    Maybe they have been doing the physical on the Secret Service double.

  15. 15
  16. 16
    Sloane Ranger says:

    @Gin & Tonic: OK. I see what you mean! Thanks.

  17. 17
    Enhanced Voting Techniques says:

    So what does the National Inquirer have on Dr Conly?

  18. 18
    Jay C says:

    SRSLY: this letter blatantly reads like it was dictated by the WH press office. And is typical Trump-Admin blather: a lot of irrelevant background, a bland generality of a conclusion, and closing with gratuitous praise for its subject.

    So it should rate the same credibility as most of Trump’s official output…..

  19. 19
  20. 20
    cope says:

    Since Conley is a D.O., does anybody think he gave the president* any holistic advice about healing his own body? Is there a non-zero probability the president* would take such advice?

    Just wondering.

  21. 21
    Villago Delenda Est says:

    The vile obese fuckstick corrupts everything around him. There is no solution but his removal from office, preferably in an undignified manner suited to his very nature.

  22. 22
    The Midnight Lurker says:

    @Josie: I will be there!

  23. 23
    smintheus says:

    “Nail technicians” are board certified.

  24. 24
    JDM says:


    Wait, that was Eric Cartman. Easy to confuse the two.

    Cartman is the more mature one.

  25. 25
    Raoul says:

    Hogan Gidley. I don’t think Sorkin could have come up with a name like that for West Wing and been believed. But there Hogan is (warning: NewsMax & Huckabee.)

    He looks a right douchenozzle.

  26. 26
    Wapiti says:

    I have only one question regarding Turnip’s health: is he mentally competent to stand trial and assist in his defense?

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